show anger in a break up or not

LegacyUser

Hi guys

I found out yesterday that my boyfriend of three months is on a dating website looking for somebody who fits my description! I sent him a text (he sent it as a link by mistake)saying he sent me a link to a dating website. Didn't mention at this stage that it had linked me straight to what was obviously his profile. He sent me an abrupt text saying the email was meant for someone else and there was no issue. At this point I quoted his profile name and told him it looked familiar and wasn't interested in being with him if he was dating other people. My sister is getting married today so I haven't had the time to talk to him. THREE hours later he sent me a text with a simple " dont want to se anyone else' . And then two hours later a text saying " enjoy the wedding xxxxxx'.

I havent responded. Last night I was in complete shock and actually just felt relieved that Id found this out about him before it was too late. I am crazy about him. He's gorgeous and we got on so well together. I can't go back with him obviously and thats so sad because we had a really good thing going on. He's a fool to look elsewhere and jeopradise what we had.

This morning though I feel different. I am so angry with him. I'm on my way to my beautiful sister's wedding and I hate that I will spend the day aware that people can be so dishonest. I woke up an hour ago and I've been crying ever since.

My question to you neutral guys is what do I do now? My heart is broken and I've no control over what happened. I'm mortified (everyone will be asking me about him today!) Should I

a) call him at some stage ....let him give me some explanation
b) Send him a text etc telling him what a shXXt he is
c) never ever get in touch with him again

John Mason

Do you know if he is actively looking for someone else or just has a profile on a dating site ?

How old is the profile? you're only together 3 months maybe it's from before that?

LegacyUser

hi guys op here

I don't know how old the profile is. it was active yesterday anyway. I'm assuming the worst because I'm the kind of girl who sticks up for and believes lying boyfriends till the bitter end............and I just don't want to do that this time round.



The fact that he didn't pick up the phone to explain says a lot really though?

ztoical

feellikeafool wrote: »

The fact that he didn't pick up the phone to explain says a lot really though?

Or he thought seeing as you were at your sisters wedding it wasn't the time and place to have that sort of phone call and he should wait till after or until he saw you in person?

Deepwell

Hi Op - You have answered the question yourself. If you really like the guy you owe it to yourself to at least have a discussion. If you don't you may always regret it. After that you need to take time out and decide whether the exucse and his attitude makes sense to continue the relationship.

Go ahead and enjoy the big day on the basis that it might not be as bad as it seems at first sight. Is your BF not attending the wedding also?

Distorted

feellikeafool wrote: »

hi guys op here

I don't know how old the profile is. it was active yesterday anyway. I'm assuming the worst because I'm the kind of girl who sticks up for and believes lying boyfriends till the bitter end............and I just don't want to do that this time round.



The fact that he didn't pick up the phone to explain says a lot really though?

I would go by your instincts. You will probably save yourself months or years which would otherwise be wasted when you find out he is cheating on you or has someone else lined up. His reaction to me says that he has been caught out and he knows it.

At the beginning of a relationship, if its going to be a good long term one, you would want the other party to be totally into you, to the exclusion of anyone else (never mind other people he hasn't even met). He might not have done anything or met anyone else, but its indicative of his attitude and character. As is his reaction. Save yourself the long term hassle and dump.

People on here I've noticed do seem to make excuses for all sorts of behaviour. Personally I don't have time for d**ks and have a pretty strong filter system. I guess if you are surrounded by d**ks and there is nothing else to choose from, then your instincts might become a bit skewed. There are however plenty of decent men out there who do not behave like this, who would find it mortifying and who just wouldn't have time for it because they're out doing more interesting, worthwhile things.

Peanut2011

OP, the guy sounds immature and a real a$$. I would suggest since it's been only the 3 month relationship, you just simply move on and don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you hurt.

I know it is hard but remember, it's better now than 2-3 years down the line.

mood

Op try to forget about him for today and enjoy the wedding. Don't drink much at all in case you get more emotional. you don't want to be a crying mess tonight.

I think if he were not looking for anyone else he wouldn't be on a dating site. Sounds like the text was meant for a different girl.

OP, check how old the profile is.. People might still log into them as they have friends on the forums or are curious if anyone has sent a message.

3 months is no time at all.. I've set up one in the past, I wouldn't think twice about having a look and I would show it to a friend. That would involve me logging in and sending it.. If I sent it to my girlfriend, I'd be pretty sad if that was the end of the relationship.

If he was actively looking for people on the website, he wouldn't have to send a link to his profile to anyone.. It's all done through the website. Think hard about why would he even need to send a link?

1939

Give him a chance to explain, then go by your guts, your GUTS, not your brain or your heart. If your guts are telling you something is possibly up or wrong with his explanation, then they are usually right. Believe me, I know. My ex lied to my face so much but it was only when I had hard evidence that I caught her out and she admitted to it all only then..

Distorted

Distorted wrote: »

People on here I've noticed do seem to make excuses for all sorts of behaviour. .

I'm not making any excuses, but the fact is he hasn't done anything wrong, not that we've been told about.

He was on a dating profile which may or may not be active. He's only with her 3 months so in fairness it could have been a recently closed one. Maybe his friend wanted to see it for ideas or god only knows what.

We have not been told anything else so we have basically nothing to go on.
He may or may not be innocent of any wrongdoing, but to insult him and get all angry when you also don't know the full story is jumping the gun.

There is nothing "skewed" about my instincts.

Azureus

OP, I'd be paranoid as hell and I do think he owes you an explanation about the situation. Personally, I would wait it out and wouldnt contact him until he got in touch. When he does, I would try not to be angry. Try and have a rational conversation about the whys and wherefores of the whole dating site thing, as well as why he was sending on a link to it. Who to? Why?
This is my advice on most things. Talk it out. Three months is fairly short term and a lot of people have accounts on these sites that they probably dip into, if only for an ego boost to see whose interested. Dont throw everything away on the basis of this-he has told you he doesnt want to see anybody else, make him prove this to you.
Hope it works out.

LegacyUser

op back again

Thank you all so much for your responses.

I had a great day at the wedding surrounded by people who love me. I really forgot about everything!

My boyfriend (if thats what he is now) sent me two short texts during the day to tell me he is not seeing anyone else. I was having such a great time at the wedding that I didn't care. When I got home I sent a really drunk text saying I had a great day and I'm gorgeous (ha thats the drunk part!) but he's obviously looking for more if he's checking this online dating site.

He sent a really short text back saying that he's not looking for anything more and I'm the only one.


My head is so wrecked.....like I said before my experience with men is pretty horrendous. But I've let myself get really badly hurt by letting men lie to me and give crap excuses and just not facing up to the facts. I just do want to end up down the line discovering that he's another one of these kind of men and then feeling ten times worse because I have my opportunity to finish it now.

I cannot actually believe that his attempt at defending himself is to send short texts. Surely if you care and if you're telling the truth you'd pick up the phone immediately and reassure me. It just tells me he's a big coward. I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody like that.

So now what to do?

I want to be with him. We really get on so well.

...but my gut instinct is telling me this is so wrong. I know some of you are saying hear him out but I can't hear him out until he explains to me what was going on. Its crazy that two days later I still have not heard from him. Short texts saying "I want you only" and " I don't want anyone else" is not enough!

I totally agree with all the people here who say there is no excuse to be online when you have a good thing going on. I don't care that people say its only three months. I am mad about him. I wouldn't dream of looking elsewhere at this stage.

Thanks for advice guys. If he does get back to me with an explanation I'll let you all know what it is. In the meantime I guess I just have to start moving on......

Distorted

Deleted User wrote: »

OP, check how old the profile is.. People might still log into them as they have friends on the forums or are curious if anyone has sent a message.

3 months is no time at all.. I've set up one in the past, I wouldn't think twice about having a look and I would show it to a friend. That would involve me logging in and sending it.. If I sent it to my girlfriend, I'd be pretty sad if that was the end of the relationship.

If he was actively looking for people on the website, he wouldn't have to send a link to his profile to anyone.. It's all done through the website. Think hard about why would he even need to send a link?

Yeah right.

Kimia

To be fair on this guy, he's done nothing wrong that you can see - as others have said, this profile could be from before you met. It's really up to you but you're not going to be able to have a long term relationship with anyone if you can't get over your past hurts. There's no evidence this guy is lying but you assume he is. You are annoyed about the short texts - my bf is the very same, he hates texting, doesn't mean he doesn't love me.

I'd talk to him and see what he says, in person. Then go from there. But it's a little unfair to assume that he's lying based on the fact that he sends short texts and a link that could be from ages ago. Call him and ask him! Stop assuming things.

fits

Meet with him and hear him out. Then make up your mind. Its possible he just forgot to delete an old profile or was just messing around on there when he was bored after not logging in for months.

Zen65

Feellikeafool wrote: »

I found out yesterday that my boyfriend of three months is on a dating website looking for somebody who fits my description!

I often watch TV with my wife of many years in the evening and when ads for these websites come up we often wonder aloud whether such a website would have matched the two of us together? On more than one occasion we have considered that we should create accounts just to test if these sites would link us, but I looked at one such website and found that there was a fee to create a profile, so the curiosity factor was not large enough for me to want to register and pay cash to match me to my wife. Neither of us are looking for somebody else, but if it had been free (and if we'd had the time to construct false names, but retain other details as accurate in our "profiles") then curiosity may well have led us both to create such profiles.

My point, I guess is that if your OH registered and paid to set up a profile, it's probably more than curiosity. If he registered for free then it probably means a lot less. Hopefully he did not include a photo of himself (who knows where that could end up being seen?) and used a false name. If he's not checking it & responding to e-mails from interested parties then maybe it's nothing more than curiosity.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

OP again.

Thanks for suggestions everyone. I spoke to my boyfriend yesterday. He completely denies its his profile. He says he received the link from a friend and even gave me the name of the friend, who I don't know. His description is the exactly like my boyfriends! We went out together last night. It was wonderful and we had a fantastic time together as we always do. He was so loving and we just get on so well in every way.

I really want to believe him but its just too much of a coincidence....and get this...the guy on the website even has the exact same birthday as my boyfriend!! I rang him this afternoon and asked him again straight out 'Are you lying?" and he told me he wasn't.

At this stage if he just told me that he's doing it out of curiosity, like many of you have suggested, I'd nearly feel relieved, because now I'm wondering am I being overly paranoid. He lost his job the week before last so he does have way more time on his hands.

This profile is in the new members list....

I know none of you can help. I have to either finish it because I really think its too much of a coincidence and he's lying so easily to me

or

believe him and forget about it. I think we have a really great thing going on if it wasn't for this.

mood

OP was there no photo on the profile? Form the original thread I assumed the profile had a photo, discription of him, location, job etc.

LegacyUser

mood wrote: »

OP was there no photo on the profile? Form the original thread I assumed the profile had a photo, discription of him, location, job etc.

No photo!

Yes to description, location, work hobbies and interests

It came to me when he sent me a joke through an email, but the joke was taken from this dating website and the user name not signed out. SO while I was not able to get into the usernames account...I knew what the username was and was able to find the profile as a visitor to the site. So seeing as my boyfriend sent me an email with this username and it completely fits his description, right down to his birthday, its not looking too good.

My friend thinks he might just be mortified and wont admit to it no matter how much I press.I sent him a text about 3 hours ago thanking him for last night and that I really wanted to believe him but that its all so strange.....no reply!

It kills me that he doesn't even try and reassure me...

...sorry text just came in there from him totally unrelated to any of this

Its like its like a big huge thing in my head and he's just not that bothered about it

Peanut2011

OP, here is crazy idea. Make the profile yourself with false details and try to chat him up. see if eventually he will meet you anywhere and that way you will know if it's him or not.

Or have one of your friends do it for you.

LegacyUser

Peanut2011 wrote: »

OP, here is crazy idea. Make the profile yourself with false details and try to chat him up. see if eventually he will meet you anywhere and that way you will know if it's him or not.

Or have one of your friends do it for you.

I thought about doing that. But to be honest I don't want to have to do something like that in order to find out out for sure if it is true or not. I just think it would make everything even more humilaiting. I still don't know what to do. He insists it's not him and I can't obsess about it either.

What a headwreck!!! It's all so perfect otherwise!

LegacyUser

OP, if this guy really likes you, wants to be with you and doesn't want to lose you, he should be on the other end of the phone doing everything within his power to assure you that it's not him. It sounds like he just can't be arsed putting up a fight about it. I know you're mad about him, but try not to be blinded by your feelings here, cos you might end up very, very hurt. Think about if they shoe was on the other foot - wouldn't you be banging down his door, trying to explain how it was all just a great big misunderstanding? You deserve someone who'll respect you enough to be honest with you...

ladygirl

your boyfriend is lying about it being his friend.

Why would he accidently send you a friends link to a dating profile, now with men I could understand that they may have the same hobbies/interests - but the same date of birth?????

Now OP im not saying that your boyfriend is actively pursuing other women and he may be extreemely genuine when he says that you are the only girl for him,,

however it is the lies he is telling that would worry me at this point, and i really do believe he is lying!! Thats not a great way to start any relationship..

Also your drunken txt from the wedding made me laugh!!! :D:D

All the best.. xx

Peanut2011

feellikeafool wrote: »

I thought about doing that. But to be honest I don't want to have to do something like that in order to find out out for sure if it is true or not. I just think it would make everything even more humilaiting. I still don't know what to do. He insists it's not him and I can't obsess about it either.

What a headwreck!!! It's all so perfect otherwise!

Unfortunately OP I know this is not the ideal way out, however if you are not sure any other way and you obviously don't trust what he is saying, this is ultimately the way you do it.

Unfortunately you know the relationship is in trouble when one can't trust the other, but if you need definite proof in my view this is the only way.

Sorry OP, it's not a nice place to be stuck in. I wish you luck.

I am a friend

It stinks to high heaven! I was in your shoes but living with the guy. He wax lying and said he was only on it when he was away at work cos he was lonely....

The friend thing sounds like waffle and the fact that you can't accept his excuse means your gut has engaged.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for all the replies guys! It really does help . Its my birthday and I'm meeting all my friends at the weekend. I've spent most of the day thinking today would be a good opportunity for new beginnings and maybe I should just bite the bullet and and break it off with him tonight. In the meantime I've received four texts from him wishing me happy birthday, telling me he has my present ready, wondering how I am etc.... I responded a quick and short thanks earlier but thats it. I'm too chicken to finish it with him right now. Call me a fool....I know I'm more than likely going to call myself that down the line I was going to send him a text just saying I prefer honesty and respect over a birthday present any day...but I really don't want to get into toing and froing. I don't want to give him any other opportunity to tell me he's not lying!

So I think I'll wait until the weekend. Hopefully he'll meet some of my friends. He hasn't met many of them yet. I'll get them to gage and help me. My friends really love me and hopefully they'll be able to sense whether he's genuinely into me or not. My friends who have already met him are telling me to give him a chance for the moment because he does seem really into me.

Thanks thanks thanks again guys

LegacyUser

you poor thing. I cant imagine what it would be like if I was living with somebody and found this out. Its just that I am so honest myself that I find it really hard to believe that somebody can lie so easily and yet try so hard to act like you're in a relationship at the same time. What is wrong with these people?

Hope you're ok I am a friend and that you were able to move on and find somebody that you can trust!

mood

feelilkeafool wrote: »

you poor thing. I cant imagine what it would be like if I was living with somebody and found this out. Its just that I am so honest myself that I find it really hard to believe that somebody can lie so easily and yet try so hard to act like you're in a relationship at the same time. What is wrong with these people?

Hope you're ok I am a friend and that you were able to move on and find somebody that you can trust!

I don't think they live together!

Good luck with it al OP.

LegacyUser

Have been in such a similar position. He would have done something sincere if he really wanted to try. If he rings, fine you can decide if he seems to be honest. But I would trust your gut and find a guy that wants YOU. If he has that page and has been checking it theres something up. Save yourself, dont do what i did!

Distorted

Oh dear OP. But sometimes you have to give people a chance. Especially if you're fond of them, hopeful and don't know them that well. In many cases to dig even bigger holes for themselves.

To me, all this stinks of hassle. I have an aversion, possibly an allergy, to people who bring hassle into my life. I tend to clump lying, sleaze, deceit, unreliability, etc under the umbrella of "hassle". There are so many more interesting guys about, I can't see the point in inviting hassle. I also don't see how someone who can come up with this tall tale can change their character so as to make a decent boyfriend, but you don't want to be thinking you hadn't given it a fair shot.

Still think you should have dumped him though.

metrovelvet

+1 and amen to that!

Hassle and or complication- another word for trouble. Best to keep it simple.

Lady von Purple

OP,
He gave you the name of a friend that you don't know.
Have you tried looking at his friends list on facebook and seeing if this 'friend' is on there?

If not, you could ask him in a non-accusing way-
"Hey, so that friend on the dating profile, I never heard of him before. How come you never mentioned a guy that has so much in common with you?"

It sounds pretty bad, OP. But it sounds like you won't break up with him unless you get a definite confirmation from him, or proof of some kind.

Good luck with everything.

LegacyUser

Op again here. Thanks guys for all the advice and gentle urging to let go. I spent another great weekend with him but I can't shake this really disappointed feeling and remain in denial for any longer. We spent the weekend together and the username was off line all that time. Lo and behold three or four hours after my boyfriend went home tha profile is active again. It's been active all day today on and off and I haven't heard from it at all.

I guess I was lucky to come across this profile in the first place because I would have been none the wiser.

I have no idea why somebody would risk something so good but the bottom line is I can't deny what is happening.

My next question is ..... How do you break up with somebody for a reason when the person denies the reason in the first place?

Does he even deserve a phonecall or meet up at this point?

This is so surreal and such a let down but I guess I know things could be worse!

Distorted

OMG OP! He presumably thinks you are gullible enough to have believed his first set of excuses and not notice this. (I'm also wondering what he was going to do if you were long term - would the friend with the same birthday as him have to celebrate a false birthday every year or something, or would he change his date of birth LOL?)

Thats quite a level of advanced lying from your "boyfriend" - is he a compulsive liar or something? Initially plausible, but theres just too many tall tales, unlikely coincidences, convenient excuses, etc..

When I was very young and innocent, I would have gone to the guy and questioned him at length and give him chances but it wouldn't change the facts. Now with experience I can't be bothered any more and find totally blocking someone and never giving them the courtesy of telling them why is extremely cathartic and empowering. Only to be used when someone has behaved really, really badly. I think this warrants it.

LegacyUser

OP, I find it really strange how you're continuing to spend time with this guy while there's a very strong possibility that he's looking elsewhere for fun/relationship/whatever. It would just be gnawing away at me and I don't think I could disguise how unhappy or untrusting I was of him.

I don't mean this to sound too harsh, but hasn't your self-respect kicked in yet? You deserve to be treated better than that.

LegacyUser

Distorted wrote: »

OMG OP! He presumably thinks you are gullible enough to have believed his first set of excuses and not notice this. (I'm also wondering what he was going to do if you were long term - would the friend with the same birthday as him have to celebrate a false birthday every year or something, or would he change his date of birth LOL?)

Thats quite a level of advanced lying from your "boyfriend" - is he a compulsive liar or something? Initially plausible, but theres just too many tall tales, unlikely coincidences, convenient excuses, etc..

When I was very young and innocent, I would have gone to the guy and questioned him at length and give him chances but it wouldn't change the facts. Now with experience I can't be bothered any more and find totally blocking someone and never giving them the courtesy of telling them why is extremely cathartic and empowering. Only to be used when someone has behaved really, really badly. I think this warrants it.

OP here

Thanks Distorted. I agree with you!
This is crap but the sooner I finish this the better for me.....its extremely unhealthy. I don't have the time or energy to be checking a website and refreshing the page to see is he online so common sense is telling me to check out of this relationship and get myself ready with self esteem intact for the next wonderful adventure!! I really think he must be a compulsive liar. He certainly has no qualms or seems bothered about all these strange 'coincidences'! lol!

While I agree with you that he probably does not deserve any contact from me if I so choose.........another part of me says....he has issues that are obviously way more deep rooted and long term than I'm feeling right now....maybe for my own sake I should just meet up with him and gently tell him that its not working for me. Karma and all that!!!

LegacyUser

jkjkk wrote: »

OP, I find it really strange how you're continuing to spend time with this guy while there's a very strong possibility that he's looking elsewhere for fun/relationship/whatever. It would just be gnawing away at me and I don't think I could disguise how unhappy or untrusting I was of him.

I don't mean this to sound too harsh, but hasn't your self-respect kicked in yet? You deserve to be treated better than that.

Hi jkjkk

I know how it looks and I never for a minute thought I could do that but I guess my nature is to trust people and this guy has a fantastic way of ending the conversation when I would bring it up by simply saying 'no it's not him and there's not much more he can say about it'.

I guess I kept it going hoping that he would open up eventually and give me some reasonable or even unreasonable excuse....but at least admit it him.

Thats not going to happen I guess. He sent me two mundane texts last night asking how I was and a few hours later a joke. I didn't reply to either. That was the first day since we met that I have not texted him or spoken to him.

My feelings now are why waste my time explaining to him why I can't be with him anymore if he's just going to deny it again....

....but on the otherhand if I could just finish it, it might help me move on.

I might wait and see does he get in touch today at all...and decide from there.

I know I've been played for a fool, but I had to give it a chance I suppose or like an earlier poster said I would always wonder.......(still am wondering why somebody would do this...lol!)

Thanks again for your responses guys. I know its only a minor thing but it feels good to get some perspective on it from people who are not involved!

Elle Collins

Or maybe you should meet up with him and firmly tell him to go fcuk himself and have fun on PlentyOfFannies.com

metrovelvet

You have the facts. The rest is interpretation.

This guy is practising crazy making behavior. You dont owe him an explanation. He will just spin you more yarns because you have been willing to listen.

Maple

Dump him and soon.

What a waste of energy and feeling, all this wondering and checking online profiles etc, jesus it's exhausting.

If you don't trust him, you don't trust him. That's valid enough reason to end it right there.

Were it me, yep i'd feel that I need to tell him rather than just fall off the face of the earth and not respond to his texts/calls etc. But that's me and because I like to try and have defined beginning and endings to things, I like a feeling of completion where possible.

But I wouldn't be worrying about him and his deep-rooted issues or trying to tell him gently that it's over. Put yourself first.

Loopsie

Op, run away fast as you can. Cut all contact with this creep.
I was in the exact same position in the not so distant future, my ex was a compulsive liar.
gut feeling told me it WAS him on these sites and looking for random hook ups, like with you he denied it to the ground, even swore on his lovely mothers life at one stage which is just so disgusting. It WAS him, gut was right. Again like u when we were away or i knew he was playing a match etc the profile was always offline but when he had opportunity to be online and wasnt around me it was very active
I wanted to believe him so much, i didnt want to throw away everything we had been through. He had a serious illness and spent nearly 8 weeks in hospital, i didnt miss one day of being by his side.
I wasted alot of energy on him and it took alot of strength to walk away, however within a month i had met my current OH and i have never felt love or happiness like it. There are too many good people out there to waste your time on bad
Remember Op for every mr wrong you are one closer to mr right

curlzy

Oh wow OP, you're just holding out your hand to be slapped. Why would you give a liar another chance to lie to you? Why are you still meeting up with him. For the love of god, gather up your dignity and self respect and delete him from your life. You owe him NOTHING!

LegacyUser

OP again

I know. I know. YOu are all correct!

The plot thickened today.....I was working in a different location to normal. Had told him where and he was giving me directions on Sat.

So I didn't get in touch with him at all yesterday. I received two texts from him last night....nothing exciting just 'how are you?' and a joke. Didn't reply at all.

I'm sitting at the desk in the work place where he knew I was working today and next thing thing I see his car and him driving around the car park!

So about four hours later I get a text from him asking me did I find the place ok?

I responded " yes. did you not see my car when you were driving around the car park'?

So about two hours later I get a text from him saying 'no I didn't. I'm off to a removal now"

????

Do I respond? I don't know who has died...should I ask? You can't really ignore something like that. It might be somebody close.

The total distrusting part of me is thinking 'is this another lie?"

OMG! my head is wrecked. I'm going away with work for three days tomorrow morning so I don't know what to do......

Maple

So what now you think he's stalking you or something?

Maybe he didn't see your car, especially if it's a public car park.

And so what if he's at a removal, could be just a neighbour or distant friend. There might be no more drama to the situation than that.

Finish it. It's more drama than it's worth.

mood

Just meet him, tell him it's over, that you don't believe it's not him and move on. Dragging it out isn't good.

LegacyUser

OP, I was in your situation and I can completely empathise. My ex got caught out on something and lied and swore to my face that he was telling the truth, repeatedly. For a long time I had the same feeling that you did, there was something that didn't feel right. I couldn't accept it and I felt like I was paranoid. He made me feel like I was making a huge deal out of nothing and I couldn't trust my own judgement. Then I got some confirmation and he admitted that he may have been lying - but only to save me pain! While what he did was dodgy, it was the lying that really hurt me. I've experienced few things more head-wreaking than feeling the confusion are feeling at the moment, it feels like there is no way to win if you can't have an honest conversation. If I could give you any advice it would be to trust your instincts. His explanation doesn't add-up and his defence of it is suspect. When I was reading your post I had the same feeling in my stomach that I had with my ex. I understand what you mean when you say how to break-up with him. How can you break-up with him for a reason that he says doesn't exist? I basically told my ex exactly what I thought and got angry and it ended up being messy. I'd say just tell him that you can't accept his explanation and therefore can't trust him, so you feel there is no point continuing in the relationship. If he says it's not true, stay calm! The more calm and rational you can be, the easier it will be. Don't get side-tracked and don't let him make you doubt yourself or make you confused. Keep it simple and don't let the conversation drag too long.

If you don't break-up with him now you will regret it. This feeling you have will continue and even if you can overcome it - other circumstances will occur, and he will lie again because he got away with it this time.


The best of luck to you OP.

LegacyUser

Op here.

Thanks getoutnow. You really do seem to understand where I'm coming from.

It's just so hard when it's not black or white. He rang me last night telling me yet again it's not him. And then I woke u this morning feeling really bad because what if it's not him and I'm a big paranoid mess.

This three days away will hopefully help me be strong and make the right decision. I don't want to do the angry thing..,. Been down that road before. Swore I'd never let myself go through anything like this again. It's all so simple when you see it written on paper. Clear cut case .... Just leave him.


It's f**ing crap when you're faced with it in reality

Thanks for understanding what I'm going through. It helps. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hoe you're better now

Elle Collins

All I can say OP is if you feel like a fool now imagine how much more foolish you'll feel when the sh!t hits the fan and you've got to accept that you believed such obvious bullsh!t - such as him and this phantom friend sharing the same date of birth! I mean, ah come on honey, surely you've got more cop on than that?

Kimia

I'm exhausted reading this thread. OP you seem to feed on drama - I mean, you don't even know if it's him on that dating site. You have no evidence at all of wrong doing but you leap to these conclusions - even about the parking lot - who cares? It might not be a conspiracy theory to stalk you but you automatically assume the worst. As Maple said, it's done, you don't trust him so just end it for both your sakes.