contact ex or not

LegacyUser

firstly, apologies if this topic has been done to the death...so I'll make it as brief as possible...

was seeing someone last year for a few months (both of us mid thirties), the timing was all wrong - stress, death in families, losing job, etc etc, this all took it's toll on us - each of us reacting very differently - anyway, we ended up breaking up and to be honest, it wasn't a very nice break up, at all - a lot of things were said and done in anger and we both lost the head one day and decided (well, more like shouted at each other) to let sleeping dogs lie.

since then, there has been no contact at all and we live on opposite ends of the country so haven't "accidentally" bumped into each other or anything.

anyway, to get to my point - over the last few weeks, I have been thinking about this ex NON stop and am wondering if I should make contact...I don't know if its because (and I actually cannot believe I'm even typing this next sentence) it's valentines day next week (CRINGE) or wtf it is but it's on my mind ALL the time.

The weird thing is that I was well over it, haven't given it a thought in MONTHS and now all of a sudden I keep finding myself thinking "what if?" "maybe the timing is right now" "maybe if I'm the one to make contact and make a "grand gesture" then we can give it another go..." and then I think "omg, wtf am I thinking?"

I know people say an ex is an ex for a reason, but does it ever happen that the timing is just wrong and things work out in the end or am I completely deluding myself here?

What would I even say if I were to make contact?! "Hi, it's me, I know we had a really bad break up and haven't spoken in MONTHS but just thought I'd tell you that I can't stop thinking about you and was wondering if we could give it another go?!!" lol!

and then on the other had, I'm thinking of the old "if someone is into you, they'll contact you" - but maybe this ex is thinking/feeling the same way as I am and doesn't want to be the one to "appear weak"? Like I mean, I've been thinking about this for weeks now and no one has any idea of it... (clutching at straws?!)

didn't think it would have taken that many words to explain - and yet, reading over it, it doesn't actually convey what it is that I'm thinking/feeling...oh god, maybe I'm just losing my marbles! The general gist of it is in there somewhere though...any advice would be appreciated!

johnr1

If it was the other person did the actual breaking up, then maybe a simple "Hi, How are you doing?" text or email might be ok, but if you dont get a fairly rapid and warm response, then leave it be.
If it was you who made the push for the breakup, then first decide if you are quite serious about this person before you go messing in their life again. If so, then, the same text would ok, but again, be prepared for no response or a less than ecstatic one and to then leave it alone.
You have no idea how the other person is doing, - they may have just started to move on with their life, and wouldnt welcome past heartache being reignited.
I was on the recieving end of something similar a while back, and while I still have strong feelings for her, I wouldnt want her back to be able to do that again.
Best of luck, its a long shot, but like all long shots, if they pay off, it can be very rewarding.

IrishEyes19

Id wait till after Valentines day as this person might feel you're only doing it because you want someone for that day or its just because you're lonely. So Id maybe give it a week till after Valentines and then if you really feel you'd like to give it a shot again, go for it. Just be sure this is what you really want for the right reasons, not just to fill an empty space if you get my drift.