Alive magazine

dilbert2

Today I happened to come across an "Alive!" newspaper stand and decided to pick one up for the heck of it. Now I know that some people may find it a bit disturbing, but am I alone in finding it hilarious. I mean from front to back you have (well not literally, but you get the idea),

• Labour want to kill unborn
• Pope Benedict warns Europe that it hasn't been saying enough hail mary's
• The media is out to destroy the church
• Gays and communists are out to destroy the sanctity of marriage
• Too much sex can lead to criminal activities
• EU liberal communists want to force abortion on us
• The poor in Africa (never seeing the irony of course that the Vatican and the church is among the biggest businesses and landowners on the planet).
• Young virgin movement takes a stand against culture of sin.
• Explaining the secular take over of society
• Are there liberals and communists hiding under your bed at night?

And the classifieds are something else! What is this paper supposed to represent, and why is it put into every second home in the Dublin area every month? It's like some back to back unfolding horror story with spooky communists, liberals, europeans, gays, secular media, unwed mothers plotting utter destruction of Christendom.

I apologise for putting up a post on what some may consider an offensive newspaper, but I couldn’t pass this up after reading it, because it's truly comic gold when you spend some time reading it.

L.Jenkins

dilbert2 wrote: »

Too much sex can lead to criminal activities

Now where am I going to get time to commit criminal activities between all those sex sessions :rolleyes:

Kold

Liberal communists you say?

Marcus.Aurelius

Alive is one of the funniest propaganda vehicles I've ever read. Can you believe there are people out there that are credulous enough to agree with the bilge between the covers?

argonaut

I actually take a look at it once in a blue moon because it's so absurd it's practically self-parody.

I can usually last about two pages before it becomes more depressing than funny.

RussellTuring

Where can I get a subscription?

Kasabian

The leader of the Labour Party is an advocate of abortion.

Coriolanus

I think it's good to have these kind of ideas aired on a regular basis.
That way we can root out those who agree with them so much more easily and force them to change their ways with a combination of scorn and derision.

That and it's fscking funny to read. :pac:

smk89

Burn it, burn it now!!

Carl Sagan

I have a load of copies of Alive! Think it's great for a laugh.

pragmatic1

Whos in charge of Alive.

smk89

pragmatic1 wrote: »

Whos in charge of Alive.

Just a guess but a catholic I'd say

Sergeant

It's like all other magazines and newspapers written by extremists who believe that their world view is worthy of being put in the printed form. For more examples see the pamphlets handed out by Youth Defence, and the various bearded lefties who like to spend their Saturday standing outside the GPO.

Carl Sagan

http://www.alive.ie/

The circulation at present is 392,000 copies per month. These are left in churches or delivered door to door in parishes.

392,000 copies a month. They rely heavily on donations apparently - can't believe there are enough people donating to keep this going.

Kasabian

Carl Sagan wrote: »

http://www.alive.ie/



392,000 copies a month. They rely heavily on donations apparently - can't believe there are enough people donating to keep this going.

There are still alot of practising catholics in Ireland.

imme

produced by nuts for nuts

smk89

imme wrote: »

produced by nuts for nuts

Quit it, your making me want some honey roasted kp's

TheZohanS

RussellTuring wrote: »

Where can I get a subscription?

February issue in .pdf

smk89

TheZohan wrote: »

February issue in .pdf

Do they post this to peoples houses or is it just a leave in church magazine

Craebear

Would be banned for inciting hatred if it wasn't a religious magazine.

bronte

It is quite funny.

A few years ago they had a lovely picture of Scarlett Johansson on the front and an article inside tearing strips off her because she said she got tested for stds every year because it was the decent responsible thing to do.

Crazy cnuts.

TheZohanS

smk89 wrote: »

Do they post this to peoples houses or is it just a leave in church magazine

I believe they stick it in letterboxes too. If you read the issue I posted you'll see that they're looking for volunteers to distribute the thing.

Sunnyisland

It might be sorry is a crazy magazine but there are still lots of sad people out there who will actually believe it.

Galvasean

Of the many thousand copies delivered, how many were asked for?

smk89

TheZohan wrote: »

I believe they stick it in letterboxes too. If you read the issue I posted you'll see that they're looking for volunteers to distribute the thing.

I see, its almost as bad as the Jehovas magazine. Every week the cover asks "Is the End Near?" or a version thereof.

pennypocket

TheZohan wrote: »

February issue in .pdf

Never heard of Alive! before. Agreed with OP, some of the articles are hilarious, 'Why are so many young women today full of rage' with obligatory picture of Bianca from Eastenders, an inexplicable 'I like Posh and Dave' article, presumably because she's turned into a baby incubating machine,'How sex looks in an age of despair' I'm guessing it looks pretty good, but what do I know?! 'RTE news is trivial and repetitive', well that I can get behind...
The editors are obsessed with sex, gay, straight or otherwise and the 'badness/'goodness' of women, ie Michaela McAreevey and the angel meme versus the evil wanton Biancas of this world. Strangely Meryl Streep's character in the harmless Mamma Mia falls into the evil category. There is also some weird piece about god entering dust, who knew!

PeterIanStaker

Kasabian wrote: »

There are still alot of practising catholics in Ireland.

There are less than there was, but still too many.

rorrissey

I had a teacher once who would make us read this for homework... He was a tad crazy...

Run_to_da_hills

I have to commend this newspaper paper as been one that openly spoke out against the Lisbon referendum and its repeat.

Look at the mess we are in now and all those fcuking jobs that were promised. LOL.

Aoifey!

I've never actually read it, but I'm gonna go out of my way to find now.

Just for sh!ts and giggles.

strobe

It's funny stuff alright, in the same way reading stormfront can be hilarious.

Teddy_Picker

Unfortunately I'm all too familiar with it. :mad:

Some of it is out and out hate speech, like this charming piece from an article on sexuality:

If he wants to ‘marry’ a person of the same sex, or three people of the opposite
sex or, indeed, his cat, what right have we to object? Equality for all!

:eek::eek::mad:

In my view, these people are to be pitied as much as derided...what we see as positive and embrace ,they fear and despise.

squod

Craebear wrote: »

Would be banned for inciting hatred if it wasn't a religious magazine.

There's whole countries full of right-wing lunatic scumbags out there. I hardly think we should be so annoyed by Alive magazine. Just take a look at this--->

Mr. Mussa, 46, is staring at the prospect of a death sentence......since his arrest for converting to Christianity nine months ago.....

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/06/world/asia/06mussa.html?_r=1

Guy:Incognito

Kasabian wrote: »

The leader of the Labour Party is an advocate of abortion adults having a right to make their own life choices.

I agree.

mikom

Their recipe section is great though.
Just last month they had an Andes pot-roast special.

Mike 1972

dilbert2 wrote: »

EU liberal communists want to force abortion on us.

In my case theyre going to a bit of a challenge given that Im
1) Not pregnant
2) A Bloke

qwert2

It's actually an amusing read just for 'Don't do this' and 'Don't do that' sort of articles. But I do feel sorry for the dedicated old dears who post the paper in my area. You have to hand it to them for their dedication

Mike 1972

qwert2 wrote: »

You have to hand it to them for their dedication

Suicide bombers are pretty dedicated too.......?

hal9000

the daily mail and alive should team up to create super headlines
"POPE BENEDICT WARDS OFF PENSIONER CANCER GIVING LESBIANS WITH HAIL MARYS"

AnonoBoy

I always imagine the people that make this magazine standing knee deep in the sea commanding the tide not to come in.

smokingman

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

I have to commend this newspaper paper as been one that openly spoke out against the Lisbon referendum and its repeat.
Look at the mess we are in now and all those fcuking jobs that were promised. LOL.

I commend this newspaper paper too!
As newspaper papers go, it's right up there with Oppressors Newspaper Papery Monthly. Although the newspaper paper paper they use is not newspaper paper worthy - they should really use better quality newspaper paper for their newspaper paper.

:cool:

dilbert2

I was talking to a friend today who lives nearby and I noticed that there was an Alive! magazine in the kitchen of the house she is staying in. What she said next I found a bit perplexing – she basically told me that it was actually the second time in about three weeks that the newspaper (same monthly edition) had come through the letter box.

What is going on here, is there some confusion at Alive! distribution/ logistics headquarters, or do they actually see no problem in delivering the same newspaper repeatedly, often within a matter of weeks?

starlit

I've the notion to bin alive paper if I ever see it. Pure cult and rubbish to read. Its not coherent, cannot understand the way its presented in what ever religious/english language its written in what ever it is. Its brainwashing people. I read to try to understand it why people want to read it at all but its all double dutch, its meaning is the opposite to what it really is trying to convey which often is made up I feel anyway. Its not in line with modern Ireland at all and often not truthful. What it believes is deterent to what the real catholic church speaks of at least a priest and the bible is easier to understand than alive. It confuses me and disturbs me what I read in that alive mag.

Alive is promoting a false belief in catholic religion I believe and doesn't really follow the true teachings. I think going to mass and just praying is enough to show you believe in something rather reading something as demeaning that suppose to represent the catholic church which isn't doing any favours with the stuff being made up in alive mag. It lives in an old fashion mantra really at least the church to this day is gradually getting on with the modern times.

RichieC

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've the notion to bin alive paper if I ever see it.

Save it up and use it to start your fire... burns lovely.

starlit

RichieC wrote: »

Save it up and use it to start your fire... burns lovely.

Very true, thats where it ends up when ever when my mam brings it into the house that is where it often ends up either in the fire or the bin! Doesn't have a long life span compared to any other paper! Great to keep the fire from going into a puff of smoke when its just to be about to light!

Nodin

It contains this. Not exactly an advert for Religion, I would have thought....

Speaking at a Legion of
Mary youth conference
a few years ago, Mickey
Harte told how, when his
children were smaller he
would go round to them each
night as they slept and sprinkle
them with holy water.
Asking God to watch over
his four children was a simple
gesture that illustrated
how natural and important
his Catholic faith was in his
life and in his home.

http://www.alive.ie/archives/Alive!%20Feb%2011.pdf

Snakeblood

I got that magazine. nothing to do with Pearl Jam at all. Save your money.

sligopark

Nodin wrote: »

It contains this. Not exactly an advert for Religion, I would have thought....

disgusting post, insulting and a new low for you - I would call you a rpcik but I might get a ban...


post reported

KnifeWRENCH

sligopark wrote: »

disgusting post, insulting and a new low for you - I would call you a rpcik but I might get a ban...


post reported

Tbh I'm much more offended by the paper exploiting and cashing in on Michaela Harte's tragic death to try and create an amazing Catholic role model than I am by that post.

ArtSmart

anyway.

alive mag is edited by a Catholic priest.

it has never been condemned by the Catholic church, to my knowledge though i have a vague recollection of some raised eyebrows (though not condemnation) from the church during some of their Lisbon coverage, esp an add they printed which was outlandish. cant remember the details at the mo.

it has featured eamon o cuiv interviews.

sligopark

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

Tbh I'm much more offended by the paper exploiting and cashing in on Michaela Harte's tragic death to try and create an amazing Catholic role model than I am by that post.

not the point - I am absolutely offended by someone having a go at religion and the notion of it by relaying how a father lovingly blessed his children everynight with holy water and the laugh of how his only daughter was brutally murdered....

This thread is about the Alive paper not religion nor making a laugh out of a daughters murder.

Nice one Nodin hope you are proud