confusing!!!

LegacyUser

surprised i'm even posting this here, i'm just lost and looking for a few opinions, dont want to mess this up!!

met a guy good few months ago, started seeing each other, very casual as in no talk of 'relationship status' but he would drive a good distance up to me most weekends and would be in touch a lot during the week, he always made an effort. at first i was very happy with it being a casual thing, but really i liked him a lot, just didnt feel the need to define what we were doing together, i'm fairly easy going in that department. (usually ha!) recently realised that i do like him a lot and have no interest in seeing anyone else and would like us to be in a relationship coz im getting smitten! we've never had the discussion of not seeing other people so technically both are allowed but i havent, and would be fairly sure he hasnt either, not in any significant way anyway. up to now hes always been very considerate, attentive, caring, really making the effort to spend extra time with me rather than just dates of getting locked & having sex, and mentioning going away for the weekend and making an effort with my housemates, and generally behaving very much like we were in a relationship anyway!

couple of weekends ago i was going to initiate the conversation of what our rship is, didnt get a proper chance to do it over the night so was gonna do it in the morning before he went home. but when i woke up that morning he told me he had trouble sleeping and had been up for 2 hours and didnt want to wake me coz i had work in a while and did i mind if he
just took off now, he had a bit to do. seemed a bit odd but was grand, kisses goodbye etc. right up to then he hadnt been in any way off with me, apart from being tired and a bit distracted the previous night, but not in any way hugely different, and was still affectionate, had sex etc.

texted him a bit later that day he left and said sorry if i seemed weird when you were going earlier, had just woken up and had hoped you werent going coz you were going off me or anything weird to do with me, his reply was 'no yer grand, was just up early and
not good at staying in the one place too long' or something like that and then chatted as normal. had hoped for a 'no course im not going off you' or something similar but let it go!

since then he has been in touch much less than normal, but i do know he has had a few stresses going on, and didnt get to see him this weekend coz he had something on which i know he did have in advance. just got a different vibe from him but thought maybe
i was reading too much into it coz was dying to see him again in person to have the rship conversation and wouldnt feel easy until that happened. and thought he might just be a bit preoccupied with other things at the moment so just stepped back a tiny bit but was
supportive etc.

so last few days things seemed to be a bit more back to normal, regarding keeping in touch, but was chatting to him on facebook and when I asked him what his weekend plans were he said 'might have to work,not sure,trying to keep quiet and save a bit', which is understandable, when i said 'ah was hoping if you were free you might get up to me but if you're broke its understandable' or something, he just went offline. (just to mention i dont drive so it is always him that has to make the effort to come see me, but i've acknowledged this with him and it hasnt been a problem at all)

my gut feelings are he realised he only likes me as a friend, and/or or hes met someone else, but it seems very abrupt coz everything was absolutely fine until that morning he suddenly left out of the blue, including the night before! basically it all changed overnight, literally! i thought it was back to normal and i was reading too much into it, but now im not so sure.

next time i see him i want to let him know how i feel, but dont know when that will be, so maybe should just ring him next week and say it? also dont want to scare him off or be all stressy if hes having a weird time of it lately, so maybe should just go with the flow and wait for him to make contact, and if hes not mentioning seeing him the weekend after next then ring him and ask him whats up? i dont know if im over reacting over all this coz im anxious bout having the chat with him, or if it does seem odd?

basically, wanna know does it seem like hes not interested in me anymore, or is there just other things going on with him? i know the only way to know is to be honest and ask, but id rather do it in person so dunno what to do in the meantime!

LegacyUser

Did he get the impression from you that you were getting too serious about him the night before he left?
Did you mumble something in your sleep after sex that kept him awake for two hours that night, and prevented him from sleeping?

It's easy to get kicked off facebook chat accidentally but normally if that happens, you text, message or call the person to let them know you got disconnected.

If he wanted a relationship with you, he wouldn't be behaving like this, that's for sure. I wouldn't bother running after him. If he wants you, he knows your number. Sounds like he just wanted a **** buddy and now he's ready to find a different one.

IrishEyes19

First thing you need to do, OP, is relax a little. I do see where your concern is, however this sort of over analysing can really be destructive. Maybe ease up on your texting, and see if he makes more of an effort, thats always a sure sign if he's still into it. I do think it was rude of him to go offline, but theres always the case of he got called away, or something came up. If it kept happening, I would be concerned.

Obviously eventually you will have to ask him where you see this going, but just be careful in the way you do it. I would keep it casual enough by saying, you like him, you've enjoyed your dates and you'd like to take it further if the feeling was mutual. that way its not pressuring or dramatic by saying, you feel he's gone off you and does he actually like you. you'll come across as confident and independent, so regardless of how he responds, you wont come across needy.

midlandsmissus

It's mad when it's anyone else I can see it so clearly, and you want to say to them "Stop over analysing things, stop texting him, get the power back for yourself girl", but when it was me in my own situation I was a gibbering wreck aswell!

I think I had my friends tormented over analysing things.

Anyway as hard as I know it is there are only four things you can do in this situation:

1) Don't text him.
2) Don't have the relationship chat
3) Let him initiate the next meeting.
4) Do NOT let him know how much this is affecting you, play it cool (wish I'd followed my own advice there!)

You will get the power back. Just focus on yourself, and see what he does next.