Verging on heterophobia!!

maryd83

To anyone who goes to PrHomo on a Thursday, have you noticed a) the severe lack of feminine lebians and b) the incredible mass of straight women. The place is constantly FULL of straight people. Me and my friend were discussing this on the night. Around 2/3 of the women in there are straight. This was uncovered through actually asking and gaydar. Please!! Every day is straight gay! give me a break!

Endymion

You could always hit on them aggressively.

maryd83

I could...

But, if they're straight that might be energy spent in vain methinks. It seems to be fine if you're a guy. Really gorgeous gay guys around. Lucky bastards...

deirdre_dub

maryd83 wrote: »

To anyone who goes to PrHomo on a Thursday, have you noticed ... the incredible mass of straight women.

Straight women (trust me) can get quite sick of being constantly hit on by straight men - sometimes, we just want a good girlie night out. It's nothing to do with anti-lesbianism or with trying to take over your space - it has to do with said straight women trying to find a place to just have a good night out.

Morag

And how do you know they are straight?
Chances are some of them are bi.

maryd83

Oh come on. Men are not that bad. So many men hit on you you seek refuge in a gay bar? Seriously? Anyway, even though I don't like men in that way, being hit on by one is flattering, regardless.

I clearly can't know all of them are gay but I know quite a number are straight as I initially explained to avoid the inevitable "How do you know they're straight?' question. Also, I have eyes. Even though I am feminine and skirt wearing myself, you just know.

Rev Hellfire

maryd83 wrote: »

The place is constantly FULL of straight people.

I must say I'm surprised at this attitude, surely this is a good thing in that it shows that (straight) people are becoming comfortable in gay venues. Surely such things can only improve integration and acceptance all round.

L.Jenkins

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

I must say I'm surprised at this attitude, surely this is a good thing in that it shows that (straight) people are becoming comfortable in gay venues. Surely such things can only improve integration and acceptance all round.

But I'm sure it gets annoying when every second or third person you chat up is actually gay.

Rev Hellfire

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

But I'm sure it gets annoying when every second or third person you chat up is actually gay.

As annoying as the idea that not every girl a straight bloke approaches may be interested in them also.

Endymion

Generally (and the statement is sweeping) straight women in gay venues are there for the gay guys, and can react very negatively to gay women. But it's not really fair to moan about the place being full of hetros, it's up there with moaning about the place being full of fat chicks.

strobe

Endymion wrote: »

You could always hit on them aggressively.

Endymion

Why not?

Morag

maryd83 wrote: »

Oh come on. Men are not that bad. So many men hit on you you seek refuge in a gay bar? Seriously? Anyway, even though I don't like men in that way, being hit on by one is flattering, regardless.

Some are that bad, esp if a girl is young and good looking.
I brought a friend with me to Panti Bar one evening and she could not get over how she was able to relax on a night out with being leered at, leched on and groped. Mind you she did find it hard to get served at the bar which made me a laugh a lot.

maryd83 wrote: »

I clearly can't know all of them are gay but I know quite a number are straight as I initially explained to avoid the inevitable "How do you know they're straight?' question. Also, I have eyes. Even though I am feminine and skirt wearing myself, you just know.

You can't tell just from looking at a person if they are straight/gay/bi.

Endymion

Sharrow wrote: »

Some are that bad, esp if a girl is young and good looking.
I brought a friend with me to Panti Bar one evening and she could not get over how she was able to relax on a night out with being leered at, leched on and groped. Mind you she did find it hard to get served at the bar which made me a laugh a lot.

I was sitting in panti with my partner a few months back when this group of drunken slags came in and sat down basically on top of us. One of them started telling me how she hated that we were gay because we're gorgeous. I remember thinking, yea right, you wouldn't look at me twice in a straight bar.

baby and crumble

I think the part that annoys a lot of lesbians at these events is that surprisingly often, the straight girls that are they get offended if you hit on them. Like how could you think they were lesbians , EWWWWW! You know? It's not a problem that straight girls go, at least not from my point of view. Then again, I'm not on the pull, and usually it's myself and my friends (who are pretty much all straight) going and having some fun somewhere where myself and my girlfriend can feel comfortable holding hands and kissing occasionally.

but I do know this has come up as an issue on Running Amach too, actually. But if my friends want to come on a night out with me, I make sure they know that it's likely they'll be hit on by girls (most of my friends are hot, to be honest!) and they're fine with it. Like someone else said, it's flattering. Perhaps the gay guys don't let their female friends know there'll be gay girls there on the prowl too...

Then again, my girlfriend always gets mistaken for straight as an arrow in a lot of places.

She SO isn't. :cool::D

Morag

Endymion wrote: »

I was sitting in panti with my partner a few months back when this group of drunken slags came in and sat down basically on top of us. One of them started telling me how she hated that we were gay because we're gorgeous. I remember thinking, yea right, you wouldn't look at me twice in a straight bar.

That is disgusting behaviour and not how I or my friends would behave on a night out.

zoegh wrote: »

I think the part that annoys a lot of lesbians at these events is that surprisingly often, the straight girls that are they get offended if you hit on them. Like how could you think they were lesbians , EWWWWW! You know?

Again inconsiderate behaviour when out in a gay or gay friendly venue.

zoegh wrote: »

It's not a problem that straight girls go, at least not from my point of view. Then again, I'm not on the pull, and usually it's myself and my friends (who are pretty much all straight) going and having some fun somewhere where myself and my girlfriend can feel comfortable holding hands and kissing occasionally.

Which is nice that they are supportive of you as a couple and I am sure helps with keeping enough money going to the bar to keep the venue happy to have a gay/gay friendly night.

zoegh wrote: »

but I do know this has come up as an issue on Running Amach too, actually. But if my friends want to come on a night out with me, I make sure they know that it's likely they'll be hit on by girls (most of my friends are hot, to be honest!) and they're fine with it. Like someone else said, it's flattering. Perhaps the gay guys don't let their female friends know there'll be gay girls there on the prowl too...

I could understand a hetro girl being taken aback if it's the first time it happens but there are just some women who frankly lack class. I have heard harsh words on a nigh out when a hetrogirl was rebuffing a lady making a pass and have had a word in her ear about it. That is how the scene and 'community' self polices.

zoegh wrote: »

Then again, my girlfriend always gets mistaken for straight as an arrow in a lot of places.

She SO isn't. :cool::D

That is annoying, I have been told I wasn't welcome at events, usually by someone 15 years younger then me who's hardly been out a wet week.
Just because a person is gay or bi doesn't mean they can't be ignorant or closed minded.

BanzaiBk

Whenever I see advertising for this place I always wonder how it's pronounced

liah

maryd83 wrote: »

Oh come on. Men are not that bad. So many men hit on you you seek refuge in a gay bar? Seriously? Anyway, even though I don't like men in that way, being hit on by one is flattering, regardless.

Have you not been out before? Men are that bad (well, some of them, anyway). I can completely understand why straight girls would go to a gay bar, there's more nights I've been groped or grabbed or sleazed upon than nights I haven't in 'straight' pubs/clubs and I'm nothing special to look at.

Back on topic though, I don't understand why they'd get offended if they got hit on while there.. seems kind of stupid. I mean, what exactly are they expecting to happen? At least a lot of gay girls aren't typically as aggressive about it as a lot of straight males.

Chuchoter

I can understand why straight women would want to come (men are that bad!) however it does kind of piss me off that some straight women seem to view gay venues as totally free of people who might be interested in them and full of their new GBFs. I sort of do feel like every day is straight day, and then the one place you think you could rest assured that the odds are with you that the girl you like is at least the same sexuality turns out to be full of straight girls.

wonderfulname

So does that mean I'm not allowed go out with my straight friends any more because I'm wasting men's valuable mate searching time? And should I ensure that I only go out on couples nights?

You go out to have a good time, you go out to a gay venue to have a good time without worry of homophobia, meeting someone should just be a perk wherever you go.

strobe

Endymion wrote: »

Why not?

Why was I not sure if you were serious?

Because it was a bizarrely creepy response to the OP if so.

Annasopra

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

I must say I'm surprised at this attitude, surely this is a good thing in that it shows that (straight) people are becoming comfortable in gay venues. Surely such things can only improve integration and acceptance all round.

Not when they are obnoxiously Homophobic towards lesbians which can happen sometimes

Rev Hellfire

Johnnymcg wrote: »

Not when they are obnoxiously Homophobic towards lesbians which can happen sometimes

Well you would think that it would go without saying that anyone attending a gay venue would be comfortable with the idea they may be approached and a simple not interested would suffice.

Annasopra

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

Well you would think that it would go without saying that anyone attending a gay venue would be comfortable with the idea they may be approached and a simple not interested would suffice.

You would think but as has been stated above this is not always the case

MJRS

What would the alternative be OP? Not let straight people into gay bars? Most of my friends are straight and male, it didn't even occur to me that I shouldn't ask for them to come with me to a gay bar in case some lads are disappointed they're not gay :-/

Endymion

strobe wrote: »

Why was I not sure if you were serious?

Because it was a bizarrely creepy response to the OP if so.

Ah here, what's the point in going out if you can't have a bit of sport.

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

Well you would think that it would go without saying that anyone attending a gay venue would be comfortable with the idea they may be approached and a simple not interested would suffice.

You would think it, but it's no the case. Male homosexuality is non threatening, Female homosexuality can be even more threatening, for whatever reasons. All that's a side point though, the main motivation I've found behind these objections (Though I think it's bull****) is that straight women narrow the pool of potential partners on a night out.

twinQuins

Has it ever occurred to these women to start their own bar where no one will hit on them?

A part of me wonders if they actually enjoy the attention.

BanzaiBk

Qu♊n♊ne wrote: »

A part of me wonders if they actually enjoy the attention.

Of course they do! Not all of course, but a lot.

28064212

Qu♊n♊ne wrote: »

Has it ever occurred to these women to start their own bar where no one will hit on them?

One where men and gay women aren't allowed? Both policies are illegal

Endymion

28064212 wrote: »

One where men and gay women aren't allowed? Both policies are illegal

You're illegal!!!!!!

They could set up a private members bar. Example, the law society bar, were the requirement is to be a wanker.

LegacyUser

crayolastereo wrote: »

I can understand why straight women would want to come (men are that bad!) however it does kind of piss me off that some straight women seem to view gay venues as totally free of people who might be interested in them and full of their new GBFs. I sort of do feel like every day is straight day, and then the one place you think you could rest assured that the odds are with you that the girl you like is at least the same sexuality turns out to be full of straight girls.

"Every day is like straight day" That is EXACTLY what I said when I was ranting about this to my friends. Is it so wrong to want to meet gay people in a gay bar?

maryd83

MJRS wrote: »

What would the alternative be OP? Not let straight people into gay bars? Most of my friends are straight and male, it didn't even occur to me that I shouldn't ask for them to come with me to a gay bar in case some lads are disappointed they're not gay :-/

Eh sorry, just because there is no practical or realistic alternative does NOT mean it angers me or anyone else any less. It can't be helped, fine. The knowledge of that, (surprisingly) does not make me any more content.

Narrowing the pool is one thing, it's more like draining the water and cementing it in. No pool being my point here. 98% of my friends are straight and I adore them but is it so very wrong to want to leave straight world once in a while? You know, cause I'm not straight. No, I would say.

And by the by, to look attractive is why (sociologically why) people dress up to look their best when they go out. Why do straight girls do it if they don't want attention when the underlying reason is to get attention. It makes no sense. "OK, I'll look great so guys will notice me but the catch is I don't want them to." Genius... If I had dressed up and no-one cared I'd be just a little bit disappointed. Who wouldn't...

maryd83

wonderfulname wrote: »

So does that mean I'm not allowed go out with my straight friends any more because I'm wasting men's valuable mate searching time? And should I ensure that I only go out on couples nights?

You go out to have a good time, you go out to a gay venue to have a good time without worry of homophobia, meeting someone should just be a perk wherever you go.

A gay bar should be and is so much more than a place where you don't have to worry about homophobia. It may sound a little cheesy but it's a place where you feel you belong and you not only can not worry about homophobia but you can actually be proud and celebrate your homosexuality. Everyone has a right to love. It's not a "perk". How will that ever happen if the place is full of people who can never reciprocate that love?

MJRS

maryd83 wrote: »

Eh sorry, just because there is no practical or realistic alternative does NOT mean it angers me or anyone else any less. It can't be helped, fine. The knowledge of that, (surprisingly) does not make me any more content.

Narrowing the pool is one thing, it's more like draining the water and cementing it in. No pool being my point here. 98% of my friends are straight and I adore them but is it so very wrong to want to leave straight world once in a while? You know, cause I'm not straight. No, I would say.

And by the by, to look attractive is why (sociologically why) people dress up to look their best when they go out. Why do straight girls do it if they don't want attention when the underlying reason is to get attention. It makes no sense. "OK, I'll look great so guys will notice me but the catch is I don't want them to." Genius... If I had dressed up and no-one cared I'd be just a little bit disappointed. Who wouldn't...

Y'know, I never get this feeling of wanting to leave the "straight world". I hate this separatist sounding stuff, we're all just people..

The majority of my female friends are in a relationship (hence aren't just looking for attention), and dress up because they want to look good and feel good, pretty narrow-minded to think the only reason women dress up is for attention.

Kanoe

Either do I, in fact in my experience "the straight world" is more accommodating. Looking for love in a gay bar? not a hope, maybe you would have a more enjoyable time if you went there with people you had met through societies or groups and there's probably a better chance of meeting someone who will reciprocate your eh..feelings.

maryd83

MJRS wrote: »

Y'know, I never get this feeling of wanting to leave the "straight world". I hate this separatist sounding stuff, we're all just people..

The majority of my female friends are in a relationship (hence aren't just looking for attention), and dress up because they want to look good and feel good, pretty narrow-minded to think the only reason women dress up is for attention.

Ha, it's funny when you've just had a lecture on mammal mating habits an hour ago and someone tries to exclaim that you're wrong when you have literally JUST been told the reasons animals groom themselves.
Narrow minded isn't the word. More like, informed.

I don't resent this "straight world" per se. I've become....accustomed. I just want to be as open as I'd like to be.

MJRS

maryd83 wrote: »

Ha, it's funny when you've just had a lecture on mammal mating habits an hour ago and someone tries to exclaim that you're wrong when you have literally JUST been told the reasons animals groom themselves.
Narrow minded isn't the word. More like, informed.

I don't resent this "straight world" per se. I've become....accustomed. I just want to be as open as I'd like to be.

Are you serious? There's nothing more to human behaviour than mammal mating habits? All my friends are secretly fishing for new mates when they go out?

I pretty much exclusively go to straight bars and feel free to be as open as I want. Sure if you come on to a girl in an exclusively lesbian bar, she might reject you for a number of reasons, does it really make a difference to your night to have to hear "sorry, not interested" from straight girls a couple of times?

maryd83

MJRS wrote: »

Are you serious? There's nothing more to human behaviour than mammal mating habits? All my friends are secretly fishing for new mates when they go out?

I pretty much exclusively go to straight bars and feel free to be as open as I want. Sure if you come on to a girl in an exclusively lesbian bar, she might reject you for a number of reasons, does it really make a difference to your night to have to hear "sorry, not interested" from straight girls a couple of times?

Am I serious? Terrifically, yes. The fundamentals of human behaviour are ultimately survivabilty and the transfer of an organism's genetic information. (Requires mating) This drives every single organism and it is why the human race is OBSESSED with all things sexual. Yes, without even realising it, people are constantly attracting the best and most appropriate mate.

How would being rejected impact my night? Considerably. I am obviously dissatisfied with a no. It has a huge, cascading effect on a person that centres around confidence and esteem.

MJRS

maryd83 wrote: »

Am I serious? Terrifically, yes. The fundamentals of human behaviour are ultimately survivabilty and the transfer of an organism's genetic information. (Requires mating) This drives every single organism and it is why the human race is OBSESSED with all things sexual. Yes, without even realising it, people are constantly attracting the best and most appropriate mate.

How would being rejected impact my night? Considerably. I am obviously dissatisfied with a no. It has a huge, cascading effect on a person that centres around confidence and esteem.

So there's no more to human personality, compassion, art, civilization, etc? Is my typing this post an attempt to attract a mate?

You sound too sensitive to leave the house to be honest. People are going to reject you at some point, it's inevitable, surely a straight girl rejecting you isn't really a rejection at all since it's not you they're not attracted to, it's your entire gender?

maryd83

MJRS wrote: »

So there's no more to human personality, compassion, art, civilization, etc? Is my typing this post an attempt to attract a mate?
You sound too sensitive to leave the house to be honest. People are going to reject you at some point, it's inevitable, surely a straight girl rejecting you isn't really a rejection at all since it's not you they're not attracted to, it's your entire gender?

Let's not undermine the whole thing with childish points. Common sense
could easily differenciate the difference between a person writing a post and actually grooming themselves to be more sexually attractive. Like, really? Things like art and music only enhance living. They make it more expressive and well, tolerable. An artistic or musical person is always going to be artistic or musical whereas a girl complaining she is being sexually approached when she actually looks atypically (not an insult, girls look better when they're done up usually) more attractive is absurd. Zoologically and evolutionarily absurd.

Wonderfully, I'm writing this outside of the house. That would mean I HAVE left it. I didn't even mean my esteem. Anyone's esteem. Regardless of orientation, nobody wants to be told they are unwanted.

MJRS

maryd83 wrote: »

Let's not undermine the whole thing with childish points. Common sense
could easily differenciate the difference between a person writing a post and actually grooming themselves to be more sexually attractive. Like, really? Things like art and music only enhance living. They make it more expressive and well, tolerable. An artistic or musical person is always going to be artistic or musical whereas a girl complaining she is being sexually approached when she actually looks atypically (not an insult, girls look better when they're done up usually) more attractive is absurd. Zoologically and evolutionarily absurd.

Wonderfully, I'm writing this outside of the house. That would mean I HAVE left it. I didn't even mean my esteem. Anyone's esteem. Regardless of orientation, nobody wants to be told they are unwanted.

Hey, you're the one who said we're constantly trying to attract a mate, I was just pointing out that that's not the case, so maybe you'd accept that it's possible to dress up for a less fundamental reason than sex drive. Maybe a girl just had a **** day and wanted to look good, she still has the right to be annoyed if approached sexually, it's like those scottish rape ads or something, "She was asking for it"..

Ah stop taking it so literally, I was just saying I think you're being overly sensitive! Nobody wants it but it's part and parcel of approaching people in that way, if you're going on the pull you've got to have a thicker skin than letting a rejection affect your self esteem...

maryd83

MJRS wrote: »

Hey, you're the one who said we're constantly trying to attract a mate, I was just pointing out that that's not the case, so maybe you'd accept that it's possible to dress up for a less fundamental reason than sex drive. Maybe a girl just had a **** day and wanted to look good, she still has the right to be annoyed if approached sexually, it's like those scottish rape ads or something, "She was asking for it"..

Ah stop taking it so literally, I was just saying I think you're being overly sensitive! Nobody wants it but it's part and parcel of approaching people in that way, if you're going on the pull you've got to have a thicker skin than letting a rejection affect your self esteem...

Ha yeah sorry. You said "over-sensitive", I basically denied that and went went "What!!!? No I'm not!!" (rocks self in corner) Yep...definitely not over-sensitive. No way... No sir. Not me. (I'm joking about the rocking. It was more like cradling. No, joke.) Thumb sucking...:D

Just on the art and music point though. The greatest songs and most extraordinary paintings have been derived from love and attraction though. Take my favourite song "Layla" by Eric Clapton for example. He wrote that for Patti Boyd to attract her and express his desire. Cynically, (although I would love to believe otherwise) love is just some neurochemicals. That love is just a means to focus energy on one mate. Energy that was used for a song which got the mate which got offspring... Not to turn a beautiful, passionate song in to a bit of science but...

MJRS

maryd83 wrote: »

Ha yeah sorry. You said "over-sensitive", I basically denied that and went went "What!!!? No I'm not!!" (rocks self in corner) Yep...definitely not over-sensitive. No way... No sir. Not me. (I'm joking about the rocking. It was more like cradling. No, joke.) Thumb sucking...:D

Just on the art and music point though. The greatest songs and most extraordinary paintings have been derived from love and attraction though. Take my favourite song "Layla" by Eric Clapton for example. He wrote that for Patti Boyd to attract her and express his desire. Cynically, (although I would love to believe otherwise) love is just some neurochemicals. That love is just a means to focus energy on one mate. Energy that was used for a song which got the mate which got offspring... Not to turn a beautiful, passionate song in to a bit of science but...

Ha, good stuff!

So, basically, you've ruined everything for me forever. Cheers.

maryd83

Hey gimme some credit,

It's REEEEEALLY hard to suck absolutely all the romance out of one of the world's greatest love songs in around 2 minutes.

I think I pulled it off nicely...

BanzaiBk

Hmmm, I enjoy escaping to the gay world every so often tbh. I think it's a tribal thing, like how I go to a certain pub to watch utd matches or a certain pub with my nerdy friends. It's nice being around "your" people.

bodice ripper

I am having a good chuckle at the strident arguments for all human behaviour being bent on passing genes in the LGBT forum.

Kanoe

I attended a seminar the other day entitled "looking for love in all the wrong places", made for interesting discussion all the same.

on a side note, women don't dress up entirely to entice men..at least not directly, in effect they are competing with other women in an effort to assert their position as more "attractive" or "desirable". Being hit on by women doesn't negate either proposition, in fact it tends to reinforce those motives, perhaps moreso than if a man were to validate it for them.

As for chemical romances, love is an effable quality and that's all that matters. It is an expression of our most basic need, it allows us to be who we truly are with another human being. it is not motivated by gender or orientation and thankfully, it's not soley for the sake of reproduction either.

keepkeyyellow

Since I've really no gay friends I always have to go out to gay bars with straight friends and I am always a bit hesitant but yes my female friends have been hit on but they've never been rude in return.

maryd83

bodice ripper wrote: »

I am having a good chuckle at the strident arguments for all human behaviour being bent on passing genes in the LGBT forum.

Tis rather ironic, yes.

wattlendaub

How is Prhomo these days since it moved to the Dragon anyway?