Hardly speak in work all day...

LegacyUser

i've been in my job for over 2yrs and I hate it. I have good friends and family outside of this place (it's an office environment) but there are four of us working here, and they are so unlike me in every way, that it's almost funny. It's 4 women, one of whom has children (i also have children), one who's getting married in 2 months, and one who's single.

There is little, if any 'chat' during the day - they have their heads down all day every day, stuck in their computers...we're all busy and i understand that you're not supposed to spend your day yapping, but when i arrive, i get a 'good morning' and that's it, no one speaks until lunchbreak. Our manager isn't in the same room as us, so it's not like there's even anyone 'watching over us'. The odd time, i will try to start a conversation - about the election recently for example. I was greeted with the odd yes and no answers..making me very aware that none of them wanted to talk about it.

They don't talk to each other either btw - so it's not like they are excluding me specifically. We have had the obligatory xmas party and one drinks session when somebody left. to me, these events were like torture. one of the girls loosened up a bit at the xmas drinks, but the rest didn't and it was back to the same silence day in, day out in the office.

today is my birthday and I am so annoyed. They don't know, because I haven't told them, but in every other job i have ever had, i would buy a cake for coffee break or something - just something small to mark the day - in other jobs, (im still friends with alot of old work colleagues) i might even have gone out for a drink after work tonight, but not here. Here i am, having spoken my last words at 8.30am (good morning!) and i am going slightly insane.

I have writeen here before about how much i hate my job. i know the way things are and I know that i have no hope of getting another job in the forseeable future, but please, can someone give me some small bit of advice on what I should do before I go completely insane? I have good friends and family and often wonder if it's just me that they don't like - but as i mentioned, they don't even chat to each other - no lunchbreaks together, no chit-chat...so i try very hard not to take it personally. Is there anything i can do to get me through my day..???

I am at the point when even if I do say something, i am completely paranoid that they think I am talking too much - yesterday, I did attempt to chat about the outcome of the election but I was greeted with 'mmmm' and yes and no answers so I gave up.

cantdecide

Happy Birthday, OP!

Is there a radio? You must have this to break the silence. It can be odd to be in these environments. In my case, there will be long periods of silence where people are busy. Chat breaks out from time to time and sometimes the other person is too busy and you can see they’re anxious to get back to things. It isn’t personal. You shouldn’t be offended.

You’re all obviously in a comfort zone thing and I think you need to break that. What you need to do is go on a charm offensive. Start by asking them individually if they’ll come to lunch with you because it’s your birthday. Try focusing on the girl that you spoke with first.

LegacyUser

I couldnt' possibly ask any of them to go to lunch with me - honeslty, i dont even want to mention my birthday. I have plans for this evening, so that's fine.

There's no radio unforuntately and even if thre was, i doubt they'd want it switched on. The girl with the children and myself, i would have thought, have the most in common. We both have kids in creche etc and older kids in primary school. I have sometimes tried to bring up conversations with her, but she is the most private person i ever met and I end up feeling like I'm so nosey!! I just hate it here, and perhaps today being the day that's in it, it just feels worse.

ongarboy

It's unfortunate that this is the environment you are enduring. I wonder if this has always been the way, long before you started, and that the longer serving workers have become so institutionalised in that culture of not making small talk or typical water cooler conversation that they don't know how to change now?

Sometimes, someone has to be the chatterbox to get things going. Maybe keep trying it for a week (bring up all sorts of topics, the Oscars, the NZ earthquake, ask did they watch Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, bring up topics you read in the paper that morning, anything general enough that they surely could have an opinion or observation on). If they continue to not reciprocate, then it is their problem.

If this effort fails after a week, I would suggest bringing it up one to one with the person you think you might get the best feedback from and mention that you notice the office seems to be very quiet and that any efforts you make at chat don't seem to be returned. Ask is this the preferred arrangement? If so, then there is probably nothing more you can do about that.

I agree it is hard, in that case, you would probably be more comfortable in a room by yourself then sitting with 3 mutes. I'd suggest you then ask your manager if you can bring in an Ipod if you feel it wouldn't distract from your work duties.

Happy Birthday, btw!!

Miss Fluff

First and foremost happy birthday OP, a fellow Piscean like myself

Secondly, are you sure you're not working in my old company? I worked somewhere like that for a tortuous year. There were four of us in the office and in the end I felt like a wayward nun being held in an enclosed order against my will. Nobody spoke A WORD, it is undoubtedly the weirdest company culture I have ever worked in. Very unhealthy and the day seemed to drag on forever. I promised myself I would stick out a year of it (which I did, almost to the day) and luckily an old boss whom I'd done contract work for before came looking for me. I work hard and play hard so while I'm a productive worker some banter is absolutely essential for me. Maybe a company that miniscule simply doesn't suit your personality?

Life is too short. Start looking. Don't go on a one-woman crusade to change the culture of the place either. I'm the eternal optimist but sometimes these things are just beyond your control.

jimmycrackcorm

Go out and bring in a birthday cake and share it out - you have to make some effort, you mentioned bringing up the election, however that's not a subject many people care to talk about for various reasons.

LegacyUser

thank you all.

Thanks miss fluff - sometimes I think im the only person working in this environment. It's just gone on too long for me to bring it up with a colleague - way too long. to give you an example, one of the girls father died about 6 months ago. he had cancer. She told us 3 weeks AFTER his funeral. She took the week off when he died. Turns out the man had been diagnosed with a terminal illness about 6wks beforehand, and died pretty quickly.

WHo on gods earth does not share that with work colleagues??? I just found it so, so weird that she wouldn't tell us her dad had died.

If i was going to say it's my birthday, id have said it when i came in this morning - we're half way through the day now.

I've had some lovely birthday texts from old friends I worked with in previous jobs - I keep trying to convince myself that it's not me that's weird, it's them!! But it's a very difficult environment to work in for 8hour a day.

cantdecide

I dare you to tell them that it's your birthday tomorrow and bring in cake! It's only a white lie. I still say it's you that has to take the bull by the horns. At least then you can say you tried.

Who's to say that they're not all individually thinking that they're the only normal one in this God forsaken place.

LegacyUser

I couldn't do it.

I said already that I have tried in the past - I've done the bringing up something in conversation. I have often tried the 'are you happy with your creche' thing with the woman who has kids. She is the one I find the weirdest. She is the only parent I know who doesn't want to talk about her kids/the school/creche with another parent.

Its not even the type of place where the phone rings that often - most of our work is done electronically - so it's just the sound of silence day in day out. I'm begining to lose my mind.

jester77

I'm guessing that the office is probably very sterile in its layout?

Maybe bring some colour to it, plants, flowers, pictures (they don't even need to be personal), sunny poster, etc. Give the place a bit of life and it might bring a bit of life out of your colleagues.

And I wouldn't be so negative about not finding a job. Fix up your CV and have a look around and throw out a few applications. You just never know!!

LegacyUser

Thank you. Sterile would be an understatement and I SO don't want to become the woman who brings plants into her office!!!!!!!

I guess you're right - spruce up the CV and try to get out of this place - they're not going to change.

tbh

it's a job tbh. it's not a social club. I've worked in offices where there's banter, and it's great, and I've worked in offices where there's none, and while it does make it more dull, you just suck it up and get on with it. Your workmates don't want to chat during the day, just the way it is I'm afraid.

LegacyUser

I'm not looking for a social club. If I was looking for a social club, I'd go to a social club! It's not even 'banter' im looking for. Just politeness - how hard is it to pass the time of day with someone you sit in a room with for 8 hours??

boobar

tbh wrote: »

it's a job tbh. it's not a social club. I've worked in offices where there's banter, and it's great, and I've worked in offices where there's none, and while it does make it more dull, you just suck it up and get on with it. Your workmates don't want to chat during the day, just the way it is I'm afraid.

I agree with TBH. I've worked in places where there's banter and places where there isn't. To be honest jobs are there to pay the bills. I think you're looking for a bit too much if you get annoyed because your colleagues aren't in to celebrating your birthday.

Look, it's nice to have someone to chat to at work, but the counter argument could be that your colleagues aren't into small talk and have friendships outside work. They most likely aren't being personal by not talking to each other, maybe they just want to come in get the job done and go home. They might not have any common interests to talk about.

sam34

unregistered wrote: »

to give you an example, one of the girls father died about 6 months ago. he had cancer. She told us 3 weeks AFTER his funeral. She took the week off when he died. Turns out the man had been diagnosed with a terminal illness about 6wks beforehand, and died pretty quickly.

WHo on gods earth does not share that with work colleagues??? I just found it so, so weird that she wouldn't tell us her dad had died.

some people have very clear boundaries between their work lives and personal lives, and see colleagues as just colleagues, not friends or confidantes.

Goldenlady

Happy birthday!! I feel really sorry for u as I know exactly how u feel. Now I'm still in the company 7 years later but it's just a different place now! All that was needed was someone to start the chat and I did! When I began in the company no one spoke, no one ever asked about ur plans 4 wk end etc. I'm a really hard worker and at times I might not have a chance to talk to anyone durng the day but wen I have time we all chat freely over our desks, I do use the radio on my phone which is handy but we even all listen to the same radio station and chat about it!!!!!
The people in my team have changed thru the years, there are 4 of us, only 2 since I started. But any new person gets involved in the chat now. I believe the entire office environment has changed and all departments chat which would have never happened before,.
Hope this helps you, honestly try it and if within a week they don't react then bring in ur phone fir the radio x

boobar

unregistered wrote: »

thank you all.

Thanks miss fluff - sometimes I think im the only person working in this environment. It's just gone on too long for me to bring it up with a colleague - way too long. to give you an example, one of the girls father died about 6 months ago. he had cancer. She told us 3 weeks AFTER his funeral. She took the week off when he died. Turns out the man had been diagnosed with a terminal illness about 6wks beforehand, and died pretty quickly.

WHo on gods earth does not share that with work colleagues??? I just found it so, so weird that she wouldn't tell us her dad had died.

If i was going to say it's my birthday, id have said it when i came in this morning - we're half way through the day now.

I've had some lovely birthday texts from old friends I worked with in previous jobs - I keep trying to convince myself that it's not me that's weird, it's them!! But it's a very difficult environment to work in for 8hour a day.

I'm just looking at your post here.

In the first part, you speak about a colleague's father passing away. You seem shocked that this person wouldn't "share" this with work colleagues. Why would they? You're colleagues. I think you're being very insensitive about a bereavement. Having lost someone close to me some years ago, I was glad that colleagues didn't intrude and want constant conversations about it.

The second part of your post deals again with your birthday. My advice, next year when it's your birthday, book the day off and don't sit there at work hoping for cake and everyone singing happy birthday.

LegacyUser

boobar wrote: »

I'm just looking at your post here.

In the first part, you speak about a colleague's father passing away. You seem shocked that this person wouldn't "share" this with work colleagues. Why would they? You're colleagues. I think you're being very insensitive about a bereavement. Having lost someone close to me some years ago, I was glad that colleagues didn't intrude and want constant conversations about it.

The second part of your post deals again with your birthday. My advice, next year when it's your birthday, book the day off and don't sit there at work hoping for cake and everyone singing happy birthday.

OP here.

What a horrible last paragraph.

both of my parents are dead, and my sister died 6 years ago, so I know what im talking about when it comes to bereavement.

But how on earth could you ring your boss, tell him your parent died (on a tuesday), bury him on a Thursday and come back into the office on the monday and not mention it to ANYONE you share a room with for 8hours, per day for two years???

I know what bereavement is like. And I didn't expect anyone to buy me a cake and sing happy birthday and Im very insulted by your post when you know nothing about me other than the fact that Ive said I work with a group of people who don't speak all day.

Miaireland

To be honest Op I can't really see what you are asking in this post.

You asked a question and a number of posters gave excellent answers, which you do not want to do i.e inviting someone to lunch, bring a cake for your birthday, bring items to brighten up the office etc.

No one here can click a switch to make it better I'm afraid. You need to take some action, if you feel it is worth it. (Sorry if I sound harsh I don't mean to be).

To be honest though from reading your post I think you may be unlucky in your workplace.By the sounds of things you work with people who want to just keep their head down, get their work done and go home. they also seem to be very private people.That is their choice and it will be hard to change.

To be honest I am not surprised that your workmate did not share about her Dad with her workmates. That is something I would share with friends and family, I wouldn't tell my workmates unless I considered them friends.

Again, I don't mean to sound like a b*tch and sorry if my post upsets you.:o

sam34

unregistered wrote: »

But how on earth could you ring your boss, tell him your parent died (on a tuesday), bury him on a Thursday and come back into the office on the monday and not mention it to ANYONE you share a room with for 8hours, per day for two years???

i cant see how you dont understand this.

you are not friends with that woman.

you are her colleague.

as colleagues go, ye are not close.

why would she share something so intensely personal with you?

look, different people have different boundaries between their work and personal lives, and have a right to them.

with respect, get over it.

LegacyUser

sam34 wrote: »

i cant see how you dont understand this.

you are not friends with that woman.

you are her colleague.

as colleagues go, ye are not close.

why would she share something so intensely personal with you?

look, different people have different boundaries between their work and personal lives, and have a right to them.

with respect, get over it.

OP here.

HOW could she not share something so personal with 3 people she spends 8 hours a day with? HOW could she have not broken down, spoken about it on the phone to others during her day. that's my real question.

Jack B. Badd

unregistered wrote: »

both of my parents are dead, and my sister died 6 years ago, so I know what im talking about when it comes to bereavement.

But how on earth could you ring your boss, tell him your parent died (on a tuesday), bury him on a Thursday and come back into the office on the monday and not mention it to ANYONE you share a room with for 8hours, per day for two years???

I know what bereavement is like.

You know what bereavement is like for you. Grief is a personal experience & everyone reacts differently. There is no right or wrong way to react to the death of a friend or family member so if you're colleague chose not to share it with you, that's her right.

Shelga

Hi OP, regardless of the lady whose father passed away, sitting in a room for 8 hours a day with people and not exchanging a word other than "good morning" is just weird. I find it strange that some people would find this normal. It probably would be horribly awkward at first but you should really try to instigate a lunch date or the other changes that posters have mentioned. It's the only way things have even a small chance of changing.

As someone else said though, you've probably just been really unlucky in your choice of workplace. I know some people do come in, keep the head down all day long and just go home, but I think it sounds miserable and don't understand why people act this way! If things don't look like they're going to change maybe you could start looking for a new job? Life's too short to spend a third of it in an environment like that!

tbh

Shelga wrote: »

I find it strange that some people would find this normal..

Nobody said it was normal, we've all said that it happens.

I know some people do come in, keep the head down all day long and just go home,

ahem

Maple

unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

HOW could she not share something so personal with 3 people she spends 8 hours a day with? HOW could she have not broken down, spoken about it on the phone to others during her day. that's my real question.

Because sometimes when you're dealing with a personal tragedy, work is the best place to be, it is an escape from what's happening in your real life and you don't want to bring real life into what is actually a sanctuary for you at this time.

People have personal fronts and then they have work fronts, the work front is the one we have more control over, we're there to do a job, we get it done, so it's all under our control, it can be a very positive thing for yourself to be seen as professional when your personal life is falling asunder.

I know you might think it strange but please do not take this personally, the woman told you when she was physically capable of telling you, she wasn't keeping anything from you.

With regards to the silence, I've worked in that sort of atmosphere and found it tedious in the extreme. The way I dealt with it was to actually be the one to initiate the conversations, ask people for lunch etc. It's a pain to have to be the one to do it, but it does work eventually.

If a more amicable work environment is what you're looking for then you have to be the one to change it.

LegacyUser

right, i understand that this woman wanted to keep her dads death private, I just don't know how she managed it. I've been through the death of both parents and a sibling, and while I didn't tell the world and it's mother, there is no way i could have hidden it from people i spend the best part of my day with. There were days I had to excuse myself and run into the loo for a cry - so I had to tell those I work with - all of whom went to the funerals too.

Some of you are making out that I have no respect for this womans grief - it's not that at all - I just don't understand how she could have kept it hidden for so long.

I have been looking for another job, but with no joy. I'll keep looking though, thanks.

Maple

Yes, but that was your method of coping with your loss.

You don't have to understand her method, you just need to accept that her silence is her method.

People are different, neither way is right or wrong, we all just do what we need to do to get by.

sam34

unregistered wrote: »

HOW could she not share something so personal with 3 people she spends 8 hours a day with? HOW could she have not broken down, spoken about it on the phone to others during her day. that's my real question.

because she didnt want to and because she is capable of maintaining clear boundaries between her personal and professional lives.

unregistered wrote: »

right, i understand that this woman wanted to keep her dads death private, I just don't know how she managed it. I've been through the death of both parents and a sibling, and while I didn't tell the world and it's mother, there is no way i could have hidden it from people i spend the best part of my day with. There were days I had to excuse myself and run into the loo for a cry - so I had to tell those I work with - all of whom went to the funerals too.

thats how you dealt with your grief - fair enough.

can you comprehend that not everyone else in the world will have the same reactions/coping mechanisms as you?

John Mason

unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

HOW could she not share something so personal with 3 people she spends 8 hours a day with? HOW could she have not broken down, spoken about it on the phone to others during her day. that's my real question.

Look, not everyone spills their inner most feelings and thoughts with their work colleagues (note colleagues not friends).

You are not friends with this girl, why would she breakdown in front of you? I dont talk about my personal life in work whatsoever and NEVER make personal calls - too many nosey feckers and gossips in my place.

You have been given good advice on how to get the conversation started, if you dont want to do any of these things there is nothing more we can do.

You need to accept that not everyone in your work place wants to be your friend or talk about their inner most feelings and emotions.

TBH, i have distanced myself from these spillers in work because i really dont care about their husbands, children, mortgages etc.

Earphones are the greatest inventions ever

Miaireland

unregistered wrote: »

right, i understand that this woman wanted to keep her dads death private, I just don't know how she managed it. I've been through the death of both parents and a sibling, and while I didn't tell the world and it's mother, there is no way i could have hidden it from people i spend the best part of my day with. There were days I had to excuse myself and run into the loo for a cry - so I had to tell those I work with - all of whom went to the funerals too.

Some of you are making out that I have no respect for this womans grief - it's not that at all - I just don't understand how she could have kept it hidden for so long.

I have been looking for another job, but with no joy. I'll keep looking though, thanks.

The reason you don't understand her way of dealing with it is because you are judging her grief solely on how you handled yours. She is not you and there is nothing odd about the way she dealt with her parent's death like there was nothing odd the way you dealt with your grief.

You have to accept that everyone is different.

boobar

unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

HOW could she not share something so personal with 3 people she spends 8 hours a day with? HOW could she have not broken down, spoken about it on the phone to others during her day. that's my real question.

OP,

She couldn't share it because it is personal.

The lady spends 8 hours a day working with you, why do you think there would or should be a personal level of communication.

As another poster said, everyone deals with grief differently.

I don't know why you're asking the last question. Perhaps it's just rhetorical.

solovely

I think it's totally weird. I don't know how people are justifying and thinking its normal for 3 people (well 4 including you) to sit in silence all day and say nothing. I don't have personal barriers, and do find private people strange anyway. You spend more of your life with the people you work with than anyone else, so it is very strange that these people would actually choose to be private and miserable than even attempt to glean some enjoyment from 8 hour a day.

When I started in the place I work now, everybody was pretty quiet and private. They are older and it's just the way it was. It kinda suited me at first too as I was in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend, and didn't know them enough to broadcast it around the office, but once I was over that, without trying to, I changed the culture, or so I was told after. I am just not a quiet, private person. I couldn't possibly sit in silence for that long, I would seriously end up in an asylum. My best friends are nearly all people I have worked with in previous jobs, so to not want to enjoy the company of people yo uspend that long with just sounds bizarre. While, in my job now, we don't all hang out all the time outside of work, we do chat a lot more, and when at first they used to raise eyebrows when I could exclaim something ridiculous or personal, now they join and sometimes even share some of their own private lives!!

I would be seriously worrying about the people on here who claim that it's normal to not want to have any human engagement or warmth for almost half their waking life....

If I were you, and if, as you say, trying to break the ice, hasn't worked, I would seriously be looking elsewhere. Have you ever brought it up with your manager in a review? Does the company know that there is something inherently wrong with the culture there? Is it coming from the top down? Has anyone ever attempted to change it? Like with a social club or with team bonding days or anything?

Good luck! I don't know how you haven't cracked already!!

LegacyUser

solovely wrote: »

I think it's totally weird. I don't know how people are justifying and thinking its normal for 3 people (well 4 including you) to sit in silence all day and say nothing. I don't have personal barriers, and do find private people strange anyway. You spend more of your life with the people you work with than anyone else, so it is very strange that these people would actually choose to be private and miserable than even attempt to glean some enjoyment from 8 hour a day.

When I started in the place I work now, everybody was pretty quiet and private. They are older and it's just the way it was. It kinda suited me at first too as I was in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend, and didn't know them enough to broadcast it around the office, but once I was over that, without trying to, I changed the culture, or so I was told after. I am just not a quiet, private person. I couldn't possibly sit in silence for that long, I would seriously end up in an asylum. My best friends are nearly all people I have worked with in previous jobs, so to not want to enjoy the company of people yo uspend that long with just sounds bizarre. While, in my job now, we don't all hang out all the time outside of work, we do chat a lot more, and when at first they used to raise eyebrows when I could exclaim something ridiculous or personal, now they join and sometimes even share some of their own private lives!!

I would be seriously worrying about the people on here who claim that it's normal to not want to have any human engagement or warmth for almost half their waking life....

If I were you, and if, as you say, trying to break the ice, hasn't worked, I would seriously be looking elsewhere. Have you ever brought it up with your manager in a review? Does the company know that there is something inherently wrong with the culture there? Is it coming from the top down? Has anyone ever attempted to change it? Like with a social club or with team bonding days or anything?

Good luck! I don't know how you haven't cracked already!!

Thank you!

I was beginning to think I was definitely insane there with all the negative replies. I UNDERSTAND that people deal with their grief in different ways and that there is no right or wrong way. I do get that.

But as has been pointed out to me already - she is my colleague (not my friend!!) - and we have spent over 2 years sitting in a room the size of your average living room together. For 8 hours of every day. I am not saying the girl should break down in tears in front of me...I am just wondering how she didn't.

I have mentioned this to my manager before - on two occassions - he just said it's always been a very quiet environment, that's it. He can't encourage anyway to talk either I guess.


'I would be seriously worrying about the people on here who claim that it's normal to not want to have any human engagement or warmth for almost half their waking life...'

They are my thoughts EXACTLY.

Maple

OP I'm really wondering what your real issue is here at all.

So what if she didn't break down? Why are you so caught up in the fact that she didn't. She's different to you. She handles things differently. She either didn't feel the need nor did she want to break down in front of you. Get over it and stop obsessing.

Also a lot of posters in this thread have given you practical advice with regards attempting to create a more convivial atmosphere in work, yet you're choosing to ignore it and keep bleating on about this poor woman who lost her father and didn't break down in tears.

I do, as previously stated, think some personal interaction is necessary in work. But if you're not willing to try any more then it's a case of put up and shut up really.

LegacyUser

I came here to ask for advice, about how other people would cope in my situation. I said Ihave tried all of the advice given already, in the past two years, and it hasn't worked. I also said I have started to look for another job.

Maple, can I ask if you have ever sat in a room with 3 people for 8 hours per day, for 2 years and hardly said two words?

If you had, you might just feel how I do and might also feel the need to ask for advice, in the hope of not being told to 'put up and shut up'. I hope you never find yourself in this situation but perhaps if you do, you will have the perfect solution to get yourself out of it.

Maple

As I stated in my post, yes I have. However it was an office of 10 people. And I also stated that I found it most uncomfortable and that I also hated being the one who had to initiate all the conversations and lunches etc. I felt like I was foisting myself onto people in the hopes of getting a conversation going.

So yes, I do have a perfect understanding of your situation. But I tried to fix it, and I kept trying despite it feeling like a social leper. And it was for 21 months which is just shy of your 2 years but still long enough.

And yes, I came to the conclusion that this was the way that they wanted to work, it wasn't my ideal but I was there to do a job so I put up and shut up, I made the effort when it suited me to have a bit of a chat and stopped letting it affect me so much. It's work, and I have more important things in my life.

Nobody here has the magic solution to your situation, people have advised you only for it to be rejected out of hand. It strikes me that you're not really looking for advice, you're just looking for vindication that they're all odd as hell especially this girl who lost her father.

Emme

OP, your work situation is more common that you'd think especially now with the recession, cutbacks etc. People may be too busy trying to deal with their workload to make conversation, or they want to be seen to be serious and making casual conversation/having idle chats won't contribute to a serious image.

The reality is that this is how work is now, people are more serious and you'll just have to accept it if you stay in your current workplace or else find another job. Maybe you should train for another career where you have more direct contact with people.

As for bereavement, it's sad about your colleague, but some workplaces put more pressure on people who have problems in their lives and she might have been trying to keep it quiet for that reason.

LegacyUser

I really can't understand why so many people are having a go at the OP. She used the example of her colleague's father's death to show how odd she is and did not refer to this in her original post. It was only in a later post that she mentioned it and probably the oddest example of her behaviour she could think of. I must say that I find it absolutely bizarre that someone could keep something like that from colleagues but then decide to tell them three weeks later. If she didn't want to tell them at all why do so three weeks after the event? I also find it extremely odd that all three are so uncommunicative and would equally find it frustrating and annoying. That said there are so many odd people out there and you are just unlucky to have been lumped with three of them all at once. If I were you I would start looking to leave.

sollar

I've worked in a fair few offices. Some are mayhem and others are like the one you describe.

I don't think you are likely to change the office you are in in any significant way. You sound like you are just not suited to that level of silence. Your only option imo is to move on to another job when you get a chance.

PostHack

I'm with the OP on this one.

She obviously used the colleague's bereavement as an example to illustrate a point. This seems to be lost on most of the people replying so far.

I've worked in a good few different work environments over the years, office, factory, workshop etc. I do find the lack of communication and interaction odd and unusual. I wonder what these people are like outside of work?.... I would find it hard to separate my "normal" persona and my work persona to such a degree, and it seems sad that they see this as their only option.

When you spend so much of your waking hours in some boring office environment, doing some monotonous task, it seems normal to me to want to have some kind of human connection. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing worse than a nosy, in your face co-worker, but all the OP is asking for is manners IMO.

And of course it's up to them if that's how they want to behave, but it still strikes me as odd......

Copper23

Hey OP,
I know its not great advice but I think it just is the way it is.

Some of the ideas people had are nice. Sometimes you do have to make an effort. Sometimes when someone is new it takes a while to get things going but your there 2 years right? If the ice hasn't been broken by now I think thats just the environment you're in.

I'm in an office job now for a few years, I've worked in other areas too. Some places are full of craic and banter and some just aren't. All the trying in the world won't work if thats just the environment you're in. My place is half and half. Some people are great fun and good craic. We can go for lunch and coffee and stuff and its fun, other just don't. I actually moved to a new building a few weeks ago, the guy to my right and I have barely spoken 2 words, not for want of trying, I havent heard him speaking to anyone else really either. Others around me are full of chat.

I don't think there's much you can do. If its unbearable you might have to think about moving. At the same time its work and you might just have to accept it's not a very fun office and just have to get on with it.

Its not great advice but I think you might be hoping they might change, its just my experience that its doesn't really. If the place is lively, thats the culture, if its not, then its not and won't change much.

lynsalot

Hi Op,

Sounds like a nightmare situation tbh. Soul destroying sitting in silence all day doing something you don't like. At least if someone is chatting it makes the day go quicker.

I also don't understand why people are having a go at you but it's a mentality I've found on this website frequently I'm afraid so ignore it!

You sound like a people person who needs interaction - and this job doesn't seem to provide that for you. My company are recruiting and I know plenty of people who've left for other jobs in the last 6 months. Might be something to consider as you've said you're looking but it doesn't help in the short term I suppose.

It definitely sounds odd and I can't imagine how mind numbing it must be. I wonder if your boss notices it too? I definitely like the advice of personalising your desk. it'll make the place more homely for you.

I wonder if you could be direct and say to the three of them, you're all very quiet and see where it leads. It would be great if at least one of them felt the awkwardness of it and you could possibly chat to them.

I hope things improve for you and best of luck