Think I need help - long overdue - but where do I even start?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I think I need to talk to a counsellor about issues I've had over the last five and a half years. It all started when I first went to college and I think I've needed to talk to someone since then but have never done anything about it. I spent most of my time in college avoiding and alienating my classmates - some of whom I'd actually befriended at the very start. I was practically a hermit most of the time, seldom talked to anyone in college, and had no friends there (because I avoided everyone). I skipped most of my lectures, did very little study and fared very badly with any responsibilities I was given over those years.

I've never really dealt with why I did this. I always had friends in primary and secondary school. At the end of secondary school I moved to a grind school and cut myself off from everyone a bit to concentrate on the leaving cert, but this wouldn't have been completely out of the ordinary for people to do. (I know most people didn't do this, but there were definitely people in my class who did the same thing for that one year). Obviously, it's not a normal thing for people to do in college!

About two years into college I became quite 'down' - I won't say depressed because I've never been diagnosed - I've never talked to anyone about this. I'm pretty sure it was because of what I'd done (the avoiding) and the life I was leading as a result.

After college, I went travelling with a pre-college friend, made loads of friends and would never have dreamed of avoiding people. I discovered I'm actually quite confident when I get out of my 'avoiding people spiral'.

The thing is, I think I now need to talk to someone because (i) it was a very weird thing to do, I did it for the whole time in college and I've never talked about it to anyone. I couldn't tell my family for fear of disappointing them. My non-college friends think I'm normal, and I'd like to keep it that way. (ii) since I've returned home, I've noticed some of the old behaviours coming back - being antisocial at times, avoiding study to a ridiculous extent, (I'm in fourth level study now), and shirking responsibilities.

I don't know where to start in looking for help. Surely I don't need a psychiatrist - I don't have a serious mental illness like schizophrenia etc, and I haven't gone through a traumatic experience. Am I right? Are there counsellor-type people who can help you with this kind of thing? Do you think it's the kind of thing I need to seek help for, or is it too late now, as I should have sought help while in college, and should I just leave it at this stage?

Any help would be great. Sorry if I've come across as really strange - I've never even written all this down until now!

Cheap Thrills!

Hi OP,

<snip>

I think you suffered a very common thing; performance anxiety. You got to college and became totally 'stage struck' -you already had learnt a pattern of withdrawing to concentrate and simply carried that on, but were totally paralysed by fear when at college.

Sometimes when the chips are down and you are supposed to be doing your best your brain goes blank, that happens to me all the time in important situations.

Yes a bit of social anxiety and self doubt crept in, but those things are incredibly common. Believe me.

The important thing is you got back on track and you went travelling and made friends. That's who you are. You are probably afraid of slipping back into the old ways. But relax. You just need to build up your confidence a bit and realise self doubt, social anxiety and fear of failing are totally normal things that happen to many, many people.

Be good to yourself and find ways to build your self-esteem. You've travelled and made friends, so you already have some really good things to build on.

Best of luck OP.

Ickle Magoo

Cheap Thrills, do not offer an internet diagnosis based on a few lines of a post, it is expressly against the forum charter.

OP, if you think you would benefit from counselling and feel your own behaviour warrants looking into then make an appointment with your GP or look up counsellors and psychologists in your area.

All the best

Cheap Thrills!

Apologies Ickle Magoo, my mistake.

LegacyUser

Hi, it's the op again. Thanks for your replies - I was really hoping someone would reply because, as I've said, it's my first time letting this out to anyone.

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

...totally paralysed by fear when at college.

Yes, that's exactly how I felt a lot of the time in college. When that ball got rolling it just kept gaining momentum, and things got worse and worse. It's interesting to hear what someone else thinks about what I did, because it really doesn't make sense to me.

I regret it so much - think of all the friendships and experiences I missed out on. I failed to develop myself in any way while there. It also means I've an entire class of people (now scattered all over the place, but still...) thinking I'm a total weirdo.

I worry that if I did it before, I could do it again. I also worry that the fact I did this means there is something quite wrong with me.