Wedding : horrible bride to be

LegacyUser

My partner's friend George is getting married. He's known this guy 6 years through and they're good friends. I met George's fiancée Anna at a wedding of other friends of ours -she is not a nice person: rude and ill-mannered. We were at the same hotel as they were. The night before the wedding at dinner I asked her if she'd like me to do her hair or make up for her. Her response? "No, I don't do things like that, I'm not as vain as you".

The wedding day she spent passing horrible comments my way (such as when it rained and we all ran for shelter she said "ha i see you're running so your face doesn't melt and fall off" and George and she found laughing at my expense very funny). I ignored her and him completely for the sake of my friend who was being married.

Now George and Anna's wedding is coming up and we are invited (but did not get an invitation yet).
I do not want to go.
Why should I attend someone's wedding who was so horrible to me when all I did was be nice? I am a nice person and was genuinely hurt by her horrid comments. My partner is upset that I am taking this stance because this is one of his good friends. I know I am being selfish but why should I show up after how she treated me?

seamus

You do understand though what kind of a bind it puts your partner in?

He's got a good friend, therefore he's going to want to be there for his wedding. So he effectively has to go, with or without you. Which means that he's going to spend some of the day answering questions as to why he's alone. If he doesn't know anyone there, it's doubly hard for him.

No, you shouldn't have to attend the wedding of someone you actually dislike and make phoney comments about how great it is to be there and so forth. I'd be inclined to say that you should go and just forget about her and enjoy yourself. It's surprisingly easy to avoid coming into contact with the bride on her wedding day
But if you don't want to, that entirely your choice, and it's justified.

But you should do your boyfriend the courtesy of not having to make excuses for you and rather make yourself unavailable on the day. Book a girly weekend away (say that you had it booked ages ago), or say that you have another friend's wedding on that day, or your Mum's 60th, or anything which is arguably "more important" than their wedding.
Come up with a definitive excuse, watertight it - i.e. come up with a reason why it can't be moved - and then that's what you and your boyfriend stick to.

Squiggler

I can understand your feelings, however, do you think it is possible that you might have been the first to cause offence?

When you offered to do her hair and makeup it may have sounded like you were saying that she wasn't capable of doing it herself, or that you thought she was in need of a beauty intervention. It is possible that her subsequent behaviour was as a result of this perceived insult.

My advice would be to let bygones be bygones, put the past behind you, go to the wedding, be your usual friendly and polite self and make the best of it.

If she continues to behave badly that will be observed by others, but at least you can hold your head up.

Best of luck

Komplett-Tech: Ryan

Tough one. If you go, you are going to feel miserable and constantly wondering what that look she just gave you meant... But if you don't go you will upset your partner. You could grin and bear it for the actual ceremony and dinner. At this point you will have very little interaction with the woman. When it comes to the afters you can just make up an excuse and leave early. But hey, you might not even have to worry, you haven't even got the invitation yet... hopefully you wont

astra2000

She sounds like a horrible girl and I dont blame you for been upset.
However I do think if your partner really wants to go to the wedding you should support him and go after all he is going for his friend not this girl. Now having said that if you do go your partner should do something in return for you, he should step in if he hears comments or sniggers geared at you, he doesnt need to argue just say something like "well I think xxx looks beautiful and its great she makes an effort to look good".
Relationships can go through difficulties and imho there is no point in creating problems all because of some rude girl. Laugh it off or give as good as you get but dont let her come between you and your partner.

flikflak

Squiggler wrote: »

I can understand your feelings, however, do you think it is possible that you might have been the first to cause offence?

When you offered to do her hair and makeup it may have sounded like you were saying that she wasn't capable of doing it herself, or that you thought she was in need of a beauty intervention. It is possible that her subsequent behaviour was as a result of this perceived insult.

I agree. She may have taken it the wrong way. You only met this person once. Did you ever meet her again?

Just go to the wedding and try and keep out of her way. Are there other people there you can hang out with? Who knows you might have caught her on a bad day or she might have been on the defensive if she had never met some of her parters friends before at the previous wedding.

LegacyUser

Thanks for that. The hair and make up offer was my final peace offering after a terrible dinner experience. I was going to include this but had omitted it because it added to the length of the post! The dinner began with me and my partner at the table for 2. We didn't think they were coming for dinner as they hadn't asked us, and George said how he wanted to try the fancy looking restaurant down the road at some point while there, so we assumed they'd be going there. When they arrived in the restaurant they were facing us and we waved over and my partner gestured with his hand to come over. She pulled George away to go sit at another table, she sat at the other table and my boyfriend asked why she was sitting over there, that the table right next to us would do them fine. So George called her over and she slammed her menu down with a face and then reluctantly sat next to me with an awkward "hi" and I asked her was everything alright and she ignored me and looked into her menu.

During the dinner I made every attempt to talk about things (normal things, holidays, work, sisters and brothers, asking leading questions) them being met with "yeah, no" answers etc. I tried then to involve us in the men's conversation.

When I had offered to do her hair and make up it came up when George asked us about what colors our dresses were and if we were going to the salon with the bride in the morning etc. It went like this:

George: so girls what dresses and shoes have you picked out? Better not be white!
Anna: Green and blue shoes, got it just before we left, remember honey?
Me: Green sounds lovely, your blue shoes will match my light blue dress! Not going to the salon myself, doing my hair and make up in the room, Anna how about you?
Anna: No not going anywhere before the wedding (silence)
Me: It would be stressful trying to make it before the wedding, would you like to come in to our room tomorrow morning and I can curl up your hair for you if you like? I've also a few new eye shadows too, we could have a girly champagne breakfast!
Anna: No, I don't do things like that, I'm not as vain as you.

I had known this girl from the duration of the time we had met and shook hands briefly at reception of the hotel checking in a few hours before this! She was completely rude to me from the dinner onward.

seamus

Well then with the exception of the possibility that she heard bad things about you, she's possibly just a crazy bitch who hates all other women. Yes, they exist.

I know a guy who married a girl who sounds like what you describe. Her boyfriend (now husband) ended up in the doghouse if he so much as said two works to a woman that she didn't know and even if he spent more than a minute or two talking to her friends, it would always erupt into an almighty row. He's basically only allowed to talk to the lads. No facebook account, no personal email, etc.

Too many stories to tell, but basically she's a complete catty bitch towards all other women, a complete flirt towards all men and at this stage has alienated all of her friends.

There's no talking around them, they're just deeply unhappy & unpleasant people. I would advise you to not take her crap personally and go enjoy yourself at her expense. As I say, it's very easy to avoid the bride at a wedding.

temply

She sounds dreadful. However, for your partners sake I'd just head along to the wedding - you won't have to spend all that much time with her on the day anyway.

Danniboo

I don't get it, are you make up artist/hairdresser? Was she done up at the dinner, ie nicely dressed, hair make up done? If I was dolled up on a night out and someone asked me if I wanted them to do my hair and make up unless they were a professional in that field I don't know how i'd take it either to be honest.

LegacyUser

My sister is a beautician so I learned a lot from her, I talked about that when I was asking her what her sisters do then telling her about mine.

It seems really childish the way she just took a horrid attitude towards me. She didn't talk to any other girl at the wedding. She spent a good deal of our friend's wedding all over George, sitting on him, feeding him etc. Other people were talking about them and others were laughing and joking saying "who just got married here, you or them?"

If I do go to this, it will not be entirely at her expense. We were told that the wedding is not going to be in Ireland. George is half Polish so they're getting married in his dad's town so the grandparents can go. So it won't be a matter of jumping in the car as soon as the reception is over. It adds to my not wanting to go. I'll be far from my friends and makes me anxious about making a journey like this when the bride is such a nasty person to me. Whether or not she speaks to me on the wedding day, there will most likely be some point that we end up having to do something with them.

Pebbles68

I get what you were doing, two strangers who have just met trying to make the most of a situation. I'd do the same myself, glass of champagne, make up etc trying to break the ice. A simple no thanks would be enough. Adding "I'm not as vain as you" is way out of order. What ever her issue? it's exactly that, HER issue.

There's a strong possibility the ivitation to her wedding will never arrive. But if it does go along. Take the high moral ground, don't give her anything to bitch about. As the bride there'll be plenty of family and relatives to keep her busy. Wish her well and then you don't have to go near her again. Enjoy the day, eat her food, drink her wine and mingle with the rest of the guests. Be seen having a great time. And with any luck she'll be steaming underneath.

spinandscribble

she sounds crazy or jealous. I thought your suggestion was a lovely thought and her sharp tongue was probably reflective of her own insecurities in her appearance.

It could also be she's one of those very serious people who find anything to do with appearance trivial. Instead of keeping her mouth shut she takes pride in lashing out at others to make herself seem better, ie. "you're vainer than me so i'm the better person obviously". I've had a similar experience with girls that exclusively buy only vintage, won't to wear makeup or won't colour their hair. Some how my appearance gets on their last nerve and they feel the need to tell me i'm vain because i have a different view of what looks good for me. Their use their beliefs as weapons and armor. Sad really. it always surprises me because i'm never one to suggest others change.

IF you DO get a invite go and have a good time. It's unlikely you'll spend any time with her there anyway.

gimme5minutes

**** her, dont go to this wedding. You have no desire to go to the wedding of someone who insulted you and tried to make a laugh of you in public and you are dead right. Let your bf go on his own and make up an excuse for you or tell the truth about why you didnt come, whichever he wants. You shouldnt care about this womans opinion anymore as she is obviously just a mean bitch, let her think and Georgeyboy think what they like about your non-attendance.

Kimono-Girl

im going to start by saying her behaviour does sound completely unacceptable from what you have told us,

BUT if George and your partner are such good friends there is no way he can miss that wedding, it would be quite nasty for your partner to purposely not turn up if he is invited, and it wouldn't be fair on him to have you pushing him not to go.

i understand why you don't want to go, if i were you i wouldn't want to either, she sounds like a insecure, controlling, freak, but i think this is one of many situations that will arise in your lives together where you will have to go, be mature, suck it up and laugh it off for your partners sake.

you might get lucky they might invite just your partner giving you an out, but my opinion would be if you are both invited and your partner wants to go, be there to support him and not go for her.

after all you can always get her a nice toaster as a wedding gift

spinandscribble

Kimono-Girl wrote: »

after all you can always get her a nice toaster as a wedding gift

or a gaudy mirror bet that'll annoy her

Azureus

I dont know why a couple of people are saying they would have taken offence at you suggesting to do hair/make-up together-imo only the very insecire would take that as any kind of insult!

Anyway I had a similar situation to this crop up in reverse recently. A very old family friend was having a big reception for their parents anniversary and my boyfriend, who doesnt really like them at all, was invited. He point blank refused to go with me because of this, but it put me out quite a bit. Fact is at these kind of do's / weddings etc you spend very little time with the actual organisers/people the party or function is in aid of. So I think it would be nice of you to go and just enjoy thr day for what it is, give the bride a smile when you see her and dont read into any comments/dirty looks that she may give you. Its her own day shes ruining by doing that if she does! Go for your partners sake, who knows when you'll want him to do the same for you

Ps big gaudy mirror=legendary wedding present for this occasion!!

tinkerbell

If your boyfriend's best friend's partner is openly insulting you and your boyfriend / the best friend don't see anything wrong with this, then I would not put up with that. Your boyfriend should be having a word with his friend and asking why is she being so mean to you. I would not go to that woman's wedding. Why would you want to be there for someone who is so horrible to you? And regardless of his best friend, presumably you are in a serious relationship so your feelings should be coming first.

Put it this way, if a close friend of mine was getting married and their partner was insulting my boyfriend, I would not be going to any function of theirs unless my partner got an apology.

elbee

OP, she sounds bloody horrible - I'm one of those girls who doesn't do makeup or girly stuff and if a virtual stranger said that to me, I'd say either go along with it because she was being nice and it might be fun or else I'd politely say I couldn't and then suggest something else (grabbing a coffee beforehand or something). Would never take it as an insult ever!

To be honest, I think you should have an honest chat with your bf and tell him you don't want to spend money on flights, accommodation etc to be at a wedding where you know the bride dislikes you and you being there won't enhance her day. I would then suggest coming up with a watertight excuse as another poster suggested (clashing wedding, unable to get off work, Mum's birthday) so your bf doesn't get put in an awkward position.

I can understand why he wants you to go but I don't think you should have to fly to another country in order to be insulted! Equally I think your bf should definitely go if he and George are close. I think the secret is you having a good excuse!

Monkey Allen

tinkerbell wrote: »

If your boyfriend's best friend's partner is openly insulting you and your boyfriend / the best friend don't see anything wrong with this, then I would not put up with that. Your boyfriend should be having a word with his friend and asking why is she being so mean to you. I would not go to that woman's wedding. Why would you want to be there for someone who is so horrible to you? And regardless of his best friend, presumably you are in a serious relationship so your feelings should be coming first.

Put it this way, if a close friend of mine was getting married and their partner was insulting my boyfriend, I would not be going to any function of theirs unless my partner got an apology.

Her boyfriends feelings should be coming first. He has a responsility to be at the wedding. Its a day out, no big deal. The OP should go to the wedding and get it over and done with but also tell her boyfriend whats going on.

OP, I don't think you have a choice.

Regarding the gift. Get them a playstation. George will love you.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Monkey Allen wrote: »

Her boyfriends feelings should be coming first. He has a responsility to be at the wedding. Its a day out, no big deal. The OP should go to the wedding and get it over and done with but also tell her boyfriend whats going on.

OP, I don't think you have a choice.

Regarding the gift. Get them a playstation. George will love you.

Agreed. OP, your boyfriend should be put first here. Would be miserable for him to have to attend the wedding on his own, without his partner.

Fluorescence

OP, use the ol' recession excuse :P. People don't have as much money these days, and unfortunately you just can't afford to fly to Poland and stay there for a few days, plus outfit + wedding gift etc etc... It sounds like you tried to make an effort with this girl and she was having none of it. Don't go if it's going to put you out of pocket and out of sorts

LegacyUser

hi again, thanks to all for the advice and for the hilarious gift suggestions! It has cheered me up somewhat.

I want to put my partner's feelings first and do what is "one of those things", as someone put it here earlier, I know I'm being rather selfish in my reluctance to go but I just don't want to put myself in that position again. I also don't feel like I owe them anything. I dislike the both of them after how I was treated.

I feel I would feel foolish and be ashamed of myself in the end if I play along to hypocrisy.

I really really do not want to go. Since I am the one who takes care of this type of thing in our relationship (rent and health insurance is his thing, I take care of car expenses, food, entertainment, bills, holidays) I know that I will be the one booking all of this and making the arrangements which means having to convene with George or her so I know I am making the reservations in the right places.

It's annoying me thinking about it and it gets worse as the days go by.

IrishEyes19

I dont condone bullying however for your partners sake I would go to this wedding, have a good night with your partner and most likely you wont see too much of her in the sense she'll be so preoccupied going around to tables and dancing and such, that you wont be her main focus. Just to avoid an embarassing situation for your partner, I think you should go. but you should also do what ever you feel is right in the end.

gimme5minutes

Monkey Allen wrote: »

Her boyfriends feelings should be coming first. He has a responsility to be at the wedding. Its a day out, no big deal. The OP should go to the wedding and get it over and done with but also tell her boyfriend whats going on.

OP, I don't think you have a choice.

Regarding the gift. Get them a playstation. George will love you.

Where was the boyfriend when George and this girl were laughing at OP. She has been a bitch to OP on a number of occasions, why should OP have to put up with this crap? If considering your partners feelings is so important why isnt the bf requesting a very well deserved apology from the girl for her treatment of the OP?

And it's not 'a day out, no big deal'. This isn't a wedding down the local church, its going to cost them hundreds of euro and alot of hassle to attend a foreign wedding.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011 wrote: »

Agreed. OP, your boyfriend should be put first here. Would be miserable for him to have to attend the wedding on his own, without his partner.

Eh no, the bf will know loads of people at this wedding if he's a good friend of George, he'll have a great time regardless.

This talk of 'putting your bf first' is ridiculous. Are you supposed to give up your dignity and self-respect and put up with insults off twats just to 'put the bf first'? If someone I knew treated my gf like sh*t I would not expect her to tow the line just to make life easier for me.

This girl was way out of line, she was a pure c*nt to the OP. If they run into each other at the wedding at some stage, which of course they will, you can be sure she will have another insult to fling at the OP and make her feel even worse.

No-ones going to even care if the OP is not there. I've attended weddings before without my gf, and my friends have went to weddings without their partners, and do you think anyone cared? No-one gives a crap, why would they, they've got their own lives to deal with, and they're at a wedding hitting the drink hard, they've more important things to think about.

OP you really dont want to be there, and the bitch certainly doesnt want you to be there, your bf will have a great time anyway, and no-one else will give a crap whether you go or not so just save yourself the hassle and dont waste your time with this thing.

Ickle Magoo

gimme5minutes, could you tone down the language please. It's perfectly possible to get your point across without resorting to petty name calling.

Monkey Allen

gimme5minutes wrote: »

Where was the boyfriend when George and this girl were laughing at OP. She has been a bitch to OP on a number of occasions, why should OP have to put up with this crap? If considering your partners feelings is so important why isnt the bf requesting a very well deserved apology from the girl for her treatment of the OP?

And it's not 'a day out, no big deal'. This isn't a wedding down the local church, its going to cost them hundreds of euro and alot of hassle to attend a foreign wedding.



Eh no, the bf will know loads of people at this wedding if he's a good friend of George, he'll have a great time regardless.

This talk of 'putting your bf first' is ridiculous. Are you supposed to give up your dignity and self-respect and put up with insults off twats just to 'put the bf first'? If someone I knew treated my gf like sh*t I would not expect her to tow the line just to make life easier for me.

This girl was way out of line, she was a pure c*nt to the OP. If they run into each other at the wedding at some stage, which of course they will, you can be sure she will have another insult to fling at the OP and make her feel even worse.

No-ones going to even care if the OP is not there. I've attended weddings before without my gf, and my friends have went to weddings without their partners, and do you think anyone cared? No-one gives a crap, why would they, they've got their own lives to deal with, and they're at a wedding hitting the drink hard, they've more important things to think about.

OP you really dont want to be there, and the bitch certainly doesnt want you to be there, your bf will have a great time anyway, and no-one else will give a crap whether you go or not so just save yourself the hassle and dont waste your time with this thing.

I think you're ignoring the politics involved with friendships, especially friends of your partner.

Its easy to say to not go to the wedding but you're at risk of looking like the bitch who didnt go to the wedding.

The OP'S OH will have to deal with the questions of why the OP didnt turn up and will most likely prefer them to go. When I said 'its a day out, no big deal' I meant its not as if its an interrogation they have to sit through.

Kimono-Girl

gimme5minutes wrote: »

Where was the boyfriend when George and this girl were laughing at OP. She has been a bitch to OP on a number of occasions, why should OP have to put up with this crap?

Because her partners good friend is getting married, and it is the mature and responsible thing to do in a relationship.

gimme5minutes wrote: »

If considering your partners feelings is so important why isnt the bf requesting a very well deserved apology from the girl for her treatment of the OP?
.

why would the boyfriend demand the apology? if the OP wants an apology surely she should have a quiet word with the girl rather then causing a big public row, and dragging her boyfriend and his friend into it. middlemen never work, you're best to be direct.


in this case if the OP had issue with her boyfriend and George then yes take it up with them, but my impression of it was that her and her boyfriend are fine but it is Anna's behaviour she has the issue with. (and it would seem rightly so)

in which case my advice was to be mature and attend the wedding with her boyfriend,
i feel Anna will be too busy on her big day to even bother making snide remarks at the OP. anyway after all is said and done it's his (george) wedding too.

dudara

OP - you just have to rise above it. One person should not have such an affect on you.

Personally, I hate "girly" things with other women. Your offer of a "girly champagne breakfast" would have had my toes curling up past my ears, especially as I wouldn't know you that well. Doing my hair and makeup with other women would also be a big no-no and intrusion on what I feel is my personal space. At that dinner, she probably wanted to spend some time alone with George, rather than have a conversation with people she isn't too friendly with.

There's nothing wrong with those sentiments, but what was wrong was how she dealt with it. As other posters have pointed out, that is her issue and not yours. In future dealing with this woman, I would suggest keeping your distance, while still being polite. She's clearly got personal boundaries that are different to yours.

sipstrassi

Hi OP. Was she just bitchy to you? Was she bitchy at the wedding in general? What was she like to your bf?
Maybe go to the wedding but incorporate it into a mini-break or holiday with your bf. So arrive just in time for the wedding and leave early the next day. That way both you and your bf compromise. And you won't feel you wasted the trip on someone you don't like.
Re the arrangements, most people marrying abroad send details of available accommodation and flights with the invite. So maybe you won't have to be calling them to get details (or let bf do it).

Or you could just 'lose' your passport...

LegacyUser

weddingblah wrote: »

It's annoying me thinking about it and it gets worse as the days go by.

Seriously, cop on, why are you worrying about it?

Me & my missus have been invited to a wedding in Italy this summer, I don't like the groom so when we got the invitation I just shook my head & said you must be joking if you think I'm spending thousands going to that... My missus told them we couldn't afford it to be polite.

Another example is my missus was invited to a wedding a few years ago, me & her brothers were invited to the afters, not one of us showed up at that one, I wanted to send them an empty card but the missus wouldn't let me :-)

From the person you are describing, I wouldn't even bother with an excuse, it would be thanks but no thanks.

dudara

dudara wrote: »

OP - you just have to rise above it. One person should not have such an affect on you.

Personally, I hate "girly" things with other women. Your offer of a "girly champagne breakfast" would have had my toes curling up past my ears, especially as I wouldn't know you that well. Doing my hair and makeup with other women would also be a big no-no and intrusion on what I feel is my personal space. At that dinner, she probably wanted to spend some time alone with George, rather than have a conversation with people she isn't too friendly with.

Same. The only possible explanation for her behaviour is that she thinks you're one of those women who look down on other people for not being as made up and polished as they are, and make others feel inferior. Your offer to do her make-up could have been taken as an insult (depending on tone of voice and demeanor), and the suggestion of a champagne breakfast would have had my eyes rolling in my head. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but some people find it very grating for people they hardly know to do the whole 'let's be girly!' thing. Are you sure you haven't accidentally come across as condescending or rude? Or indeed, overly vain? You don't look people up and down when you meet them or anything like that? She has obviously taken a serious dislike to you for some reason. You haven't mentioned whether she's like this with other people?

spinandscribble

Nicole Jealous Guano wrote: »

Same. The only possible explanation for her behaviour is that she thinks you're one of those women who look down on other people for not being as made up and polished as they are, and make others feel inferior.

The only possible explanation?

There's many other explanations given the transcript of the conversation the op posted earlier. Granted its only her side but its all we have to go on. How about that the new brides is a person who looks down on others with a different idea of fun perhaps and lacks basic social skills such as saying no thank you politely? Or she's highly sensitive or misunderstands things easily? Sure its possible the op might have hit a button but as numerous posters who aren't girly have indicated, given the transcript they'd politely decline.

At the end of the day who cares what the new brides problem with the op is, the bride would have to be very strange to bring this up with the op on the day of her wedding.

Op you've gotten a lot of advice here and I think you're jumping the gun assuming you're actually invited before you get the invite. Wait and see its highly possible as another poster said that if you DO get a invite, you'll receive the booking instructions and if you you're so scared of this girl, your bf can make that call. You'll probably actually only speak a few words to the girl on the day. Don't blow this out of portion.

LegacyUser

Hi all,

In the broader picture, she never attends garden parties or 30ths with George , according to my partner.

We (me and my partner) do think she is strange , she has in the past been very rude to him too, but he accepts it because she makes his friend very happy. For example when George and my partner were out in the pub for a brief drink one evening she arrived and my partner bought her a drink, she whispered in George's ear and George made his excuses to leave. She put the glass of wine in front of my partner very abruptly and said "thanks" and walked off. That confirmed his opinion of her.

She is very brash with my partner because he and his circle of friends do enjoy a few drinks at the weekend (Friday or saturday night with the lads, I encourage him to go see his male friends) and she dislikes this type of behaviour of drinking more than one or two pints (according to my partner). He considers her opinion of him is that he is "just a complete drunk", from his previous conversations with her where she was judgemental towards him. After he told me about this I got annoyed as we've both experienced this now. He won't go near the subject with me and I can understand why.

I'm beginning to think I should be preparing (mentally) for this wedding, at this stage. I might just manage to , as it was put here, to rise above her behaviour. I suppose it will be different seeing as she will be surrounded by her own family on the day. I know my boyfriend will want to hang around a couple of days before and a few days after because his friends will do that. I might discuss this with him and try to get away earlier.

spinandscribble

spinandscribble wrote: »

The only possible explanation?

There's many other explanations given the transcript of the conversation the op posted earlier. Granted its only her side but its all we have to go on. How about that the new brides is a person who looks down on others with a different idea of fun perhaps and lacks basic social skills such as saying no thank you politely? Or she's highly sensitive or misunderstands things easily? Sure its possible the op might have hit a button but as numerous posters who aren't girly have indicated, given the transcript they'd politely decline.

At the end of the day who cares what the new brides problem with the op is, the bride would have to be very strange to bring this up with the op on the day of her wedding.

Op you've gotten a lot of advice here and I think you're jumping the gun assuming you're actually invited before you get the invite. Wait and see its highly possible as another poster said that if you DO get a invite, you'll receive the booking instructions and if you you're so scared of this girl, your bf can make that call. You'll probably actually only speak a few words to the girl on the day. Don't blow this out of portion.

I meant the only possible reasonable explanation for that behaviour - obviously in the OP's eyes she is just being nasty for no reason, but there are two sides to every story. It is of course entirely possible that she's just a nasty person. I'm just looking at the facts presented and thinking why I'd be that annoyed with someone I barely knew. If she is just a nasty person and had been for no reason, then I would not be spending my hard earned money to be at her wedding and I'd expect my BF to understand why. What does your BF think of it all, OP?

Kimono-Girl

weddingblah wrote: »

Hi all,

In the broader picture, she never attends garden parties or 30ths with George , according to my partner.

We (me and my partner) do think she is strange , she has in the past been very rude to him too, but he accepts it because she makes his friend very happy. For example when George and my partner were out in the pub for a brief drink one evening she arrived and my partner bought her a drink, she whispered in George's ear and George made his excuses to leave. She put the glass of wine in front of my partner very abruptly and said "thanks" and walked off. That confirmed his opinion of her.

She is very brash with my partner because he and his circle of friends do enjoy a few drinks at the weekend (Friday or saturday night with the lads, I encourage him to go see his male friends) and she dislikes this type of behaviour of drinking more than one or two pints (according to my partner). He considers her opinion of him is that he is "just a complete drunk", from his previous conversations with her where she was judgemental towards him. After he told me about this I got annoyed as we've both experienced this now. He won't go near the subject with me and I can understand why.

I'm beginning to think I should be preparing (mentally) for this wedding, at this stage. I might just manage to , as it was put here, to rise above her behaviour. I suppose it will be different seeing as she will be surrounded by her own family on the day. I know my boyfriend will want to hang around a couple of days before and a few days after because his friends will do that. I might discuss this with him and try to get away earlier.

honestly i believe that is your best option here, and like you said she may be different around her own family and friends,


as for the drinking thing im like you i encourage my partner to meet the lads for a night out drinking, its normal to have a few pints on a weekend night, he often brings me with him, so i know how important it is to get along with his friends, and honestly thats all you need to concern yourself with. if he wants to make it into a few days with his friends have your fun with them and just ignore her.

i hope it work out for you!

LegacyUser

What did you say when she called you vain? I would have just said "excuse me, but why exactly are you calling me vain, when you don't even know me?" Or did she say it in a jokey yet catty kind of way?
Did her fiance or your boyfriend witness this, or react in any way to the comment? She could have thought you sounded patronizingly sweet , like that you thought she looked clueless herself about "girly things". I think you were being nice, but there are girls who do act catty under the guise of sweetness, and I've witnessed it myself before as a result of me rarely wearing makeup.
2 girls I know saying "oh, you must like the 'natural' look -that's emm interesting" followed by sickly sweet smiles and sniggers.
I just responded with "yeah, well I've perfectly clear skin and never get spots so don't feel the need to cake on foundation, and I'd be very wary about the fake tan thing as it seems to have a tendency to make a lot of people seem very orange" followed by an equally sweet smile right back at them. And yes one did get regular spot outbreaks, and they were both very orange.
[I would normally not judge or give a flying feck,or make any comment on someone's appearance-but they asked for it]
Still though,you seem genuine and she definitely overreacted with the cattiness.
The mature side of me would have responded with a straight out questioning of her comment like I mentioned above, but the petty side of me would have been tempted to respond "well maybe you should be, it might help you " in response to the "I'm not as vain as you" comment.:P
I'm giving examples because perhaps you should just give as good as you get. Sometimes taking the moral highground and rising above it, isn't all it's cracked up to be. [especially if you are still hurt or seething underneath]

It could possibly be the case that you happened to run into her and George during an argument. Maybe they had been arguing over the fancy restaurant they were thinking of going to, or something more serious when they happened to meet ye?
The way you mentioned that she came over slamming down her menu, gives me the impression that she was already in a mood, and that maybe they were in the middle of arguing over something, and George was glad of the diversion. She might apologise for her comment, or maybe there is no explanation and she just is a bitchy person.

I think you should go to the wedding, look amazing and have a ball of a time. Go somewhere nice the day after with your boyfriend, to make a mini holiday out of it. As others have said, you more than likely won't even be speaking to her much that day at all!

If she does say something absolutely horrible to you at the wedding [which is unlikely] you could for the laugh pretend to get engaged on the same day to steal her thunder, and ruin her day. :pac:

ilovefridays

i was going to say to you, go to the wedding, its only for 1 day and its not as if you have to spend the day with her, she will have other guests and family etc to go around chatting to
BUT when i seen that it is actually abroad, my opinion changed. Personally I would not go, no f**cking way, after the way she spoke with you, you'd have to pay for flights, accomadation, present, new dress maybe.

i know you dont want to let your partner down, but in this instance id bite the bullet. wait for the invitation to see what date the wedding is and then say 'oh ****, thats the date i have a hospital appointment i cant get out of or.....some other excuse.

she sounds very jealous of you, maybe your glamourous or an outgoing person or whatever and she feels threatened by you , if this is the case well she sounds like a rude , ignorant bitch. I'd rather watch paint dry than go to her lousy wedding.

amdublin

Time to pull your big girl pants up and start acting like an adult. You're not in school anymore. Let bygones be bygones.

vickim

She's going to be nice to everyone on her wedding day. Probably best to not worry about it so much because it will make you dread it and if you can afford to go (they will prob expect that a lot of people can't if it's in Poland!) then just forget about what happened and make the most of it. If it's really awful (which it won't be cos you will hardly see her for the day) then you can come back home afterwards and you never have to see her again! And you have been supportive to your partner and a good friend to George. You win!

amdublin

vickim wrote: »

She's going to be nice to everyone on her wedding day. Probably best to not worry about it so much because it will make you dread it and if you can afford to go (they will prob expect that a lot of people can't if it's in Poland!) then just forget about what happened and make the most of it. If it's really awful (which it won't be cos you will hardly see her for the day) then you can come back home afterwards and you never have to see her again! And you have been supportive to your partner and a good friend to George. You win!

Very good advice from first time poster ^^^

LegacyUser

OP,
U poor thing, honestly I feel for u. Have u spoken to your partner about it? I really think you should bring up the fact that he owes you BIG TIME if you have to endure the psychological torture of this woman for a few days.

However, if you do decide to go, I'd highly recommend giving her yes/no answers, just like she did yo you, don't entertain her at all.

Do you know anyone else going? I know this is a separate issue but if I was your partner talking to one of my good friends I'd tell him straight up everything you have told us, and find out if he's really sure he wants the rest of his life with this? My sister was the ultimate bridezilla and a complete psycho, I wouldn't wish her on anyone.

On a lighter note, the Polish are mad drinkers, pint the f**k on!

sam34

yfcmghqerjgph wrote: »

If she does say something absolutely horrible to you at the wedding [which is unlikely] you could for the laugh pretend to get engaged on the same day to steal her thunder, and ruin her day. :pac:

that would be an extremely pathetic and stupid thing to do, imo.

jusr because someone has been b1tchy to you does not mean you should respond in that manner. these people are adults, not schoolchildren.

secondly, presumably her bf is supposed to go along with this pretend engagement? pop the question publicly? i'm sure he'd be thrilled to be told "look, just propose to me in front of everyone, i want to ruin that womans day cos she wasnt nice to me, so lets pretend to get engaged lol".

thirdly, so this "engagement" is puclic, what do they then do next week, turn around and tell everyone its all off, or admit the truth, that it was a sad and pathetic attempt to "steal someones thunder" over a petty grudge?

seriously?

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

gimme5minutes wrote: »

Eh no, the bf will know loads of people at this wedding if he's a good friend of George, he'll have a great time regardless.

This talk of 'putting your bf first' is ridiculous. Are you supposed to give up your dignity and self-respect and put up with insults off twats just to 'put the bf first'? If someone I knew treated my gf like sh*t I would not expect her to tow the line just to make life easier for me.

This girl was way out of line, she was a pure c*nt to the OP. If they run into each other at the wedding at some stage, which of course they will, you can be sure she will have another insult to fling at the OP and make her feel even worse.

No-ones going to even care if the OP is not there. I've attended weddings before without my gf, and my friends have went to weddings without their partners, and do you think anyone cared? No-one gives a crap, why would they, they've got their own lives to deal with, and they're at a wedding hitting the drink hard, they've more important things to think about.

OP you really dont want to be there, and the bitch certainly doesnt want you to be there, your bf will have a great time anyway, and no-one else will give a crap whether you go or not so just save yourself the hassle and dont waste your time with this thing.

Gimme5minutes, different strokes and all that, I would much prefer to have my partner at a wedding. If he were to not want to go to a wedding of a good friend because of some minor personality clash with the bride/ groom, I would be seriously annoyed. "Hitting the drink hard" would not be my top priority and would not compensate for my BF's absence. But like I said, different strokes for different folks. Thats just my opinion.


You're being a bit extreme by suggesting that Anna was a "pure c**t" to the OP. There were a few slights, that may or may not have been perceived- as other people have pointed out, its possible Anna may have taken offence to the OP suggesting the make up and hair things. Maybe Anna is not a nice person. Maybe her and the OP just clashed personalities and its just one of those things. Maybe this, maybe some other. But I haven't seen any evidence of her being a "pure c**t" to the OP.

OP, its most likely that Anna will be so busy on her wedding day, your paths may barely cross. At the end of the day, is it not more important that your partner is put first before this woman? You're going for his sake, not for hers.

Have you spoken to him about this?

LegacyUser

I'm most definitely a non girlie girl, and I would find suggestions of hair/make-up or girlie champagne to be OTT and a bit presumptuous from someone that I didn't know very well - but there's no way I'd react like her, she just sounds like she hasn't a shred of manners at all.

I'd go to the wedding - for your partner's sake, but also to be honest to bug her! I'd go and be sweetness and light personified - it'll drive her mad! That's not very nice of me to say, but I'd do it. And you know that if you don't go, that'll be "proof" in her head that she was right about you.

I would incorporate it into a lovely weekend away with your OH too, I thought that was great suggestion by an earlier poster.

I am a friend

Op, just because you have up to nw arranged all your holidays doesnt mean your bf can't do it this time if liaising with george is so stressful for you.

So go along but let your bf do the Organisation especially as it's his friends wedding.

Pretty_Pistol

If you have to book everything write down a list of everything you need to know. Give it to your bf and get him to ask them.

Is there really nothing you can think of that would have made Anna be rude towards you? If not then she just dislikes you for whatever reason. It happens.

If you can't get out of it just go and be polite. Try to befriend other guests. Be as elegant as possible - hair/make up/dress. Think along the lines of Grace Kelly.

magneticimpulse

You dont have to go. But I am sure your bf wont mind going if he knows you really dont want to go.

I am sure he can survive a night/wedding attendence without you. I dont see any harm in it. Otherwise you two will prob have tensions together because you dont want to attend.

Aoifey!

For your partner's sake I would go. It'll be one day and then you can go back to pretending she doesn't exist (and rightly so by the way she acts). Just remember that at her wedding she'll have a lot of things to do and probably won't even have time to talk to you at all. I understand where you're coming from completely but if I was you I would go for your partner's sake.

eddison

Sounds like Anna has extreme jealousy !! Jealousy in my opinion is the very worst emotion. A person who hates you, can get over it in time, but a jealous person cannot. That is because deep down, they know they lack qualities you possess. They also know they will never have those qualities, as they are just not strong enough.
This drives them crazy. A jealous person will try to do you as much damage as possible if they can, as you show them up for what they are, with every breath you breathe.
You should be firm. You partner should respect your feeling, even if they are right or wrong. Are you with the right partner? or maybe he needs to spend a few months living with George to find out!
My advice? stay away from this jealous person as far away as you can. If you go, then agree with your partner to only stay for X amount of hours.

This is difficult, but pity this dreadful woman! be kind to her. Anything else will make her worse.

tinkerbell

Aoifey! wrote: »

For your partner's sake I would go. It'll be one day and then you can go back to pretending she doesn't exist (and rightly so by the way she acts). Just remember that at her wedding she'll have a lot of things to do and probably won't even have time to talk to you at all. I understand where you're coming from completely but if I was you I would go for your partner's sake.

It's not "one day", the wedding is abroad. So they have to travel all the way to another country to attend a wedding where the bride doesn't like the OP. Why would you go to all that bother to travel abroad for someone who doesn't like you? It's just mind boggling.