39 year old female virgin

LegacyUser

Help, I am 39 and never had sex. I wanted to met the right person, get to know them and then sleep with them but it did not happen. I have never had a proper boyfriend. When I was 14 the first guy I ever liked tried to rape me and only used me to go out with another girl. After this it took me a long time to trust anyone.
After that any guy I liked let me down. I could be a new best friend or I could be a **** buddy but I was never the girlfriend.
I meet someone have a bit of fun and never hear from them again.
Over the past 10 years I have watched nearly everyone I know find someone, live with them/get married and several have now got families.
I have had so many events that I have gone to on my own which have been full of couples.
Last year I met someone through a friend, he is married and a few years older than me.
We became friends and I wanted to sleep with him. He is a nice guy and would not broadcast the fact if we did sleep with each other but nothing happened due to a number of reasons. He will be back in my life this year in the next few months - should I sleep with him?
Also I have got heavy in he last few years but I am going to do something about this. Would losing a few stone make a difference in finding someone. I would like to hear from anyone who has been through this re being an older virgin or from someone who weight loss made a difference.

Maple

moved from TLL.

Maple.

seamus

Losing weight won't make you more likely to find a partner in so far as making you more attractive. It will however make you more confident in yourself, which in turn makes you more attractive and more likely to open yourself up to talking to new people.

But don't allow yourself to use it as a barrier.

As to whether you should sleep with this guy, that's entirely up to you. Nobody here can tell you if you should or shouldn't.
In general, I would recommend it, if you like this guy and you trust him and feel comfortable with him. You will find that it's not as big a deal as it's made out to be and even if it doesn't work out with this guy...that doesn't matter.

But that's my opinion. I personally feel that we make a little too much of it and "keeping" oneself for a potential soulmate is an unnatural position. But others feel that it's special and should only be shared with one other.

Don't be afraid of having missed out on anything. Many people report their 40's and 50's as being the best sexual periods of their lives.

gerryk

He's married, so no, you should not sleep with him.
As for losing weight... it will definitely make you feel better about yourself. Maybe join a running club or something like that, that way you get to kill two birds with one stone... you get more social exposure and you get exercise.

dublingal80

hi op
firstly please do not sleep with the married man. Please please please. He is out of bounds. Has a wife and possibly a family. Dont do it. You are worth more than that

Plus, dont lose weight just to find someone. Lose weight because you want to and you want to be healthy. Once you are happy everything else will fall into place. Promise

Best of luck

IrishEyes19

seamus wrote: »

Losing weight won't make you more likely to find a partner in so far as making you more attractive. It will however make you more confident in yourself, which in turn makes you more attractive and more likely to open yourself up to talking to new people.

But don't allow yourself to use it as a barrier.

As to whether you should sleep with this guy, that's entirely up to you. Nobody here can tell you if you should or shouldn't.
In general, I would recommend it, if you like this guy and you trust him and feel comfortable with him. You will find that it's not as big a deal as it's made out to be and even if it doesn't work out with this guy...that doesn't matter.

But that's my opinion. I personally feel that we make a little too much of it and "keeping" oneself for a potential soulmate is an unnatural position. But others feel that it's special and should only be shared with one other.

Don't be afraid of having missed out on anything. Many people report their 40's and 50's as being the best sexual periods of their lives.

The man is married. So no dont sleep with him. Also about being heavy, then do something about it. Its one thing to feel down about your weight and feel you've let yourself go, and another to get up, bin those bad foods and get out there jogging, going to the gym or taking up a new sport. Its easier said than done, but its also gets easier when you start.

seamus

gerryk wrote: »

He's married, so no, you should not sleep with him.

I had presumed from the OP when she said he was married, she meant separated.

If he is happily (or even unhappily) married, then obviously he's off limits

zxcvbnm1

If he is separated then ya, I would sleep with him.
Being a virgin is obviously a hangup for you. So you can resolve that issue.

greenprincess

Sleeping with a married man is not a good idea. It will just lead to heart ache!

As for weight loss, I use a fantastic website called sparkpeople.com you put in what you eat every day and what exercise you do to keep a track. Also some fab recipies on there. Its a really healthy way of losing weight. Places like unislim are great to.

Firetrap

I'm assuming that her mentioning that he's married means just that. I'm assuming that if he was separated, she'd not be referring to him as married

OP I think it's a bad idea. You've got self-esteem issues I think and you're not in a happy place. You're 39, your friends have all paired up, you're possibly a bit lonely, your weight is bothering you and to top it off, you feel a bit weird because you're still a virgin. None of which are good reasons for having sex with a married man. Can any good really come of it apart from you ticking the losing your virginity off your list of things to do? Do you really want to be someone's bit on the side?

You would be much better off to concentrate on yourself. Do whatever it takes to lose that weight -whether it means joining a slimming club, a gym, taking up a sport. And whatever you do, don't have sex with this guy just because you reckon he'd be willing and able.

MsHolloway

changing girl wrote: »

I wanted to met the right person, get to know them and then sleep with them but it did not happen.

Just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it won't happen in the future. This is what you want, why settle for second best? I know you like this married man but he's just that, married and unavailable. Why settle for someone unavailable op? You deserve more than that!

Theres loads of available men out there, men who want to meet someone special and have a relationship with. Try new hobbies, join different social clubs, meet new people. If you're interested in anything - sports, books, etc see if theres any groups in your area. Theres meetup.com , have a look and see if any groups there interest you. I know you're not looking for new friends, but new friends could = available men. You could try internet dating - thats how I met my boyfriend. Who knows, right?

You've waited this long, you wanted to meet the right person and I don't think you should give up on that, and whats the harm in waiting a little longer

STIG83

You should try Internet dating OP, and i wouldnt sleep with the married man, its a bad idea.

LegacyUser

seamus wrote: »

Losing weight won't make you more likely to find a partner in so far as making you more attractive.

I disagree with this OP.

While I agree that this should not be your reason to lose weight, you should be losing weight for reasons such as health and to make you feel better about yourself, but I do think it will inevitably make you more attractive to the opposite sex.