Should I ask her out?

Elessar

There's this girl I like in work. We're both early 20s. We work shift but on different patterns so don't work together too often but we do see each other around.

I'm almost certain she likes me too (unless she is faking!). A few weeks ago she came to a work night out because I said I'd be there, she didn't even know the other people involved and had to text around to get the details. She went because I said I was going. It was a good night but I found her hard to work out, and as such nothing happened. She did give me her number (and seemed disappointed I was leaving early) and we have been texting and chatting on facebook and she does seem interested. We often glance at each other in work and things like that. I really like her.

There are some problems though making me second guess asking her out:

1) This is a huge one for me: Conversation can be difficult, mainly because neither of us really know what to say...Whenever I'm around girls I like I get tongue tied and nervous and put huge pressure on myself to create conversation, even though I'm quiet enough. My main concern is having those awkward silences on a date, or saying something stupid just to talk (and making an ass out of myself!). Even in work, ever since she began to seem interested, conversation has been stilted because I'm nervous!!

2) We work in the same company. If things didn't go so well or I made a fool of myself I'm afraid things will just get awkward and if she tells others it could escalate to a very embarassing work situation. Paranoid (we often have totally different shifts) maybe but that's how I feel!

3) Rejection! I could have totally got it wrong, or maybe she's not comfortable yet being around me alone (see: conversation)? More awkwardness and feelings of stupidity.

I just don't know. I told her I would text her this weekend if I was heading out, to see if she's free. We had planned to meet up again when out but that was on the pretense of having lots of other people around (friends/workmates) so I don't know how she would react to being alone with me...

MitchKoobski

Yes.
Ask her.

As the saying goes, the worse she can say is no.

Edit: I'll elaborate on my own experience if it helps. Got the phone number given to me just like you, chatting the whole time, wanted me to hang around on nights out. If she was more concerned with hanging around with the other people, she would have just said goodnight and left it. Mine went like this.
Me: "Dya wanna go to the cinema or something this weekend?" (Cinema removes your worry of lack of conversation.)
Her: "Yeah sure! Who else is going?" (Expect this one, it could be passive or it could mean she is expecting a group thing.)
I threw out.
Me: "No one else yet, I've only said it to yourself. Sure why don't we just go the two of us?" (That part takes a leap of faith.)
Now the response I got was "Yeah sure!" and it worked out well this time at least. Has failed other times and ended up with me and 4 of her friends in the cinema.....

If you ask her and she says no, at least you know you have another friend in work. If anyone in work finds out the worst you'll get is a ribbing and they'll move on. Whenever I get the piss taken after being told no or making an arse of myself, I say "You have a week of this and then yer done!"

Best of luck OP!

James400

Elessar wrote: »

I'm almost certain she likes me too (unless she is faking!). A few weeks ago she came to a work night out because I said I'd be there, she didn't even know the other people involved and had to text around to get the details. She went because I said I was going. It was a good night but I found her hard to work out, and as such nothing happened. She did give me her number (and seemed disappointed I was leaving early) and we have been texting and chatting on facebook and she does seem interested. We often glance at each other in work and things like that. I really like her.

Mate, the fact that she's already given you her number and that she obviously went out of her way to go to a work do that you would be at...that light doesn't get any greener!!

I can fully understand your concerns, but i don't think she'll be offended if you ask her out.

Worst case scenario she says no, personally i think she'll say yes.

Colonel_McCoy

You miss 100% of the shots you never take!!

Go for it! You have everything to gain and nothing to lose! She likes you she gave you her number!

Tip dont go to the cinema

Elessar

Cinema a bad idea??

What about the fear of conversation? Would something else be better?

LegacyUser

Elessar wrote: »

Cinema a bad idea??

What about the fear of conversation? Would something else be better?

I'm a girl. There's no way she gave you her number and went out just because you were going if she's not interested. Absolutely no way. If she wasnt interested in you she would know that doing those things would give off the wrong impression.

1,000% ask her out.

And I reckon in your situation the cinema might be a good idea. However, if you could just loosen up a little bit then I'd generally say the cinema is not a good idea for a first date given the absolutely no conversation. The whole point is to get to know each other a bit better, but the cinema is a good intro I suppose. Ye could maybe go for one drink afterwards. At least talking about the film would be a starting point!!

John400

Elessar wrote: »

Cinema a bad idea??

What about the fear of conversation? Would something else be better?

Hi OP, personally i'd take her out for a drink.

Assuming you're successful in asking her out, you have to talk to the girl initially, so i'd choose a decent boozer and meet her there/beforehand.

I think the cinema is a bad first date because you're not conversing with the girl/ finding out about her which is wholly unfair really.

James400

John400 wrote: »

Hi OP, personally i'd take her out for a drink.

Assuming you're successful in asking her out, you have to talk to the girl initially, so i'd choose a decent boozer and meet her there/beforehand.

I think the cinema is a bad first date because you're not conversing with the girl/ finding out about her which is wholly unfair really.

I agree 100%.

I'd pick a popular/ well known/ good reputation type of pub to bring her out to on a first date because it shows that you are willing to put the effort into the location of the date AND that you are willing to find out/get to know the girl which is only fair.

I'd rule out the cinema totally first date, spending at least two hours not conversing with the girl on the date ain't making a good impression/effort.

Elessar

Well I did it. Asked her out.

She's already seeing someone

I honestly thought she was single. I'm shocked as I'm usually a good judge of character.

I didn't think she was one of those girls. Colour me surprised.

Ah well...

*sigh*

MitchKoobski

Hard luck OP!

Chalk it up as experience.

Elessar

Gutted.com

Why do some girls do this? This isn't the first time I have been in this situation.

I genuinely thought she was interested. I'm not naive.

LegacyUser

Elessar wrote: »

Well I did it. Asked her out.

She's already seeing someone

I honestly thought she was single. I'm shocked as I'm usually a good judge of character.

I didn't think she was one of those girls. Colour me surprised.

Ah well...

*sigh*

hard luck bro, man this has happened to me so many times but because I kept trying when I got the opportunity I ended up on a load of dates with other girls. Dont take it to hard brush yourself off and have a go again when the opportunity comes along.

Oh and by the way I have often come across girls who are very flirty and ask for my number and then I find out later down the line that they have boyfriends I think some girls love the attention even if they are in a relationship.

cantdecide

That's miserable mate. Don't let it make you think twice in future. You did the right thing. Who knows if she was playing games all along.

I'll give you one piece of advice. When meeting a girl in real life, getting her number is not a first step, IMO, for two reasons. 1) hardly any girl you might know or work with etc will refuse to give you her number if asked. She might just feel embarassed into giving it to you. 2) someone could easily think you won't be cheeky enough to ask a colleague out and will think giving you their number is for work purposes or in anticipation of a platonic friendship.

If you find yourself in this situation again, just skip straight to asking her out and at least there will be no illusions about your intentions and fewer opportunities to have your time wasted.