Fear is ruining my life

LegacyUser

I have a terrible fear in life, i dont know why. its bringing me down, making me unhappy and paranoid and holding me back in life.

i hate going places on my own, hate walking anywhere on my own even if its just around the corner to the shop, afraid bringing the dog for a walk on my own, even going to the shops. i know this sounds crazy but i break out into a sweat and nerves get the better of me. i hate been like this, all my friends and family think im this out going ,carefree ,independant person but they havent a clue.

there is many things id love to do, like join groups, go swimming etc but its like fear is pulling me back. i do feel like everyone is looking at me even though i know nobody is looking at me, its all in my head i know, but i cant help it. i get all nervous and last year in the pub i got a panic attack, i have never had one in my life and it was very scarey

its wrecking my social life, if i have arrangements to go out with friends at the weekend, i do look forward to it then on the day i get nervous and knots in my stomach. even something small like going to the pub.

i went counselling and it did help, she told me i have to change my way of thinking, and push out negative thoughts turning them into positives.

can anyone else relate to this? i dont know who i am anymore, i used to be so happy in life and was a real dare devil, now im afraid of my own shadow:(

LegacyUser

hi sunflower, ive always had no self-esteem, really lacked in confidence (still do), always trying to please people, afraid of been judged, agree to disagree, very passive , hate confrontation , always afraid what others think of me. And people can see all these traits and walk all over me as a result. im my own worse enemy.

same with clothes, afraid to dress up , i do think ppl with be saying 'look at her, she loves herself', i'm always putting myself down.

at the end of the day its me with the problem not people. people will only treat me how i let them. i just hate been like this, id love to be full of confidence and not give a F*& what anyone thinks. easier said than done.

Pebbles68

Hi OP, really sorry to read your post. It sounds terrible.
Unfortunately the last time I suggested to a poster that they might consider hypnotherapy to help with their problem I was accused, by an unregistered guest, of being a troll:mad: I'm not, just a very lucky person who found the hypnosis experience to be really helpful. If the fears continue it may be worth looking into.
Good luck

albeit

Fear is the opposite of love, maybe you donot have enough love in your life and people tellingyou how great you are or that everything is allright. For me, at least, I have figured out, that is what is causing a lot of my own anxiety, and having missed out on a lot of this comforting support in my life it has sometimes been very bad for me. Fortunately you can start by giving this to yourself, tell yourself you are great, that everything is allright etc. It is helpful in situations when you feel anxious and you know that it is just your anxiety making you anxious, and there is no real threat. Obviously you cant go around telling yourself everything is allright and not to worry while crossing a street not looking, but you know yourself in what situations your fears are irrational and that's when you can use this.
Good luck.:)

LegacyUser

hi pebbles, i did hypnotherapy a couple of years ago, i had to listen to a cd for 40mins every nite for 30 days. i did this religiously for 30 days, and felt no different, then suddenly 3 months later i got this sudden zap of confidence, which only lasted a couple of months.
I must dig out that cd again and start listening to it.
I would just love to know why the hell i am the way i am, its just a fear of everything, i cant explain it. Nothing bad happened to me or anything like that.

Pebbles68

Afraidoffear wrote: »

hi pebbles, i did hypnotherapy a couple of years ago, i had to listen to a cd for 40mins every nite for 30 days. i did this religiously for 30 days, and felt no different, then suddenly 3 months later i got this sudden zap of confidence, which only lasted a couple of months.
I must dig out that cd again and start listening to it.
I would just love to know why the hell i am the way i am, its just a fear of everything, i cant explain it. Nothing bad happened to me or anything like that.

Hi
That's why i was blown away by the hypnotherapy I did. I thought it was just listening to recordings but during the therapy I was actually talking to the hypnotist while I was in hypnosis. Talking in hypnosis really opened my mind to learning about my problems and changing how I felt about myself. If all else fails it might be worth giving it a go.

eddison

Hi OP

(now i know what op means thanks neuro-praxis !)
I am going to talk a bit esoteric here, but please bear with me.
Fear is darkness? we all know that, we have all heard the song hello D my ol friend. Everyone describes Fear as Darkness.
But why? lets not get into that, but agree that it is dark.
Now When you are in a dark place, what do you do?
Switch on the light of course.
But what is light, in this case in relation to darkness, which is fear? I would suggest 'truth'. don't they say 'the light of truth'?
So what happens to darkness when a light is shone on it? yes, it runs away. you see light does not fight darkness, its mere presence is enough to make darkness fleeeee !!

So what you need is to shine a light on your fears. I bet they hide, and you do not know what they are? But this is really very very easy. Ask- WHAT IS MY FEAR. Keep asking- WHAT IS MY FEAR- what am i afraid of?
Everyday for the next few weeks, keep asking, and asking.

Now most importantly, LOOK for the answer. Many ask, but forget to look. there is no point in asking if you don't bother looking for the answer. Ask the Lord to tell you what your fear is (if you believe) He is your father. Ask, and you shall receive.
You will be astonished !! when you find out what your fear is, you will be astonished let me tell you. This may be a little painful, and will mean that some issues will come up for you to deal with, but this is a blessing in disguise, as you will be better than before.

eddison

Its funny, People ask for help, and when you give it to them, they don't bother to thank anyone for it. This is strange isn't it? Anyway, I advise people who help others in kindness, not to expect any thanks.
This way, you'll not be disappointed- problem solved !!

fionab2010

OP maybe you should speak to a GP about your feelings and ask to be refferred to speak to somebody professional.

After i lost my job, broke up with bf and had to move counties i started feeling similar to what you describe, i went to my gp and she said i needed to talk because i had an anxiety disorder, i couldn't control it it was very disabling. After i spoke to a counsellor i eventually felt better and i think that may help you too? Speaking with a professional who understands what you are feeling is such a boost...

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

first of all fear of fear is a natural, yet troubling, meta-emotion. What I would consider doing is talking to your GP about the situation. <snip> I would definitely suggest talking to a close friend/ relative first and then trying to find treatment. You're not going mad, that's for sure! You just are oversensitive to being on-edge.

Good luck,

x

Klingon Hamlet

Hi OP

I'm a worrier. Its something I work with every day/hour/minute. Sometimes I go an entire week full of confidence, happy and content. Soemtimes I wake up with what seems like an irrational sense of fear/impending doom.

Through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy I have discovered many hidden causes of these fears. Most of them relate to past incidences in my life, and current stresses. None of us have a perfect life. And there's always worse situations out there. But how we've grown as children to adults often dictates how we deal with issues, whether they're small and fleeting or large and permanent.

CBT helped me not to completely rewire my brain, but rather mould my own way of thinking and processing things in a calmer and clearer way. IMHO most fears come from the feeling of powerlesness, of being small in a big and nasty place. Strengthening ones resolve can often come naturally when absolutely sure of one's abilities and position. Asserting yourself can only come from knowing one's strengths and weaknesses, rights and boundaires, and loves and hates.

It takes a lot of inward gazing before you can finally blink and realise: everything will be ok.

My first tip to you is look to what matters to you the most: your family/friends, your pastimes and passions. Then note what happenes when you spend time with your loved ones: most likely they smileand laugh at your jokes, they love you as much as you love them.

Value yourself, and realise you area good and storng person. It's Ok to fear things. But remember it is just your mind's way of asking for help. So ask. Reach out to your close ones, and also, gather your thoughts.

I hope I'm not preachy, This is the stuff I use to help me through the darkest times I've gone through.

Hope you're alright OP. Best of luck.:)

LegacyUser

Hi Guys, i havent been online in a couple of days, so only seeing the latest replies now, thank you for all for taking your time to replying to me. i have taking it all in.

it really helped, and i have started trying to turn my negatives into positives. i keep thinking 'I CAN' instead of 'I CANT'.

i went to my doctor on saturday and she prescribed me xanax but having thought about it, i think i should try and do this for myself rather than relying on a drug. so i have started listening to my hypnotherapy cd again. So hopefully i can 'turn on the light and scare off the darkness of fear'

albeit

eddison wrote: »

Its funny, People ask for help, and when you give it to them, they don't bother to thank anyone for it. This is strange isn't it? Anyway, I advise people who help others in kindness, not to expect any thanks.
This way, you'll not be disappointed- problem solved !!

People expecting something for giving something are too focused on themselves, and not on the person they are giving to. The focus should be on the person that receives, they have already given you the opportunity to offer your advice on their personal issue. So they have already given you something.

LegacyUser

eddison wrote: »

Its funny, People ask for help, and when you give it to them, they don't bother to thank anyone for it. This is strange isn't it? Anyway, I advice people who help others in kindness, not to expect any thanks.
This way, you'll not be disappointed- problem solved !!

oops after reading this a 2nd time, i realise you are referring to me not replying to you at 8.01pm on 27th. I Sincerely apologise that i didnt reply to you immediately when you gave me some good advise, but unfortunetly as i havent been online since thursday afternoon i did not see your post untill i came into work at 8.45am today.

patience is a virtue;)

dublin80

Afraidoffear wrote: »

Hi Guys, i havent been online in a couple of days, so only seeing the latest replies now, thank you for all for taking your time to replying to me. i have taking it all in.

it really helped, and i have started trying to turn my negatives into positives. i keep thinking 'I CAN' instead of 'I CANT'.

i went to my doctor on saturday and she prescribed me xanax but having thought about it, i think i should try and do this for myself rather than relying on a drug. so i have started listening to my hypnotherapy cd again. So hopefully i can 'turn on the light and scare off the darkness of fear'

hi OP, fair play to you doing something about your fear, and writing this thread was a big step too.
you should do some yoga or meditation , you dont need to join a yoga class or meditation class, you can do it in the comfort of your own home, on a cd you can buy online. relaxation is very good for anxiety
everyone in life goes through fear at some stage, so your'e not alone.

stay strong, and keep the positive hat on;)

boarduser1980

albeit wrote: »

People expecting something for giving something are too focused on themselves, and not on the person they are giving to. The focus should be on the person that receives, they have already given you the opportunity to offer your advice on their personal issue. So they have already given you something.

very very true albeit, that expression 'you don't give to receive', you give out of thoughtfullness, you want to receive back out of selfishness;)

Stu

Hi OP, Have you tried "Emotional Freedom Therapy" Check out Brad Yates free videos on youtube and do the videos that apply to you everyday. This stuff works !!!. It has helped me enormously and you have nothing to lose by using the Tapping techniques in the Video below and the other videos by Brad Yates.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heQvpti4uvo&feature=related

KarmaComesBack

Hi OP,

I can relate to what you're saying, I have been affected by similar fear on and off for many years now - but don't worry because in my experience it comes and goes, and is usually for me around Christmas...

Mine started after a traumatic event - i was attacked by some undesirable and since then its always been there.

As Pebbles68 mentioned, I found hypnotherapy very useful also, i went for a couple of sessions - it allowed me to recognize the root cause of my fears and deal with them by understanding where the fear comes from...

Keep positive and treasure those close to you, you will get through it!

Remember, Karma Comes Back so give out plenty of good karma!

Monkey Allen

I used to think I could write a book on fear. Afraid of everyone at school, afraid of being clumsy publicly, afraid of girls, afraid of being a failure at work. This caused me massive social anxiety problems which I didnt share with anyone. I didnt share it as it showed weakness, and I was, obviously, afraid of showing weakness. A bit silly considering my fear was as clear as day for everyone to see.

But, I guess with realising that the fears I had put on myself were quite pathetic considering the fear of those suffering terminal illness, being held hostage, the parents of Madeline Mccann and others who've lost their children like this.

My fears were minor compared to theirs. Mine could all be overcome by myself. Theirs relied on other people or other circumstances for their fear to be lifted.

I dont know your situation but I think you could benefit from placing your fears into a similar perspective and realise how lucky you are. Enjoy life on your terms. Its well within your power.

JajaD

Afraidoffear wrote: »

I have a terrible fear in life, i dont know why. its bringing me down, making me unhappy and paranoid and holding me back in life.

i hate going places on my own, hate walking anywhere on my own even if its just around the corner to the shop, afraid bringing the dog for a walk on my own, even going to the shops. i know this sounds crazy but i break out into a sweat and nerves get the better of me. i hate been like this, all my friends and family think im this out going ,carefree ,independant person but they havent a clue.

there is many things id love to do, like join groups, go swimming etc but its like fear is pulling me back. i do feel like everyone is looking at me even though i know nobody is looking at me, its all in my head i know, but i cant help it. i get all nervous and last year in the pub i got a panic attack, i have never had one in my life and it was very scarey

its wrecking my social life, if i have arrangements to go out with friends at the weekend, i do look forward to it then on the day i get nervous and knots in my stomach. even something small like going to the pub.

i went counselling and it did help, she told me i have to change my way of thinking, and push out negative thoughts turning them into positives.

can anyone else relate to this? i dont know who i am anymore, i used to be so happy in life and was a real dare devil, now im afraid of my own shadow:(

Wow, it looks like i wrote your post its that similar to me.
I am the exact same as you. I was always really outgoing and now i do nothing. I dont go to college, so i just do the work at home. Because i am so scared of getting buses on my own and going to college, i have missed out on making friends in college. I still have friends like, have a great boyfriend and family, but none of them realise that i find it very difficult to do anything in public. I am constantly thinking people are looking at me. This makes me blush really severly. In turn, makes me afraid to talk in public, or do anything. I cant walk down a street without feeling uncomfortable. Its crazy. I used to be so outgoing, like really outgoing, now i am constantly worrying, paranoid and i have to fight it hard to make sure my boyfriend doesnt notice. Going to resturants or pubs is really hard.

I am in your boat OP

Dont know if theres anything i can do about it though.

Monkey Allen

JajaD wrote: »

Wow, it looks like i wrote your post its that similar to me.
I am the exact same as you. I was always really outgoing and now i do nothing. I dont go to college, so i just do the work at home. Because i am so scared of getting buses on my own and going to college, i have missed out on making friends in college. I still have friends like, have a great boyfriend and family, but none of them realise that i find it very difficult to do anything in public. I am constantly thinking people are looking at me. This makes me blush really severly. In turn, makes me afraid to talk in public, or do anything. I cant walk down a street without feeling uncomfortable. Its crazy. I used to be so outgoing, like really outgoing, now i am constantly worrying, paranoid and i have to fight it hard to make sure my boyfriend doesnt notice. Going to resturants or pubs is really hard.

I am in your boat OP

Dont know if theres anything i can do about it though.

Theres definitely nothing you can do if you've given up on it.

JajaD

Monkey Allen wrote: »

Theres definitely nothing you can do if you've given up on it.

Well ive been to counselling, ive tried yoga/meditation, ive tried the tapping method. Ive went down the route of even taking xanex to help me relax. Nothing has worked for me. I, more than anyone else, would love to be normal. I heard that there is a beta blocker that ur doctor can prescribe if you are suffering from anxiety, which it sounds like you. Speak to your doctor, im sure he will have the best advice

Ickle Magoo

JajaD, this thread was started by someone looking for advice on their issue - if you wish advice please start your own thread.

Cheers.

LegacyUser

thanks all for the replies, im really glad now that i posted this thread because it's given me a bit of a lift and encouragement, there is a lot of words and expressions and examples in your posts that make me feel a bit better.
I have printed off all the replies so far and will keep reading over them as comfort knowing i'm not alone. Thanks..xx

LegacyUser

JajaD wrote: »

Wow, it looks like i wrote your post its that similar to me.
I am the exact same as you. I was always really outgoing and now i do nothing. I dont go to college, so i just do the work at home. Because i am so scared of getting buses on my own and going to college, i have missed out on making friends in college. I still have friends like, have a great boyfriend and family, but none of them realise that i find it very difficult to do anything in public. I am constantly thinking people are looking at me. This makes me blush really severly. In turn, makes me afraid to talk in public, or do anything. I cant walk down a street without feeling uncomfortable. Its crazy. I used to be so outgoing, like really outgoing, now i am constantly worrying, paranoid and i have to fight it hard to make sure my boyfriend doesnt notice. Going to resturants or pubs is really hard.

I am in your boat OP

Dont know if theres anything i can do about it though.

God yes, very similiar indeed. its good to know we're not alone. i always feel like i must be weird or something feeling this way and nobody would understand.
the part you say about walking down the street feeling uncomfortable , i know exactly what this is like, but it is so hard to explain it or even know why you feel this way.

Going to resturants or pubs is really hard - you feel nervous as if everyone is looking at you/ juding you, even though their not.

JajaD

afraidoffear wrote: »

God yes, very similiar indeed. its good to know we're not alone. i always feel like i must be weird or something feeling this way and nobody would understand.
the part you say about walking down the street feeling uncomfortable , i know exactly what this is like, but it is so hard to explain it or even know why you feel this way.

Going to resturants or pubs is really hard - you feel nervous as if everyone is looking at you/ juding you, even though their not.

yeah i can never be comfortable in public. But the things i have to do, like going for dinner, pubs, social events, i just say to myself, i can always just go whenever i want, or sometimes if im walking down the street i put on the happiest song, maybe some beach boys, to make me feel like im in my own world. it usually works. You should try the ipod method