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Unhappy and feel stuck, don't know how to change

  • 09-02-2011 4:08pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I’m in my late 20s. Long term boyfriend broke up with me just over a year ago. Completely out of the blue, we’d been living together for several years and talking weddings/babies. After the break up I moved in with friends and while at the start I was glad of the company, I feel like I’ve grown out of living with people and need my own space. I have a good job and a good salary but work is quite unstable at the moment, there have been people let go over the last few weeks, the redundancies have been badly managed and morale is incredibly low. The atmosphere is horrible and there’s a constant air of dread.

    I feel so stuck, like I’m not happy with any aspect of my life. Love life is practically non-existent since the break up (which also took its toll and I still don’t feel 100% back to my old self), horrible working environment in a job I’m not happy in, not overly happy with where I’m living but with my job situation unstable not really in a position to do anything about it.

    I currently feel like I’m existing rather than living, it’s like I’m in limbo. I know have to be proactive - I’ve been looking for other jobs but there’s not much out there, I’ve started new hobbies, I go out regularly and have a flirt and a chat with men but nothing much has come of it. I realise that for someone reading this post I may come across as negative and moany and in real life that’s not the case at all. I also realise that things could be a lot worse and there are people in much worse positions.

    I’m not depressed, I can have a good time with friends and family and I don’t feel the crushing sadness that I had in the early days of the break up. But I’ve gotten to the stage where there’s no part of my life I’m happy with and it’s all feeling a bit pointless. I have no motivation in work; I have started delaying going home due to one of my flatmates irritating me; I know it was good for me to be single for a while but now I’m lonely.

    Basically, to sum up, despite trying my best to be positive and proactive I feel like my life is in need of a complete overhaul and I feel so lost and stuck that I can’t even figure out where to start. Any advice would be welcome.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm in a very similar situation myself, except for the break up bit.

    Hate where I live, so sick of my job, lonely etc. I've made it my mission to meet new people but OMG is it hard in Dublin (don't know if this is where you're based?).

    On the living side... How many people do you share with? Maybe sharing with just one other person wouldn't put too extra financial pressure on you and would give you more space? Especially if you specifically search for a place where possibly the other tenant wouldn't be there much in the evenings etc?

    On the work front, the only thing you can do is keep looking. Something will come up eventually as long as you keep actively looking.

    And on the loneliness side, I know you flirt etc and nothin much comes of it but I think a lot of people experience this. You're not going to click with every guy that comes along, but it's a positive thing that you're putting yourself out there. I would say it's almost inevitable that you will click with someone if youre positive about it.


    Maybe you could try some alternative social avenues? Pubs/clubs are often more difficult places to meet someone, have you tried joining clubs or something. Even fitness clubs / gyms often have a good social scene and you could meet someone there?

    Also, do u think that nothing much comes of it through your own fault or you're just not properly clicking with these people? As in, have you actually had an interest in seeing any of them again? If not, it could be because you're just not over your ex yet.


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