Not enough.

LegacyUser

Ok, this is the story:
Seeing someone the last few months, on the surface all is going well, he's kind, considerate, and is cute. But there's just something niggling at me about the whole thing. I should be thrilled. He was extra sweet for valentine's day - flowers, dinner (that he made).
Background information - recently out of a long term relationship, and feel it's time for me to get settled with someone. I'd really like to be in a happy relationship.

What's wrong with me? If he's the "one" for me should I know it at this stage?
Maybe he's a grower?

Anyone got any advice for me, please?
Thanks.

Emme

If you're not happy with him OP let him go and find somebody who appreciates him.

fungun

hmmm, "kind considerate and cute" isnt exactly a glowing reference a few months in. Sounds like you want a reln more than you want this guy specifically tbh....

Ickle Magoo

I don't think "feeling it's time to get settled with someone" is reason enough to assume he's got to be the guy, neither is wanting to be in a happy relationship. You owe it to him and to yourself to find someone who makes a real difference in your life and you are mad about.

All the best

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
Thanks for the responses.
The word that's been going around in my head the last day or so is "insincere". I feel insincere with all I say and do with him. I really WANT it to work. He's what most women dream of: eager to please (in all the right ways!), has a very good package!, and has so much going for him. BUT it just doesn't click for some reason
How can I make myself change?
Also, the last relationship I was in went on for years longer than it should have because I lied to myself for many years, not admitting that I wasn't in love with him, but continued on for 9 years. So I think since then I over analyze relationships not wanting to make the same mistake.

I'm so confused and upset

LegacyUser

I agree with Ickle Magoo. It sounds like you want a relationship more than you want him. Thats not a good enough reason to get involved with someone.

Walls

You can't make it work; it doesn't matter if you really, really want to be compatable with someone, that won't make it actually happen. You either are, or aren't, and it seems to me that you know you aren't.

Ickle Magoo

Unregistered wrote: »

How can I make myself change?

I don't think you can force yourself to fall in love with someone - why not just wait until someone who ticks all the boxes AND you are madly in love with happens into your life? Why are you desperate to make do?

sporina

hi op, i was in the exact same situation until last week. I was with a guy who was perfect in every sense of the way. He treated me like a queen. I always knew he felt more for me than i did about him. When he told me he loved me i just hugged him - i could not say it because I did not.

I had hoped he would grow on me - but the last few weeks I was starting to be moody - I think it was just to the guilt of knowing I was with him but not feeling the same for him as he did about me.

So I ended it last week - and I actually felt a bit better - i guess I no longer had the guilt of being with him and not feeling in love with him like he did me.

Yes I wish I too was settled with someone but being single and open to meeting someone who I will be mad about as they are me is better than being with someone who I am not - let them be with someone who will be mad about them - and me the same.

I think you need to break up with him - give both of you the chance to be with people ye are both in love with - guilt free too.

lunacyfoundme

I was about to post almost the exact same thing today myself. Ive been seeing a girl for about 5 months and I don't feel like shes the one for me. Shes a very nice girl and we get on pretty well, but the whole relationship is missing that little spark that makes it really work.

We both had been single for a long time before we got together and while I'm OK with going back to that, but I feel like shes really into me and would feel dreadful breaking up with her and leaving her on her own again.

Having said that I agree with the posters here and its what I was thinking myself today. If you know there's no future in the relationship it's probably better to end it and let both of yous look for someone else. When it comes to spending your life with someone you shouldn't settle for anything less than someone you really love.

PS OP If your bf burnt your wok making a stir fry then this is going to be a very amicable break up.