Irish mammy's

mayoman ngalway

hello all, got this as a mail today and can remember my own mother saying at least every one of them to me at some stage growing up.

which got me thinking what else could be added to them?


heres what i got;



WHAT I OWE MY IRISH MOTHER:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'



2. My mother taught me RELIGION

'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.'



3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL

'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'



4. My mother taught me LOGIC

' Because I said so, that's why.'



5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC

'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'



6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT

'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'



7. My mother taught me IRONY

'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'



8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'



9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'



10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

'You'll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.'



11. My mother taught me about WEATHER

'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'



12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'



13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE

'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'



14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION

'Stop acting like your father!'



15. My mother taught me about ENVY

'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do..'



16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

'Just wait until we get home.'



17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING

'You are going to get it when you get home!'



18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE

'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.'



19. My mother taught me ESP

'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'



20. My mother taught me HUMOUR

'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me..'



21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT

'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'



22. My mother taught me GENETICS

'You're just like your father.'

;

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS

'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a tent?'



24. My mother taught me WISDOM

'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'



25. And my favourite:

My mother taught me about JUSTICE

'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you '


should be a laugh

chucken1

You're Mother said Jumper.not Sweater

Jesus Wept

You are setting yourself up for the biggest yore ma taught me ____ of all time.

Agonist

mayoman ngalway wrote: »

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL

And you went all the way to1998 and brought back an email

AskMyChocolate

Don't come running to me...

I think everybody knows the preceding sentence.

mayoman ngalway

The-Rigger wrote: »

You are setting yourself up for the biggest yore ma taught me ____ of all time.

well i'll check back tomorrow night and see how many i get

chicken fingers

Irish mammy's what?

Luxie

You'd give a disprin a headache.

pickarooney

The store? The store?

GTFO and bring your mommy and your sweater with you.

CDfm

If your mother knew you had posted that here you would be in big trouble.

She was just letting you know who's boss.

JerryHandbag

So thats where Brendan Grace got his joke material from

clived2

mayoman ngalway wrote: »

hello all, got this as a mail today and can remember my own mother saying at least every one of them to me at some stage growing up.

which got me thinking what else could be added to them?


heres what i got;



WHAT I OWE MY IRISH MOTHER:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

'If you're goi

Yo Mayoman, Im really happy for you, I`mma let you finish but clived2`s mother had one of the best Mammy sayings of all time.


Get the fuck out of my house

chin_grin

Wow I was wondering where I left that forwarded email from the mid nineties. Thanks OP.

Birneybau

Irish Mammys = You can't spell "Smother" without "Mother"

jackiebaron

'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

Only black women in movies say this sh!t.

flyton5

Awhhhhh no-one replied to your forwarded email so you posted it here. Isn't that nice?

(Just so you know...I'm being sarcastic )

mikemac

mayoman ngalway wrote: »

you're not going to the store with me.'

Nobody goes to the store

You go to the shop to get the messages

Squirm

A real irish mammy tells you to "eat your meat" because it was the dearest part of your dinner.

jackiebaron

Squirm wrote: »

A real irish mammy tells you to "eat your meat" because it was the dearest part of your dinner.

At least she doesn't tell you to "beat your meat" :eek:

limklad

jackiebaron wrote: »

'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

Only black women in movies say this sh!t.

Therefore we have black women in white skin saying this sh!t too. I witness plenty of white women saying it, including my own mother!!

dominiquecruz

mayoman ngalway wrote: »

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS

'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a tent?'

:mad: I was born in a barn, actually.

LETHAL LADY

Irish Mammys = Terminator.

chin_grin

dominiquecruz wrote: »

:mad: I was born in a barn, actually.

THE SECOND COMING! :eek:

Luxie

dominiquecruz wrote: »

:mad: I was born in a barn, actually.

It was a field for me.

Super-Rush

If its not one thing its your mother.

Jimmy the Wheel

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

Don't come running to me...

I think everybody knows the preceding sentence.

If you break your legs....?

FoxT

Mam:"Don't let that child out without a vest"

Dad: " A vest is a garment that a child wears when his mammy is cold"

limklad

The only time I leave door open is when the Door was already open before my arrival. or is to cool down the room especially when it is as hot as a sauna.

When she or others says "Were you born in a barn?"

"Was I? I cannot remember"

or

"When I was born ("as you know well" <- To mother), the Doors were open before me and closed behind me without my intervention".

She and others have never used that line since to me.

Little Acorn

.Lies have no legs
.Show me your friend's and I'll tell ya who you are
.I'm gonna get that telly cut out if ye don't stop fighting over the stations!
.Get off the phone!! [house phone- "I'm getting that cut out too!"]
.If you're not home in half an hour, I'm coming to get you myself/ringing the guards![I think she honestly believed that guards would arrest me for not listening to her.:pac:]

What did I learn?
.Honesty, .how to keep good company, .sharing, .financial prudence, and how to evade being brought home by the guards I suppose!:)

Fratton Fred

Irish mammy in laws are great. Despite the fact I am putting on about a stone every year, mine is convinced I am wasting away and need to be fed as much food as is humanly possible.

When I first started staying there, I thought toast was actually Irish for something completely different, because that is what I would ask for but I would get two sausages, pudding, eggs and Bacon.

Ruu_Old

dominiquecruz wrote: »

:mad: I was born in a barn, actually.

The door was left open in my barn! :mad:

hatrickpatrick

My mum taught me about CONCEALING MISTAKES:

"If I find out that YOU made this mess, there'll be war"
Right so, I won't be admitting to that then...

LambsEye

I can't believe no one's mentioned this:

Me: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam can I not just stay up til 10 pleeeeease? Beetlejuice is on.

Mam: I'll Beetlejuice you now in a minute if you don't get up to bed.

Me: Mam that doesn't even make any sense.


Or is that just our family?

Ruu_Old

But whhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyy?

Thats "the why"

:mad::mad::mad:

Up-n-atom!

Therefore we have black women in white skin saying this sh!t too. I witness plenty of white women saying it, including my own mother!!

My mother said it too - and if she turns out to be black then it's gona a set up a whole store of unresolved issues for me...

take everything

pickarooney wrote: »

The store? The store?

GTFO and bring your mommy and your sweater with you.

LMAO

take everything

flyton5 wrote: »

Awhhhhh no-one replied to your forwarded email so you posted it here. Isn't that nice?

(Just so you know...I'm being sarcastic )

You're mother sounds terrible.
Tech-savvy... but terrible.

UglyBolloxFace

mayoman ngalway wrote: »

hello all, got this as a mail today and can remember my own mother saying at least every one of them to me at some stage growing up

What Irish mother says 'store'? It's a shop...a shop!

squeakyduck

mayoman ngalway wrote: »

22. My mother taught me GENETICS

'You're just like your father.'

I get this EVERY time I go home. Just because I have his temperament and his frown.....oh god :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

HoneyRyder

That when I was 'smotherin' a 'cup of tae will crown ya!'





Hi everyone (:

Truley

LambsEye wrote: »

I can't believe no one's mentioned this:

Me: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam can I not just stay up til 10 pleeeeease? Beetlejuice is on.

Mam: I'll Beetlejuice you now in a minute if you don't get up to bed.

Me: Mam that doesn't even make any sense.


Or is that just our family?

Nope that was a favourite of my parents too! "I'll plate you," "I'll teaspoon you," "I'll lego you" etc etc

LambsEye

HoneyRyder wrote: »

That when I was 'smotherin' a 'cup of tae will crown ya!'





Hi everyone (:

WELCOME!

Also, my mammy thinks sudocream will cure everything.

"Throw a drop of sudocream on it and it'll be grand in the morning."

OR, my mam LOVED to say to us when we were young, and we'd run inside bawling because we fell or something:

"Is there blood?"............"No..." "Then get back outside."

easyeason3

Me at a neighbours house 'Your house smells lovely'
Neighbour 'Oh thanks, I have dinner in the oven, that must be it'.
Me 'We never have a smell like that at home, it's always bacon & cabbage, smelly'.
Neighbour laughs, mother throws daggers & says out of the side of her mouth 'When I get you home I'll reddin your arse'.



*runs to corner & cries*

stovelid

/cry

"I'll give you something to cry for in a minute"

Ruu_Old

LambsEye wrote: »

WELCOME!

Also, my mammy thinks sudocream will cure everything.

"Throw a drop of sudocream on it and it'll be grand in the morning."

OR, my mam LOVED to say to us when we were young, and we'd run inside bawling because we fell or something:

"Is there blood?"............"No..." "Then get back outside."

7-up (fizz removed) was the elixir of life.

punchdrunk

ya dirtylookinupallnighter

If cop-on was feathers,you wouldn't have enough for a waistcoat for a Budgie
(why the fúck would a budgie need a waistcoat???)

if you get knocked down,I'll murder you

your *insert dead relatives name* is up in Holy God's house

get up them stairs

sarah88

Where's that wooden spoon! WHERE IS IT! *legs it up the stairs

mconigol

Somebody has been using stumbleupon I see....

LambsEye

sarah88 wrote: »

Where's that wooden spoon! WHERE IS IT! *legs it up the stairs

My ma used to rattle the drawers, and we were pretty poor back then, so we didn't have a wooden spoon, a silver spatula would do. We still lived in fear of mam getting the "wooden spoon."

Aoifey!

jackiebaron wrote: »

'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

Only black women in movies say this sh!t.

My Mammy said it

mayoman ngalway

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

What Irish mother says 'store'? It's a shop...a shop!

my mother is an Irish mother but grow up in the states, got married and moved to Ireland in the early 70's.