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How do I chat up a girl? 21yo
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07-02-2011 12:41am#1
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Don't approach with a line - its quite hard to pull it off if you're even a little lacking in confidence.
Queues are you're friend. Seriously, talk shite to anybody around you in the queue about how much it is in, or in the bar queue ask if there are any good drink promos on or comment on the music if its a bit strange... WHATEVER
When you get to the bar ask her if she wants a drink then but do this in the way that people buy everyone shots on nights out, not in a the classic buying a girl a drink with obvious connotations way. After the shot ask her her name and other such small talk like where are you in college etc...
At this point, you'll be done at the bar so instead of walking off in opposite directions ask her to dance. Do this really casually though, not "do you want to dance" literally just say "dancefloor?" as if its the natural progression from finishing a drink which in fairness it is...
If she seems amenable to this suggestion, TAKE HER BY THE HAND and lead her to the dancefloor. After dancing a little you should be able to tell if she's comfortable with you (ie is she still there and not frantically waving to her mates
). At this point its safe to put your arm around her or your hand on her hips or even turn her around and start to grind with her. Try and keep up the smalltalk/shitetalk at this stage.
At this point your pretty much guaranteed the shift if you go for it. If you are nervous about the whole kissing thing I'd suggest a quick (~10 second) kiss on the lips with your mouth slightly open. This willl signal you want to start 'making-out' (hate the term) and she will be prepared fully if you go in for the kill then. If your lucky, she may even take the lead at this point. If not just go easy on the tongue - if she wants more she'll be sticking hers down your throat and sucking at yours (sounds weird but you'll know what i mean).
After a while of this, say to her about going to the seats or the bar or the smoking room or something. This will stop her getting bored and give you a chance to talk some more/get back into the shifting/heavy petting ;-). After a while of this, towards the end of the night, either mention swapping numbers or even going back to yours! You can tell by the reaction to asking for the number whether or not its worth calling/texting0 -
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So one question just to be sure, if she stays dancing with me for about 5 minutes, would I be safe enough to go in for the shift? What are the chances she'd make the first move?
I'd say so yeah but remember that the guy who gets rejected most gets his hole the most!
A lot of what i'm saying here won't be popular as it implies there are certain cheat codes to scoring women! It won't be as formulaic as I described before but that isn't a big deal cos I assume that you can carry a bull**** conversation for a few minutes without help!
I won't insult you by telling you to be yourself as if there is nothing to learn in this scenario but if you are as sound a fella as you thin, you should be fine after the approach is taken care of.
This may be offensive to some women but i think the OP should consider the following:
* Alcohol makes you more relaxed and confident. It also lowers the girls' inhibitions. USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
* It also lowers standards (both of yours!)
Don't shoot for the hottest girl right off the bat - go for average looking girls as practice. That sounds horrible but most people settle eventually, look at married couples you know and you can normally guess who 'settled'! Remember you'll be nervous and you woudn't want to let that ruin things for you with the right girl, also remember that you wouldn't get to score her if she wasn't interested so its not like your exploiting her either (don't lead her on though by saying you'll call etc) so everyones happy
DISCLAIMER:
I'm defo not a superpimp but its a rare night i dont get the shift. Also a lot of the banter I have with the lads involves slagging each other about getting rejected or scoring ugly birds while absolutely twisted. All of it is in good fun and its not like we hold it against each other for months. Go do what you want without fear of what people think - Either drink more so you are more confident or blame it on drink the next day. Its not fair that some people are able to handle some situations better than others but you r a young guy and if you improve in this regard during the period of your life you can right off as youthful craic then more power to you.
I'm 19 myself and enjoy getting quite intoxicated and pulling randomers. I haven't had much in the way of relationships and would want to at my age. I think we can get away with such carry on due to our age and if it helps you get over a speed bump on you rroad to pimpdom the n good for it!
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if you look at the times of my posts you'll realise that I couldnt sleep for one and was a bit drunk for the other
I was also lurking about PI cos i had a thread of my own here using a different false name.
best of luck to you haha0 -
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take advantage of girls while they're drunk? Slagging each other about scoring 'ugly birds'? I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore, trying to get the attention of tools like that random string of letters guy.
There are ways to tell if someone is interested in you in a bar. They generally make eye contact, they might even smile. Personally if I were a guy looking for the shift, I'd probably be more inclined to approach someone who was looking around and not someone engrossed in conversation with friends. Greater probability of sucess, unless you can surreptitiously insert yourself into their conversation and then sort of zone in on the girl you like the look of.
Creeping on groups of girls who are dancing is a tactic which (often very) drunk guys seem to like to use, and which I really wouldn't recommend. Following us around doesn't make you attractive, just creepy.
I sometimes approach people I like, which might be somewhat unusual as I am female. I don't do it very often though, only if I think they'll reciprocate. And I generally know them a little before making my move. Admittedly, this hasn't worked out in the long-term so far, but I'm ever hopeful
You sound a bit shy - are you sure that random encounters with strangers is what you're looking for? If not, maybe try chatting up people you semi-know. Friends of friends. People you meet through college/other non-alcohol related social activities. If you are as personable as you say you are, you shouldn't really have any major problems.
Personally I think telling you to get mullered before approaching girls is pretty bad advice. Just my opinion though.0 -
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ok im the same position as the OP, cant pull a girl to save my life while all the other lads go out pulling all around them,
im 19 aswell so i know exactly what its like being in the position in a night club
im taking serious notes here too but il have a few to add from what i see from people around me
1) in some cases all a lad has to do is go up and grab her hands on the dancefloor.
one of my mates said to me once "how hard do you think it wound be to get with her" (nods over to a girl we know) she was a nerdy girl, insecure, quiet not the best looking, awkward etc. i said go for it sure. 10 mins later he came back to me and said "she was the easiest shift ever, i basically grabbed her hands, and move in for the kill.
2) never approach two girls dancing together. there like lions defending territory. you wont get with either of them because neither of them will ditch the other for a shift (some sorta weird girl policy) and you will always see them shoving lads away from them.
3) keep an eye on the drunk ones
4) if your prepared to lower your standard it makes the job alot easier
that all i have for the minute really0 -
1) in some cases all a lad has to do is go up and grab her hands on the dancefloor.
one of my mates said to me once "how hard do you think it wound be to get with her" (nods over to a girl we know) she was a nerdy girl, insecure, quiet not the best looking, awkward etc. i said go for it sure. 10 mins later he came back to me and said "she was the easiest shift ever, i basically grabbed her hands, and move in for the kill.
If you grab a girl's hands she will probably will tell you take your hands off her.
Why would you approach a girl who you think is 'nerdy, insecure, quiety not the best looking, awkward' who you are clearly not attracted to? Your negative attitude to women 'easiest shift ever' 'move in for the kill' is perhaps visible in your body language which explains why they steer clear of you? Surely you should be approaching women who are confident, extroverted and gorgeous? Do you feel you are not allowed to or you are confident enough to?2) never approach two girls dancing together. there like lions defending territory. you wont get with either of them because neither of them will ditch the other for a shift (some sorta weird girl policy) and you will always see them shoving lads away from them.
If you are with a group of guys you should perhaps try approach a group of girls together and then naturally pairing off with eachother. There is nothing weird about girls shoving guys away. Girls get a lot of unwanted attention and if guys are approaching them making an obvious pass at them they will not want to know. Imagine if you were minding your own business and a homeless man started talking to you and asked for your number? That's nearly how women feel when they get unwanted attention. Instead of looking for a shift you will have more success if you threat them like human beings rather than sex objects.3) keep an eye on the drunk ones
If you take advantage of drunken girl you could risk being accused of rape or sexual assault. It is not satisfying if the only reason she ended up with you that night if because she was drunk. If you want to meet women and actually have satisfying romantic encounters you should try approaching women when you are sober and she is sober. Would it not be more satisfying if the girl actually liked you or fell in love with you? Perhaps you might have more success with women if you don't approach women in clubs and instead if you see a pretty girl when you are in the shop or on the street or on the bus or wherever you like, you should start talking to her, get to know her and ask her out?4) if your prepared to lower your standard it makes the job alot easier
It's a 'job' is it? Do you actually want to meet the women you want to be with or are you going to frustrate yourself even more by being with women you are not actually attracted to? If you want romance and great sex with women perhaps you should aim higher? Perhaps you should be thinking about quality rather than quantity?0 -
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To start, I want to address the last post which kind of irked me. The absolute ridiculous criticism of people for not wanting meaningful relationships and whatnot. People are allowed their fun, and at the end of the day, to people saying that women are being taken advantage of, at the end of the day they decide what happens. If they don't want a "shift", then it doesn't happen. If they do, it does. How they are being portrayed as victims is beyond me. If they are drunk enough that they will accept any approach then whos fault is that? If a guy is drunk enough that he accepts any approach then whos fault is that!
The double standard is atrocious. There has been a feeling of men as vultures in some replys, and while I'll admit some of the chat up advice didn't resonate with me AT ALL, some wasn't too bad.
I'm not a guru with women and I don't pretend to be. I'm a bit of a 'chancer' though. I don't have an issue walking up to a girl in a club, however pretty or not, and at least talking.
Anywho, there is no real manual on how to chat up women. I know theres those books by Jenna Jamesons biographer and whatnot, but I believe that you'd need to be with them, rather than reading it in a book.
Well, a few things I believe, and some useful tips picked up from the two or three books I read. ( Got them from a friend who has no luck with women and wanted to check em out, but I make no excuses for reading them or taking small bits of useful info from it )
- The three second rule. Very useful. You can psych yourself out of going up to every girl that you find attractive so easily. You need to approach instantly before you start thinking about what to say, and getting so nervous that when you get there you'll **** it up, seem really nervous and unsure of yourself. So, the solution is to go up within three seconds of seeing her.
Altenatively, you could wait and see if someone you like makes eye contact, and you HAVE to hold it until it breaks, and then approach. This would only work if you had a relaxed, laid back attitude about the night and hadn't put "scoring" as priority number 1. It depends on your mood really.
Remember, if you find yourself getting nervous or scared, fear isn't real. Its created by your mind, and thus can be destroyed in the mind. Don't let something you can control get the better of you.
- You have to make her laugh or smile in my opinion. So if your naturally witty, then great. If not, then start exposing yourself to as much comedy as possible. Dara O Briain, Jimmy Carr, Tommy Tiernan etc etc. Watch Will Ferrell movies for the deadpan style. Start watching Eastbound and Down, The Office, 30 Rock, Family Guy etc. I'm not saying coin jokes, but if your not funny then you need to learn it. I think everybody has the ability to be funny. Anyway, where this comes into play is if your telling her a joke, or playing a game, or general conversation.
- I wouldn't discourage approaching large groups. It often is the most effective way. Even the two girl dancing scenario is do-able. Few people go out for a night on their own, so you have to be able to deal with other people. If the friends like you, then your much more likely to see her again, if that is what you want.
- Don't be disheartened by a lack of physical action on a night out. If you end up getting to know a group of girls, then thats 50 times better. It'll stand to you in the long run. You could make some fantastic new friends, and open a whole new door for yourself. They could end up going out with you some nights ( as friends ) - Everybody notices when a guy walks in with lots of females or vice versa.
- I would really discourage buying drinks for them. Most girls will accept it anyway, free drink is free drink. I personally would accept a drink from a girl regardless of my interest and intentions. Only get her a drink if you make a bet - e.g loser of a thumb war gets the other a drink kind of thing. Everybody loves that kind of playful, stimulating 'gambling'
- I despise the stumble into them on the dancefloor thing when you've clearly been creeping for half an hour. Its arguably the most cringe-worthy thing in the world. Girls think its pathetic unless they obviously like you. And I stress the word obviously.
- If you don't fancy yourself as somebody with experience of chatting up women or that kind of thing then clubs probably aren't what you need at the moment. Pubs would be better. It allows for conversation and there is far less of the pathetic stumble-creeping. Move on to clubs when you have more confidence.
- Confidence, confidence, confidence. As Anna said on a show I've recently started to watch, "Confidence Cohen!". You have to be confident. NOTHING is more powerful. Confidence trumps almost everything, if not everything. If you aren't naturally confident, listen to some adrenaline pumping music once in a while ( kind of a general life tip ) - Chelsea Dagger is a good one.
Please, don't leave your house with your only desire being "shifting". Aim to have a good time, relax, and see what happens. Be chilled out, and the rest should follow.
For Conversation material, or an opener, I wouldn't discourage lines if you have the confidence/cocky-funny thing going for you. Or you could try getting an opinion, e.g if you have glasses ask a group are they better on or off, and its very possible that they will all end up trying on the glasses and asking opinions, and general buzz will be created. Bingo, you're in. If you have nothing like that, try asking an opinion followed by a funny and succint anecdote.
Thats only my opinion. Its not by any means gospel. Thanks 0 -
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randomstringofletters wrote: »take advantage of girls while they're drunk?
I stated alcohol lowers both parties standards (and indeed may also be helping the nervous girl dance with the dashing trevor brennan). I also said it would help the OP be more confident - he obviously needs to have his confidence boosted, and once he gets over his reluctance to approach girls (or guys I suppose) he'll realise he doesn't need it any more. This could be because he actually a great guy and didn't need it in the first place or maybe the practice he received while using the dutch courage approach has helped him to 'up his game'. Who knows, but then again it works so who cares...randomstringofletters wrote: »Slagging each other about scoring 'ugly birds'? I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore, trying to get the attention of tools like that random string of letters guy.
I used to be very insecure and wouldn't dream of approaching girls but after seeing the following happen countless times:
lad gets shot down, gets slagged. slags back, everybody laughs,
I realised that nobody keeps track of this sort of thing as they'd be a bit tipsy themselves and would be more concerned with having fun on the night out. You wouldn't suggest he tries to find a girlfriend the first night he goes to a nightclub, (obviously everyone should remain open to that, but primarily the aim is casual fun) so I shouldn't be slated for saying that in 2011 he could go out and try get the shift. Both parties will enjoy it - a kiss is not a contract and if he enjoys it as a confidence boost and she enjoys it as shooting way out of her league so what? I didn't mean anything demeaning/degrading when mentioned the concept of a 'practice girl'randomstringofletters wrote: »There are ways to tell if someone is interested in you in a bar. They generally make eye contact, they might even smile. Personally if I were a guy looking for the shift, I'd probably be more inclined to approach someone who was looking around and not someone engrossed in conversation with friends. Greater probability of sucess, unless you can surreptitiously insert yourself into their conversation and then sort of zone in on the girl you like the look of.
with all due respect, how often do you try to chat up girls? in that situation women hold all the cards so you have no idea how nerver-wracking can be. I can actually empathise with the OP whereas it is a well documented fact that women are fickle and don't actually know what they want (think of the classic badboy vs niceguy dilemma...)
Also, assuming you're a girl, you say you'd make eye contact with a guy you liked and smile but then you tell him to go for the girl thats looking around and isolated :?? I think trev should ignore that advice and go for a girl he fancies [and yes its fine to fancy more than one girl in the same pub/club on any given night]. thinks he has a chance with [not in an exploitative way but a realistic way] - theres no point tryin to chat up an absolute ride that is getting a lot of interest if you arent confident/know what you are doing when her equally pretty but less slutty looking friend is being overlooked and would love your attention [its all physical at this stage so of course he can be shallow !]randomstringofletters wrote: »Creeping on groups of girls who are dancing is a tactic which (often very) drunk guys seem to like to use, and which I really wouldn't recommend. Following us around doesn't make you attractive, just creepy.
no-one mentioned it...randomstringofletters wrote: »I sometimes approach people I like, which might be somewhat unusual as I am female. I don't do it very often though, only if I think they'll reciprocate. And I generally know them a little before making my move. Admittedly, this hasn't worked out in the long-term so far, but I'm ever hopeful
not really relevant as trevbren is male and your strategy doesn't work :Prandomstringofletters wrote: »You sound a bit shy - are you sure that random encounters with strangers is what you're looking for? If not, maybe try chatting up people you semi-know. Friends of friends. People you meet through college/other non-alcohol related social activities. If you are as personable as you say you are, you shouldn't really have any major problems.
Good things come along when you don't expect them so don't tell him to sit at home and wait for his dream girl. He is a popular bloke and has lad friends - it would be odd for him not to go out with them. If he wants to what every other young person in the country does in a nightclub then let him . You seem intent on not encouraging him out of his shell!?randomstringofletters wrote: »Personally I think telling you to get mullered before approaching girls is pretty bad advice. Just my opinion though.
Undoubtedly... I agree with you on this one but a sober guy trying to pick up girls that are drinking [NB not 'drunk girls'] is seen as creepy at times. Allow the lad to have his few pints and get the same dutch courage as his 'rivals'. If he didn't drink, not only would he be allowing more confident people an additional advantage [the courage] but he'd be putting up a barrier [looking like the creepy sober guy]!
I wrote this post from my understanding of the Irish drinking/going out culture - not some cheesy true love manual. There are things i wish were different about going out but we all have to live in the real world too!
Regards,
the original ljglgkjlkgjkd0 -
In case you are getting confused. I (ljglgkjlkgjkd) am not the same guy as hodfpsanvj !!
My previous post was a rebuttal to what seemed like a massive criticism of me! This is a new reply with more advice in it :P
I'm trying to come across as hyper-confident here in the knowledge that when trevbren might take the advice on-board he will still be nervous and not emulate it fully. While hyper-confident may work (think nathan from misfits) if trevbren takes enough from this thread to appear normally confident then my job here is done. [His subsequent successes in pulling savage looking byors wil boost his confidence to hyper levels with time!!]
I'm not hamming it up just for that reason though - I'm actually like this everyday! In school I was class clown and everyone loved me but one-on-one with girls I was cripplingly shy. I did a tiny bit of reinvention when i went to college [rationale: i probably won't see people in dublin nightclubs ever again and i can afford to go balls out so i adopted my usual personality with women too. IT WORKED!]. This isn't me being fake - i'm still the same me, just now with girls too - people don't say i changed since college like i've heard said about others.
In the 2 months since the op, i've shifted about 10 girls, had an on off fckbuddy thing with a girl for about a month and am going for coffee with another girl tomorrow morning. I'm nt selling anything here in fact i'm totally anonymous so i'm neither bragging nor lying - my advise is tried and tested!
Finally I know many will regard this as the worst advice in PI history but trevbren should take a leaf out of charlie sheens book and try being more WINNING!!!
Peace Out
ljglgkjlkgjkd
p.s. i'll bet the girl who called me a tool thought i wouldnt see this thread again... What a happy coincidence I did eh?0 -
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Just in regards to offering to buy a girl a drink as a chat up line, some girls will say yes in order to just the free drink and will then run away from you. However, I personally have always turned down a random guy's offer of a drink because otherwise I would feel obliged to kiss him later on (and that's not my style).
I can't stress enough how important a chat is with a girl. I never kiss guys who just approach me and tap on the shoulder or whatever. You say that you are the lad who's the most craic so you really shouldn't have much difficulty in talking to a girl. Then you can tell from the conversation if she's interested or else she'll make an excuse and leave. You can start the conversation anyway, like offering her a seat if it's busy or pick up her coat if it falls. Don't worry about it!
Good luck to you, op, and if it's Galway city where you're going out, it's brilliant craic! Although a lot of students are on study week so town may be a bit quieter than usual!
Best of luck, have fun and let us know how you get on! xxx0 -
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