Bro got cancer-should i go back to work?

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone,

I've been off work for 8 weeks due to my brother getting cancer (i'm 27, he's 19). My parents haven't taken it very well (dad got very sick and needed surgery) and it's hard on the whole family but we are doing ok, and so is dad and my brother.

I really hate my job and was having alot of difficulties there before this happened. The question is-Should I go back to work now? I feel i need more time but all my family and friends are pressurising me to go back and obviously i've been off ages now. My bosses havent contacted me since i initially informed them of my circumstances.

I'm not sure if i will ever be ready to go back! Am i being lazy? Is the shock of what's happened just hitting me now? Is it better for me just to go back and try and be normal again? I just dont know.

Chinafoot

fionaneedsadvive wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I've been off work for 8 weeks due to my brother getting cancer (i'm 27, he's 19). My parents haven't taken it very well (dad got very sick and needed surgery) and it's hard on the whole family but we are doing ok, and so is dad and my brother.

I really hate my job and was having alot of difficulties there before this happened. The question is-Should I go back to work now? I feel i need more time but all my family and friends are pressurising me to go back and obviously i've been off ages now. My bosses havent contacted me since i initially informed them of my circumstances.

I'm not sure if i will ever be ready to go back! Am i being lazy? Is the shock of what's happened just hitting me now? Is it better for me just to go back and try and be normal again? I just dont know.

Yes.

I appreciate that your family have been having a tough time but I must say I found it unusual that you've been off for such a long period of time. I've never heard of anyone taking that amount of time off for a relative's cancer treatment - and I say that as someone who lost a cousin to the disease last year. His brothers and sisters continued working. Fair enough you were helping out with your dad but 8 weeks most definitely seems excessive.

Without wanting to sound harsh or unsympathetic, your brother is the one who is being treated for cancer and you need to honestly ask yourself if you are reluctant to go back to work due to that or due to the "difficulties" you said you were having before this.

Go back to work and try to regain some sort of normality and start looking for a new job.

Taltos

I think it would be a good idea to get as much normality - even drudgery back into your life. See it as this way - as much as you hate work - at least while there you are not so deep into all that is going on with your brother and your family.

To be honest - it does appear that your employers are being really really fair here. When I learnt my father was dying from cancer - I got one (1) day... And only a few days after his death. 8 weeks does seem excessive. While I hated being there it did help in its own way.

Contact your employer and thank them for their support - let them know it meant the world and let them know you plan on going back in asap...

kerryman12

Hi OP

I think it is time to go back at this stage. Obviously your family has been going through a rough time, and IMO its great that you took some time out to support them.
But you cant keep your life on hold indefinitely. It seems probable to me that as you are unhappy at work you are very reluctant to return. But you cant just ignore it for ever.

Myabe this break has given you some time to think about what you want to change in your life, now it time to move on with it.


Best of luck

tenchi-fan

It sounds like you could just about face your job before this happened, and now you haven't any energy to face it at all.

I'd suggest going back asap. If you still feel the same way after a few weeks you can start looking for an alternative job or suitable exit strategy. It would be bad for your career to say you left work entirely because your brother had cancer.. sorry if that sounds cold or harsh but at 27 you need to think about your future.

Zen65

fionaneedsadvive wrote: »

I really hate my job and was having alot of difficulties there before this happened. The question is-Should I go back to work now? I feel i need more time but all my family and friends are pressurising me to go back and obviously i've been off ages now. My bosses havent contacted me since i initially informed them of my circumstances.

I certainly advise returning to work.

You are not helping anyone by staying out of work, indeed your brother may be quietly feeling guilty for you being out of work, which won't help his recovery.

What you really need of course is a different job, but if you leave your current job in this way it will not help you with your employer's reference. Get back in touch, express your thanks, and start working. If you find alternative work after that then well and good.

Be at peace,

Z