Straight to Gay

LegacyUser

Hello, can anyone offer advice on their experience of or the prevelance of married women reliasing they are Gay a number of years into married life.

Thanks, any support or information would be appreciated.

gerryk

I know a couple of gay women who had been married at one time, but they say that they always new they were gay.

In fact, every gay person I know, say they were aware of it from the start. Like when any one of us starts to notice members of whatever sex is appropriate, straight people notice the opposite sex in a 'different' light, and gay people notice the same sex. Or so my understanding would seem.

liah

Is bisexuality a possibility? Often things aren't as easy as 'straight' or 'gay.' I'm not sure whether you're asking for yourself or a partner so I can't really say much more though.

LegacyUser

Hi again OP here

Apologies for being vague, its an issue a friend of mine is going through. Marraige break up without any real explanations, the suggestion of her maybe being gay is just an explanation possible for the sudden turn around and an explanation for her decision being so definite.

liah

un reg wrote: »

Hi again OP here

Apologies for being vague, its an issue a friend of mine is going through. Marraige break up without any real explanations, the suggestion of her maybe being gay is just an explanation possible for the sudden turn around and an explanation for her decision being so definite.

Ah right-- is the explanation from her or is it worried friends' speculation?

It's incredibly unlikely that anyone just all of the sudden 'turns' gay-- a lot of gay people in denial or of religious background or a variety of other reasons enter into straight relationships, sometimes briefly, sometimes they get married to the opposite sex, but everyone I've spoken to has just kind of always 'known.' She either knew all along but was in denial, or it's something else entirely.

LegacyUser

Hi
Its speculation!!! she hasn't given any real reason for the sudden change and this is just one of the possible reason being spectulated upon. just trying to find answers.

Oryx

Why are you trying to find answers? Is it really any of your business? This isnt the PI it appeared to be at the start, so unless you can elaborate on how this affects you, then I will close the thread.

LegacyUser

Thats fine close the thread if you must, you obviously dont understand.

Oryx

unreg please, sorry. wrote: »

Thats fine close the thread if you must, you obviously dont understand.

Im not trying to be harsh, but no, I really dont understand how this is an issue for you, which is why I asked you to explain?

LegacyUser

Hi

Its an issue for me as i'm being confided upon, in trying to help this person i'm trying to get answers and opinions from people who have gone through a similar trauma.

Oryx

Thanks. Has the woman in question told you she is gay?

LegacyUser

Yes. My music teacher from primary school and the mother of someone I went to school with.

Terrible ordeal for the kids, especially how it got to be public knowledge. One of them fecked off to Australia, wouldn't blame him.

Monkey Allen

Anythings possible but its pretty much irrelevant without having genuine reasons to believe she is gay.

If it turns out she's not gay, then what? The quest for the truth goes on? Or it stops the neighbours talking and thats good enough?

Sometimes you dont get a reason for a break up, sadly.

LegacyUser

Hi again,

Can it really be the case that someone may never give a reason for a break up? It would be important for a reason to be given at least to help give closure.

Oryx

un reg wrote: »

Hi again,

Can it really be the case that someone may never give a reason for a break up? It would be important for a reason to be given at least to help give closure.

It happens all the time. People do fall out of love, or let small reasons build into big ones, so that from the outside people cant understand, but for the person leaving, it has been the drip, drip, drip of tiny things that has worn the relationship away.

Maybe the person has reasons they cant go into, or reasons they want to keep hidden. Sometimes you have to find your own closure without getting it from the other party. It sucks but its life.

Taltos

OP - I think it is great that your friend has someone to confide in.
Hopefully just by talking through it they will start to heal.
However, as much as you want to help you might not be the best person - maybe what they really need is a relationship counsellor - someone with vast experience of this type of issue.

As to the cause? That gay thing is a red-herring. I have seen it used myself.

Right now your friend maybe too close to really see what is going on, and while confiding in you is great in the short term - longer term it may stop them from really healing if they just circle the same old excuses. Sometimes we never find out what really was the cause - as a poster above said - it can be years of little things that over time snowball...

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, they make sense and even the point about the reason not being ever know is new to me, I just had this view that with people being so long together and in complete love they could talk about anything as difficult as that maybe. How wrong I was!

That seems to be the case here, I think.

marzic

I suppose if it was happening to me, I wouldnt settle for anything less than a real reason. There is a reason, it might not be easy to describe for the person who is leaving, but there has to be a reason. I guess it depends how hard the guy will push for the answer.

Canluum

Female sexuality tends to be more fluid than male. It's far more likely for a mostly straight woman to become gay over a period of time, without having experienced any sexual repression, than it is for a mostly straight (or gay man) to switch their orientation.

The phenomenon has been the subject of some academic scrutiny of recent but has begun to be accepted, for example as reported in this Telegraph article.

edit:
Even Dan Savage points it out now and again.

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