stuck!

LegacyUser

Ok, i'm half writing this for advice and half just to get it off my chest. Here's the story:

I met this girl 4 years ago and we insantly hit it off. we went out for two years, loved each other, then broke up because i moved away and we had been fighting too. I came home 6 months later and she said we couldnt start again. I was heartbroken. I thought about this girl everyday, all day. Then at the end of last summer I met her out and she poured her heart out to me saying we should get back and I'm the only guy for her. We had a good long talk and about a week later we were seeing each other again. I was a very very happy man.
So we were in the honeymoon period, I think, because things were great and great fun. But then almost out of the blue I called it off because of a fight we were having that was going on for a week or so. It was more lots of little things than one big fight. I got a text off her I didn't like so I said that night " feck this, I'm breaking up with her". I didnt want things to drag out and it was coming up to christmas and I felt if I didn't do it now I would have to wait till the new year.
When I was calling it off she said this is it, if I go she's not coming back. I agree'd at the time. This girl was not my first girlfriend I've had but she was my first love, I know that. Now I cant stop thinking of her and I am questioning my decision. I decided Im going to wait till the summer to see how I feel. and if it's the same I am going to literally beg for this girl back. I know she loves me too.
But if I do go back, thats it, I'm in it for the long haul. marraige/kids etc and that frightens the life from me. I'm only 22! when I'm single I feel i wont find someone and when I'm in a relationship I feel trapped. I know I could marry this girl if we met in 5 years or something but I'm scared with her and without her. help!

LegacyUser

first off stop with the 'this is it, either now or never' thinking.....that thought is what's scary, not the actual break up.

I felt the same - that if I let us break up, then I'd never see him or be with him ever again - it's emotional black mail for her to use and it works because it's so final, so scary a thought....well guess what, it might be the last time and you'll never see her again but a year down teh line, that won't matter so much to you so don't let that thought rule your decisions. also, you're only 22 - it's likely that in the future ye might be better suited to each other and get back together then.

but first off - forget the future and think about now. you wanted the break the first time because ye kept fighting....you broke up the second time because you kept fighting.....what's changing in this relationship? far as I can see - nothing....you get back together again, repeat cycle....

it's hard to seperate from someone...very hard to make that final cut....but you've tried twice....it's hard now because you think there might be a chance to try again and you're afraid of giving up on that chance but OP...you have to...because it seems more that you're afraid of giving up the chance, not the girl.....ye aren't suited to each other at the moment, are you really happy with her? if you were...you wouldn't want to split because of a text she sent.

it's ok to be scared of breaking up and the finality of it - but it's not ok to be unhappy in a relationship...trust me, you'll feel better in a few months and it won't seem so bad anymore. and who knows...once you make that final cut, get over each other and mature maybe down teh line you and her will be perfect for each other but it doesn't seem like it's working right now.

gerryk

You know, one of the biggest reasons people don't stop smoking has nothing to do with nicotine addiction, it's that they look at 'the big picture' too much and lose sight of the small stuff. This is exactly what you are doing.

Take things easy... you're 22 ffs. I hardly even remember 22, and I still feel like my life has only just really begun.