9 months preg worried about relationship

LegacyUser

I am currently pretty much 9 months pregnant, currently on maternity leave and just waiting for baby to arrive.

I've been thinking about this for a while now but since I finished work I suppose I have a lot more time on my hands and i find myself getting really upset to the point of tears over this.

I'm so in love with my oh and I know that he is with me. I was in long term relationships and thought I was in love before but I now realise what the real deal is. We are like best friends and a few years down the line it still feels like we're in the first flushes of romance. He is kind, caring and considerate and not just with me, he is the type of person who will always stop to help if he sees someone with car trouble on the side of the road or help old ladies with their shopping at the supermarket. Having said that he always makes me number one if I need him. He makes me a better person, I think he deserves someone who is as great as him so I try to be like that.

You're probably thinking what is the problem so here it is, I'm so afraid that when baby arrives everything will change. I'm afraid we won't have time for each other and things will just become routine with concentrating on getting through the day, changing nappies and washing clothes and the fun and love will die out of our relationship. As selfish as it sounds i'm also afraid that.

I won't be his number one any more. I even worry that he is so great and our baby is going to love him so much that I will be like a third wheel in their relationship.

Maybe I'm just being hormonal, this baby was very much planned and I can't wait to meet them and love them so much already. I don't think it's natural to feel this way though, reading back it even sounds like jealousy which isn't very maternal.

Is this normal? Have any other mommies felt this way?

Kimono-Girl

firsttimemomtobe wrote: »

I'm so in love with my oh and I know that he is with me. I was in long term relationships and thought I was in love before but I now realise what the real deal is. We are like best friends and a few years down the line it still feels like we're in the first flushes of romance. He is kind, caring and considerate and not just with me, he is the type of person who will always stop to help if he sees someone with car trouble on the side of the road or help old ladies with their shopping at the supermarket. Having said that he always makes me number one if I need him. He makes me a better person, I think he deserves someone who is as great as him so I try to be like that.

i just want to say first i could have written this word for word. :eek:

firsttimemomtobe wrote: »

You're probably thinking what is the problem so here it is, I'm so afraid that when baby arrives everything will change. I'm afraid we won't have time for each other and things will just become routine with concentrating on getting through the day, changing nappies and washing clothes and the fun and love will die out of our relationship. As selfish as it sounds i'm also afraid that.

i too feared that, and im not going to lie to you, for the first few months we had no time for each other as we adjusted to being parents, nether one of us wanted to leave our daughters side so nights out/cinema...etc were dropped, until eventually we hit a point where we were forced to stop stand back and make time for each other, it started out as scheduling time alone together (organsing a babysitter..etc) where now we have mastered grabbing every moment we can together, having fun together and we love each other more now then ever before.

and its made things better between us believe it or not.

firsttimemomtobe wrote: »

I won't be his number one any more. I even worry that he is so great and our baby is going to love him so much that I will be like a third wheel in their relationship.

Maybe I'm just being hormonal, this baby was very much planned and I can't wait to meet them and love them so much already. I don't think it's natural to feel this way though, reading back it even sounds like jealousy which isn't very maternal.

Is this normal? Have any other mommies felt this way?

honestly i think you won't be his number 1 anymore, i know im not. BUT you will be the mother of his child and because of that a damn close no 2. its not jealousy in my opinion, you are about to start on a major life change, and thats going to effect you, trust me once you have your child in your arms you may feel different on the subject, until then just try not to overthink and good luck,

it seems to me you and your perfect man are about to create a milestone in your lives!

Smashhits

totally agree with the above post but remember you may not be his no 1 anymore but he won't be yours either. he may well be having the same fears at the moment cos with a lot of relationships the guy has to take a back seat for the first few months after a baby. your time and energy will be taken up with the new life. it's a big change and your relationship will change as a result but if you truly love on another this child will strengthen your relationship. good luck.

Wurly

Hi OP, i'm not a mother but I just wanted to post to wish you the best of luck. Undoubtedly, you are entering into one of the most exciting times of your life. It's wonderful that you and your partner have such a strong love for each other. It was heartwarming to read your story. As with any huge change, there will be challenges. However, with such a strong foundation laid already, i'm sure you will be fine. Enjoy every moment and good luck with the birth. X

LegacyUser

Speaking as a single parent who met her oh and is now 8mths pregnant with oh's baby.

IMO even though my son is my number 1 priority, the love I have for my partner is normal and it hasn't changed from the day I met him!

We all have different types of relationships with people. The love you have for your child has different qualities as what it would your partner, the maternal bond for one is the strongest you'll ever experience and it is very powerful. and your love for your kid will allow you to love him/her, to teach, help grow emotionally and physically, to lead, to be a good role model, to cuddle and comfort, to feed, to keep warm, to be the happiest kid on earth. this will become your priority in life.

..That doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your partner or all of your time! Your partner will want to support you and protect his new family

Your previous life of getting up and going, doing what you want will change (a lot), sorry to say it but children require routine and you will also, without it your life is going to be chaotic and overwhelming. But thats the sacrifice your making!
People don't like change and the very thought of it makes a lot squirm but relax a bit and embrace the change, communicate communicate communicate, don't let little things build up, talk it out even if you feel stupid for saying it or its hormones just say it. and if your not happy with the way things negotiate something else or change it, change only happens if you want it. make life exciting as you want or boring as you want.

Set up some ground rules before baby is here, like who is going to do night feeds or do the cleaning etc, if nothing is communicated a system called pointscoring can occur. This is where one person does what they feel is a majority of the important life changing chores and see the other person as getting of scotch free and start to resent the other person for not climbing aboard ship and eventual outbursts will occur until things change on their own accord but don't because nothing is communicated. so discuss how your lives will change and what jobs have to be done. Once you get all the jobs out the way (fairly) there is more time to relax and spend time together and focus on having fun and what not.

all the best for the future for you and your new family op