Having trouble accepting my sexuality

LegacyUser

Hey so basically I'm a 16 year old male and for a few months up until today I thought I was bisexual but now I'm starting to think I'm gay and I'm having trouble accepting it. To be honest I don't want to be gay and I don't know what to feel. A year ago I thought girls were attractive and now I don't really. I know its a stupid question but I don't know what to do, how do I accept it and how do I know for sure that I'm gay and not bi?

I know that being gay is only a small part of who you are but subconsciously I'm still 'ashamed' of who I am and I feel weird thinking about having a boyfriend, just doesn't seem right to me. Last night I just broke down and I had a panic attack and I couldn't stop thinking about it, I can't talk to my parents about it or my friends so all I have is the internet.

Thanks

SilverCircle

Hi. Don't panic. There are lots of helpful sources for you to avail of. The most important thing is not to allow it to get you down. The tragedy for so many gay people, young and old in Ireland, is that they can descend into poor mental health all for the want of a little bit of support and reassurance. Talk to your own GP and don't think it is all too "embarrassing". GP's have heard it all before and more!! You are not asking for him/her to decide/condone/cure your sexuality. All you need him/her to do is to talk you through your feelings, to reassure you that your situation is not unique and to guide you towards further support services, if needed. My only bit of advice is not to dwell on it too much at the moment. You are young, your whole life is ahead of you. There is lots more to focus on than just sex/sexual attraction. Enjoy other aspects of your life, sports, music, friends (both boys and girls and platonic). Don't try to label yourself at present. Just see how you feel as you get older and mature as you get more "life" experience. I wish I could help you more, but unfortunately there is a danger in Irish society of me being accused of inappropriate perving on a young lad. That NOT what I am about. I just know what it is like to be where you feel you are now, alone, scared, unsure. If I had gotten support and reassurance then my life would have been different and better. Take care of yourself. Relax and have fun with your life. Leave the sex aside for a bit. HUG.

AndrewJD

As a gay medical student, I agree wholheartedly with SilverCircle's idea of someone to talk to. If you don't fancy something face to face, this thread is stickied on this forum, maybe the Gay Switchboard is what you need to look at (follow ze link). Don't be put off by the title, they're not going to stick a label on you. If you're not up to that either, then boards.ie is where you can hang

I know that for me, I thought I was bi up until the point I realised that was more denial than anything else. Maybe it'll be different for you. You'll know when you know.

I don't think I ever felt ashamed at any point, but there were parts (hell, there still are parts) of homosexuality that I don't like. I can imagine if you're having to come round to the realisation that you're life might not be going down the girlfriend -> marriage -> kids is quite strange, or daunting, or unimaginable, which is probably why the whole boyfriend thing seems a bit unnatural. In the end, things don't have to be that different. If you do end up gay or straight or whatever else, when you fall in love it won't seem strange anymore. Don't worry about it. Things will make sense in the end, you will be fine.

You can vent all of your concerns or questions here, or PM me or anyone else you think would be a good listener. We're all happy to help.

Endymion

Life doesn't come with a user manual and a set of pre defined settings. There's zero way of telling what your sexuality is from an objective point of view. There's no measurements which can be taken, no conclusive tests which can be conducted. As you get older, you'll eventually start to settle into it or not but ether way you cannot force yourself to come to terms with your sexuality before you are ready.

SilverCircle

Well done Andrew. Good sensible reassuring post. I am glad that there are forums such as this to help worried and uncertain gay people. I hope it is all genuine.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the answers lads, I think you're right, its just a bit of a shock to know I'll probably never have a girlfriend or a wife. Its going to take a while to get used it but I think I'll be alright.

And thanks Andrew for the links, if I get depressed or whatever, my school has a school counselor and a few other teachers that I feel slightly more comfortable to talk to than my parents so I might give that a try.