Obsessed with this girl!

LegacyUser

I was mostly a quiet person all my life, never had many friends, just about made it into "the group", never been in a relationship, had very few girl-friends ever, ive very little confidence, im bone skinny, very unattractive features, i was very shy ect until i moved school for my final year where i met this girl and we became great friends.

That was about a year and a half ago and I havnt changed much and now were still great friends in a way ive never been friends with anybody else before. We tx every day, chat on facebook whenever we're online, we live together in college, we hang around together everyday and tell each other more or less everything. It brightens my day when i see her.

I was loving my new life and friends up until about 6 months ago when i started falling for her. Now im at the stage where i never like anybody so much and i don’t know what to do about it.

I know for a fact that she doesn’t fancy me. she often tells me of other lads she’s interested in, how she cant wait to get a boyfriend, to get him to cook for her and carry her bags and drive her places ect ect. So i know she’s not interested. She also seems to have this "policy" that she wont hook up with anybody she is friends with. She often askes why i get with so few girls when I’m out and says sometime she cant picture me having a girlfriend (not in a mean way). I overheard her recently telling her friend how im not her "boyfriend type" at all. Were together so often that most people actually presume that were going out.

she is the type of girl who is a little bit simple to be honest, she confides most things in me but i never tell her much of how im feeling because im just a lad and its not my thing really so she doesn’t ask

I think im becoming really obsessed. It’s like having a girl friend who hangs with you 24/7, acts exactly like a girlfriend should except without the loving and she talks about other lads and who she would like to get with all the time. And im finding it really hard. I hate it when she goes out to town with her girlfriends because im paranoid that she will get with somebody that’s not me. I have it when she talks about boys to me or even to anyone else when im around although ive have to give her advice and listen to her. It really kills me inside. Ive never seen her even kiss anyone but it’s only a matter of time i suppose.

These no way i could tell her how i feel because it would just make everything really awkward between us, so try distance yourself right? I tried that to but i just cant... shes friends with all my other friends, i share a house with and shes great fun to hang around with and im really bored when im not with her... what makes it worse is we live together so i get to see her perks every day which is adding to my frustration. Im not a complete loner i have loads of other friends too just none of them are quite like her. I tried to spread out a bit and make new friends and i did but it didn’t change. Even now if i had a girlfriend id imagine i would still spend most of my time with this girl and thinking about her.

So what do i do? Im so unbelievable frustrated at the minute. She’s not the best looking girl in the world now but still, someday she’s going to get a boyfriend and im going to become depressed.
I can just imagine the night she brings him home to the college house and goes off to bed with him while i try to sleep on my own thinking he’s getting what ive always wanted

I know this must sound fairly pathetic to be reading but it’s the whole load of my chest anyway...
Seems like a destructive circle to me.

Zen65

Obsessed&Depressed wrote: »

Seems like a destructive circle to me.

Yes it is.

You have three choices:

1. Wait for her to realise you are the man of her dreams
2. Make a move on her and see how she reacts
3. Find yourself another girl, even just to "practise" having a relationship with somebody

The first option is very high-risk and leaves you lonely for most, if not all of your life.

The second option is also high-risk, but it brings quicker results than the first, even if the result is that she tells you straight up that she's not interested in you that way. You will still have plenty of time to pick yourself up and find somebody else. Things may be awkward between you, but that can pass in time and you can eventually be friends again, if that's what you want.

That third option may seem unappealing to you, but it presents two very distinct advantages:

• You may realise that there are other girls just as nice as this friend
• When this girl sees you in a relationship she may change her mind about you being the "boyfriend type".

It's your choice really. I strongly advise that you choose either the second or third option. You're already taking option #1 and you're already miserable.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Jesus, I had to go unreg for this one. I am pretty much going in the same situation. I advise to tell to come out with it tbh, you'll be taking a massive weight off your shoulders doing so, you won't be thinking it as much or torturing yourself. It was annoying so bad, I couldn't concentrate in college or study at all.

I did the same a couple a weeks ago, yes it did take a lot of courage but, it's worth it in the end, I think my brain will thank me one day. It didn't go too well for me, she wasn't interested. Although I do still have a thing for her, I am slowly but surely going back to been just the good friend.

Stop torturing yourself and just go it, life's too short.

ggrr1970

Tough break dude. It's really not helping you if you're spending all of your time with her. It's very healthy to have a member of the opp sex as a friend but you are now in the worst place in the world (outside of a Spicegirls concert).

Move out of the house before your 'new b/f starts horizontal jogging with her' prediction comes true. As you say, people think you're b/f/g/f so it won't help your own chances of meeting other girls. Telling her that that's your reason might be an easy way out.

Onwards and upwards

LegacyUser

Hey OP. I know exactly how you feel. I'm in kind of a similar situation with my best friend who is a lesbian but has and would do stuff with guys. It makes me insanely jealous when I hear about the guys she has been with. I just keep my mouth shut and hope it will go away and wait till she jumps on me lol.

I think in your situation distancing yourself will be difficult because of the nature of your relationship. You need to keep the feeling hidden. Saying anything to her is likely to Nuke any chance you have of being with her.

You are in the proverbial friends zone. You need to change the state of play with her and the way you interact with her. Do the little things she would expect her boyfriend to do but dont make it look like your doing it for her. For example cook a meal for everyone in the flat but make sure the meal is her favourite dish. Create attraction between the 2 of you, there are a million and one guys out there who have been in the exact same position as you, you are not alone my friend. Have a look at some mens magazines online they will have tips on how to attract women you want. From my own experience reading said magazines has had a good affect on me.

The key in attraction is confidence first of all believe in yourself then make her believe you are a worthy man to be in a relationship with.

Good Luck OP

Ickle Magoo

Have merged the threads you posted in PI and the duplicate posted in RI - OP, please post once in one forum about your issue.

Many thanks