My milkshake doesnt bring the boys to the yard apparently!

LegacyUser

Ok. Lol sorry about the title. Im sure people are cringing for me.
Female, 20!
Have a problem getting guys. I have just gotten out of a 1month relationship with an asshole. He cheated and treated me badly. 4 weeks on, I just wanna play the field...but due to my invisibility, i dont know how.

When I was single, I went clubbing, and social gatherings. Thing is, I never ever got approached or would get anywhere with guys. And im not gonna say "aw im ugly blah blah" Im actually not. Compared to my friends, Im actually goodlooking and have been told so. Im tall, blonde, clear skin. Good personality, been told im intelligent, fun and nice by guy friends.

Thing is, I go months without attracting guys or kissing. Sad isnt it? It was a year before that recent guy.

Why am I writing here? Cause I wanna know what the hell ive to do to get guys attention and keep it? As in I want to be the stunning one in the room, the one who gets the jaw dropping reaction, not the look right over me to another girl! The one a guy wants. But it has never happened ever. Even when Ive been briefly involved. The guy always wanted someone else.

Basically, they always choose a slut over me. And im sick to death of it. (Im not sexually experienced but its hard to when the guy always sees someone else and fecks off:( )

Like, i really dont wanna sound bitchy but... I have this one friend, whose an absolute dog. Sorry but true. Personality of wallpaper on top of it. She brings a guy home every time we go out.....
I cant even get kissed for a bit of fun..and i do have fun when im out! I dance, have a laugh but one thing is missing....attention from guys..

Can someone let me in on the secret? What the hell do ive to do to get and keep a guys interest?
Sick of been told "Your a lovely girl......but....."

I mean, seriously?? Just help me, once and for all, someone just give me the details on how the hell im meant to play the game? Cause im just invisible and my confidence is gonna plummet if this continues.... :(:(

Sorry for waffling, hopefully ye can make out my rant haha im just soooooo angry over all this tbh!
I just wanna be able to play the field like i should be. But how?
Just dont know anymore.....

LegacyUser

I was sympathetic towards you until I read this part:

"I have this one friend, whose an absolute dog. Sorry but true. Personality of wallpaper on top of it."

Yeah, really sounds like you're a great 'friend' alright... Jesus, with 'friends' like you, who needs enemies.

My advice? Maybe you'd have more luck attracting blokes if you weren't so focused on how apparently amazingly attractive you are and started working on YOUR personality a bit... my guess is that the initial attraction wears off for the blokes when they see how incredibly shallow you are.

matt-dublin

Dress down, if your better looking than your mates its probably confidence with the men. Outta my league attitude.

With drink on them men will 9/10 times choose the easy option.

Be more forward, don't wait and expect them to come to you. You'll be standing a long while. All you need to to is pick someone u fancy, be talk, play with your hair, touch their arm and girly giggle at his crap jokes.

If he doesn't get it after that it's his problem and loss.

hightower1

Urgh, why is it so hard for girls to realise...if you want a mans attention then go talk to him?
Its not rocket science in fairness.

If your hungry you dont stand in the corner of the kitchen flicking your hair and batting your lashes at the fridge whilst thinking "Oh why oh why wont it come over and ask amI hungry???? "

Men KNOW it takes stones to get chatting to a girl they fancy so any girl who starts chatting with them gains instant respect in my books.

(bear in mind I do mean chatting - one on one with a guy, not acting the maggot drunkenly stumbling into a crowd of mates acting like the center of attention now)

LegacyUser

If you call your 'friend' an "absolute dog" with the "personality of wallpaper", I wouldn't like to see how you'd refer to a guy who came up chatting to you in a club. With an attitude like that, you could have a long wait before a guy comes up to you.

Oryx

OP, I can see youre getting some harsh replies, based on what youve said. That can be hard to hear, and may not be based on how you actually are, but it is how you come across in the few lines youve written. It might be something to bear in mind, when youre meeting people. Do you give off an air off being aloof, or unapproachable? Sometimes how we think we come across is not at all how we appear to others.

Also, scoring a drunk guy on a night out isnt really something to aspire to, tbh.

pinkdaisy

I would agree that you need to look at the attitude you're projecting to other people. It's really not that difficult for a girl to score on a night out. You're doing something wrong and my guess is that your negativity is putting guys off. It's about interaction and feeling comfortable with someone, guys generally won't go for the girl in the corner bitching or looking moody because they're talking to her friend.

Also you asked for details on how to "play the game"? Dating is not a "game" it's very simple. Talk to guys, get to know them as people instead of objects you want to conquer to make you feel better about yourself. Have banter, chat, laugh, get to know some as friends without putting all this pressure on yourself and them. Just be more social, you sound like you overanalyse in social situations and I think you need to relax more and approach some guys next time you're out with a friendly, chilled out attitude..

Katgurl

Yeah I'm with the other posters - you really haven't made me warm toward you with that description of your friend.

But that's irrelevant; you're twenty, blonde, goodlooking and want to know how to make
men drool? Pretty simple really, wear very skimpy clothes, dance a lot and always make sure you're laughing and looking like you're having time of your life. When you walk into room don't look around to see who's looking at you just smile
in general, toss your hair and assume they are.

You probably won't find lasting love this way but attention is easy to come by.

Distorted

I moved to a new town a few years ago and quickly got into the social scene that surrounded my sport (athletics). What always struck me as strange was that the athletics track was full of attractive, young, fit men and women but only a few of them ever dated each other. I've always had boyfriends with similar interests to myself and found it a bit strange. Plus a few of the guys I knew socially would bemoan their lack of girlfriends and the next thing you knew, they would have a girlfriend and you would think "Oh". I've seen the OP be castigated for the use of the word "dog" and I'm not going to use it, but before this I'd kind of been used to people pairing up at uni or graduate trainee jobs with people from similar backgrounds, status levels, appearance, intelligence, interests, etc.. I just don't get it. So I asked one of the guys and he said they didn't ask out the more attractive, slim, intelligent girls because they were scared they would get knocked back and also they had to put less effort into the relationship with the more ahem plebian girls. I think he was very honest. (I also think he's very old fashioned and a divorce waiting to happen one day!)

My guess, OP, is that you are in the same kind of town. I'm now in a different town and I don't notice it so much here. Guys don't seem to be so afraid of attractive, intelligent women.

allandanyways

I would agree with some of the other posters who have said perhaps you come across as cocky or arrogant, and that's scaring men off.

Think about it, if you met a really good looking man and it turned out he loved himself and thought he was better than others around him, you'd hardly think he was a catch, would you? (I've had this happen with a bloke, was such a total turn off, his looks meant nothing to me after seeing how unattractive his personality was)

I'm not saying act like you've no confidence but maybe you're giving off an air of being too good to talk to anyone. Stop going out expecting to meet someone, as stupid as it sounds, you really do meet people when you don't intend to. And as other posters have suggested, go and talk to the men, don't expect them to do everything. If you're as attractive as you say you are, the men might think you're taken/up your own arse/gay/god only knows what else.

ggrr1970

<snip>

READ THE CHARTER BEFORE POSTING ON THIS FORUM AGAIN

hightower1

ggrr1970 wrote: »

Not sure about the other lads on here but I've always found that hot girls are generally crap in bed. I was about to say they suck but....

lol, pretty girl sack of spuds syndrome!!!

"Im so good looking I dont need to do anything cause he should be grateful I let him sleep with me"

To be PC about it is there are two classes of "hot" ...

You bring to your mom hot - Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman etc
Then
You bring to your Da hot - Angie Jolie, Scarlet Johansen etc

The holy grail is a girl whom you can bring to both situations.....

ggrr1970

An ex of mine had a quite overweight friend. Lovely girl but was always suffering with her weight. I can't remember the exact quote but it was along the lines of:
"I don't get it often but when I do I make the most of it".

When I was a teenager, it turns out one of my mates had his eye on another mate's younger very cute (and very illegal) sister. He bided his time until she was 17 and then shagged her.
W.O.R.S.T S.H.A.G E.V.E.R

Hightower, you used his exact turn of phrase - sack of spuds

RedRoseMafia

Do you reek of desperation? I imagine that would be an instant turnoff.

LegacyUser

Maybe you are just fed up OP, but you are coming across as very harsh and judgemental in your post. Hopefully your post just is what it is, i.e. a reflection of how you felt when you posted it - because otherwise I'd say you just sound terribly 'entitled' and hard work. And let's face it, who wants that on a night out? I think the advice to chill out is good, and talk to guys as people who have feelings - not as potential conquests.

I wish you the best of luck, but I feel that you may need to adjust your view of the world - and yourself - before it happens for you.

Distorted

OP - don't listen to the overly harsh/aggressive responses. Some people have no sense of humour and take everything they read too seriously when its obviously written tongue in cheek. For others, it clearly hits too close to home...if a woman's only pulling talent is how good she is in bed and how easy she is to get there then we haven't moved on from the stone age. And presumably you're not planning a career as a prostitute! You're probably not missing out on much anyway. Who wants a guy who is scared to approach an attractive girl! My guess is you need to be around some more classy and slightly braver men. There are plenty of them around...change your scene. Seems to be that certain types of man stick together and hunt in packs.

Ickle Magoo

Folks,

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP and reply to threads in a civil and well phrased manner...the purpose of this forum is to offer the OP advice, it you can't do that then kindly refrain from posting.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter.

Many thanks.
Ickle

LegacyUser

Lol, Distorted ^^ I was just fed up and was typing angrily. Hate the fact this post has become all about her now but honestly, shes easy so..not the best example really.


I go out and do have fun. I dont want to sleep around either. I just wanna play the field and have attention, ya know?.
And have no emotional baggage cause when i get involved i go get toooooo attached and end up hurt. I feel if i was scoring and playing the field more, id be more balanced.
Any one understand?

Katgurl

Yeah nothing wrong with wanting an ego boost after a breakup. I still maintain that skimpy clothes (given you're only 20) and lots of dancing and laughing is quickest way to get it. Men flock to girls who know how to enjoy themselves and look good

BraziliaNZ

feelunattractive! wrote: »

Lol, Distorted ^^ I was just fed up and was typing angrily. Hate the fact this post has become all about her now but honestly, shes easy so..not the best example really.


I go out and do have fun. I dont want to sleep around either. I just wanna play the field and have attention, ya know?.
And have no emotional baggage cause when i get involved i go get toooooo attached and end up hurt. I feel if i was scoring and playing the field more, id be more balanced.
Any one understand?

Easy? What does that mean? Maybe you should sleep around, you're young and single, why not? As long as it's safe, it's all good fun. Talk to men, flirt, sleep with them. Get out there.

thebigleap

feelunattractive! wrote: »

Im tall, blonde, clear skin. Good personality, been told im intelligent, fun and nice by guy friends.

If you have a close friendship with your guy friends, why don't you ask one of them what you're doing wrong? Your friends can give you more constructive feedback than online posters can since they know you and see you in action (so to speak).

Basically, they always choose a slut over me.......Like, i really dont wanna sound bitchy but... I have this one friend, whose an absolute dog. Sorry but true. Personality of wallpaper on top of it. She brings a guy home every time we go out.....

Your friend getting laid every night has nothing to do with you not getting the attention you want from men, and your mean-spirited comments about her were completely unnecessary. You could've told your story without including her.

I cant even get kissed for a bit of fun..and i do have fun when im out! I dance, have a laugh but one thing is missing....attention from guys..

Either you're very intimidating or you're not as great you think you are, OR you're hanging out in the wrong places. What else is left?

Can someone let me in on the secret? What the hell do ive to do to get and keep a guys interest?
Sick of been told "Your a lovely girl......but....."

But what? What's the kiss-off line? That might tell you something....

LegacyUser

Ohhh no. ^^ When i said "Your a lovely girl..but" is in the relationship side. Lol kiss off line...ha.....

Ok never mind that comment. I shouldnt type and rant at the same time ha!

Zen65

feelunattractive! wrote: »

....Im actually goodlooking and have been told so. Im tall, blonde, clear skin. Good personality, been told im intelligent, fun and nice by guy friends.

feelunattractive! wrote: »

... I want to be the stunning one in the room, the one who gets the jaw dropping reaction, not the look right over me to another girl! The one a guy wants. But it has never happened ever.

feelunattractive! wrote: »

I just wanna play the field...but due to my invisibility, i dont know how.

feelunattractive! wrote: »

Basically, they always choose a slut over me. And im sick to death of it. (Im not sexually experienced but its hard to when the guy always sees someone else and fecks off:( )

Can you see that there's a dichotomy in what you've written here?

You want to be the jaw-dropping beauty, but you also want people to approach you as easily as they approach the 'slut'?

As unlikely as it may seem, very many beautiful women complain that they do not get approached that often by guys. This is because guys choose the 'easy' option rather than aim that high.

But it's clear from your post that you don't want to be the slut (and more credit to you for that!). Accept therefore that you won't have the constant string of one-night stands, and work instead at simply having a good time. In the long run, the 'slut' may have greater difficulty with long-term relationships.

As for not attracting any interest, that may be for any number of reasons:

• You look too good to be single. Guys assume a beauty like you must have a bf somewhere.
• You don't look as though you'd tolerate some half-drunken idiot guy trying to chat you up (and your Op certainly indicates that your tongue can be cutting when you want)
• You dress like somebody who would not appreciate male attention. There is a 'type' of dressing which says I'm not here for fun, I'm just taking a break from my studies/work and it can be off-putting. I'm not much of a fashionista so I can't offer corrective advice. Look at your wardrobe when you are "out" and ask yourself is it "sexy" or "student" or "prudish"? Remember that "sexy" is not the same as "slutty" at all. Whatever you do, don't become "the slut".
• You have horrendous body or breath odour (unlikely, but let's keep an open mind)
• You have a voice that could break glass (I doubt it, but again, keeping an open mind)
• Your behaviour is not alluring. The most alluring behaviour screams of self-confidence and is therefore considered 'sexy'. It's a catch 22 situation in a way, because you have to look like you're having fun to appear self-confident.
• One of your 'friends' has spread rumours about you (open mind thinking again)
• None of the above. It's just a matter of time.

Only you can identify which of these is most likely to be true. You're already smart enough to know where to get the best advice for whichever of these problems (if any) apply.

Relax. At 20 you're very young and as you broaden your horizons you'll find a far greater number of guys will pay you the kind of attention you want.


Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Eh....well, where does rachel mcadams fit into the mom hot and da hot lol?

panda100

feelunattractive! wrote: »

Lol, Distorted ^^ I was just fed up and was typing angrily. Hate the fact this post has become all about her now but honestly, shes easy so..not the best example really

I think you are being very judgmental about your friend, and that is a real turn off.Calling a mate 'easy' and a 'slut' is seriously poor form ,even if it is on an internet forum. I think you are trying to suggest that men go for women who will jump into the sack with them ,and this is just not true.
Personally, I find it very difficult to meet men on nights out. Why dont you try internet dating, or asking some of your friends to set you up with someone?

boxoff

feelunattractive! wrote: »

Ok. Lol sorry about the title. Im sure people are cringing for me.
Female, 20!
Have a problem getting guys. I have just gotten out of a 1month relationship with an asshole. He cheated and treated me badly. 4 weeks on, I just wanna play the field...but due to my invisibility, i dont know how.

When I was single, I went clubbing, and social gatherings. Thing is, I never ever got approached or would get anywhere with guys. And im not gonna say "aw im ugly blah blah" Im actually not. Compared to my friends, Im actually goodlooking and have been told so. Im tall, blonde, clear skin. Good personality, been told im intelligent, fun and nice by guy friends.

Thing is, I go months without attracting guys or kissing. Sad isnt it? It was a year before that recent guy.

Why am I writing here? Cause I wanna know what the hell ive to do to get guys attention and keep it? As in I want to be the stunning one in the room, the one who gets the jaw dropping reaction, not the look right over me to another girl! The one a guy wants. But it has never happened ever. Even when Ive been briefly involved. The guy always wanted someone else.

Basically, they always choose a slut over me. And im sick to death of it. (Im not sexually experienced but its hard to when the guy always sees someone else and fecks off:( )

Like, i really dont wanna sound bitchy but... I have this one friend, whose an absolute dog. Sorry but true. Personality of wallpaper on top of it. She brings a guy home every time we go out.....
I cant even get kissed for a bit of fun..and i do have fun when im out! I dance, have a laugh but one thing is missing....attention from guys..

Can someone let me in on the secret? What the hell do ive to do to get and keep a guys interest?
Sick of been told "Your a lovely girl......but....."

I mean, seriously?? Just help me, once and for all, someone just give me the details on how the hell im meant to play the game? Cause im just invisible and my confidence is gonna plummet if this continues.... :(:(

Sorry for waffling, hopefully ye can make out my rant haha im just soooooo angry over all this tbh!
I just wanna be able to play the field like i should be. But how?
Just dont know anymore.....

Just a q uick bita wisedom that sure did work for me when I was stuck in the same hole as yourself................. get out there and be seen to have fun! Proper laugh out loud fun! Be busy, be up for everything, dont sit and watch things go by! Men will want to be apart of your life! Sure did work 4 me ! Good luck xxx