change number??

up and at it

hi all new to boards,heres my problem,in a 3 year relationship with the gf,we broke up once due to me bein a prick on the drink,she dragged this out for a long time sayin she wasn sure wat she wanted etc.im 8 months sober by the way,anyway we got back together 6 months ago an everything was fine,i jumped through hoops to make her happy as i felt guilty for bein so bad to her in the past.everything was grand we were very much in love

fast forward to last week we had a few petty little rows nothin major,she turned around an said she didnt care anymore,wanted a break,said she thought the relationship had run its course etc,completly out of the blue!

heres my problem,last time she said those things i couldnt blame her and said to do whatever made her happy and that id always be there for her etc,i then cut contact to allow myself to heal,2 weeks later i get a call from her in tears sayin she missed me an loves me BUT still doesnt know what she wants!what a nightmare back 2 square 1 my head was ready to explode

now shes pulling the same stunt even though ive done nothin but good for this girl since we got back together,and i know at some stage shes gonna be in touch for some reason or another,should i cut mylosses and change my number because i dont want to be her fall back option/doormat sorry for the long post any thoughts appreciated

Taltos

Sounds like a real head wrecker.

Changing your number might well be the best choice you have ever made. No-one likes being treated like a ping-pong ball and it sounds like unfortunately this is how she sees you.

You are right though - in a few weeks / months you should expect her to contact you again and set you back so do all you can now to ensure that doesn't happen.
Not just by changing your numbers but by preparing yourself mentally and doing all you can to move on. You need to be ready for the day you answer your front door to see her standing they crying begging you to take her back (until the cycle repeats itself).

I suggest that you also let her know now that this is it - you are well and truly over. I used to get these begging calls, angry calls etc from an ex yrs ago who cheated on me with my once best friend. After 3 wks of tears, threats etc I just lost it one night and told her in no uncertain terms to fop off and leave me alone. Might not have been the easiest thing to do - but once done I really did start moving on in my own head again.

Best of luck - and be strong.

up and at it

op here,thanks for the good advice,i know even by the way she spoke to me and couldnt give me a straight answer that she expects me to be here for her whenever/if ever she decides,she puts on the i dont care attitude with her friends an goes clubbing and then im the one who gets the 4am phone call,shes bein showing some really selfish behaviour lately aswell,i think she is so used to getting her own way that when she doesnt now i get tantrums and hissy fits,her own mother said to me in confidence that she doesnt know how i put up with her,this was over xmas time.truth is i love her to bits but i know its gone too far now,i know i wouldnt be able to ignore her calls if i keep my number and im better off changing it,im not even gonna tell her, why should i after this treatment?im doing this to give myself closure, think ill thank myself in the long run

Taltos

up and at it wrote: »

think ill thank myself in the long run

Most definitely.
People like this rarely change their behaviour. Now that she sees you have accepted it once she will keep on pushing. Do all you can to protect yourself and do try to move forward with your own life without her.

I mean - if her mother said this about her - she must be really really bad... And folk like her usually get worse...

up and at it

op here,been a week now with no contact havent changed my number,im doin alrite one minute and in despair the next,losin sleep aswell,i know its for the best but that doesnt make it any easier,im over thnking things an doin my head in,with valentines comin up only makin matters worse,any advice please

up and at it

thats the hard part not answering,im a sucker but i cant help it,been down in the dumps lately even before this,ive a lot goin on bereavement etc on top of this,havent been out with friends much either im hopn this is the kick in the arse i need to get myself back on track

encore1

its friday, why dont you try and organise to meet up with a friend tonight and go out and have fun? and if possible, leave your phone at home so that you're not checking it every 5 mins.

also, the last time i broke up with someone, i changed my ringtone and text alert tone cos the old ones reminded me of the ex and it actually made a huge difference cos i wasn't reminded of her every time the phone went (if that makes any sense?)

up and at it

ive bein keepin busy its just in the back of my mind all the time an really gets to me at night.made plans to go out with the lads 2moro night hope i dont back out and sit in feelin sorry for myself,never had a problem meeting women the lads keep sayin best way to get over 1 girl is to get under another,think ill only confuse meself more if i done that?