Stupid Crush - at 29?!

LegacyUser

Okay, I'm going anonymous for this one because my cheeks are already burning even thinking about it. Here's the story:

I have been in a very happy relationship for 9 years. We have a child together. I'm 29, he's 35. We have a great relationship in every way - I can honestly say he's my ideal partner. He knows me inside out, and I love him to bits. BUT.

Lately, I've started to have a HUGE crush on one of his friends. And it's driving me absolutely insane. I feel sick to my stomach every time I think of this man and the power he has to make me feel weak at the knees every time I look at him (hell, every time I THINK of him). I've always gotten on well with him - he's a great friend, and in all honesty I've never looked at him as anything else, this is why it scares me so much. It's not even that I find him particularly attractive - he's just so....magnetic. I have butterflies in my stomach writing this because I'm thinking of him now.

A few weeks ago, we were all at a party together. I was sitting beside some really boring people, my man was talking to a friend he hadn't seen in ages. This other man came up and asked me if I was okay, that I looked bored, and that I shouldn't be stuck there in the corner looking miserable. Then he gave me a hug, told me to go and enjoy myself, and walked off. Since then, he's on my mind 24/7 and it's getting to the stage where I don't want to see him because I'm afraid he'll somehow KNOW what I'm imagining when I look at him. This is all very embarrassing, very awkward, and I don't know what to do. I've managed to avoid him for a while, but I'll probably see him at the weekend. Please, any advice would be really appreciated - he's a mutual, good friend, and I don't want to NEVER see him again, I just don't want to be in this frame of mind every time I bump into him. I'd never, EVER do anything to hurt my man, nor would I ever cheat. I feel so guilty for even thinking like this. I feel like a total and utter eejit, will this pass?! What the hell is wrong with me?!! Help!!

tenchi-fan

crushgirl101 wrote: »

This other man came up and asked me if I was okay, that I looked bored, and that I shouldn't be stuck there in the corner looking miserable. Then he gave me a hug, told me to go and enjoy myself, and walked off.

I'm not sure if this guy didn't know what he was doing.

You should get him off your mind, perhaps avoid him for a while.

kerryman12

Hi OP

I reckon that crush's are a bit more common than people would admit, regardless of being in a relationship or not. The thing is though reading your post I get the feeling it is starting to become more than just a run of the mill crush for you, like maybe you are indulging it to much - because it is only with indulgance that these things develop.

The thing is though as tecnhi fan says this guy is seeing it also. I am not saying you would do anything stupid here as such but you are putting yourself in a position where that could happen. And stuff does happen and people get hurt.

I think you should try to avoid this person for a while and try not to indulge this crush.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

OP again.

kerryman12 wrote: »

The thing is though reading your post I get the feeling it is starting to become more than just a run of the mill crush for you, like maybe you are indulging it to much

In fairness, that's probably 100% true - I have always been the type of person who over-analyses things and thinks too much, and I've always had an overactive imagination. See, the very thought that you & tenchi-fan think that this lad knows, isn't exciting or fun, it's terrifying. I love my man so much - this other lad is great in my head, but in reality I'd never have a relationship with him, he can be flighty, unpredictable and unreliable. I am going to try and avoid him, and I think I'll just try and focus on his bad points - ugh, I feel like I'm 15 again.

Thanks a million for your replies, it helps bring me back to reality a little bit to hear other people's opinions on it. Cheers

LegacyUser

OP again. I passed him in the car today. He smiled. I tried to focus on Enda Kenny's election poster. It didn't work. Avoidance seems to be the only option, methinks...

LegacyUser

Sunflower u made me burst out laughing - I was trying to think of something to completely turn me off so Enda Kenny was the nearest thing!

D'ya know, after I had a little think, he's always been a bit flirty with me. I think he reminds me of one of my first boyfriends - a real tough-man, down & dirty, doesn't-give-a-damn attitude. In fairness, it's not a major problem considering some problems here, but I was just terrified that I'd either be drunk in his company and let my defences down and say god-knows-what; or that I'd come across as if I was trying it on. Here's hoping it's just a silly little crush and that I can actually look the man in the face again at some point without thinking.... y'know.

Taltos

As someone above mentioned are you sure that there were no other motivations behind his hug? Especially if he has always been a bit flirty with you.

If that is the case then he is not really that great a friend to your OH or indeed to you. Possibly at some level you are enjoying the thrill or the danger of his interest - but think about what you could lose here.

Focus the feelings you have back into your relationship, and just put this loser out of your head.

LegacyUser

What interests me is your reaction. You didn't just react when he hugged you, you've been unable to stop thinking about him and really ARE thinking about him, if I catch your drift.

There is bound to be a bit of settling down in your marriage. The passionate desire of early relationships moves into something else, and even without realising it you find yourself craving excitement. You sound as if you are going out of your MIND with boredom, and I say this believing you have no intention in the slightest to have an affair, a one night stand, or even to be seeking to be aroused by someone other than your husband. That's why these crushes are taking hold of you, you are bored senseless. You're not aware of it but you are.

So can I suggest that maybe you turn around and look at life at home. Are you happy? Excited, delighted, eager? Or with no sense of surprise or joy at life, your husband and kids?

Let me know what you think.