Intimidated in work :/

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I'm just looking for opinions/advice on a rather large problem I have at work with a particular person.

My other half (we work in the same building) and a co-worker (X) had a falling out some time ago and haven't spoken since. As a result of this, we've been victims of some intimidating behaviour from X since, but none of which has been confrontational. At this point, I'd like to point out that myself and the other half have remained totally professional and haven't brought personal issues to work. We just do our job and get on with it.

However, X has been spreading rumours and talking about us behind our backs. As well as this if either of us is in close proximity to X (at lunch or whatever), X starts to say things to others which are obviously in reference to us, but never being too specific so as to identify us. (eg "Don't you just hate when someone......")

If we ever have to work as a team, X would criticise every little thing that we'd do - whether right or wrong. For example if one of us did something, X would all-but-demand that it be re-done by someone else to make sure it was done right

We've spoken to our manager about it, but she said that as X had never specifically said or did anything to us, that nothing could be done about it. She said X is very clever about it all - knowing where the line is, and not crossing it.

I apologise if I'm being vague, but it's a very difficult situation to describe. Those who've been in similar situations I'd hope would understand. It's very demoralising and it has even made me consider handing in my resignation. Getting up for work in the mornings is very difficult, not knowing what's going to be said next.

So has anyone experience similar? Any advice for us?

Thanks in advance

Freddie59

Intimidated wrote: »

Hi there,

I'm just looking for opinions/advice on a rather large problem I have at work with a particular person.

My other half (we work in the same building) and a co-worker (X) had a falling out some time ago and haven't spoken since. As a result of this, we've been victims of some intimidating behaviour from X since, but none of which has been confrontational. At this point, I'd like to point out that myself and the other half have remained totally professional and haven't brought personal issues to work. We just do our job and get on with it.

However, X has been spreading rumours and talking about us behind our backs. As well as this if either of us is in close proximity to X (at lunch or whatever), X starts to say things to others which are obviously in reference to us, but never being too specific so as to identify us. (eg "Don't you just hate when someone......")

If we ever have to work as a team, X would criticise every little thing that we'd do - whether right or wrong. For example if one of us did something, X would all-but-demand that it be re-done by someone else to make sure it was done right

We've spoken to our manager about it, but she said that as X had never specifically said or did anything to us, that nothing could be done about it. She said X is very clever about it all - knowing where the line is, and not crossing it.

I apologise if I'm being vague, but it's a very difficult situation to describe. Those who've been in similar situations I'd hope would understand. It's very demoralising and it has even made me consider handing in my resignation. Getting up for work in the mornings is very difficult, not knowing what's going to be said next.

So has anyone experience similar? Any advice for us?

Thanks in advance

It would appear that your manager is aware that there IS an issue, but recognises how cute the perpetrator is. It's a hard one to call. You should really lodge a complaint with HR (if you have one). Lodge it privately - in writing - with the proviso that you are extremely worried as to how this situation will develop.

At least then you have a paper trail. One letter (or e-mail) is worth a thousand phone calls or conversations. But that other person is really sad IMHO. I know it's hard - and a cliche - but the more you ignore him/her the madder it will make him/her. And more liable to slip up.

LegacyUser

sounds like an unpleasant situation.

something like this happened to me before.

except, I did hand in my resignation.

Having said that, there was another reason for my resignation as well, but, in sense, both were related.

And it didn't do my ego any favors to have to sort of bow out like that - it even felt like I was being pushed out, which is a most unpleasant feeling - but as it turned out, for me at least, it was actually something that happened for the best.

I found another job that I was much more suited to, at a lower level, and a lower pay scale, but I'm much happier as a result.

I'm not saying this is the case for you, but perhaps if you examine the bigger picture - and even though no situation ever justifies someone being snide or malicious toward their colleagues - are there any potential reasons why you might feel you are vulnerable, in some regard, within that environment?

Perhaps examining that, you can rectify, to some degree at least, your current dilemma.

I'd be interested to hear your entire situation and how you fair out - simply to see how my previous situation compared to it.

funkey_monkey

Okay, I agree that you need to make a complaint. However, you need to start making a log of all the incidents so that you can back yourself up here. It is no good to lodge a complaint without a date history of the incidents.

Also, a lot of this must be done in front of other office members. Will any of them vouch for what is going on?

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies so far

@Freddie Yes, X is very cute about it. We have tried ignoring it, but it doesn't always work as well as one might think. This person is one who needs to be the centre of attention all the time so pretty much makes themselves heard.

@Eli Filho Sorry to hear you resigned due to your incident, but it sounds like it worked out for the better for your peace of mind. But I would hate to go the same route, as I feel resigning would be just giving up and letting X win, which I really don't want. After all, there's no reason for animosity and intimidation towards me - I never did or said anything to/about X.

@funkey_monkey That's a good tip which I hadn't thought of. Maybe I'll start to log everything now. Everyone in the office knows about it and knows what's going on, but I very much doubt they would vouch for us. They just sort of sit back and watch. They tend to laugh it off and say "ah, just ignore it" which is a lot more difficult than they might think.

RedXIV

Not sure how this might pan out for you OP but reminded me of a friend I had who was doing work exp. in college. She said she was getting a hard time off the person in charge so what she took to bringing in a Dictaphone, you know one of those personal recordings and was using it for her college work as well as "retaining the constructive criticisms for future reference". I thought it was an excellent move and kept everything 100% and ship shape.

You could say its a personal project and keep it out in the open all the time and make jokes about it with other collegues or you could keep it in your pocket as evidence for HR

LegacyUser

Intimidated wrote: »

If we ever have to work as a team, X would criticise every little thing that we'd do - whether right or wrong. For example if one of us did something, X would all-but-demand that it be re-done by someone else to make sure it was done right

Could you at least challenge X on this issue? Are you concerned that X's criticism of your work might be turned against you professionally? Can you speak to a supervisor about this specifically?