Quiet one in the group

LegacyUser

Right so I'm 18 and currently in 2nd year of a 4 year college course. Happy enough with it but I'm kinda known as the "nice quiet" one of the group im in, fair enough.

I can't help but feel like I'm not completely "in" our group of friends. I don't go out all that much and in first year I kind of ostricised myself by only going out on a very rare occasion (I was still underage with no i.d. and of the mindset that there's no point going out if there's a high chance I won't get in). Being the quiet person I naturally am I notice that I can be in a conversation, but you wouldn't really know I was there, if I'm making sense? My best friend is in the same college as me and during first year when I was painfully quiet (I'm trying to change that), I often asked him if he wanted to go out on class parties etc with me. He's really outgoing and confident, the opposite of me, and I know I'm being irrational but I can't help but feel that he's in a way closer to some of the girls/lads in my class. Last week for example we were at a friends birthday party, he came with me as he was drinking in mine earlier. When I ended up leaving he said he'd walk home with one of the girls, and when we left nobody noticed I was even gone. I'm in no way jealous of him but I guess I'd like to be more part of the group, and to do that more chatty/upbeat like he is.

I dunno what I'm really trying to get at here.. I'm a quiet person by nature and ok with that, just not to the extent that I don't feel I interact with college friends as I should because of this. PI, how can I come out of my shell that I have kinda been hiding in since I came into college?

C-J

I think joining a club or society would really benefit you, call into your su as well & ask about volunteering they normally have a list of positions. It'd be a great way for you to get to know new people in a more intimate environment. College can be difficult if you're quiet, and the large classes can make it seem as if you'll never get to know people properly but you will, you just have to put the effort in!

im stuck! cnt tink of gud name

hi
honestly i get where your coming from . im the quiet person too im not even sure if im part of the group and im also tring to change. im not sure but i think it helps to share more things about yourself with people at the right time im finding thid very difficult(im very private ) but also try and organise something like a party or dinner or something .sounds stupid but gives you a chance to talk to people individually

cafecolour

First, everyone thinks everyone else is more cool/in/withit etc. then they are. Seriously. So shake it from your head.

Second, don't confuse not being the center of attention with being quiet. I don't think you are, but just emphasizing - your goal should be able to have a good conversation with one or two people at a time - not be the one make witty remarks or acting the fool in the group.

So next party, your goal is to talk to people (one person at time), and have a bit of conversation. Picking someone who is also by themselves at the moment is always an easy. Another sure fire way (if a tad expensive) is to bring a few extra cans, and when you go to get one, grab an extra and offer it around. If they're drinking your beer, they'll talk to you

Conversation wise - just ask people about themselves. What hobbies they have, what music they like, etc. Or pick something in the room and make a comment on it. Or current events can be another one (though occasionally tedious). You're in the same class, so class is always a good topic to break the ice, but you don't want to spend too much time on it.

Denerick

Don't worry about being shy. Loud people are mostly annoying and lacking imagination and/or evidence of thought.

I often think shy people give themselves too hard a time. Just ask yourself, why do you need to be in a constant state of conversation? (Particularly when the conversation is mostly small talk and meaningless?) and why should you worry if you're not exactly a professional comedian? We all have our gifts, don't worry yourself so much.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for the replies people, really appreciate them. I don't mind being the quiet one in the group but when I meet new people or am introduced to a friend of a friend it's as per the op.

I agree about not being loud / conversing just for the sake of it.