Unrealistic Expectations of Women from Porn

veryangryman

I saw a comedian the other night who (while joking) still raised an important point. *

He was saying how he wondered how to teach his son about the birds and the bees and how he had been considering showing him porn. However, he decided against it because "To be honest son, they're not usually that enthusiastic".

Anyway, i wonder do we men have the same kind of unrealistic expectations as women have? Compare it where the girl sees chick flicks and expects to have guys looking and acting certain ways. The temptation to compare ones own surroundings to a movie, or deciding "which character" they are in it is all too strong.

I always thought that my mission in life was to have a threesome. But then i thought - nah - you need a (non-crazy) one who doesnt see this filthy collection as disgusting, rather, a challenge.

Anyway, my question to the rest in here....are we asking to much?** :pac:



* Yes i am aware of the irony of using a sexual pun there so dont even bother pointing that out!
** Yes i am also aware that i seem like the one in Sex and City with that last line. Point that out if you must

stimpson

veryangryman wrote: »

However, he decided against it because "To be honest son, they're not usually that enthusiastic".

He's doing it wrong.

tigger123

dying to see where this thread goes ... !:D

Ghost Estate

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving head.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. Giving head will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy f***s.
11. People in the 70's couldn't f*** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those t*** are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect p**** and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c**.
15. If there is two of them they always "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of s*** out of you if you shove your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's c****.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c*** there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during getting head, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Pure Sound

I think most people generally know that porn is not really realistic, although if you are that concerned about it you could always marry a pornstar

tigger123

oh, and this too ...

http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web02/2010/6/7/12/what-porn-disney-have-in-common-30437-1275927075-27.jpg

cml387

..an unrealistic expectation of photocopier salesmen.

Adamantium

stimpson wrote: »

He's doing it wrong.

............Thats what she said!

cml387

and none of us will admit to knowing anything at all about this subject at all at all at all.

Latchy

tigger123 wrote: »

dying to see where this thread goes ... !:D

The recycle bin thread

Red Hand

We Need Community wrote: »

I think most people generally know that porn is not really realistic, although if you are that concerned about it you could always marry a pornstar

I married a Rolls Royce.

Micky Dolenz

Heh, you watch Sex and the City, no wonder you're confused :P

veryangryman

cml387 wrote: »

and none of us will admit to knowing anything at all about this subject at all at all at all.

What subject?

:cool:

I use these glasses to conceal my identity

clouds

It probably is misleading for teens who have seen loads of porn but never had any experiences themselves.

Mike 1972

Ghost Estate wrote: »

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c**..

Usually in German

Dudess

Ghost Estate wrote: »

Giving head will always get a woman off a speeding ticket

That's... unrealistic...?

SEPT 23 1989

Amateur porn is way better:D

veryangryman

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Amateur porn is way better:D

Not in my experience

The guys arse always gets in the way :eek:

tigger123

veryangryman wrote: »

Not in my experience

The guys arse always gets in the way :eek:

"Hairy bobbin' man ass!" ... to quote the late great Bill Hicks

Red Hand

Dudess wrote: »

That's... unrealistic...?

You are correct.

Women never speed.:cool:

dark crystal

How about unrelistic expectations of men from porn?

I won't be satisfied until I meet a perma-tanned, six-packed, hair-free, oily adonis, packing a 10 incher who can go for hours at a time.....

Ulysses Gaze

Ghost Estate wrote: »

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving head.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. Giving head will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy f***s.
11. People in the 70's couldn't f*** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those t*** are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect p**** and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c**.
15. If there is two of them they always "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of s*** out of you if you shove your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's c****.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c*** there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during getting head, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

A Woman will get into the back of a van with three strange men for a 'student interview' and within five minutes of doing this will be having sex with one of them.

Every female teacher in school is not only incredibly hot, but also demands their males students have sex with them in return for giving the student an A

Poor Craythur

dark crystal wrote: »

How about unrelistic expectations of men from porn?

I won't be satisfied until I meet a perma-tanned, six-packed, hair-free, oily adonis, packing a 10 incher who can go for hours at a time.....

Porn men are yock.

easyeason3

Apparently it's hygenic for a man to take his cock out of a womans ass & stick it in her mouth.
All the better if there's two girls involved so he can dip in & out of each of them at regular intervals.

J K

I am here to fix the television.

I am an Expert.

PeterIanStaker

Ghost Estate wrote: »

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving head.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. Giving head will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy f***s.
11. People in the 70's couldn't f*** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those t*** are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect p**** and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c**.
15. If there is two of them they always "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of s*** out of you if you shove your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's c****.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c*** there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during getting head, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Pubic hair doesn't exist
Men are expected to keep their white trainers on during sex

Deus Ex Machina

The world of pornography seems to indicate that some women assent to male sexual desire on occasions, and therefore I have taken this on as a working hypothesis.

Red Hand

Or when the woman is darning a pair of curtains so that they fit the new windows and the guy walks in and suggest going for a game of tennis but instead they play scrabble...alright, very well, I'm getting this wrong, aren't I?

PeterIanStaker

J K wrote: »

I am here to fix the television.

I am an Expert.

you can guess what happens next

-he fixes the cable?-

Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Son Of A Vidic

Das is good thread.

jimthemental

easyeason3 wrote: »

All the better if there's two girls involved so he can dip in & out of each of them at regular intervals.

Variety is the spice of life!:)

Hogzy

Ghost Estate wrote: »

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving head.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. Giving head will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy f***s.
11. People in the 70's couldn't f*** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those t*** are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect p**** and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c**.
15. If there is two of them they always "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of s*** out of you if you shove your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's c****.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c*** there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during getting head, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

This just HAS to be tomorrows post of the day!!!!!

Wibbs

PeterIanStaker wrote: »

Pubic hair doesn't exist
Men are expected to keep their white trainers on during sex

And their watches for some reason?

I will say though that in Ghost Estate's list, number 6 is absolutely true.

Red Hand

Wibbs wrote: »

And their watches for some reason?

Wibbs
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:pac:

tigger123

PeterIanStaker wrote: »

you can guess what happens next

-he fixes the cable?-

Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Logjammin'! ... never EVER gets old!

billymitchell

Ghost Estate wrote: »

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving head.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. Giving head will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy f***s.
11. People in the 70's couldn't f*** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those t*** are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect p**** and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c**.
15. If there is two of them they always "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of s*** out of you if you shove your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's c****.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c*** there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during getting head, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

http://sharon02745.tripod.com/sharonsadultjokesonwebnow/id9.html

gargleblaster

veryangryman wrote: »

Anyway, i wonder do we men have the same kind of unrealistic expectations as women have? Compare it where the girl sees chick flicks and expects to have guys looking and acting certain ways. The temptation to compare ones own surroundings to a movie, or deciding "which character" they are in it is all too strong.

that comparison made me think of this image

http://www.shoutpix.com/graphics/the-awful-truth.jpg

dark crystal

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Porn men are yock.

True in many cases, but that's because porn is made primarily for men - how else can you explain Ron Jeremy's success in the industry?

If porn was made for women, that guy wouldn't have made it past the studio door.

Bykobap

veryangryman, Athlone, Bishop, birds and bees, porn, expectacions, flicks, threesome, nah, filthy, sex and the city...
this is too much mind hassle.

AnnyHallsal

dark crystal wrote: »

True in many cases, but that's because porn is made primarily for men - how else can you explain Ron Jeremy's success in the industry?

If porn was made for women, that guy wouldn't have made it past the studio door.

There is specially made women's porn these days. Stuff like women bu**ering their partners with dildos. Empowering. Apparently.

jimthemental

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

There is specially made women's porn these days. Stuff like women bu**ering their partners with dildos. Empowering. Apparently.

Jesus that's very demeaning to men, ye should stop with making us lift the toilet seat before going for a piss.

AnnyHallsal

jimthemental wrote: »

Jesus that's very demeaning to men, ye should stop with making us lift the toilet seat before going for a piss.

Heh heh. It's the future.









Not

Dravokivich

easyeason3 wrote: »

Apparently it's hygenic for a man to take his cock out of a womans ass & stick it in her mouth.
All the better if there's two girls involved so he can dip in & out of each of them at regular intervals.

I take it that's what you told yer fiance right?

:pac:

mike65

Ghost Estate wrote: »

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving head.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. Giving head will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy f***s.
11. People in the 70's couldn't f*** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
11 a People in the 90's couldn't f*** unless there was a sax solo in the background.
12. Those t*** are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect p**** and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c**.
15. If there is two of them they always "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of s*** out of you if you shove your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's c****.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c*** there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during getting head, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Ulysses Gaze

dark crystal wrote: »

True in many cases, but that's because porn is made primarily for men - how else can you explain Ron Jeremy's success in the industry?

If porn was made for women, that guy wouldn't have made it past the studio door.

He made it because he had a big c**k, could pop-shot on cue, apparently has a very talented tongue and was a LOT slimmer when he was younger.

He's a fat mess now though.

Ev84

Ghost Estate wrote: »

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving head.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. Giving head will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy f***s.
11. People in the 70's couldn't f*** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those t*** are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect p**** and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c**.
15. If there is two of them they always "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of s*** out of you if you shove your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's c****.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c*** there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during getting head, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

31. Plumbers, electricians etc. when called, never finish the job they originally came to do.

Nice list

dark crystal

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

There is specially made women's porn these days. Stuff like women bu**ering their partners with dildos. Empowering. Apparently.

But how about 'woman' porn where they have a guy performing deep cunnilingus on a group of baying women, who then take turns to shove a ten inch dildo up his jacksy, before all cumming in his mouth?

Now that I would find empowering!*


*Not with Ron Jeremy, though.

AnnyHallsal

dark crystal wrote: »

But how about 'woman' porn where they have a guy performing deep cunnilingus on a group of baying women, who then take turns to shove a ten inch dildo up his jacksy, before all cumming in his mouth?

Now that I would find empowering!*


*Not with Ron Jeremy, though.

If you have a camera, you can do it

In all seriousness though, I believe that's the general idea.

Screaminmidget

After hours is Ruining my innocence

dark crystal

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

If you have a camera, you can do it

Hmmm... now there's an idea!

I might pop onto Dragon's Den and see can I get any backing for it - it's a guaranteed money spinner

AnnyHallsal

dark crystal wrote: »

Hmmm... now there's an idea!

I might pop onto Dragon's Den and see can I get any backing for it - it's a guaranteed money spinner

Not to mention a ratings winner.