Break up before Valentines

LegacyUser

Hey,
Been seeing a girl for about 4/5 months. I really haven't been feeling it the last few weeks and have decided that I want to end it as I think she may be in to me a lot more than I'm in to her. It's not fair and I don't want to hurt her, more than I already will, by stringing her along further.

So, with the 14th coming up, should I go ahead with the break up asap, or wait till after? People seem to think it would be cruel to finish it so close to the day of romance.To me it seems far crueler to go out for valentines and act all romantic and in to her it, then finish a week later.
So, whats the advice?

encore1

before!

i agree with you, it would be cruel to go through with the whole valentines thing knowing you're gonna dump her in a few days time...its not really fair on either of you.

if it was me, i'd be more hurt knowing you knew you were gonna end things but still did the valentines day thing anyway...

booboo88

what makes u think shes into u alot more than u are into her?

Little Acorn

Probably best to do it before Valentines, because if you buy her a card with a love poem, and act all romantic and loved up on valentines, then dump her a few days later, she's going to be really confused and angry about how you were with her on Valentines.
If she really likes you it's going to upset her whenever you do it, the sad thing here is she could possibly have surprise plans made for you for valentines, and might have been telling all her friends she's looking forward to it etc., so this could embarrass her abit, but it would be more upsetting for her to be bragging about how romantic you were and what a great valentines she had to her friends, only to be dumped a few days after. She could find it hard to accept.
Breakups close to any special day are always going to be met with remarks by some people, such as "he could have least have waited until after christmas/her birthday/their anniversary etc etc."
You should just ignore these people, or else explain that it would have been worse for you to string her along on Valentine's. Only explain to others if you could be bothered too, because it's nobody's business but your's and the girl's.
And by telling her now, it gives her time to plan a fun singles night out with some of her friends to take her mind of it- if she feels up to it.

LegacyUser

That's what I thought all right.... I'll try and do it as soon as I can.... I'm a coward when it comes to breaking up with someone, but it has to be done.
Cheers for the advice.

Miss Fluff

It would be dishonest and fake (and slightly sociopathic) to go ahead with the charade of Valentines (because it would in fact be a charade if you no longer want to be with her) and then turn around and tell her you don't actually want to be with her......she'd spend a long time wondering wtf she did wrong. Do it today.

Canluum

Agree with others here. Better to rip the bandaid off. There is never a good time to break up with someone, only bad times and worse times...

booboo88 wrote: »

what makes u think shes into u alot more than u are into her?

Now there's an odd question. It's pretty easy to tell when somebody is very into you, especially when you don't reciprocate it so much and thus can rule out wishful thinking. We've no reason not to take him on his word.

John Mason

finish with her now

14th is only a date.

before you know it, you cant break with her because is paddy's day; easter; birthday; bank holiday; halloween; christmas; new year

there is always an excuse not to break up but if you dont want to be with her just finish it rather then dragging it on

booboo88

Canluum wrote: »

Agree with others here. Better to rip the bandaid off. There is never a good time to break up with someone, only bad times and worse times...

Now there's an odd question. It's pretty easy to tell when somebody is very into you, especially when you don't reciprocate it so much and thus can rule out wishful thinking. We've no reason not to take him on his word.

Im just curious is all! Why not just talk to her about it?

LegacyUser

Ah, disaster. Had planned to meet her last night to go through with it. She had to cancel as something personal came up.
Now it's friday, she's wondering if we're going out tomorrow night... im kind of not answering... so she's getting the vibe somethings up. I'm afraid she's going to ask me on txt or phone whats going on and I'll end up telling her it's over by one of those mediums, which I dont want to do.

Canluum

As soon as possible call her and say you're coming over. Spend the hour or two there. Be kind but firm, then leave when the time is right.

Dermighty

Just get it over with, Valentines day is a Hallmark holiday, made to sell cards. It's great when you do something on Valentines day for the other half, but if it was me I wouldn't give a toss which day it was.

Firetrap

Some people buy into it more than others. Regardless of what the OP's girlfriend thinks of the day, she's probably thinking on and off about what she's going to get on Monday. He really needs to bite the bullet and finish with her now.

Blazer

Twice I'd to break up with a girl the week before Valentine...
I was dreading it but once things had settled down (maybe a year or so later) and I was able to chat normally with them they both said I had done the right thing rather than dragging it over the week until the 14th had passed..

LegacyUser

Hey guys, OP here.

Just to follow up, and get a little further advice.

Right, so I broke up with her last week. She took it relatively well, but I think this was only the initial shock. Somehow she was completely blind sided. I honestly hadn't expected that..... had thought she would have somewhat realized things weren't moving forward much.

Anyway, she sent a text on sunday...she was pretty confused and upset. I replied, just saying I was sorry / it wasn't her fault / not meant to be kind of thing. Anyway, haven't heard from her since that.

So, what now? Do I completely cut ties, or should I send her a text to see how she is?
I want to do the right thing, just not sure what that is. I'm pretty inept at relationships... during and post

little lady

Leave her alone for the moment, if you start texing her even just to see how she is you wll be sending her mixed signals.

sporina

Hi OP, x's can rarely be friends - as one will be hurting more than the other. So while you may be concerned or want her as a friend, the absolute best thing that you can do it leave her alone. Do not text her etc. It will take her while to get over you; every text she gets a part of her will be hoping its you etc. if you text her she may interpret it as you being interested. Harsh but you need to leave her be - for her own good. She needs to realise it is over - period.

Firetrap

Agreed with the others. Don't text her - in a worst case scenario she could be hoping against hope that you've made a mistake and could read too much into what you send her.