guys look right past me!

LegacyUser

I cannot get guys attention on nights out!
Im very plain I'll admit but I've tried all the usual...I dont just go out looking for lads I head out with my friends and have a brilliant night...its just that I never get approached.
I even tried to be proactive the other night and tried talking to a lad that was there with a huge group of us but his eyes literally just slid past me and he started calling one of my friends who is gorgeous looking

I try to do all the normal things like smile a lot etc. to make myself approachable...I think it may be that I look a bit prim? I mean I dont dress like a prude but I go for classy sexy if you know what I mean...plus I wouldnt have the best figure and I dont wanna be one of those girls that looks awful trying to dress like a skinny person when there not.
I just feel like im invisable because Im not great looking

Whenever lads do talk to me its always to get near one of my friends...I can understand it like because some of my friends are amazing looking...ahh I just needed to vent a little..anyone any tips?!

RedXIV

Can I just say, first off, from countless guys everywhere, THANK YOU for taking it into your own hands and approaching a guy. I realise it didn't go the way you hoped but I can promise you there are LEGIONS of men out there who are hoping a girl will approach them.

Ok lets move on. And Lets be honest here because without honesty, we're not helping. You said yourself you can look "prim". I'm wondering how exactly to interpret this. Men are visual creatures, we are attracted by what we see. This in itself is common knowledge. So lets examine this process. There are a few things that will help you here and the basics are simple enough.

For starters, smile alot. And I mean all the time. No one is going to approach someone who looks miserable. If you look like the life and soul of the party, everyone will want to join your party.

Make up. girls have an advantage here, I've seen a girl I know transform herself in so many ways with make up that its like looking at different people. However, be assured less is more. If your make up can show how well you look AS WELL AS how well you look without make up, thats far better than vivid green lipstick with enough rouge to be bulletproof

Don't be afraid to show your interest. Guys are stupid. Seriously, we need to beaten over the head with signs of affection to catch on that someone is interested. I know being forward hasn't served you well in the past but I guarantee there are plenty of guys out there that would be blown away by a confident woman approaching them. so use that to your advantage.

There are probably a million and one fashion tips that someone who knows you could pass on but as a mere man, I am not only useless in this regard, I shouldn't even be allowed to mention it

Hope this helps a bit

LegacyUser

If a guy is shallow enough to look straight past you when you make an effort to approach him, you've missed out on nothing. The right guys, the ones who prove to be worth talking to, won't look past you. Physical attraction obviously has it's part to play but it's what happens after that that really matters. That's true both ways. I wish girls would approach me. I don't think we'd owe each other anything but manners, but God it would be great just once.

eddison

Hi OP,


The last poster has some excellent advice, although I don't think guys are stupid.
Let me ask you a question... I assume you have thought about why you wish to have a relationship. I know this sounds an odd question, but many go into relationships for all sort of reasons. Some are boredom, sex, loneliness, financial gain, security, social acceptance, emotional need, to be one of the girls.
Then some go into relationships to love, and be loved, to heal, to commune their souls together, friendship. So it is good to know why you wish for a relationship.
Guys are definitely not stupid, they will quickly pick up on your reason for a relationship. Maybe they will not wish for an intense one, or too needy, or maybe they will not like to be used for social acceptance and so on. So it is good to be clear why you wish for a relationship. If it is to be one of the girls, then a guy may like this, then again, he may think he is being used.
But what is the most important quality one can have, before during, and after a relationship? There is only one answer- self love.
If you are missing this, you will find it difficult to gain a relationship, and if you do, difficult to hold on to one if that is what you wish for. With self love, you will not need a relationship, and so will naturally attract every male within 100 paces!!!
Think about all the girls who find attracting a mate to them.. do they have self love? Think about guys, even famous guys you may be attracted to, do they have self love? This is directly opposed to being in love with oneself, or vain. That is ugly.
Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.

LegacyUser

"Im very plain... I wouldnt have the best figure"

Guys are shallow (so are girls, by the way). He doesn't know that you have a great personality just from looking at you. But he does know whether you fall into his "range of acceptable hotness". If you are moderately attractive, guys will approach you. My prediction is that you aren't actually too bad-looking but that there is some particular flaw which is devastating your chances (facial hair is a killer, by the way). You need to get someone to tell you what it is (and don't count on your friends to tell you truth, they probably enjoy the fact that they get approached more often than someone else in their group). Also consider whether the benefits of take your fitness and figure seriously would outweigh the costs.

Des Carter

RedXIV wrote: »

If you look like the life and soul of the party, everyone will want to join your party.

I just have to say that this is untrue. now at the same time dont look miserable or cold but it is complete nonsense to suggest that all guys go for the wild talkative outgoing girls. Sure some will but definately not all. The most important thing is to be yourself - now this in itself wont necessarily get you male attention but it will be more successful than pretending to be someone your not. Instead try and work on meeting more people and well after that Im not too sure. But if you find an answer let me know.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

scarymoon1

im good looking and guys only seem to use me - they lie straight to my face to get what they want and use you. It does not matter OP if your fat or ugly, a model or skinny, guys just use you and lie. Im sure people will disagree but its the truth. If I were you I wouldnt bother looking for guys - they are not worth it

cantdecide

scarymoon1 wrote: »

im good looking and guys only seem to use me - they lie straight to my face to get what they want and use you. It does not matter OP if your fat or ugly, a model or skinny, guys just use you and lie. Im sure people will disagree but its the truth. If I were you I wouldnt bother looking for guys - they are not worth it

I'm not sure that helps the OP. I think you need to post a thread of your own there...

OP. As above. Be yourself, just an accentuated version of yourself. You must be open and be patient and you must continue taking the initiative. If you carry on doing the right thing, you will have success.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replying guys. In answer to the guy asking about one feature thats putting guys off....I dont have a facial hair problem because I take care of that regularly but I do have an attrocious looking nose so maybe thats it?:(
To the guy asking about why I want a relationship...Im only 18 and I havnt been in a relationship before...I never cared before but I do think its a bit odd that I have so little experience with lads at my age and I dont wanna end up in my 30s with no experience with men!
Im not even desperate for a relationship, Id just like to have the option!Its the fact that I appear to me repulsive in the eyes of men thats a bit hard to take...Im never gonna be a girl that turns heads
Also, I know you say make it obvious that you like a lad, but in my experience, girls that are very open about the fact that they like someone have people assuming that there up for sex, and I dont want to be used just for that?
On the make up thing, how much is too much?I tend to go for foundation and eyeliner, no bring colours or anything like that, maybe a bit of gold eyeshadow..is that too much?

Jenneke87

missinvisable445 wrote: »

Thanks for replying guys. In answer to the guy asking about one feature thats putting guys off....I dont have a facial hair problem because I take care of that regularly but I do have an attrocious looking nose so maybe thats it?:(

Unfortunately, there is little you can do about that, so it's either learning to live with it or, if you're willing to consider it, if it's really such a big issue for you, is plastic surgery. Then again, I believe that if a guy is really into you, not having a perfect nose is not really going to bother him...

missinvisable445 wrote: »

To the guy asking about why I want a relationship...Im only 18 and I havnt been in a relationship before...I never cared before but I do think its a bit odd that I have so little experience with lads at my age and I dont wanna end up in my 30s with no experience with men!
Im not even desperate for a relationship, Id just like to have the option!Its the fact that I appear to me repulsive in the eyes of men thats a bit hard to take...Im never gonna be a girl that turns heads

I know the feeling. Right up till the age of 20 I had total strangers shouting"ugly" at me. Girls would whisper to each other saying:" OMG look at her" and things like that. At age 18 you have by long not settled into a "final" appereance(for a lack of a better expression) and as you enter your twenties, it's bound to get better. I do modeling these days. If anyone had told me I was going to do that when I was 18 I would have laughed straight at them!

missinvisable445 wrote: »

Also, I know you say make it obvious that you like a lad, but in my experience, girls that are very open about the fact that they like someone have people assuming that there up for sex, and I dont want to be used just for that?
On the make up thing, how much is too much?I tend to go for foundation and eyeliner, no bring colours or anything like that, maybe a bit of gold eyeshadow..is that too much?

Doesn't sound to me like you're using too much make up. Perhaps you could even add things such as lipstick or rouge/blusher to accentuate your best features?

Nolanger

missinvisable445 wrote: »

anyone any tips?!

Stop going out at night with the pretty friends.

Alessandra

Nolanger wrote: »

Stop going out at night with the pretty friends.

+1

Harsh but probably true.

OP I tend to do that. I wouldn't be bad looking but get swamped by glamorous , bubbly friends some nights. So I mix it up, try not to go to the same places and hang with the same gang every weekend.

Clubs are meat markets, try bars instead. I have learned that men are suckers for eye contact. Just scan the room:D

Obviously don't go out solely to find someone, that will not work.

Drodan

Speaking as a guy, well can tell exactly what a girl's deal is within the first few minutes of talking to them and how they interact. Some are cock teases just looking for some attention and an ego stroke, some are out with the girls having a harmless flirt, some are out clearly to "get a man" and have such an air of desperation it's truly off putting, there are many examples I'm sure people could develop on. When I see a group of girls, 3 or 4, huddled together within a certain proximity to myself and my mates (all lads for example) whispering, attempting to "look sex and inviting" it stenches of desperation and is a major turn off.

When I used to go out I didn't see girls, I saw "targets" almost, evaluated everything about a girl to see if I'd like to get involved with them, which was the biggest mistake ever. You can't go out intentionally trying to find a boyfriend or whatever as it will be so obvious. Just live in the moment when your out and enjoy the beautiful randomness that can happen on a nights drinking.

From personal experience, when you stop looking, to tend to see more, and things just happen.

Also for the love of god stay away from the traditional places like coppers if you do go out hoping to meet a guy, because EVERY guy there practically just wants to score that night and forget about it, they are not the type of guy you want.

extra-ordinary_

missinvisable445 wrote: »

...I do have an attrocious looking nose so maybe thats it?:(...

When I like someone, it's often their imperfections and vulnerabilities that I love most.

James400

missinvisable445 wrote: »

Thanks for replying guys. In answer to the guy asking about one feature thats putting guys off....I dont have a facial hair problem because I take care of that regularly but I do have an attrocious looking nose so maybe thats it?:(
To the guy asking about why I want a relationship...Im only 18 and I havnt been in a relationship before...I never cared before but I do think its a bit odd that I have so little experience with lads at my age and I dont wanna end up in my 30s with no experience with men!

First off, stop putting yourself down. If you keep thinking about what you consider to be your flaws, then this is going to constantly hinder you.

Believe me nobody is perfect, some people are insecure about how they look but generally they get on with life.

Also, you are 18..you are a young woman with your whole life ahead of you.

Also your point about a lack of experience with lads, you're better off not getting involved with for instance the wrong type of guys for a start.

MsHolloway

I hate to say this, since its a generalisation, but guys around your age (18) tend to be pretty shallow. Their friends, and their friends opinions are very important - so they like to show off i.e I can score the hot girl etc*

I was very much like you when I was your age, never really looked at by guys. Guys always liked my friends and not me. Didn't go on a date/have a bf til I was 19. My biggest issue was my teeth, they were really crooked, this and among other things made me feel really bad about myself, and it showed too. And once I got my teeth straightened it was the turning point for me, I started feeling really good about myself. Sure there are other things that I could improve, such as losing weight (quite a curvy gal) but I'm pretty happy with myself. I can accept myself, that i have flaws but I also have many other attributes, and I actually learned to like myself (whereas when I was 18, i really didn't like myself as a person at all, my self confidence was in the gutter. completely) As I've gotten into my twenties, I found myself having an pretty active lovelife, and I think its all down to the confidence I now feel in myself.

And you'll get there too. What I'm saying is you need to find the confidence in yourself, its there - no doubt about it. Do things for you, whether it be an outfit, make-up, new hairstyle thats makes you feel "Wow I actually look pretty damn good" Once you start feeling good about yourself, it'll show.


And also my other point is as guys mature they do become much less shallow. They want someone who is a partner, not just on how they look but on their personality too*

*Again, an generalisation, but one I have experienced to be true.

kerash

Nolanger wrote: »

Stop going out at night with the pretty friends.

Worst Advice ever!

Everyones idea of pretty/attractiveness is different and the person who finds you attractive and who may eventually fall head over heals for you probably will love you not for your looks but for all the unique quirks you have.
Please don't worry about your nose or anything else you think is off putting, make the most of who you are and what you have and fcuk anyone who doesn't like it!