Guys who treat you like crap

St._Andalou

Is this more common in gay men than straight men?

A friend of mine I had a crush on broke up with his boyfriend. His boyfriend literally disappeared one day and said he'd moved to London.

My friend asked me to come over because he said he didn't wanna be alone. I stupidly said yes, and I was there for him through it all. I was working so hard, but I still made lots of time for him. I bought him lunch, brought him places, tried to cheer him up. Our relationship got sexual at some points. We were never dating, I wasn't that stupid, but I thought we were close. We were friends at any rate.

Then the ex-boyfriend re-appears and I don't hear from this guy again. We'd arranged to do a couple of things, but he just never returned my text. Fair enough if he wants to give the relationship another go (even if the guy is clearly retarded and psychotic), but is there any reason to block out the one person who was there for you? I saw him on facebook chat, messaged him to ask if he was alive, and got a "yup" in response.

I feel so used. He wanted someone there, not me in particular. Also I bought into the rubbish he spouted when he said he was a nice guy. The pair of them deserve each other in their miserable closeted existence.

EDIT: sorry for ranting. I'm just feeling quite hurt.

An Cuinneach

Sounds like an insensitive asshole if you ask me! Move on and be done with him would be my advice.

filmbuffboy

ignore his future texts. delete him on facebook. honestly, he doesnt deserve to have a mate like you. he sounds like an asshole that was just using you. But if his boyfriend disappeared once, he will do it again and i have a feeling karma will come and slap this "friend" of yours in the face real hard....hopefully someday soon! move on dude, he isnt even worth the worry

edwinkane

St._Andalou wrote: »

Is this more common in gay men than straight men?

A friend of mine I had a crush on broke up with his boyfriend. His boyfriend literally disappeared one day and said he'd moved to London.

My friend asked me to come over because he said he didn't wanna be alone. I stupidly said yes, and I was there for him through it all. I was working so hard, but I still made lots of time for him. I bought him lunch, brought him places, tried to cheer him up. Our relationship got sexual at some points. We were never dating, I wasn't that stupid, but I thought we were close. We were friends at any rate.

Then the ex-boyfriend re-appears and I don't hear from this guy again. We'd arranged to do a couple of things, but he just never returned my text. Fair enough if he wants to give the relationship another go (even if the guy is clearly retarded and psychotic), but is there any reason to block out the one person who was there for you? I saw him on facebook chat, messaged him to ask if he was alive, and got a "yup" in response.

I feel so used. He wanted someone there, not me in particular. Also I bought into the rubbish he spouted when he said he was a nice guy. The pair of them deserve each other in their miserable closeted existence.

EDIT: sorry for ranting. I'm just feeling quite hurt.

I'm not sure I'd be in a position to spend much time with a friend who thinks my partner is "clearly retarded and psychotic" .

Having said that, sometimes we outgrow friendships and maybe this is the case here. your so-called friend doesn't seem very bright or doesn't seem to value loyalty either. Why is he a friend?

St._Andalou

edwinkane wrote: »

I'm not sure I'd be in a position to spend much time with a friend who thinks my partner is "clearly retarded and psychotic" .

Having said that, sometimes we outgrow friendships and maybe this is the case here. your so-called friend doesn't seem very bright or doesn't seem to value loyalty either. Why is he a friend?

I'm not sure. He isn't anymore.

I think that when someone lies, disappears, cuts off all contact and says they've moved to a foreign city when they're still in Ireland, that's a sign of mental instability.

edwinkane

St._Andalou wrote: »

I'm not sure. He isn't anymore.

I think that when someone lies, disappears, cuts off all contact and says they've moved to a foreign city when they're still in Ireland, that's a sign of mental instability.

I'm not sure many, or any, psychiatrists would agree with your definition of mental instability.

But if you do think that, its a bit much to expect your friend to be encouraging, if you think his partner is mentally unstable.

St._Andalou

I'm not that bothered anymore. I wrote this thread in anger. Kind of regretting it now. Thank you all for your responses, at any rate; I really appreciate them. Even if he was a moron, I was a bigger one for getting into the rebound thing (I hadn't dated in awhile).

edwinkane: I do think it's a sign that something isn't quite right if you disappear and tell people you've moved to a foreign city when you're still in the country. It's not healthy behavior (at the very least, it's attention seeking); it's a sign that something isn't right, but that's a debate for another day.

edwinkane

St._Andalou wrote: »

: I do think it's a sign that something isn't quite right if you disappear and tell people you've moved to a foreign city when you're still in the country. It's not healthy behavior (at the very least, it's attention seeking); it's a sign that something isn't right, but that's a debate for another day.

I agree, but lying is is not necessarily a sign of mental instability.

azezil

St._Andalou wrote: »

I'm not sure. He isn't anymore.

I think that when someone lies, disappears, cuts off all contact and says they've moved to a foreign city when they're still in Ireland, that's a sign of mental instability.

Um I would take that to mean your friend is the unstable one. Overly possessive, obsessive and his ex felt that was the only way to get away from him. How he treated you would seem to support this theory. While I don't agree with what he done (the ex), perhaps he felt it was the only way to get some breathing room.

That or they're both just closet case morons ;P

edwinkane

azezil wrote: »

Um I would take that to mean your friend is the unstable one. Overly possessive, obsessive and his ex felt that was the only way to get away from him. How he treated you would seem to support this theory. While I don't agree with what he done (the ex), perhaps he felt it was the only way to get some breathing room.

That or they're both just closet case morons ;P

Thats very unfair, and I am never sure whether pop psychology really gives much insight into anything.

Relationships can be difficult and its not possible to know if one is "overly possessive" or "obsessive" from the details here, or whether his ex felt it was the "only way".

In any case, if OP thinks that his friends bf is "mentally unstable", and his friend seems to be avoiding him, there isn't much he can do.

Monkey61

Hey OP, I know you feel hurt, but to be honest - you weren't just his friend, you were the guy who always had a crush on him that he was having sex with to get over his ex!

In my opinion, once he got back with the ex, it really would not be at all appropriate for him to be spending time with his "friend with benefits" that has a crush on him. Add to that your opinions on this ex and are you honestly surprised that he isn't hanging out with you? It would be quite disrespectful to his boyfriend.

I for one (and I imagine many people) would be very uncomfortable with the idea of their girlfriend or boyfriend spending time with someone who fancies them and has recently been having sex with them.

who is this

I think they both just sound like assholes and deserve each other.
They both did essentially the exact same thing, just to different people. They deserve each other.

Probably doesn't make you feel any better, though. Sorry :P