To go or not...?

LegacyUser

Slightly trivial problem, I apologise. Long story short: don't get on with my mum; she lives with her other children, I have never lived with her. Have always felt a bit ignored by her, etc, etc.

She asked me a couple of weeks ago if I'd like to go on a holiday with her for a friend's wedding, and I don't know whether or not to go.

I'd like to, obviously - who says no to a holiday - but I'm scared that it'll make me a hypocrite, or that she'll use it as a means of manipulation. She 'bought' me a new computer when my old one broke last year - though she called me almost everyday reminding me that I had to pay her back, even though usually weeks elapse before she'll call me - but afterwards, consistently used it to point out all the things she does for me and how grateful I should be.

I also feel constantly frustrated and annoyed with her, so I feel that accepting anything big from her - when I know that realistically I'm still going to be just as frustrated afterwards, it's not like money can make up for years of feeling ignored - is just hypocritical and ungrateful. For instance, I've started doing my mocks for the Leaving Cert this week and although I know it's not a big deal, it would've been nice to hear from her, even a text or something. I find it hard to ignore and most of the time just feel anger towards her, so it just seems a bit wrong to be taking holidays from her.

At the same time, saying no gives off the impression that I'm not interested in any effort she makes, which isn't true at all. And of course it seems hugely unappreciative.

By the way, the reason she has asked me to go is because the kids have something on at that time and their dad needs to stay to mind them. I suppose I feel a bit prickly that I was more of a last resort too.

I just don't know what to say, and would like some advice. Thanks.

astra2000

Hi from what you have said things are not the easiest between you and your mum, you seem to have some resentment towards her (cant say I blame you), maybe this would be an opportunity for you and her to spend sometime together without the usual distractions from the rest of her family. How long is it for? If its under a week it will fly between travelling and attending the wedding. Dont think of yourself as a last resort, obviously your mum was going to bring her husband first if he could make it he was probably invited, the fact that she has asked you means she wants to spend time with You!
Look I am not saying she sounds like a number 1 mum but she is the only one you have, I think you have posted before and your relationship with your mum seems to be causing you a certain amount of angst which is such a pity. I think you need to accept that your relationship with her is probably never going to be what you desire it to be. Try to move on from past hurts/annoyances, and make a decision regarding this holiday that you will feel comfortable with. It always comes across to me from your posts that you seem very mature, actually more mature than your mum. It is unfair that she hasnt given you the ability to have a close bond with her but I think this holiday may help you get a little closer. Best of luck

Miss Fluff

Holidays can sometimes be the test of any relationship so if your relationship with your mother is already fraught then I'm not entirely sure spending time within such close proximity while under a complement to her (she paid for the holiday after all) is such a great idea. You need to be taking baby steps rather than a big leap of faith and maybe ruining it permenantly.

When are the holidays? Can you say you want to concentrate on your study for your LC?

It does seem like she does want to make an effort so maybe you should say whil you're disappointed you can't go suggest a day trip together or something....