Im totally obsessed with my career progression

LegacyUser

I'm totally obsessed with how Im doing in my career. I look at other people and am envious of people who are doing better than me. I imagine how other people look at me and think 'he's not at the races'. I don't notice the people who are doing worse than me but there are plenty. And when I get these thoughts they really get me down to the point where I get pretty badly depressed.
I think CBT is perfect for the situation. I've been practising it for over 1.5 years now. Read lots of books and practise it in a journal I have almost constantly though Ive never seen a CBT therapist. But the thoughts just keep coming back. In reality there is a problem to deal with - I have become overspecialised and I'm not as successful as I like but its hard to know what to do about that. Sometimes I'd like to give it all up and begin something else all over again. But probably more realistically I could take a different tack and try and get involved in work related to what I do but a bit broader. Maybe I should do charity work and see how lucky I am while giving to other people too.
Has anyone been through this. Have you any suggestions.

Kimia

I am sometimes like this too. I get very panicky if I think I'm not where I 'should' be in my career and so far I've been very successful so it's hard to keep that up, there's a constant pressure to do better and be better. And I also have the imposter feeling, like what if I'm not good at all and it's all been a fluke. They'll find out!!

I don't know what to tell you to be honest. I've found that worry and anxiety in itself are also problems of mine so I've begun reading how to overcome constant worry, and that might help you? I also play the what if game, where I bring the negative what if's to their ridiculous conclusions and that helps me sometimes.

It's tough. If anyone has advice I'd love to hear it too.

LegacyUser

I'm totally obsessed with how Im doing in my career. I look at other people and am envious of people who are doing better than me. I imagine how other people look at me and think 'he's not at the races'. I don't notice the people who are doing worse than me but there are plenty.

Wow i feel so sad for you OP , what a strange thing to measure your worth by.

Your job won't keep you warm at night. Your career could fall apart in the morning, anyone's could, you are not defined by your career.

Work to live, Don't Live to work.

LegacyUser

Like another poster has already said, it's all about priorities -when you're on your deathbed with your life spent, will you lie there wishing you'd spent more time in the office or with the people you love and love you back? We reap what we sow in this life and jobs don't give hugs

elbee

OP, what else do you have in your life? Do you have any good friends, acquaintances, hobbies, interests? I know a lot of career-focused people don't have much free time, but even if you just watch TV for an hour before bed, that's something you like and an interest.

Maybe you could set aside one night a week to pursue something non-work-related, like a sport or a night class in something you've always wanted to do? Even just putting your feet up in front of a good film or reading a book might help to give you some focus beyond your work.

I think volunteering at a charity would be great for you - I'm tempted to say you should find something related to your field so you can be really useful there (like Camara if you're in IT or a charity shop if you're in retail) because it'll help you see that your skills mean so much more than just what they get you in career terms. But actually I think doing something completely different could be really good too, because you may find other sides of yourself.

I've found that making my life as rich as possible outside work helps me to keep work in its proper place. Best of luck

PhysiologyRocks

I'm going to go the other way here. It's not an inherently bad thing to care deeply about one's career.

Someone previously said that anyone's career could be gone at the drop of a hat. Again, this depends on the field - it's not necessarily true for everything.

I haven't been on a 'career path' for long. I have great friends and many people I love. However, some of my happiest moments have been job related. I genuinely think I will look back at some of them on my deathbed. Do I feel hard done by or unfulfilled? Not in the least.

OP, if it is how you are feeling that truly upsets you, then I sympathise and hope you can change things. If the thought of how you are feeling concerns you the most, just remember that there are less acceptable things you could be feeling. If you really do feel like starting over, then you should consider it. Charity work is never a bad idea anyway.

I will agree that it's unhealthy to be envious of one's colleagues. Perhaps you could spend some time concentrating on your own successes and specific goals. Comparison is okay. Jealousy is hard on you. However, some people do live to work, and that's okay too.

PK2008

Why not turn the problem on its head- you say there are people who are not doing as well as you , why dont you channel some energy their way and try to help them.

If you want to reach the top its not just about how good your performance is but your ability to help others raise their game

beks101

I'm sort of with PhysiologyRocks on this one.

OP do you like your job? I know stress at work is inevitable but do you work in a field you are passionate about, is the work challenging, is it something you are good at and do you experience job satisfaction?

I'm asking because if it's something you love, then maybe it's worth it. Anyone could look at me and say I'm overworked, obsessed with my career and prioritising it above my personal life (dating and some friendships have definitely suffered), but I work in an industry I find exciting, exhiliarating, exhausting for sure but definitely fulfilling. I've worked hard to be where I am and get a real adrenalin rush most days at work - as PhyRocks says, a lot of my highlights in life happen in the office.

However if your obsession is making you depressed and you're using your job as a measure of your self-worth...then it's a problem that needs to be addressed. Being ambitious in the workplace is admirable but as what would happen if you woke up in the morning and your job was gone? How would you deal with life as an unemployed person - it's a tough position for anyone to find themselves in but if you live and die for the office and use your job as a form of self-validation, you are going to find yourself in a serious, serious depression if it disappears.

You need to find a balance. I think a bit of competition in the workplace is healthy and can drive you forward, but you need an 'off' switch. You need a life outside of work and you need to be very strict with yourself to create and prioritise this life - so when 6pm/whatever comes, that's it, you're off-duty and your time is your own. Even if it's only a trip to the gym or a class that you have to make...get into a routine of working just as hard at your life outside work as you do at work. I've found that being more well-rounded like this reduces stress as well, so maybe it will relax your attitude towards your colleagues and give you a bit of perspective on things. Best of luck

mikemac

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm totally obsessed with how Im doing in my career. I look at other people and am envious of people who are doing better than me. I imagine how other people look at me and think 'he's not at the races'. I don't notice the people who are doing worse than me but there are plenty. And when I get these thoughts they really get me down to the point where I get pretty badly depressed.

Is this your dream career, something you've always wanted and have big plans for?

Or is this just a job and you're terrified about what other people think of you?
You need validation from your bosses and be told you're good or else you reckon you've a failure?
Like "I messed up a report and therefore I am worthless person"
Or worst of all (been there myself), "look at all these clever people in my team, I'm an imposter and fraud and don't belong here"
You can see where I'm going.

As tbh, nobody not even yourself is indispensable and if you left in the morning, your boss will have forgotten you by next week. Don't live or die by your job and put your happiness in the form of a 6 month appraisal

OP, you need something outside work. Whatever activity it may be, you have to switch off when you leave work.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the replies and it gives me food for thought. I thought people were going to say I was very indulgent.
To be honest I feel quite depressed at the moment and when I'm depressed this is the one issue I ruminate about. I don't tend to ruminate about it when I feel OK although it is always an issue that concerns me somewhat. I'm not sure whether this is an issue that causes me to get depressed or whether its an issue that I latch onto when I am depressed.
But I do know that from a young age I've valued myself in terms of my achievements and while it served me well up to aged 18 it hasn't served me well as an adult. But I find it so hard to find some other meaningful way to value myself deep down.

gerryk

A much wiser man than me once said, "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet."

That said, I do get fulfilment from my job... not because of any boasting rights it gives me, but because I enjoy the challenges it sets me, and how I feel when I achieve goals.

HoneyRyder

Unregistered wrote: »

To be honest I feel quite depressed at the moment and when I'm depressed this is the one issue I ruminate about. I don't tend to ruminate about it when I feel OK although it is always an issue that concerns me somewhat. I'm not sure whether this is an issue that causes me to get depressed or whether its an issue that I latch onto when I am depressed.
.

OP, is there a tangible reason that you can attribute as being the source of your depression? I ask because it's only when you identify the source of your worries that you can begin to rectify them. Do you think that focussing your concerns on your career beguiles a deeper issue that you may not be addressing?

LegacyUser

HoneyRyder wrote: »

OP, is there a tangible reason that you can attribute as being the source of your depression? I ask because it's only when you identify the source of your worries that you can begin to rectify them. Do you think that focussing your concerns on your career beguiles a deeper issue that you may not be addressing?

Yes I think my obsession with career status beguiles a deep down insecurity and need to perform in order to have any self esteem at all. When things go well in my job I get a bit of a buzz. But I am left prone to chronic anxiety and depression because I dont stand on firm ground.
God Ive been to counsellors many times but yesterday i was talking to my sister and cried for the first time in maybe a year when I cried in similar circumstances. Afterwards I felt a fair bit of release - I really wish I could cry more. I'm going to give the counselling another go I really dont think Ive opened up to a counsellor even though Ive been plenty of times. Ridiculously I kind of want the counsellor to tell me everything is OK and Im a great fella which is not the point - Ive been too heady in my approach and need to feel it more I think even if it feels horrible. Get it out of my bloody system. I want to move on to the next level whatever it might bring.

priorities?!

priorities?! wrote: »

Work to live, Don't Live to work.

Brilliant quote.. I'm giving up on my career for a couple of years so I can do just that.

alandublin15

i think you may be inadvertedly using your career status and your belief in the importance of career as a type of medium to channel the anxiety of lifes difficult questions.
i dont know your age and i think its important when commenting on your situation.
it could be that youre quite young and have grown up to know only the society that you live in as being the entirety of life. rather than seeing the society you live in as just being a tiny part of life.
maybe somewhere in the back of your mind youre starting to realise some of the ugly things about life and realising that they cant be controlled. previously you might have been able to control that smaller world you lived in to a good extent through your career and your work and your planning. but now as part of you is noticing that change, part of you is trying to use the only things you could rely on in the past to maintain control, but everything changes regardless, theres no way for anyone to control life entirely.

LegacyUser

Id like to add my experience to this.

My job was a good job with career prospects, good salary , good benifits. ideal, as far as jobs go.

A few months ago the work for my role was moving to India and the U.S respectively.
I got an oppertuinity to move to the U.S to a better job, much better salary and benifits.

Despite being very career driven, and driven to progress in my job, i declined the U.S offer due to a number of reasons, all personal.

Things like losing family and friends, difficulty getting girlfriend into the U.S, expectation of my working day from extending from 8-10 hours to being 24/7 on call all the time made me turn it down.

Push came to shove I found that I work in order to give myself a good life. I dont live in order to work.

To this, despite still having a job, there are no prospects for progression in ireland so i am on the job hunt.

I think that in my case i found where my priorities lie, and although that is with my personal life, i am still career driven and so the next logical step is to locate a new job, with new experiences and a progression path.

You need to find your balance between career and personal life also. Many people are willing to work all life long ,and thats fine, but just be sure thats right for you.

LegacyUser

Well...I graduated from Uni 6 yrs ago...Contemporary Dance 2i. Id danced professionally since a young child, and had done so for 21 yrs when I graduated. I started working in healthcare after uni tho, because of personal interest and intrigue. Then I got very ill, went in hospital, and have started doing voluntary work and new courses in mental health for the NHS. Its been very tough...I lost literally EVERYTHING due to illness and had to start over. I also need to get copies of my certificates should I ever be able to do my MSC Psychotherapy Counselling. Anyway, right now Im focussing on getting back to work in something related to the MSC...and getting my certificates...and doing any new courses related to work and long term goals. Overall, Ive been ill possibly because of being OCD about my career, and feeling like a tit in a bottom level job. However, now that I am well again, my career goals keep me going...they make me behave more calm, and I feel like I have something to say at an interview as to why Im wiping arses, and shoving pills down peoples throats when Ive got a degree in Dance. Id say its ok to care about your current role...but you also have to accept that we are all at diferent stages in our lives and go at different paces. Even if you never get to your ''ideal'' at least you've done your bloody hardest. PS...Go for the charity work...become a member of something worthwhile...like health, homelessness, or poverty. It will soon make you realise there are others much worse off.

Big Bag of Chips

Lil ol' me, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter, before posting in Personal Issues.

As per the charter...

Silverfish wrote: »

Dragging up old threads is a no no and we will close them.

Regards,
Big Bag of Chips