Homesick-what to do

common sense brigade

Ok Here goes!
Basically my husband and I moved to the country 4 years ago. 4 hours drive from home. We are now in 30 and 31.
It was only meant to be for 1 year to try a new way of life and do it before we had children etc. We always intended to move home eventually as our parents are getting on etc. So the recession hits and low and behold there is no work back home or anywhere it looks like.
We now have a 1 year old child and our hearts break everytime we go home and have to leave. As all her family and cousins etc are there.
We both have jobs here in the country so we are lucky. We have a good childminder but as we have no family here we rarely get to go out. We both really want to move home. We feel our lives are just going from day to day here and we hate it.
For the past year we have applied for jobs daily. My husband has had 3 unsuccessful interviews back home. I have had 1. I checked my email sentbox yesterday and we have applied for 963 jobs in total since jan 2010.
I cant help thinking the fact we are employed might go against us. Or the fact im 30 and might be deemed to be at child bearing age by employers. I dont know maybe im just paranoid.
We own a house back home (Lucky i know) and we have it rented out which covers our mortgage.
We would never move until one of us secures a job if not both of us.
my question is. what would other people do in this situation if you were desperatley unhappy and homesick.
The chances of myself getting as good a job as I have here are very slim.
Would most people just stick it out and stay in the different county as our jobs here will financially give our baby a better life.
we go home every 2 months or so. But i find it draining doing this. its hard with a 1 year old and i hate staying with relatives. Christmas was a nightmare for me. I dont enjoy when i go home and living out of suitcases and being on top of people. I keep dreaming about my house back home and longing to live there. The longer im in the country the more and more depressed im feeling. and my husband feels the same.
I know my problems sound trivial in relation to our countries problems. sorry

Ickle Magoo

We're in much the same scenario - we just keep plugging away at applications and have to try to keep the faith that eventually it will pay off. It's soul destroying to keep getting rejection letters or no response at all but on the plus side, like you, we both have jobs and we have a house.

Look on the positives, you are employable, you are qualified, you know it's only a temporary glitch in getting back to where you want to live - hold onto that thought whenever you start getting down.

All the best.

common sense brigade

We're in much the same scenario

Good to know we arnt alone out there! Good luck to you too

LittleBook

common sense brigade wrote: »

my question is. what would other people do in this situation if you were desperatley unhappy and homesick.
... we go home every 2 months or so. But i find it draining doing this. its hard with a 1 year old and i hate staying with relatives. Christmas was a nightmare for me. I dont enjoy when i go home and living out of suitcases and being on top of people.

I think this is the crux of your problem to be honest. Keep plugging away at the job applications, you'll get there eventually I've no doubt.

But in the meantime, you have to find a way to improve the frequency and quality of your visits home. On the one hand you "dont enjoy when i go home and living out of suitcases and being on top of people", but on the other your "hearts break everytime we go home and have to leave".

Those two statements are so many miles apart, there must be a way to find a happier medium.

It's not easy with a 1-year-old ... but it'll get easier. For several years I lived in a different country and travelled home regularly with my daughter. Sometimes it was a nightmare, dealing with airports and luggage and the like with a 5-year-old trailing behind me. But being with my family made it all worthwhile.

Without knowing the details of where and with whom you stay, it's impossible for me to know where there's room for improvement. One thing I will say from experience is that sometimes what feels like an imposition (on your friends/family) to you, is nothing of the sort to the person you're worrying about.

I'm sure you'll find a way!

common sense brigade

Those two statements are so many miles apart

You right they are. I think the main problem is we stay with his family (It is not possible to stay with mine). But even then i like to relax in my own space. I just hate staying in other people houses its a pet hate of mine. I know i need to come to terms with it. I suppose I just want to be back home in my own house. see family when i want and shut the door at other times.!

ztoical

When you say down the country do you mean somewhere outside of Dublin in Ireland or a different country? I'm really confused if it's just down the country as Ireland really isn't that big. My mums family are all Dublin city based and we grew up on the other side of the country [actually on an island off the west coast] and never had any issues getting to see them very regularly and now it's even easier with the improved motorways all around the country.

common sense brigade

Home is in Dublin and we live in the West of Ireland now. I guess we just dont want to live here. we want to live back home. sorry if post confusing. I think the previous people who answered my post had a better grasp on what i was asking, but thanx for your input

ztoical

common sense brigade wrote: »

Home is in Dublin and we live in the West of Ireland now. I guess we just dont want to live here. we want to live back home. sorry if post confusing. I think the previous people who answered my post had a better grasp on what i was asking, but thanx for your input

I guess I must just not grasp it as I grew up in the west of Ireland and lived in Dublin for a number of years and went home pretty much every weekend at one point and found it no distance to travel, my flatmate did the same with a new born baby in tow using only public transport. My dad actually commuted from the west to Dublin every day for work at one point for a few years. Distance down the country doesn't mean the same as it does to people from Dublin and sometimes that can be hard thing for people to understand and adapt to.

It sounds like you depend on your family for the majority of your social life, have you tired getting out in the area you now live? I know my mother found it hard at first when she left Dublin and had no family around but she got involved locally and developed really close bounds with people not long after.

Are you limiting your work search to just Dublin? Looking at somewhere like Carlow will put you only 40 mins away from Dublin on the new motorway.

common sense brigade

It sounds like you depend on your family for the majority of your social life,

incorrect i have career and friends here thats not the issue. as i said you havent got a grasp on what i asked.
my parents are elderly and i own a house in dublin. ideally i want to look after them in their old age and i want my daughter to have family around her. these are normal wants in life. again thanx for ur input

kerryman12

Hi CSB

I feel like I can really relate to you, but in reverse!

We live just outside Cork city, have done for about five years. Bought a house in 06 - an expensive time around here.

My lifes dream has been to move home to the farm where I grew up. I know this is a impractial dream in 2011, but I have never felt the same happyiness/contentment anywhere else. Like you my OH also wants to move there with me. We have agreed that this is where we want to spend the rest of out lives. We have no family here in Cork, which makes doing stuff difficult.

You dont mention if ye bought a house when ye moved down the country?
That could be a big factor in your decision. We are in a negative equity situation here and that limits what we can do. Now thankfully we are fine financially but it really limits our options.

We have been thinking about moving home for years and years - I have been over thinking it. One of the big thing has always been the timing, how do we move, get two jobs and move home at the same time - of course we cant. So that means one of us (me) will have to commute (1.5/2hrs) each way every day for a couple of years. The other main thing is of course the costs involved.

At the xmass party I was having a big chat with the bosses wife about this subject, and she said to me - just do it, life is for living you have to grasp your dreams and the rest of it will fall into place. Of course that is easy to say, but it has really stuck in my mind.

My heart tell's me to do it, my head keeps putting the breaks on. I have a wife and a baby to consider so they will always come first and foremost.

Whats the answer I dont know! You seem to have stronger negative feeling about being where you are than I have. My life is moving on and I am not where I want to be, neither is my wife - and you guys are in the same boat.

To be honest I think if we could just make that decision we would be happier and could start working towards it.

All I can suggest to you is to be flexiable as regards jobs and keep the faith, you will make it home.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, trust me you are not the only one. We are in the same boat. We have two kids and every single day both of us are missing home. I am working here, wife does nt. Going back and finding a job isnt a problem for me, I might not get as much as I do here. Still couldnt figure out what is stopping me to go home. But there will be a day when we will go for sure. This country is very boring for us...god bless you !!

anotherone.