Totally Humiliated myself

LegacyUser

Regular user here but going unreg.

I have utterly humiliated myself.

Ive been broken up from my ex for nearly a year now, and I still care about him. I had seen other guys since but it went nowhere. The break up was horrendous, he broke up with me and when he drunkenly texted me at xmas I was was short with him as I felt hurt that a he was cruel when he ended it and b, he never apologised but then drunk text's me nearly a year later.

there had been things before this too, like him asking a mutual friend about me and him commenting under my comments on her page, but ignoring me and so on.

I however felt bad and this week, sent him a text saying I was sorry for being cold with him and I hoped it cleared the air, and so on.
He replied and sent me a message on facebook which I thought was odd instead of texting me, ,but he facebooked me anyway saying he was sorry for drunk texting also and hoped it didnt upset me. I laughed it off and replied no problem, you know alcohol and so on.

He then said, alcohol was bad, but if we hadnt been out that night, we wouldnt have met..bla bla. which I thought was bizarre to bring up our realtionship and so on. he then re-added me on facebook, he asked to be my friend. We could message without being friends you see.
We casually then talked about a funny time in our relationship and about a programme we both liked and his trip away during the summer and so on. and then he just stopped replying.

I then commented under his status today,and he replied, I replied and then he commented again, but then deleted his last comment, which freaked me and I dont understand why he did it.

I feel so humiliated , I thought perhaps he second guessed if we might at least talk properly again, but I feel so stupid now. like he's sitting there going "she's so into me still and Ive the power type of rubbish. Its just awful because I did think perhaps there was a chance and his messages sort of indicated that, he was speaking a lot about our relationship and funny incidences and such, I didnt bring them up and now its weird.

I guess Im hurt. I wish he hadnt added me or just at least sent a text instead or else just left it at one message but no he started a full convo asking about me, and then said, its good we were out that night we first met or we wouldnt have met each other

its heartbreaking I guess. He's the first guy I ever loved and Im not a teenager either whose love struck, Im in my early twenties, I should have more sense than this, But I guess I really wanted to get him back.

and now Im so embarassed I probably look desperate to him now. And Im not. Its just so annoying.

Wurly

You don't look desperate. Both of you were messaging each other. It's cringe for him - posting something and deleting it...

You will do yourself no favours by staying in contact with this ex. You haven't a hope of moving on if you're still talking to him by text, facebook or other means. Cut the cord, cut contact and move on. Yes, it may be hard. But what you're putting yourself through is torture and it's like putting salt on an open wound. Allow yourself to heal by ending the contact.

Larianne

I tried the ex on Facebook thing. Didn't really work for either of us. We'd start off a FB chat all civil and nice but it would always turn ugly and upsetting each other. :cool: I think you're best keeping away.

A year after the break up, it's still fresh. It can sometimes take a few years to get over someone you loved. No contact is the best way to do this.

You don't look desperate at all. You were trying to see if you could still be friends. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Firetrap

I think you're being too hard on yourself here. It looks more like neither of you have gotten over the break-up properly and can't quite hack the being friends bit. It's probably not doing you any good being friends with him on Facebook to be honest because you'll find yourself reading too much into anything he says/does on there. It might hurt to delete him from your friends but I'm thinking it might be the best thing for you so that you can continue to try and move on.

Katgurl

Yeah similar to sunflower I was waiting for clanger at end. There's nothing humiliating there op if anything, he has been doing something he's ashamed of if he's going back in deleting messages.

Sorry to hear you're still hurting. He does sound like a headwreck. I know it's hard but you should try your best go back to original method of freezing him out. If he really wants talk to you he will, he can't get away with these pointless flirtations and reminiscinces on fb.

helimachoptor

Op i know a lot of people are having facebook problems over the last few days. I posted a status last week and 10 comments were on it, the next day they were all gone, 2 days later half of them reappeared, maybe he didnt delete it

kerryman12

Maybe I am missing the point here but I just dont see how you have humiliated yourself in any way.

she's so into me still and Ive the power type of rubbish.

If he is thinking like that then you are better of rid of him in the first instance.

and now Im so embarassed I probably look desperate to him now. And Im not. Its just so annoying.

You are wrecking your head for nothing here. To me you look like someone who want to be friends and move on with your life, thats it really.

Best of luck.

Miss Fluff

I read your post twice because I thought I missed the bit about how you humiliated yourself. You didn't, so park that notion m'dear.

It's blatantly clear however that you are still not over your ex and still harbour hopes of a reconciliation. As such, being friends, even Facebook "friends" is a really bad idea. Trust me. You'll set yourself back months. Delete him and pretend he doesn't exist. It's the only way to move forward.