No contact?

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Apologies in advance, this will probably sound very familiar. Went out with a girl, she broke up with me, got together on-and-off over the next two years(!). Without going into details, she didn't treat me very well at times, but I insisted in staying in touch with her because I'm an idiot and was/am in love with her.

Anyways, she's since moved abroad to do a college course shes really into. Up until Christmas, we stayed in touch via the odd email or text and I kinda pitched the idea that we'd meet up when she came back for the holidays. I kinda feel like I'm begging her for a couple of hours of her time when we do meet, but she agreed to meet for drinks. Had a few drinks, chatted and that...but it all seemed a bit forced. Even though I had it figured out in advance that she didn't want to be with me, I sort of came to the realisation that we wouldn't even work as friends - I know I can't survive on the odd text message or email when shes feeling lonely.

So she said we'd meet up again before she headed back to college, and of course that never happened. Since then I've had the odd email, which I haven't responded to. yesterday I got a text message asking why i wasn't talking with her. Now I don't know what to do - is cutting contact like this a bit severe? Does anyone really deserve it? Should I be going down the 'self-preservation' route and putting myself before her like this?

AnneElizabeth

Sounds like you were both very hung up on each other for a long time after the relationship ended. Now you're finally moving on, but seems like you want her back. You have two choices:

1. Do what you're doing and cut contact, forget about her. You need to cut contact with the person in order to be able to to get over them.
2. Ask her to try again if you really love her (depending on how long she's gone abroad for).

I don't think ex's can stay friends without someone still having feelings for the other.

IrishEyes19

No contact in my opinion only works if you are doing it for your own healing and nothing else. If the person you're ignoring does come back to you, once you get back in contact and yield to them, the same old problems will just come back again in most cases.

LegacyUser

Op here. Thanks for the advice guys.

Bleh. Last night, I felt like a bit of an ass for not at least acknowledging her. I mean that as a person, I felt bad about my actions. I sent her a quick text saying I was out of the country for a week due to work, made a joke about how she didn't pay me this much attention when we were together and pretty much downplayed things. She hasn't written back yet, but it was quite plausible.

The thing is, I still want to knock this on the head (or at least, I'm pretty sure I do...). I guess I'll have to the phased approach, as in not responding immediately to texts or emails. I know it makes me look horrendously needy. I'm clearly very bad when it comes to handling this.

Bahhh