Neighbours issue-help please!!!

LegacyUser

This is driving myself and flatmates crazy. We live in a house in dublin in a nice but well populated area. The people next to us are homeowners and have been here for years.

Basically whats getting to us is that these people call into us for EVERYTHING at all hours of the day and night. It can be anything from a cup of sugar (seriously there is a shop two mins walk away, who ever calls in for sugar nowadays???) to pointing out to us we've left rubbish (well sealed) next to house or on kerb for collection next day, very dramatically letting us know that rats might come for it and we'll all be in trouble.

If we're cutting the grass they are out immediately asking us to theirs too "might as well while we're at it", or painting a wall or during the snow taking ice of driveway or even de icing cars in frost. They put stuff in our wheelie in all the time without asking and then complain when we have bags of rubbish.

We started just trying to ignore them whn they called to the door but now if they think we're at home they bang and bang on doors and windows until we answer, then theres a smart comment about having to wait so long They will even go to downstairs windows trying to peer in to see if anyone is there. Now if we just don't answer at all we will hear them all shouting to each other in the house be quiet listen to see if you can hear them!!!! We feel like we're in anne franks attic somedays.

They know all our professions from the landlord who they're on great terms with, so if they need anything relevant to the profession they come looking for us. One person is an accountant, they're always looking for tax advice and to talk about budgets-"to make sure the understand", another girl is a hairdresser, with three girls in the house you can imagine how that goes.They once left a note saying need hair colour today at 7, will call round then, when the hairdresser girl wasn't there they went nuts threatening to report us to landlord for anti social behaviour and not being neighbourly.

We're at our wits end, any advice?

username123

agggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wrote: »

We're at our wits end, any advice?

Yes. Calmly answer the door next time they call, tell them they are not welcome callers and to get lost and dont call back again. Tell them if they call again you will consider it harrassment and call the guards.

Then NEVER EVER answer the door to them again.

sstudent

Hi there,

I have read your post and think that you should approach these neighbours directly and let them know that their behaviour is unacceptable by all means.

I recommend that the next time they come asking for something that you politely decline, then record it in a book with dates and times and include the reaction they gave you. In the event of being approached you then have this to show. Whoever answers the door, record it. Then at least you will have a few different people participating.

Also, it is impossible to successfully report antisocial behaviour unless you have a garda report and concrete evidence. otherwise the case will be delayed. And you can't report someone for not being "neighbourly".

If they're putting things in your wheelie bin I suggest you place it out early on the morning the bins are due to be collected, and use something to identify your bags (for example buy Killeen bags only) and report their behaviour to the council, they will have something to say about people trying to get out of paying their fees. If they do put things into your bin, remove them and put them in their garden and let them know that you are not footing the bill for their refuse.

I suggest a diary in any case. If you are renting then I would call a house meeting and discuss the idea of moving over the next few months. There's no point putting up with that type of thing. The landlord probably will take the neighbours' side.

Good luck with it.

bubbaloo

I agree with sstudent above - definitely start keeping a record of every time they call, what you both say and how they react.
Tell them you cannot help them and they will have to sort the problem themselves. You will need to be firm with them. If they are banging on the wall/window etc, tell them you will report THEM for anti-social behaviour.

Then I would have a chat with your landlord - if you can't get through to the neighbours then maybe he can. Tell him if it doesn't stop you will move out.
And if it still doesn't stop - then actually move out! Good luck.

LegacyUser

thanks for replies so far

to be clear they havent said they will report us to guards but to landlord.

we love the house, the location and the price is fine for what we have. it took us a long time to find this place and we don't want to leave it. the landlord has stayed out of our business so far and we havent had any issues but this is his first time renting the house after he lived here himself. he seems to get along with neighbours and we feel we could get asked to leave if we pee them off. we have tried to nicely say look wejust got in from work just looking for peace etc but they pay no heed, or when asked to cut their lawn said we're actually on way out. but went nowhere.

They do things for us the odd time but without us asking. One day when the bin day hadbeen forgotten about they pulled it out for us, so that kind of thing. it really feels like a demanding member of family at this stage

tenchi-fan

This sounds self-inflicted to be honest. You people are pushovers! Your neighbours get free haircuts, tax advice, lawn-mowing, wheelie bin and a grocery service. Nip the free stuff in the bud.

If they look for a haircut, hand them your pricelist and ask them when they would like an appointment. If they ask for tax advice, hand them your business card. If they ask you to mow the lawn, just say you're in a hurry and won't have time. "Sorry"

If they use your bins, point out that you're being forced to leave bags around the bin which could attract rats.

One or both of you (possibly the accountant) should splash out a few hundred on an assertiveness training course- I'm not sure, but some of these courses count towards CPD hours which accountants are required to undertake anyway. We used to do courses like it the whole time at work and they're excellent in the area of personal development.

LegacyUser

tenchi-fan wrote: »

This sounds self-inflicted to be honest. You people are pushovers! Your neighbours get free haircuts, tax advice, lawn-mowing, wheelie bin and a grocery service. Nip the free stuff in the bud.

If they look for a haircut, hand them your pricelist and ask them when they would like an appointment. If they ask for tax advice, hand them your business card. If they ask you to mow the lawn, just say you're in a hurry and won't have time. "Sorry"

If they use your bins, point out that you're being forced to leave bags around the bin which could attract rats.

One or both of you (possibly the accountant) should splash out a few hundred on an assertiveness training course- I'm not sure, but some of these courses count towards CPD hours which accountants are required to undertake anyway. We used to do courses like it the whole time at work and they're excellent in the area of personal development.

Tbh i find your post a bit insulting. Obviously they didn't start immediately looking for free haircuts, it started small and it built up, they don't get many free haicuts or tax advice etc they come looking for it and they badger and badger so we can't have a night in without them banging the door down about something. When it was getting too far and we tried amicably to put the brakes on they were even more persistant. We don't want to get kicked out of our house if they complain to the landlord, who is ther friend, about us and that is what i'm posting for advice on. There are four of us in the house

tenchi-fan

aaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhh wrote: »

Tbh i find your post a bit insulting. Obviously they didn't start immediately looking for free haircuts, it started small and it built up, they don't get many free haicuts or tax advice etc they come looking for it and they badger and badger so we can't have a night in without them banging the door down about something. When it was getting too far and we tried amicably to put the brakes on they were even more persistant. We don't want to get kicked out of our house if they complain to the landlord, who is ther friend, about us and that is what i'm posting for advice on. There are four of us in the house

I genuinely cannot see what is insulting about my post. I think I gave sound advice.

You gave your neighbours an inch, they took a yard.

Never agree to any request, no matter how innocuous, without asking yourself three things:
1 "is this a once off or recurring thing".. it is harder to refuse a request if you previously agreed to it. for example, mowing the lawn.
2 "what is the scope of this request".. a wash and blowdry could turn into colouring and cutting, or a chat about tax could turn into completing a tax return
3 "what's in it for me". There is no shame in mutually beneficial transactions. e.g. you could have suggested taking it in turns to cut the grass.. a move that would be beneficial to both of you, saving you both time.

MissFlitworth

If you have a lease there's only a few reasons a landlord can ask you to move out, and not getting on with the neighbours isn't one of them. (also it's huge, huge hassle to evict someone so even if they're best buddies he's unlikely to try it)

You say the landlord seems to get on with them, honestly I'd put money on it that he wasn't unhappy to move away and see the back of them! It's not like their scabby behaviour only kicked in when you guys moved in. Just because he tells them things doesn't mean he isn't blessing himself driving away in the car after speaking to them thanking Jebus he doesn't deal with their nonsense on a daily basis anymore.

Learn to say No to them, no matter what they ask for. You're living next to brazen scabby feckers, it's the only thing you can do with them. And the next time they threaten to report you to the landlord for anti-social whatever tell them to rock on ahead with that, and that you'll be reporting them to the Gardai for harrassing and threatening you. Might be worth having a chat to your landlord about them also, not that there's anything he can do with them but just to, in a light-hearted way, make him aware that the are annoying you.

Overheal

I would have scared them off already by being my usual bastard:

-Your bags are on the road. By gawd jaysus the rats. Think of the children!
=Well you know I would love to fit it all in my bin but you can help that by not putting your own things in mine.

-Mow my grass while you're at it? De-ice our cars? Paint our walls?
=Sure, twenty yo yos?

-Cuppa Sugar?
=Sorry I don't use Sugar, I'm vegan. Tofu? (not really) Or I've run out, sorry. But seriously I can't remember the last time I stocked Sugar for anything.

Then just start answering the door in your Pyjamas and let them know youre busy. I will wager for a moment OP that besides the Anne Frank nonsense you try to be overly polite to these people with your big teeth and dimples because you're afraid of them contacting the landlord. **** that. You can just as politely negotiate a price with your neighbor to do their mowing and their painting, just as politely rebut them when they complain about your garbage on the road and just as politely tell them where they can get their sugar. None of that behavior is anti-social and unless the landlord is an absolute loon he's not going to throw you out because you refuse to share sugar with the woman next door and do her landscaping. Every concession you make to them invites more of what is boiling down to harassment. You thought giving in a little might make them go away, but it hasn't.

Tbh i find your post a bit insulting. Obviously they didn't start immediately looking for free haircuts, it started small and it built up, they don't get many free haicuts or tax advice etc they come looking for it and they badger and badger so we can't have a night in without them banging the door down about something. When it was getting too far and we tried amicably to put the brakes on they were even more persistant. We don't want to get kicked out of our house if they complain to the landlord, who is ther friend, about us and that is what i'm posting for advice on. There are four of us in the house

You're over-anxious about the scenario I believe. The landlord is not going to throw you out because you don't want to keep answering the neighbour's every whim. Why not start logging how often the neighbour bothers you for something and if it should ever come up with the Landlord, you have something to go off of. If ANYTHING it should be YOU going to the Landlord and bringing the situation up, not waiting around for the Neighbour to get ticked off because you stop playing their game.

Of course it started small, it always starts small. but then that wedge keeps getting wider and wider. Now you're their Hairdresser, Landscaper, Accountant and Shopkeeper? Binman? Put the foot down somewhere. I would call the Landlord, he can't Evict you for bringing the problem to his attention: Especially not given all the concessions you have granted your neighbours.

LegacyUser

we havent been doing things for them in a long while,thats why they banging and calling round and waiting for us to get in has stepped up. its gotten a lot worse lately. one of the guys came home from work yesterday and went straight in the shower, he said the banging started two mins later and didn't stop so he went down to see what was going on and it was neighbours saying they were waiting for us to come home so we could all clear drains on the road together. he said look ive just gotten in and im taking a shower, they told him to hurry up and he said he was heading out after. They the told him he couldnt as this needed to be done and he shut the door in their faces. he said the banging went on for another 40 mins and they were still there when he was leaving going crazy

LegacyUser

thanks overheal,some good advice there

its more we're concerned about the landlord situation than giving them what for although we just don't want to have to interact with them at all. my flatmate has already answered in a towel and it didnt bother them in the least


i think the only way forward is to talk to landlord

messymess

OP, I'm normally full of advice that is non-crass and mature but, honestly, this is one occasion when you need to tell them to **** off and leave you alone. Seriously, just be blunt. They won't annoy you after that.

MistyCheese

OP, it's definitely is a good idea to speak to your landlord. Then the next time they threaten to tattle on you, you can tell them to go ahead, as the landlord will have already heard your side of the story first.

What are they hoping for by telling tales to your landlord? That he'll turn up and demand that you share your sugar? I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't get on with him as well as they think they do. Some people are absolutely astounding in their ability to see only what they want to see.

I definitely agree with the posts that mention a journal. The first step in any problem like this that involves behaviour, is documenting it. Maybe when they're banging on your door you even could take a video. If things get messy and they say something ridiculous (which they probably will) like that it's you guys being antisocial and that they're feeling traumatised having to bang down your door to talk to you, you can just show the video. Also a clear, well documented, timed and dated log of all events will give you far more credit in the eyes of your landlord.

When you get in touch with your landlord, hand it to him in writing also, as when talking, a complaint can tend to turn a bit weak. Having it there in print too will keep your meaning clear. Keep a copy of the letter for yourself also.

If he seems really friendly with the neighbours, maybe it's because he's just so glad he's moved that every time he sees them he smiles. Maybe he hates their guts, and their lawn.

ppink

They stayed banging at your door for 40mins while your housemate was in the shower.........are you serious??

From what I can see you guys need to step up a bit and be professionals.

when they ask just say "no it does not suit right now", dont go into explanations or justifications. if they argue just repeat - really sorry it does not suit right now. All of you need to do this to nip this in the bud.
with the rubbish in your bin, let on you dont know who owns it and by the way say to them you will soon have to get the council out as somebody is using your bin and you have not enough room!

Tax/budget queries- sorry I am really not allowed by my company to give offsite advice and I would get into a lot of trouble...here's my card.

Hairdressing-sorry i have no insurance to do this and I could get in a lot of trouble........here's my card

I would also not be going to the landlord, you guys are professionals so deal with it like you would be expected to in a work situation.

tinkerbell

OP, you and your flatmates have got to stop being pushovers. You are bringing this all on yourselves. You should not be doing things like letting them use your bin, giving them free hair cuts, tax advice, lending them food items when there's a shop 2 mins down the road, answering to their beck and call and not reporting their insane behaviour to the landlord.

You and your flatmates need to sit down and have a chat so that you are all on the same page. Everyone needs to do the same thing, i.e. the next time these crazies knock on the door, tell them to leave, that you cannot help them. Tell them to stop using your bin - only put your bin out on bin day. If they do not leave, tell them that you will ring the gardaí to report them for harrassment. Because if they are banging on your door for 40 minutes after your flatmate said he was unavailable, then that is harrassment and frankly, I would find that really intimidating and scary. Do not give them an excuse as to why you are unavailable. It is not your duty to go cleaning drains on the road or whatever.

So start standing up for yourselves. It is important that ALL of you tell these people to go away. If one person gives in, lends them sugar or dances to their attention, then you'll all be back to square one again.

ebixa82

This has been a highly entertaining read...They sound like nutjobs.

I agree that you are pushovers.

You need to just not answer the door. Let them bang away all they want, just turn up the TV/Radio etc. They will soon get the message.

Don't ever oblige them with anything again.

The most effective thing to do is actually physically record them in action with a camera. Record all the banging, show the time when it starts on the first video clip...stop recording...start recording again 40 minutes later when you open the door...have the camera setup so that it is not too obvious but can hear everything.

Do this on at least 3 occasions. You now have sufficent evidence to show it was not just a once off. All this is highly annoying so you will want to get your own back...On the fourth occasion you should lose the plot with them to whatever extreme and choice of words you desire and make it known you want them never to trespass again.

If they kick up a fuss and complain, show the landlord the videos..

Case solved.

Wisco

I wouldn't even hide the video. Make it obvious you're recording them. First off though, I'd definitely mention it to the landlord and tell them about the problem. That way, when you answer the phone with your video at the ready you can tell them you've already informed him. And definitely keep a diary of when this stuff happens as well.

Oryx

I wouldnt be doing anything overt like filming them, I could see that making a bad situation worse. With people as insensitive as that, you never know what the hell they would do.

I would be just saying no. Repeatedly, for as long as it takes. Dont ignore the door, answer it. You say a firm No to any request, without being rude. I echo Overheal above. Borrow sugar? I dont have any. Tax affairs, Im not allowed. Mow your grass? I dont have time, heres the mower. Clear your driveway? Ditto, here's a shovel. You dont need to stop being 'neighbourly' and turn agressive, you just need to say no in a way they can't argue with. Some things you can turn a blind eye to, like a few bags in the bin, UNLESS they are bugging you about rubbish, when you mention that youre having a problem with some unknown twit filling your bin without permission. (also mentioned above).

If they threaten you with the landlord (!)for not colouring their hair then politely tell them to go right ahead. Thats such a stupid threat it doesnt even require worrying about. That would go for any other nixers they ask you to do. They are taking the p, and you need to call their bluff on it or it will get worse.

Mighty_Mouse

If you feel someone is taking advantage of you then the solution is simple..... tell them!!!

Start off politely & gradually increase the level of rudeness ...ie...
"I dont mind doing a favour but I believe you are taking advantage of ......."

to
"Listen, knobhead, if you have to get down on your hands and knees and cut your own garden with nail clippers, it doesnt bother me!"

" Do I look like a DIY shop?"

"How many cups of tea are you making? Ok, Here's 3 teaspoons of sugar. For future reference the shop is on the corner. You can't miss it".

"Colour your own hair if you dont want a bald spot."

"You don't take a hint do ya? I didnt want to answer the door to you. Listen up buddy. Im going to close the door again & I'm putting on my headphones to listen to tunes so bang away until your knuckles bleed!"

etc etc
Eventually they'll learn

tenchi-fan

I just had a brilliant idea about the hair colouring..

Make a mess of it.

Dye it an off-purple colour

No consideration = no liability. And they won't ask you again.

Dark Phoenix

Op, I am horrified that they banged on the door for 40 minutes that is insane. Honestly you do need to be more assertive. To come home from work and be dictated to that you need to go and clean drains is insane.

Next time they call over calmly open the door, explain you are busy / and not free to do whatever random tasks they have invented and ask them to please respect this and not to bang on your door afterwards. If they insist I would video them so that at the very least you have evidence of it.

If they expect you to cut their grass etc just say sorry I only have time to do our own. If they call over about the bins then say something like 'sorry someone has been putting things in our bin so we are forced to use bags'.

The poster who mentioned insurance is right - if they expect free hair cuts just advise you don't do it. I think your house mate would be mad to anyway as these people seem a bit unhinged so I dread to think what they would do if you gave them a cut or colour they were unhappy with.

If nothing else works it might be worth chatting as a group tp your landlord. He will have no right to try and throw you out just because you are refusing to give your neighbours freebies or because you are not accepting someone banging on your door for ages. if you are not sure of your rights as tennants www.threshold.ie are just brilliant

LegacyUser

agggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wrote: »

.......

They know all our professions from the landlord who they're on great terms with, so if they need anything relevant to the profession they come looking for us.

I think your landlord was out of line by giving out this information to these people.

Kidchameleon

agggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wrote: »

when the hairdresser girl wasn't there they went nuts threatening to report us to landlord for anti social behaviour and not being neighbourly.

I find this ^^ extremely hard to believe.

OP, tell them to f**k off

Miss Fluff

Oryx wrote: »

I would be just saying no. Repeatedly, for as long as it takes. Dont ignore the door, answer it. You say a firm No to any request, without being rude. I echo Overheal above. Borrow sugar? I dont have any. Tax affairs, Im not allowed. Mow your grass? I dont have time, heres the mower. Clear your driveway? Ditto, here's a shovel. You dont need to stop being 'neighbourly' and turn agressive, you just need to say no in a way they can't argue with.

+1, couldn't agree more. You have to be totally uncompromising from hereon in. You simply cannot give these people an inch. Your standard retort from now on is always going to be, sorry I can't/don't have any/not in a position to/not able to/too busy....you have to enforce this rigidly. And don't ask anything of them either.

On a side note it is blatantly obvious to me that you have previously let these people away with this outrageous behaviour. The fact that these people think it even acceptable to ask you to cut THEIR lawn speaks volumes, they obviously think you're a crowd of pushovers.

Take some control and be adult about this. If neighbour disputes escalate it invariably ends up with one party having to move. It's an inevitability. It doesn't have to get to that stage. You don't have to be rude and this doesn't have to go tits up. You simply have to command some respect and stop being pushovers and that starts with each one of you agreeing to stop "helping" them.

Angeles

Interesting read,
I'm abit curious though OP, what age group do these neighbors happen to fall under?

I mean are they both in there 60's + looking for attention and help at all times? and see you 2 as that help? they remind me alot of how my grandparents would used to act, but back then it was expected, and they wouldn't have seen the the quiet alone time most of us these days seem to prefare until after say 9pm, and up to that time if something needed done, by jasus it got done... but it was more of a generation thing. that and its not so easy to refuse helping an elderly.

Or do they happen to be younger gen in which case are just being rude and not respecting boundaries?

mikemac

agggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wrote: »

They put stuff in our wheelie in all the time without asking and then complain when we have bags of rubbish.

We had neighbours like that.
If it every happens you just leave the rubbish bags back on their doorstep.
That's what I did though there were days when I was tempted to slit their bags and scatter on their lawn. Kept my cool but it was close

However, we were young and working and the neighbours were elderly.
So you'd think it'd be the young people causing hassle but it was them

And while they were pure busybodys I also think they were lonely. Or maybe set in their ways and that's just how they always acted, your neighbours are you friends and share and share alike and so on.

OP, are your neighbours elderly.

If they are youngish tell them where to go!