Going nowhere in life

LegacyUser

i am a young single man in late twenties living in rural ireland who still lives at home and is unemployed,every so often i see countless threads and posts on the many who have their degrees and diplomas and cant find work,but i never went to college and haven't got much skills or intelligence,practically useless with everything,so im one of the few stuck here who has nothing,and cant emigrate due to lack of skills and qualifications.

i wish i could go to college,but such is the cost and grant system in this backwards country makes me not eligible or affordable,i doubt i would actually find something i would be good at,most of people i went to school with now have girlfriends or kids,i have no friends and often sit at home alone all day and would often hear about latest holidays that some neighbours had,in my time i did some courses but of course i know these wont do much for me,sometimes i lie in bed at night thinking i should be dead given how sad and empty my life is,is there any hope for my type,or can i change?.

LegacyUser

Only you can give yourself the kick up the arse you need to get up, go out, and do someone with your life. Your days are rapidly ticking away. I watched my terminally ill father long and wish for more days, and then there are people out there wasting their lives away. It saddens me.

Only you can change your ways. No point ranting about it here and feeling sorry for yourself while drawing from the state and living at home for the rest of your days.

Get up, get some training, get a job. There are jobs if you're willing to do them. There are always jobs contrary to what people might like to think. Even if it's unpaid work, volunteering is a wonderful contribution to society, and experience for future jobs.

Remaining in your current state is the easy way out.

LegacyUser

first thing you need to do is realize that no matter what you get you will have some problems, issues etc.

look at some of the posts on this forum. you will see people who are married asking for marriage advice, people with good jobs looking for career advice etc.

Knowing there will always be problems, next thing is to identify what is the one thing that will make you most happy with your life right now.

If its a college course, then rather than identifying the things that prevent this from happening, write out a list of ways you can make it happen. im using a college course as an example, the principal applies to anything.

Once you know how to obtain what you want, set about executing your plan.

I think your main problem is you spend too much time sitting at home comparing yourself to your friends, and seeing where you think your life sucks, in comparison to theres. thats a fruitless waste of time.

Use your time to identify what you need to be happy, and then how you can realistically obtain that. It may not be easy but the journey will keep you occupied and you will be using your time in a much better way than what you are now.

good luck.

LegacyUser

I hear you man.

I went to college and got a diploma but I envy people who have a trade.

Thing is, you're only in your 20s. Life can turn around. It takes a bit of time to

Try and get out of the house every day. When I've been out of work and feeling down, the best thing I did was to get exercise and to go visit friends and family, even if it was just for a cup of tea.

Aren't there FAS courses which one can do?

LegacyUser

Of course there's hope for you. You're still only in your twenties, you've plenty of time to change things if you're not happy. If you want to go to college, then there's definitely some way of making it happen. I know the grant system is painful at times, and to be honest I wouldn't be the most familiar with it, but get onto your local citizens advice office and they'll help you. If moving away from your home isn't possible, there's always the open university or other distance learning courses. What were the courses you did before in? Is there any way you could use those courses as a stepping stone into another course?
And don't say you've no skills or intelligence. Trust me, from looking at your spelling and grammar in the post you wrote, you're a lot more intelligent than a good few people I went to college with.

eddison

Hi OP,

Ever watch the program 'secret millionaire'? is on the internet on channel 4- every single series.
The first one starts out with a guy who is 24 i think, and he is a self made millionaire. Did he have a diploma? he might, but in my view, diplomas, and trades rarely make one successful or wealthy. Work also does not make you wealthy or successful, take a look at many extremely hard working coal miners or farmers. They work very hard, but few of them are successful, or wealthy. So what is it?
Take a look at the rest of the 'secret millionaire' series- none of the people are especially more intelligent, or better educated. Lots come from very poor backgrounds, and lots come from better backgrounds. Some are highly educated, and some are not.
One lady come from Tansania- very poor, and is in the U.K. 5 years. In the past nine months her husband has had to give up work as a successful chartered accountant to support her, as she is now worth several million pounds. she looks like she is in her 20's.
But the one common thread between all of these people is their attitude. Listen carefully to every little thing they concerning their career. The woman from T. says 'the sky is the limit! Another guy who gave away 290,000 to charity said- if i was to play the lotto, i'd probably win. He wasn't showing off, as he is worth over 300 million. He was saying it as a matter of fact, that he didn't want any more money.
So it is all about attitude in my humble opinion. Look out for opportunities, they are everywhere! I am serious, but you will only spot them if you have a good positive attitude.

A really excellent way to get a good attitude, and possibly lead to other work is to do voluntary work. Have you considered this? The reward may not be financial, but is huge in self respect.

thefeatheredcat

turnipt wrote: »

or can i change?.

Yes, if you really want to.

OP, one day while talking about my own future, my dad told me he failed his leaving cert, which was something I had never known before prior to that and have never spoken of to anyone. He never went to college, there weren't such things as PLC courses back then, and college education was for people with that bit more money. He worked many crap jobs, often went beyond the necessary without any thanks, often was treated unfairly but rarely complained and eventually hit something decent when an unknown multinational planted its roots here in Ireland.

He raised 4 children, all born before and during the 1980s, kept his family going through that recession when money was tight but we never went without. We all had a chance at college, but it didn't work out for all of us. I look at my father today and am proud to be his daughter, because I know him to be a kind, caring, sensitive, honest, decent, hard working person, who would never do anything underhand or speak ill of someone unless it was completely deserved. He's always done the best for his family, even when it meant sacrificing a lot for us, and always seeks to make sure we all stay in contact, even now we're all grown adults going in different directions, in different situations in life. And yet, despite my own college education, he still knows and has better knowledge of business, stocks and shares and economics than college taught me.

The point I'm making is that it doesn't matter that you don't have a LC, diploma or degree. You can still use the skills that you have learned from living, the capabilities that you have that has gotten you this far in life. You have hidden talents, especially in just the person that you are, and how you treat others.

It doesn't matter what others have, or are perceived to have, because holidays and relationships often aren't what people tell them to be. The same with friends. I currently have to say that I've purged almost all my "friends" that I had after dealing with a serious personal issue, as none of them were there for me when I needed them, even when I reached out. And I'm comfortable with that, comfortable being on my own, and comfortable with myself, and I know, sometime I'll meet the right people that will add even more value to the person I am, when the time is right.

So what do you want for yourself? What do you want to fill your life with?

Don't be too hard on yourself - you have a lot to offer, even if you don't yet know it yourself, and others don't expect that of you.

I remember this homeless man that I've seen in my home area since I was a child, he's well known to people in the community. He is actually perceived and is known to be one of the most intelligent people out there, if you're lucky enough for him to converse with you, as he often chooses not to. Yet to anyone speculating, they might not necessarily think so and see him as just another homeless man with nothing to offer society.

Monkey Allen

Firstly, I suggest exercising everyday. You'll have to force it but it will get you active and that is vital. Fit body, fit mind. Once you reach a stage where you are fit, you will have the energy to do something about your work situation. Read some self help books. I recommend the 7 habits of highly effective people. Do this whilst exercising.

Examine key areas that you want to change. If you smoke, you might want to mark that down as an area to improve.

But you'll see more options and doors opening if you are healthy physically.

tenchi-fan

Australia, NZ, Canada and a few other countries all do working holiday-maker visas for under-30s/35s. You are also free to travel anywhere in Ireland or the EU. Of course, the dole won't be waiting for you in those countries so it would very much be a case of making your own luck.

eddison

Hi OP,

I'm not saying you do this, but EXPECTATIONS ruin lives. Expectations kill passion. It seems as if you have lost passion for life in your post, is this right?
So what is passion? Passion is the love of doing something. It is the love of action. Now you say this and that person is doing this, and is there in their life, but you are not. Are you expecting to be in the same position or better?
Do you expect that by now your life should be at such and such a place?
Are you comparing your life to other peoples lives?
When you have passion, or the love of doing a thing, but you place expectations on this, the expectations kill the passion with a 12 inch pointed blade. Same with looking for results. Judgements kill our joy, and expectations make us unhappy. Expectations also ruin relationships.

Try to find something you have a passion for- model railways? slot car racing? Gardening? learning a musical instrument? Remember that silence is golden. This means being silent, while engaged in your passion. Remove your thoughts, for instance when you learn something new. Then you will not expect a result, then you will continue a passion. Many times, a passion will turn into a career, but at least it will give you a PMA !

mood

turnipt wrote: »

i am a young single man in late twenties living in rural ireland who still lives at home and is unemployed,every so often i see countless threads and posts on the many who have their degrees and diplomas and cant find work,but i never went to college and haven't got much skills or intelligence,practically useless with everything,so im one of the few stuck here who has nothing,and cant emigrate due to lack of skills and qualifications.

i wish i could go to college,but such is the cost and grant system in this backwards country makes me not eligible or affordable,i doubt i would actually find something i would be good at,most of people i went to school with now have girlfriends or kids,i have no friends and often sit at home alone all day and would often hear about latest holidays that some neighbours had,in my time i did some courses but of course i know these wont do much for me,sometimes i lie in bed at night thinking i should be dead given how sad and empty my life is,is there any hope for my type,or can i change?.

You can get a oz one year work/holiday visa if you are under 30. I would go if I were you. Or could you do a Fas course?

LegacyUser

hi all,thank you for your replys,i have done courses in the past but i think they weren't sufficient in securing a job,i know i should learn skills too,but each post was good and i took on board what was said,i will try my best

thank you and lock pls .

wylo

this is a cheesy line, but you only think your not good at anything.

When is the last time you have actually attempted something academic.

I dont know how you got in school, so this might not be relevant to you, but I know two people that were absolutely useless in school, i mean barely passing the leaving cert. They would have definitely come across as not academic or intelligent, it was presumed by many friends that they'll be the ones doing the menial unskilled work the rest of their lives.
One now has a first class honours degree, and the other is just starting his masters. They both started college in their late 20s.
None of this may apply to you but its just food for thought. You are entitled to back to education allowance and a grant to go with that.

Also...exercise, especially running, it genuinely literally makes you happier.

Partizan

turnipt wrote: »

i am a young single man in late twenties living in rural ireland who still lives at home and is unemployed,every so often i see countless threads and posts on the many who have their degrees and diplomas and cant find work,but i never went to college and haven't got much skills or intelligence,practically useless with everything,so im one of the few stuck here who has nothing,and cant emigrate due to lack of skills and qualifications.

i wish i could go to college,but such is the cost and grant system in this backwards country makes me not eligible or affordable,i doubt i would actually find something i would be good at,most of people i went to school with now have girlfriends or kids,i have no friends and often sit at home alone all day and would often hear about latest holidays that some neighbours had,in my time i did some courses but of course i know these wont do much for me,sometimes i lie in bed at night thinking i should be dead given how sad and empty my life is,is there any hope for my type,or can i change?.

OP, I was once like you. I was in my early 20s, on the scratch, living with the parents, getting pissed every weekend. I was going nowhere and fast. One day it dawned on me that life is precious and you only get one shot at it so I decided to do something with my life. I decided to get up of my arse, went down to the local dole office and enquired about FAS courses. They promptly put me on one. I went on the FAS course in February 2000. While there I upped my IT & office skills, got a job and in January the following year did an Open University course. When I completed that in May 2001, I applied to go back to College and was duly accepted for a place. Fast foward to present day, I graduated with an Honours Degree after 4 years having met loads of people, some life long friends (1 year Erasmus placement in Bulgaria) and I am now in a full time job. I couldn't be happier.

OP, you are in a rut and the only person who can get you out of it is you. You are not useless. Quit the negativity and be positive for once. Now get up of your arse and less of the moping around.