Why does my ex try to upset me?

LegacyUser

I have children with my ex and every chance he gets it rubs it in my face about his "happiness" with his partner. He constantly mentions her, how great she is etc and even brings her to my home and then she smirks and smiles at me or my family members.

I'm not quite over my ex but he treated me horrifically and I wouldnt have him back (or his family) in a million years. He was with this girl also behind my back.

I think he may be looking for a reaction from me but I've no idea what he gets out of deliberately trying to upset and hurt me. I'm also not sure why she gets involved but it is likely he puts her up to it.

Now I know I need to ignore this behaviour but I'm finding it more and more difficult. Why the hell is he doing it?

tenchi-fan

Everyone looks for validation. He probably is happy, and he validating himself by letting you know he is happy. Also, some people validate themselves by comparing themselves to others and obviously he has moved on quicker than you did so he is probably coming across as a bit insufferable.

Just concentrate on your own happiness. Take steps to move on rather than dwelling on the past.

You say he "constantly mentions her".. you have no obligation to get involved in conversations about her. Just cut the convo short by saying "oh , I think you mentioned that already" or change the subject entirely.

LegacyUser

I'm not sure if he is happy or he's trying to make me think he is or what is going on in his mind. There has been also some stalking behaviour from him and looking for any excuse to get over to my house.

Moving on is not so easy when you are the one left with the responsibility of the children. Its so much easier for a man to move on.

I don't acknowledge his behaviour but I do find it very upsetting. I also find it upsetting that the girlfriend would also take part in this and smirk at me. I don't want him back. He cheated on me and cheated our kids out of a family life. Its like she has to show me that she has him and I don't

metrovelvet

Set some boundaries about him coming over to your house. Or insist you do the pick ups and drop offs.

Next time he yammers on say 'thanks for sharing. You wanna take an ad out in the Times?'

He's doing it because he's a dork. Dont let him or his mid life crisis bitch bother you because that is all it is.

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

Set some boundaries about him coming over to your house. Or insist you do the pick ups and drop offs.

Next time he yammers on say 'thanks for sharing. You wanna take an ad out in the Times?'

He's doing it because he's a dork. Dont let him or his mid life crisis bitch bother you because that is all it is.

You know she is in her early forties at a guess which is older than me. I'm very angry at myself for letting it bother me but it does. I also find it very strange that she would get involved. He on the other hand doesnt surprise me because Ive had several years of verbal abuse, childish games etc since we broke up.

I just wish I could get past the point where it bothers me. I'm also slightly concerned that my children are in the middle of all this.

Taltos

OP - this is an easy one. He is doing this for really just one reason - he is a d1ck.

Do what you can to get on with your own life and let this spoilt little boy go taunt some other kids about not being allowed to play with his ball anymore.

Seriously though - do what you can to ignore him. He is looking for a reaction - even a tightening of your mouth - anything. Why not shock him - and get in before him next time - say something like "little mattie said that X was amazing with him last week - here is a small box of roses to say thank you to her from me " - and SMILE - big beaming smile....