"What" am I?

LegacyUser

I'm going to go unreg'd for this albeit many will know me from this board


I need some words. I don't need advice I just need some comments. I'm gonna tell you a long tale and I'm going to try and keep the long tale as short as possible and I'm hoping I can get some feedback.

Essentially, I am a guy who has known since about 8 years old that he is not straight. I grew up with a group of a dozen people in my estate and I can swear that we are as close now as to call ourselves brothers and sisters. These people have stuck with me through thick and thin and I love them to bits. We live in a small city/big town and as much as I love the "city" vibe I despise the "town" people with their close-mindedness.

Throughout our friendship, my friends never knew my sexuality until I came out as bi to my college friends in a larger city and then subsequently told them.

They were really, really, cool with it!

For two years as a "bisexual" I lived an essential gay life in college and a "Straight" life back home. I had no problem with it.

Then I failed college for X reason.

The thing is, now I'm back home and I don't know what to do. I feel myself wanting to be back in the college city. I want the freedom, and I want to be with guys!

I'm not happy here.

After thinking about this more in depth I realised that I am not attracted to ANY women in "real life". Sure I am slightly sexually attracted to a small number of women on TV but it doesn't add up to the amount of men that I am attracted to.
Essentially, I want to live my college (gay) life in my home city.

This makes me feel like such a BETRAYER of bisexuals everywhere. I feel like I am adding to bisexual erasure everywhere!

I don't know. Is there such thing as a "gay guy who just happens to be attracted to a handful of women"?
Has there ever been anyone in such a position?
I just want to stop this..... this.... "double life"???

What the feck am I?

Sincerely,

A confuzzled Motherfracker!

baby and crumble

Well, first off, giant internets hug for YOU.

Second, I don't know if it helps, but I'm a gaylady, and there's a number of male celebs I wouldn't kick out of bed.

So don't worry on that score, you're not 'betraying' anyone about this, except maybe yourself if you don't find a way to live the life YOU want to live

I don't know if that'll help...

Endymion

I'm pretty certain you're human. Sexuality isn't rigid, it's fluid. It's entirely possible when you were in college and the city you were more open to having a loosely defined sexuality. You may have had "a sure why not" attitude to having sex with women, without ever having the impetus to follow true nor the desire to ask why. When all things were equal and you could freely choose who you wanted to be with, you found yourself on the bisexual region of the sexuality spectrum.

Fast forward, you're back in the small town, hiding away your sexuality from the majority of people you meet. Even if that wasn't the case, finding prospective partners is a lot harder then it was before. Through circumstances your homosexual desires are going unfulfilled, this result in them intensifying and becoming more dominant. It's also lead you to question what you want going forward, asking question such as "Am I arsed pursuing relationships with women".

So now you're in a situation, we're you're being denied/denying yourself something you've found to be vital to your happiness and well being. As such, you've re-evaluated your sexuality in a mature fashion.

I'm bisexual. At times in the past I've been pretty much exclusively attracted to men, at other times no one, then women and now it's a case of I'm attracted to a lot of women, but only desire relationships with a tiny few. Sexuality is transient.

wonderfulname

4-18-.-2-1-12-20-1-18- wrote: »

Is there such thing as a "gay guy who just happens to be attracted to a handful of women"?

Lol, yes, sexuality doesn't split into three brackets of straight, 50:50, and gay. It's a spectrum, you can be straight, 99.9%straight, 99.8%...0.01%, hmm... I fear I'm not explaining this very well, do this just to see the resulting graph, sexuality can be absolutely anywhere on there, and that's before you factor in pansexuality etc. You can also see that sexuality can shift and change with time.

That bit doesn't seem like a problem to be honest, look, you're all grown up, you can move out of your home town if you want, get a job and a flat and off with you.
Similarly if you just want to find some gay guys in your home town they are there somewhere, you just don't know where. Google LGBT<insert town name here> and if the town is that big some official group should turn up, if you don't want to do that just go out with your eyes open, its not a case of there being gay clubs and straight clubs, its gay clubs and everyone clubs so you should find someone. Your mother isn't going to magically know just because its in the area.

Dwn Wth Vwls

4-18-.-2-1-12-20-1-18- wrote: »

This makes me feel like such a BETRAYER of bisexuals everywhere. I feel like I am adding to bisexual erasure everywhere!

That's very admirable of you, but this is your life you're talking about. You have to do what makes you happy, and be yourself. You can't hold yourself to some arbitrary label just for the greater good of humanity. If things have changed, or you made a mistake, or whatever, just go with what works for you. I, for one, don't feel betrayed or erased.

KnifeWRENCH

Endymion wrote: »

I'm pretty certain you're human. Sexuality isn't rigid, it's fluid. It's entirely possible when you were in college and the city you were more open to having a loosely defined sexuality. You may have had "a sure why not" attitude to having sex with women, without ever having the impetus to follow true nor the desire to ask why. When all things were equal and you could freely choose who you wanted to be with, you found yourself on the bisexual region of the sexuality spectrum.

wonderfulname wrote: »

Lol, yes, sexuality doesn't split into three brackets of straight, 50:50, and gay. It's a spectrum, you can be straight, 99.9%straight, 99.8%...0.01%, hmm... I fear I'm not explaining this very well, do this just to see the resulting graph, sexuality can be absolutely anywhere on there, and that's before you factor in pansexuality etc. You can also see that sexuality can shift and change with time.

+1.

OP, you ask "What am I?" You're you. And there's more to you than your sexuality. Don't feel like you have to put yourself in a box or stick rigidly to a label you put on yourself.

Whether you're gay or bi doesn't make any difference. This "feeling like a traitor" business is all in your head, and you need to realise that and try and kill off those thoughts. You don't need to conform to any type of life or feel like you have to be a certain way. Just go with the flow. You'll find out in time what you really want and what kind of people you're attracted to.

Good luck. Hope it all goes well.

gavkm27

I think you are Gay,i think you are only bi at home because its easier than coming out and yes its a good way to break people in.
You tell yourself you still like a handful of women,yes they are attractive and you would be able to have sex with them,but do you jerk off to women or men? do you fantasize about women or men.