Should I Risk Bumping into Ex

LegacyUser

I plan on going out to a gig this sat nite but there is a very strong chance that my ex would be there and it could be damaging to me.

He broke up with me 2 years ago but we kept in touch a LOT afterwards, texts, calls and staying over. We still cared for each other very much but he had issues. Anyway the whole thing nearly killed me (no exaggeration) and its taken me all this time to feel better and heal. I haven't seen him in 4 months (i've ignored his few texts) and I'm glad hes out of my life. I thought I'd be indifferent if I saw him this w-end but now I'm thinking what if I undo all my hard work and he gets back into my head again. I'm looking forward to getting to 6 months and feeling great that so much time will have passed without seeing him cos I do regret all that stupid contact (everyone told me NO CONTACT but I wouldn't listen).

I'd LOVE to go to this gig and need a great night out so badly but I'd hate to get back into all the uncertainty that drove me crazy with seeing each other eventhough we weren't bf/gf.

Please advise.........

Katgurl

Is there anyway to check in advance if he's going - get a friend to investigate subtly?

If not unless they are your abso favourite band and you will regret forever, I just wouldn't go.

F**k him, he's had enough of your headspace. Don't run the risk of allowing him anymore than necessary.

Ring up a couple friends and plan another evening somewhere else. Sell your ticket and buy an item of clothing or some makeup you've had your eye on.

boxoff

Katgurl wrote: »

Is there anyway to check in advance if he's going - get a friend to investigate subtly?

If not unless they are your abso favourite band and you will regret forever, I just wouldn't go.

F**k him, he's had enough of your headspace. Don't run the risk of allowing him anymore than necessary.

Ring up a couple friends and plan another evening somewhere else. Sell your ticket and buy an item of clothing or some makeup you've had your eye on.

I so agree with Katgurl! I mean I know you should not stop living and having a good time and that but just imagine the situation if you have a few drinks on you and your bound to be nervous given you know he could well be there.

Suppose I was in a similar situation to yourself, took me a full year to actually pull myself together after a break up , spent a whole year thinking about it from every angles! I just wouldnt rewind my pride in be able to ignore his texts and that.......

Round up your troups and head elsewhere looking AMAZING in your new *insert item* that was bought from your ticket price...

Sounds like you could relax and enjoy the gig anyway!

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

you really aren't emotionally ready to be face-to-face with this guy.
Trust your gut instinct and remember how hard it was to move on.
xx

You've hit it on the head exactly sunflower. I really thought I'd be grand when I was thinking about it a few weeks ago but now that its so close i've been having serious second thoughts.

During all the contact with him I was on an emotional rollercoaster and I've only been functioning well for the last few months. I never thought it would take so long to get over someone. Its unbelievable. The guts of 2 years after a 4 year relationship so its like its been a 6 year relationship!

whatsamsn

Sunflower made a great point, op.
I dont think you're ready to be face-2-face with him also. Nothing wrong with that. You were with him for 4 years after all.

Katgurl made a good suggestion. To check if he was going through friends or other sources. However that is likely to get back to him. Last thing you'd want.

If I put myself in your shoes (my own opinion)
I would very subtly see if he was going. Through friends or whatever. Pass it off in a conversation stating how much I want to go to this gig then suddenly "realising" the possibilty of him being there. Asking my friend if they think he will be there. As opposed to just flat out asking to find out if he is going.

If .... its unsure. I'd think long and hard about going. Previous relationships with feelings involved are like open wounds. Last thing I would want to do is to see my ex kiss another bloke.

Monkey Allen

I dont know if I'd be right, but if i was in your shoes (being aman would be weird if I was) I wouldnt ask friends if he was going as it would bring up the issue of 'oh, still not over them yet?'. I find that sort of thing unbearable, especially if I'm still not over them.

Dont go, if you run into him you've ruined your night anyway.

gerryk

I have a contrary view to much of the advice given. I had a similar situation many years ago... took me a long while to get over a breakup. A particular night was looming where I was not only guaranteed to run into the ex, but she was going to be in the same group as me, a mutual friend's birthday or some such. I was absolutely dreading it, convinced that I was going to be knocked substantially back from how I had come on emotionally.

The night finally arrived, and you know... I actually felt little or nothing. Sure, there were memories, but it was as if they were from many many years ago. The acuteness had drastically subsided, to the extent that when I heard her discussing some bloke she was into, or that was into her, I felt a brief twinge, and that was it. I came away from the night a new, lighter-hearted person, and, for all my fears, was delighted we had bumped into each other.

LegacyUser

its funny cos reading the above post kinda gave me palpitations (at the thoughts of seeing him) so I think thats my answer!

we don't have any mutual friends (thank goodness) so I've no way of finding out if hes going or not but to be honest, I'm not gonna risk it. I point blank don't even want to see his face and I've waited soooooo long to get to this point. Previously i would have been looking for any excuse to see him but i want to avoid him like the plague now.
I've already given him way too much time post breakup and its been like an addiction for me and I've had to take it one day at a time. So it would be like an alcoholic having a drink, I'd be set back completely in my recovery!
So no no no to going to that gig!!! Good riddance to him.

Monkey Allen

Op again wrote: »

its funny cos reading the above post kinda gave me palpitations (at the thoughts of seeing him) so I think thats my answer!

we don't have any mutual friends (thank goodness) so I've no way of finding out if hes going or not but to be honest, I'm not gonna risk it. I point blank don't even want to see his face and I've waited soooooo long to get to this point. Previously i would have been looking for any excuse to see him but i want to avoid him like the plague now.
I've already given him way too much time post breakup and its been like an addiction for me and I've had to take it one day at a time. So it would be like an alcoholic having a drink, I'd be set back completely in my recovery!
So no no no to going to that gig!!! Good riddance to him.

This will be resolved when you meet someone you really like. Good choice.

Cheeky_gal

could be dodgy wrote: »

I plan on going out to a gig this sat nite but there is a very strong chance that my ex would be there and it could be damaging to me.

He broke up with me 2 years ago but we kept in touch a LOT afterwards, texts, calls and staying over. We still cared for each other very much but he had issues. Anyway the whole thing nearly killed me (no exaggeration) and its taken me all this time to feel better and heal. I haven't seen him in 4 months (i've ignored his few texts) and I'm glad hes out of my life. I thought I'd be indifferent if I saw him this w-end but now I'm thinking what if I undo all my hard work and he gets back into my head again. I'm looking forward to getting to 6 months and feeling great that so much time will have passed without seeing him cos I do regret all that stupid contact (everyone told me NO CONTACT but I wouldn't listen).

I'd LOVE to go to this gig and need a great night out so badly but I'd hate to get back into all the uncertainty that drove me crazy with seeing each other eventhough we weren't bf/gf.

Please advise.........

Are u from <SNIP> OP? This sounds very familiar

thee glitz

Katgurl wrote: »

Is there anyway to check in advance if he's going - get a friend to investigate subtly?

If not unless they are your abso favourite band and you will regret forever, I just wouldn't go.

F**k him, he's had enough of your headspace. Don't run the risk of allowing him anymore than necessary.

I hope you didn't miss your gig op. i'd go against most of the advice
here and say to go if the situation comes up again. By mulling over this,
you Are allowing him into your headspace. You shouldn't let your ex's social life
and decisions dictate yours.

LegacyUser

thee glitz wrote: »

I hope you didn't miss your gig op. i'd go against most of the advice
here and say to go if the situation comes up again. By mulling over this,
you Are allowing him into your headspace. You shouldn't let your ex's social life
and decisions dictate yours.

I totally hear what you're saying thee glitz but I think I felt like I had to protect myself so I did give the gig a miss. I did mull it over big time and it WRECKED my head thinking about him but I'm sure I would have felt a lot worse if I'd seen his dumbass face.

IrishEyes19

I think you did the right thing, OP, only you yourself know how you feel about something and if your gut instinct was telling you that this could be a huge set back in your "recovery process," so to speak, then you were right to avoid it.