Worried about friend

LegacyUser

my friend has started going out with a single mother 17 years younger than him. she is extremely attractive and he would not be considered very handsome. there have been a lot of raised eyebrows in the community already towards them, mainly people wondering how he could get a girl like that. she has a job but doesnt make a lot of money,he is very well established in his career. how do i talk about this? im worried hes going to get scammed or taken for a ride by a golddigger

LegacyUser

shes a single mother so shes obviously knows the game. As i said in attraction she is definately out of his league, everyone has noticed and in finances he's definately out of hers. Hes a typical nice laid back country man and doesnt see the danger ahead. There is a huge age difference between them. A lot of people are concerned about him but nobody knows how to open the subject with him.

astra2000

I would advise you to stay out of it, he is obviously old enough and mature enough to know his own mind. It sounds as if the only reason you are concerned is her age and her looks, not good enough reason to interfere imho.
This girl may be looking for stability given the fact that she has a child and it maybe possible she hasnt met anyone her own age who willl give her this. Is it not possible that she has fallen for your friend? As for the raised eyebrows thats kindof sad that people are that judgemental.

Ickle Magoo

concerns wrote: »

shes a single mother so shes obviously knows the game.

Enough of the insulting generalisations please or this thread will be locked.

LegacyUser

i meant shes obviously experienced in relationships while he isnt.

any time shes met people shes always said oh this is a lovely pub or house you have etc shes encouraging him to get a nicer car(he has to give her a lift all the time,she never comes down herself). when he took her to lunch at a deli counter she nearly died wanting to be brought out to a posh restaurant.

hes known to have a generous streak with women and its widely thought thats shes leeching this from him. he took her shopping and she got TWO designers dresses.

my question is how do i bring this up with my friend?

gerryk

I fail to see what the problem is here. Maybe she is leeching off him, maybe not. Maybe he's an innocent in this, and again, maybe not.
What I am wondering is what business this is of anyone's? 'Widely thought'? Seriously... some people have nothing better to do.

Wompa1

concerns wrote: »

i meant shes obviously experienced in relationships while he isnt.

any time shes met people shes always said oh this is a lovely pub or house you have etc shes encouraging him to get a nicer car(he has to give her a lift all the time,she never comes down herself). when he took her to lunch at a deli counter she nearly died wanting to be brought out to a posh restaurant.

hes known to have a generous streak with women and its widely thought thats shes leeching this from him. he took her shopping and she got TWO designers dresses.

my question is how do i bring this up with my friend?

Maybe be compassionate and if you are concerned, tell him you have noticed and others that he is very generous with the ladies he dates. Your concerned that women would see this and take advantage of him. Your not saying that this is what she is doing but just to becareful. Tell him if she really cares for him she won't need fancy things, tell him to not say anything to the girl and don't bring her to fancy restaraunts and buy her stuff for a while and see what happens.

ibarelycare

OP my advice to you is to mind your own business.

Your friend is old enough and more than likely smart enough to make up his own mind on the situation. Perhaps the girl is attracted to his money...I'm sure if this is the case that he's aware of it. Maybe he's happy to have that kind of relationship. Or maybe they are genuinely happy together and the all the local gossips (as you have portrayed them) are too narrowminded to see that.

Stay out of it.

Little Acorn

concerns wrote: »

i meant shes obviously experienced in relationships while he isnt.

any time shes met people shes always said oh this is a lovely pub or house you have etc shes encouraging him to get a nicer car(he has to give her a lift all the time,she never comes down herself). when he took her to lunch at a deli counter she nearly died wanting to be brought out to a posh restaurant.

hes known to have a generous streak with women and its widely thought thats shes leeching this from him. he took her shopping and she got TWO designers dresses.

my question is how do i bring this up with my friend?

If you don't know anything about her relationship history, then you have no right to say that she's "obviously" more experienced than him, or that because she's a single mother she "knows the game".
Did you ever consider that she compliments people's homes because she actually does like them and is being polite? It's not that uncommon of a thing to do. How do you know that she "nearly died" because she was taken to a deli for lunch? Did she actually say so, or are you just assuming?
So what if he bought her 2 dresses. It's his money and if he wants to spend some of it on the woman he is dating, it's his business.
I obviously don't know all the exact details, but nothing you have posted suggests that she is a golddigger.
All I get from your post is that the village people are more interested in the fact that the local, wealthy bachelor is seeing a very attractive woman who is much younger than him, and a single mother to top it all off-shock horror!:rolleyes:

If there are other behaviors of this woman that you are concerned about and make you doubt her, that you have not mentioned in your earlier post,
then by all means express your concerns to your friend and keep an eye out for him. But if there is no major signs that she is using him, then maybe just give the girl a chance and wish her and your friend some happiness.

LegacyUser

thanks to the posters who replied with something constructive to my problem. he told us the story of her dying at the deli counter in front of her and she laughed admitting she did nearly die. That when he said he was taking her out to lunch she got a land when they were picking up rolls in centra. And then she was complaining that the people weren't wearing gloves and refused to eat there. like a country deli isnt good enough for a dublin girl. she refused to eat there and insisted they leave,so he ended up having to bring her to the supermarket to buy a load of groceries so she could cook a fancy dinners herself. Said he spent a fortune on fancy items he'd never heard of because shes into her cooking and only wants the best.

she never leaves the house without looking perfect,and theyve been talking about a fancy holiday soon which no doubt my friend is paying for.ive never once seen her put her hand in her pocket to pay for dinner/lunch/a drink etc

dudara

concerns wrote: »

he told us the story of her dying at the deli counter in front of her and she laughed admitting she did nearly die. That when he said he was taking her out to lunch she got a land when they were picking up rolls in centra.

In fairness, I would be a little disappointed too if I had been told I was being taken out to lunch and we ended up at a deli counter

concerns wrote:

And then she was complaining that the people weren't wearing gloves and refused to eat there. like a country deli isnt good enough for a dublin girl.

That's just basic hygiene. Nothing to do with where you're from. Stop having preconceptions.

concerns wrote:

she never leaves the house without looking perfect,and theyve been talking about a fancy holiday soon which no doubt my friend is paying for.ive never once seen her put her hand in her pocket to pay for dinner/lunch/a drink etc

Would you rather she left the house looking like a mess? And just because you've never seen her pay for things doesn't mean that she doesn't. In fact on nights out my partner usually goes to the bar the whole time, but I actually give him the money when it's my share. It's just easier for him (being tall) to head to the bar. The wrong person could think that I never buy a drink.

Look - I do think that it's admirable you're looking out for a friend. But do you think your friend is a fool and not able to see this for himself? Do you think he is deluded or stupid? If you do, then then sit him down gently and approach cautiously. However, be prepared for backlash. He might actually like spending his money on her.

CollegeProbs

erm op if someone was making my roll without gloves or washing their hands i would also die and be straight out of there!!!!

She didn't throw a fit and insist to be brought to a nice restaurant, by the sounds of it she went through a lot of effort to make your friend a fancy meal. Does she cook often or do anything else for him?

Does he take her shopping often? What did he get her for Christmas? Does she seem grateful whenever she gets something?

Its entirely possible that your friend might not want her to pay for anything. If he is very welathy and she is more on the struglling end he might not want her to have to struggle further for the sake of a meal. If she is also cooking for him then she is making efforts as well where she can.

And the whole this is a nice house/pub thing??? Thats just good manners!!!! Would you prefer if she looked around your town and says jeez this is a hole!

ilovefridays

OP, even if she is only using him for his money, he is happy so let him be happy for as long as it lasts, you sound like your jealous of his relationship with the girl.
she actually sounds like a nice ,mannerly girl tbh.

if you interfere you will be looked upon as the worst in the world. let him get on with it, be happy for him, but be there for him if it all goes terribly wrong. Let him enjoy his happiness.

i know where you are coming from because my friend was going out with total loser,scumbag everyone could see it, but she wouldnt listen , she seen the good in him, were we could see he was only using and abusing her. she stopped talking to us twice over him, and in the end he showed his true colours and she dumped him. we didnt say 'told ya so' or anything, we were just there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. You have to let people learn by their own mistakes. This is what makes us stronger in life.

Danniboo

That when he said he was taking her out to lunch she got a land when they were picking up rolls in centra

Eh, did she actually say a "posh restaurant"? Is this a wind up? I couldn't be further from a gold digger, but if some guy asked me to go for lunch on a date and pulled up at Centra, I would't be going back for a second date. Why? Because chances are i'd have made an effort, hair make up etc, thinking well we could be going to a pub, coffee shop, shopping centre for lunch which is all fine, better make myself presentable. I'd see why she nearly died. That is not being a gold digger. If someone said come one i'm starving will we go grab some grub in Centra, that's cool too but you wouldn't tell someone i'm taking you out for lunch.


like a country deli isnt good enough for a dublin girl.

Is this you real problem? Where she's from, if not why feel the need to mention it.

LegacyUser

dudara wrote: »

But do you think your friend is a fool and not able to see this for himself? Do you think he is deluded or stupid?

I think he is blinded by how good looking she is and is not able to see all this for himself.


collegeprobs he didnt get her anything for xmas-sure hes gotten her enough!!!

hes been talking about moving her in and shes not keen because she doesnt want to leave the great dublin. Im sure she cant stand feeding cows and doing a bit of housework rather than going shopping and getting her hair done

Danniboo

concerns wrote: »

I think he is blinded by how good looking she is and is not able to see all this for himself.


collegeprobs he didnt get her anything for xmas-sure hes gotten her enough!!!

hes been talking about moving her in and shes not keen because she doesnt want to leave the great dublin. Im sure she cant stand feeding cows and doing a bit of housework rather than going shopping and getting her hair done

Ah yeah it's definitely the Dublin thing, get a life OP. Sure if she was a golddigger would she not be jumping at the chance of moving in with him. If she lives on her own/at home you sure she doesn't have to do housework, would it not imply she's independant if she lives on her own. Is it now a crime to not want to feed cows and go and get your hair done :eek: Your arguments are honestly ridiculous. And he didn't get anything for Christmas and she still stuck around, yeap total gold digger. Op, why dont' you take your head out of your cows a**e for a second and see that the problem here is yours and yours alone.

ibarelycare

concerns wrote: »

I think he is blinded by how good looking she is and is not able to see all this for himself.


collegeprobs he didnt get her anything for xmas-sure hes gotten her enough!!!

hes been talking about moving her in and shes not keen because she doesnt want to leave the great dublin. Im sure she cant stand feeding cows and doing a bit of housework rather than going shopping and getting her hair done

Your posts scream bitterness.

Leave them to it and let them live their own lives!

Corkblowin

I have to say OP - if I was your friend I'd be highly insulted reading this thread. You've basically said that there is no way he could get a girl like this because of his personality or his looks - so therefore she's after something. jealousy? Bitterness? Certainly not friendly anyway.

I'm not saying that your area is - but it sounds so much like my parish, which is full of insular and predjudiced people who don't like 'blow-ins' and have a need to know everyone's business. Phrases such as 'raised eyebrows in the community' 'knows the game' 'good enough for a Dublin girl''the great dublin' ' getting her hair done' raise red flags for me. And why is everything from her food to her clothes to the holiday 'fancy'? Because they are not 'the done thing' in the area?

I'm sorry if you're offended OP, but I have seen this in action, and rather than be happy for your friend you are looking for how to burst his bubble. It sounds like a normal enough relationship to me, where the person with more money buys more things, where she cooks food for them, and both are getting companionship, security and whatever else they seek from the relationship.

Your role as a friend is to stay out of it, tell others who gossip that its none of their business, and if the relationship does end (& I really hope it works out for them) your job then is to be there to offer whatever support he needs & certainly not with an 'I told you so' attitude.

mind your own business, live your life & let your friend live his.

astra2000

concerns wrote: »

I think he is blinded by how good looking she is and is not able to see all this for himself.


collegeprobs he didnt get her anything for xmas-sure hes gotten her enough!!!

hes been talking about moving her in and shes not keen because she doesnt want to leave the great dublin. Im sure she cant stand feeding cows and doing a bit of housework rather than going shopping and getting her hair done

.
You really havent given any true indication that this girl is using your friend. all the faults you find with her sound trivial or manufactured. I grew up on a farm still live near it, and there is no way i want to be feeding cows either, it doesnt mean I spend all my time shopping or getting my hair done. Really and truly the example of her turning her nose up at a centra lunch is laughable, I am married 16yrs and if my husband told me he was bringing me to lunch I would think he had gone mad if took me to a deli counter, it doesnt mean I would be expecting a fancy restaurant, just somewhere clean nice and where we could sit and chat.
Try and look at the benefits your friend is getting from the relationship like the fact he has companionship, someone who cooks for him sometimes and by the sounds of it she cooks lovely meals, someone to go on holiday with and in general share his life with, you are starting to sound jealous tbh.
Btw whats with all the dublin thing you seem to have a chip on your shoulder that shes from dublin, I shudder to think how judgemental you could be if she was from a different culture if this is how you judge someone from a different town/county than you. Fyi I am not from dublin so havent taken personal offence there just dont understand your attitude.

LegacyUser

so nobody here would be concerned if there well off friend starts dating a gorgeous girl half his age?

its not just me,weve all spoken about it at the pub and in passing and everyone here is of the opinion that shes a golddigger and hes going to get into trouble being with her. its just only me who is writing this thread

moco

concerns wrote: »

thanks to the posters who replied with something constructive to my problem. he told us the story of her dying at the deli counter in front of her and she laughed admitting she did nearly die. That when he said he was taking her out to lunch she got a land when they were picking up rolls in centra. And then she was complaining that the people weren't wearing gloves and refused to eat there. like a country deli isnt good enough for a dublin girl. she refused to eat there and insisted they leave,so he ended up having to bring her to the supermarket to buy a load of groceries so she could cook a fancy dinners herself. Said he spent a fortune on fancy items he'd never heard of because shes into her cooking and only wants the best.

she never leaves the house without looking perfect,and theyve been talking about a fancy holiday soon which no doubt my friend is paying for.ive never once seen her put her hand in her pocket to pay for dinner/lunch/a drink etc

Well if someone asked me out to lunch and rolled up to Centra I'd get a bit of a shock too. How is her making an effort with her appearance revelant to anything?

Myabe your friend is using her for her looks??:rolleyes:

seamus

concerns wrote: »

so nobody here would be concerned if there well off friend starts dating a gorgeous girl half his age?

If my well off friend started dating a young stunner, I'd pat him on the back and shake his hand and leave him to it.

If he's well off, then I'll assume he's savvy enough to know when he's being played for his money and since he's at a minimum in his mid-thirties, he's an adult with a bit of experience, well capable of looking after himself.

It's not your money, it's his. If he wants to spend it on her, that's none of your business. Leave him to it.

Though without getting excessively insulting to your friend, going to centra for a lunch date and not buying a Xmas present indicates to me that he's well capable of keeping his purse strings tightly closed.

astra2000

concerns wrote: »

so nobody here would be concerned if there well off friend starts dating a gorgeous girl half his age?

its not just me,weve all spoken about it at the pub and in passing and everyone here is of the opinion that shes a golddigger and hes going to get into trouble being with her. its just only me who is writing this thread

Does that mean shes 17? if so I would be more worried about why a 34yr old man is dating a 17yr old, or are you exaggerating?

CollegeProbs

concerns wrote: »

so nobody here would be concerned if there well off friend starts dating a gorgeous girl half his age?

its not just me,weve all spoken about it at the pub and in passing and everyone here is of the opinion that shes a golddigger and hes going to get into trouble being with her. its just only me who is writing this thread

Op seriously, your friend is dating a younger beautiful well mannered woman who cares about hygiene, cooks for him and stuck around even though she didnt get a christmas present? It sounds like your friends girlfriend has accepted your friend for who he is and cares for him regardless......maybe you could learn a thing or two from her???

Also have you thought that the reason she might not want to leave dublin is that she would have to live in a town with people all gossiping about her and looking down on her? I think that would put anyone off

Danniboo

concerns wrote: »

so nobody here would be concerned if there well off friend starts dating a gorgeous girl half his age?

its not just me,weve all spoken about it at the pub and in passing and everyone here is of the opinion that shes a golddigger and hes going to get into trouble being with her. its just only me who is writing this thread

As in you and the locals? You really sound like a great friend. No I wouldn't be concerned I would be delighted my friend was happy. You're basically saying your friend is not worthy of a gorgeous girl who happens to be younger than him.

moco

CollegeProbs wrote: »

Op seriously, your friend is dating a younger beautiful well mannered woman who cares about hygiene, cooks for him and stuck around even though she didnt get a christmas present? It sounds like your friends girlfriend has accepted your friend for who he is and cares for him regardless......maybe you could learn a thing or two from her???

Also have you thought that the reason she might not want to leave dublin is that she would have to live in a town with people all gossiping about her and looking down on her? I think that would put anyone off

Exactly, and OP if she did agree to move in with him you'd probably be saying 'oh she jumped at the chance to move in with him, the gold digger'.

I think you should leave the girl alone and mind your own business. Have you and the other village people got nothing better to gossip about in the pub?:rolleyes:

Corkblowin

concerns wrote: »

well off friend starts dating a gorgeous girl half his age?

its not just me,weve all spoken about it at the pub and in passing and everyone here is of the opinion that shes a golddigger

Quick question OP.....are you male or female? You seem to have a serious problem with the fact this girl is good looking and takes care of her appearance. :rolleyes:

Are you worried that shes going to take his farm or something? Sounds like its turning into the field.

Maybe 'all of you in the pub' should club together and buy a TV for the pub so you can talk about that instead.

Getting more exasperated by the minute here!! :mad:

Danniboo

Corkblowin wrote: »

Quick question OP.....are you male or female? You seem to have a serious problem with the fact this girl is good looking and takes care of her appearance. :rolleyes:

Are you worried that shes going to take his farm or something? Sounds like its turning into the field.

Maybe 'all of you in the pub' should club together and buy a TV for the pub so you can talk about that instead.

Getting more exasperated by the minute here!! :mad:

Or maybe mammy had hoped the villages most eligible batchelor would marry himself a nice Catholic woman, from the ICA like.

Corkblowin

Danniboo wrote: »

Or maybe mammy had hoped the villages most eligible batchelor would marry himself a nice Catholic woman, from the ICA like.

Yeah.....one with a few acres herself and came from a local family without any of dem fancy city ways - hygiene and hairdo's - did ya ever hear the like??

Danniboo

Corkblowin wrote: »

Yeah.....one with a few acres herself and came from a local family without any of dem fancy city ways - hygiene and hairdo's - did ya ever hear the like??

And this interweb thing whatever happened to good oul proper courting?

fatmammycat

Holy moley OP, you need to take a good long in the mirror at yourself, gossiping about your friend with other eegits behind his back, pretending to be concerned when it's as clear as day from your posts you're a seething mass of jealousy and judgement. Grow up and stay the heck out of your friend's affair. If you really are his friend, which frankly you don't really sound like.

LegacyUser

obviously im not explaining this well.to be blunt there is not once person in our town who does not think she is a golddigger.everyone agrees that she is very attractive and pleasant but we ALL know she is a golddigger.a lot of the women are disgusted that shes taken him and a lot of men do think hes lucky to have her as a girlfriend but NOBODY wants to see him with her for more than a few weeks.Nobody wants to see him taken advantage of and its very clear that he will be.shes only been on the farm working a handful of times and she hardly talks to anyone just a small smile and a hi.hes up in dublin every week visiting her and when shes down here she keeps him indoors. hes mid forties shes mid twenties.


if every single person in the town knows shes a golddigger then she clearly is.so how do we make my friend see this so he doesn't get hurt or ruined?

dudara

And if all the people in the pub or in the parish jumped off the cliff, would you do it also?

All can you accuse this woman of is being from Dublin, looking well and the oft-repeated word "golddigger". You're repeating it like a parrot at this stage and not appearing to consider any other opinions. All you are doing is making yourself appear more opinionated and biased.

Who knows the truth? Certainly not a group of people gossiping in the pub? Like you, I'm from a small rural farming background, and it's kind of behaviour that makes me glad I don't live there anymore.

Keep an eye on your friend, (after all you may be right) but lay off the gossip and badmouthing.

astra2000

concerns wrote: »

obviously im not explaining this well.to be blunt there is not once person in our town who does not think she is a golddigger.everyone agrees that she is very attractive and pleasant but we ALL know she is a golddigger.a lot of the women are disgusted that shes taken him and a lot of men do think hes lucky to have her as a girlfriend but NOBODY wants to see him with her for more than a few weeks.Nobody wants to see him taken advantage of and its very clear that he will be.shes only been on the farm working a handful of times and she hardly talks to anyone just a small smile and a hi.hes up in dublin every week visiting her and when shes down here she keeps him indoors. hes mid forties shes mid twenties.


if every single person in the town knows shes a golddigger then she clearly is.so how do we make my friend see this so he doesn't get hurt or ruined?

Have you taken on board anything that has been said here? None of you KNOW she is a gold digger you can suspect it but seeing as ye only know her a short time ye have nothing to go on. As for coming down working on the farm, are you for real? I would guess that there arent a lot of girls who want to spend their free time working on a farm no matter how much they love their other halfs, and presumably as she is a mum it is easier for him to go visit her than for her to get away.
From what you have said it does not appear that you have met this girl much or know her well I think you are too quick to judge. Now as for EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE TOWN been of the same opinion as you I doubt you know the whole town, and if you do and have been discussing your friends business behind his back with so many people you are not a friend to him.
Now I am going to give you some advice based on the assumption that you are indeed right about this girl and she is a gold digger. I doubt your friend will thank you for intefering, it sounds as if he is been generous but not at risk of losing all his wordly goods to her. You need to get a bit of perspective he isnt in the process of signing half his house or farm to her, hasnt set up a joint bank account, so at the moment there is no huge financial risk to him, so what if he pays for a holiday he will enjoy it too and does he not deserve a lovely holiday with someone whos company he is enjoying. If at some point in the near future he risks his house/money maybe then if you are still concerned you could voice them to him, but for now hold your tongue please.

Corkblowin

concerns wrote: »

obviously im not explaining this well.to be blunt there is not once person in our town who does not think she is a golddigger.everyone agrees that she is very attractive and pleasant but we ALL know she is a golddigger.a lot of the women are disgusted that shes taken him and a lot of men do think hes lucky to have her as a girlfriend but NOBODY wants to see him with her for more than a few weeks.Nobody wants to see him taken advantage of and its very clear that he will be.shes only been on the farm working a handful of times and she hardly talks to anyone just a small smile and a hi.hes up in dublin every week visiting her and when shes down here she keeps him indoors. hes mid forties shes mid twenties.


if every single person in the town knows shes a golddigger then she clearly is.so how do we make my friend see this so he doesn't get hurt or ruined?

Good god!!!!!! If EVERYONE knows then she is............ Christ almighty!!!!!!!!

She only worked on the farm a few times! ( I knew a farm would be involved) she's an angel to go out there at all! She doesnt come down to work on the farm - she come to see her boyfriend - yes - boyfriend! You never answered my question on whether you're male or female, but I can guess.

I'm not going to look at this thread again - you have closed your mind entirely to the possibility that these people actually like / love each other & I don't want to be banned for telling you & EVERYONE in the village what I really think ye are. The atmosphere being generated by these poisonous mutterings is certainly not helping this couple make a go of it - if they do it will be in spite of his friends - not because of their support!

I hope to god the happiness of 2 people is not ruined because of petty jealousy :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

Fad

concerns wrote: »

if every single person in the town knows shes a golddigger then she clearly is.

If every person in your town thought there was a tiny china teapot orbiting between Earth and Mars, does that make it true too?

Keep out of it, you don't know about every aspect of the relationship.

Sardonicat

concerns wrote: »

obviously im not explaining this well.to be blunt there is not once person in our town who does not think she is a golddigger.everyone agrees that she is very attractive and pleasant but we ALL know she is a golddigger.a lot of the women are disgusted that shes taken him and a lot of men do think hes lucky to have her as a girlfriend but NOBODY wants to see him with her for more than a few weeks.Nobody wants to see him taken advantage of and its very clear that he will be.shes only been on the farm working a handful of times and she hardly talks to anyone just a small smile and a hi.hes up in dublin every week visiting her and when shes down here she keeps him indoors. hes mid forties shes mid twenties.


if every single person in the town knows shes a golddigger then she clearly is.so how do we make my friend see this so he doesn't get hurt or ruined?

She keeps him indoors? How do you come to that conclusion? He is in his mid forties; if he wants to leave the house there is nothing to prevent him. She can't keep him, or any other adult, indoors. Has it occured to you that they stay indoors cos they're having a wild time together? That would be a preferable option to going down the pub to listen to bile and vitriol about your neighbours, wouldn't it?

Maybe he finds her a refreshing change to the shallow, closed minded, repressed and bitter locals. He has more money than she has and spends it on her, so what? She cooks lovely meals for him and has worked on his farm. She's hardly a gold digger if his idea of buying his girlfriend a meal is a roll at the local centra and she stays with him!

Best piece of advice I think you need to hear, and I mean this for your own sake:Get A Life!

gimme5minutes

It doesn't take sherlock holmes to figure out that this thread basically downs to the OP being a female who is jealous of a younger hotter female's looks. Get over it OP, it is absolutely none of your business. Btw, men find hot women attractive and dont care so much about their finances, whereas women find wealthy men attractive and dont care so much about their looks. Its the way of the world.

Ickle Magoo

gimme5minutes, the OP has already been given a warning for making crass generalisation, could you refrain from doing likewise.

booboo88

concerns wrote: »

shes a single mother so shes obviously knows the game. As i said in attraction she is definately out of his league, everyone has noticed and in finances he's definately out of hers. Hes a typical nice laid back country man and doesnt see the danger ahead. There is a huge age difference between them. A lot of people are concerned about him but nobody knows how to open the subject with him.

Even if she is a gold digger, its his mistake to make!!!!!!

concerns wrote: »

so nobody here would be concerned if there well off friend starts dating a gorgeous girl half his age?

its not just me,weve all spoken about it at the pub and in passing and everyone here is of the opinion that shes a golddigger and hes going to get into trouble being with her. its just only me who is writing this thread

Age is just a number, are you saying if she was same age but still a single mother, gorgeous, and leaving him pay for everything you'd have no problem?

not much you can say or do, your friend will resent you possibly cut contact with you if you even attempt to bring this up, even jokingly

thefeatheredcat

concerns wrote: »

obviously im not explaining this well.to be blunt there is not once person in our town who does not think she is a golddigger.everyone agrees that she is very attractive and pleasant but we ALL know she is a golddigger.a lot of the women are disgusted that shes taken him and a lot of men do think hes lucky to have her as a girlfriend but NOBODY wants to see him with her for more than a few weeks.Nobody wants to see him taken advantage of and its very clear that he will be.shes only been on the farm working a handful of times and she hardly talks to anyone just a small smile and a hi.hes up in dublin every week visiting her and when shes down here she keeps him indoors. hes mid forties shes mid twenties.


if every single person in the town knows shes a golddigger then she clearly is.so how do we make my friend see this so he doesn't get hurt or ruined?

tbh OP, I think he would be really disappointed to realise that everyone in town are assuming something that could be totally false and would be very hurt by your comments - total put downs. It's understandable you want to protect him but not for the reasons that you have speculated.

there's too many people idly speculating on the relationship, but has anyone actually asked him how he feels about her or what he thinks of her, or even what he knows about her? Has anyone actually asked him if he is happy? Shouldn't you be happy for him if he's happy?

I've not seen anything posted here that indicates that anyone has actually spoken to her either, yet everyone is assuming they know her in depth to be able to conclude what sort of person she is and what her intentions are. Has anyone taken the initiative to get to know her? How about welcoming her? It comes across that everyone's so involved in bitterly (and maliciously too) gossiping about the situation yet nobody is actually extending a bit of warmth.

I've always been proud that I came from a city background (Cork) with a city mentality and not a rural area; and the attitude that's coming across in your posts, I'd nearly be expecting this girl to have a pack of jealous men and women running her out of town with pitch forks. tbh I'd love to know where you are OP so I can never visit such an unwelcoming place that speaks so bitterly of others that are not from the town. I can only imagine what you'd make of an independent city girl like me with opinions and ideas heaven forbid I should visit to invest in your town as a business woman :eek:

What you can do is give him some support. OK, it may appear that the town/village's opinion is true to the town/village, but it may not be the case. There's no concrete evidence except suspicious, mistrustful hearsay and gossip coupled with different standards of living and social grace.

Give them a bit of a chance and be happy for him. But the best advice is for him to learn for himself and open up his mind and to decide for himself.

For all you know she could be a lovely girl who actually loves him and if that is revealed, I'd hope the whole lot of ye would hang your heads in shame in your judgements. If the relationship is positive and good and she has good intentions and she found out what ye were all gossiping about and how you've all tarnished her reputation without even knowing her, the poor fella isn't going to be in a relationship for long if she's been targeted and isolated like that, and if he's lucky and stays with him, have a life together, I would hope he would move elsewhere.

If indeed it should go wrong, he'll find out for himself. That's when you stand together as a community to rally around a person you care about.

tbh I hope your town/village starts opening up your minds a bit, for your own sakes.

Danniboo

Sorry but the more I read the more I feel this post is a wind up. OP I think another poster hit the nail on the head, you must be a jealous insecure female. You wonder why all this is girl does is pass herself with a smile, she probably has an inclination that people are judging talking about her. As for spending time on the farm, since when is it someones obligation of being a good girlfriend that they must help out on the boyfriends farm. She sounds to me the complete opposite of everything you've posted. If everyone says it must be true:rolleyes: ....... No it must be gossip. It's this kind of backwards neandarthal attitude that makes people embarrassed to be Irish. I really thought we'd moved past this as a country clearly people are still brainwashed by the Catholic Church and their own ignorance.

LegacyUser

astra2000 wrote: »

Now I am going to give you some advice based on the assumption that you are indeed right about this girl and she is a gold digger. I doubt your friend will thank you for intefering, it sounds as if he is been generous but not at risk of losing all his wordly goods to her. You need to get a bit of perspective he isnt in the process of signing half his house or farm to her, hasnt set up a joint bank account, so at the moment there is no huge financial risk to him, so what if he pays for a holiday he will enjoy it too and does he not deserve a lovely holiday with someone whos company he is enjoying. If at some point in the near future he risks his house/money maybe then if you are still concerned you could voice them to him, but for now hold your tongue please.

hes so smitten with her he probably would sign over the house if she asked.id say shes not asking because she knows well we are all on to her and wont let it happen.

if she wants to get to know us she knows where we are,she could call round or go to the pubs.but she doesnt.the community look out for each other and take care of each other.its lucky for him that he has a community standing up for him or he probably would have lost everything by now.

so back to what the problem i have being how do i talk to him about her and make him see sense?

LegacyUser

Danniboo wrote: »

Sorry but the more I read the more I feel this post is a wind up. OP I think another poster hit the nail on the head, you must be a jealous insecure female. You wonder why all this is girl does is pass herself with a smile, she probably has an inclination that people are judging talking about her. As for spending time on the farm, since when is it someones obligation of being a good girlfriend that they must help out on the boyfriends farm. She sounds to me the complete opposite of everything you've posted. If everyone says it must be true:rolleyes: ....... No it must be gossip. It's this kind of backwards neandarthal attitude that makes people embarrassed to be Irish. I really thought we'd moved past this as a country clearly people are still brainwashed by the Catholic Church and their own ignorance.

it doesnt matter if im a man or a woman.all that matters is that im a person concerned about there friend,and that what im saying here is echoed by our whole community men and women.have you ever just known something?we all know this.a tantrum because she was brought to centra for lunch ffs!cant leave the house without a full face of make up,not supporting her man in his work.shes lucky to have him at all she should be making more of an effort to look after him and to show the community shes not a golddigger if she actually wasnt. and what on earth does the catholic church have to do with it?a bit off topic there???

shoes34

concerns wrote: »

hes so smitten with her he probably would sign over the house if she asked.id say shes not asking because she knows well we are all on to her and wont let it happen.

if she wants to get to know us she knows where we are,she could call round or go to the pubs.but she doesnt.the community look out for each other and take care of each other.its lucky for him that he has a community standing up for him or he probably would have lost everything by now.

so back to what the problem i have being how do i talk to him about her and make him see sense?

He is in his mid 40 I think he knows his own mind and doesn't need you or the noisey village to tell him what to do. Just because she is younger doesn't mean she is a golddigger - you don't give any reason to justify why you call here this only that the whole village say she is a golddigger. I live in a small town and its pretty much a close community but we would never talk or treat a person the way you are treating this girl. I'd almost hope your friend sees the village for what it is and moves to Dublin to be with the girl that he loves, doesn't matter if the village doesn't love her.

you say "if she wants to get to knw us she knows where we are" - could you not call over to her and invite her out for a cup of coffee?

ibarelycare

concerns wrote: »

hes so smitten with her he probably would sign over the house if she asked.

So? Still none of your or anyone else's business if he does that. I take it this man is of sound mind? If so, then he's capable of making his own decisions.



You say this:

concerns wrote: »

id say shes not asking because she knows well we are all on to her and wont let it happen.

Then on to say this:

concerns wrote: »

if she wants to get to know us she knows where we are,she could call round or go to the pubs.but she doesnt.the community look out for each other and take care of each other.its lucky for him that he has a community standing up for him or he probably would have lost everything by now.

Why on EARTH would this girl want to get to know you or any of your "community"? You sound like horrible, gossipy, judgmental, nosy people and it's no wonder they don't leave the house when she's down. I wouldn't want to face you lot either. Besides, they're probably enjoying each other's company and their new relationship. Why do they need to include other people in it?

concerns wrote: »

so back to what the problem i have being how do i talk to him about her and make him see sense?

You don't! How can you not understand that IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS????

ilovefridays

concerns wrote: »

hes so smitten with her he probably would sign over the house if she asked.id say shes not asking because she knows well we are all on to her and wont let it happen.

if she wants to get to know us she knows where we are,she could call round or go to the pubs.but she doesnt.the community look out for each other and take care of each other.its lucky for him that he has a community standing up for him or he probably would have lost everything by now.

so back to what the problem i have being how do i talk to him about her and make him see sense?

'he probably' 'if' 'id say', your just assuming things using these words.
Why should she try to get to know you's if you's dont make the effort with her. How are the community standing up for him?? by gossiping behind his back??:eek:
You need to let your 'friend' find out for himself 'if' she is only using him, it's his life not yours , stay out of it or you will end up without this friend in your life, just be there for him 'if' things dont work out.
in the meantime, get a life for yourself, try take up reading or arts or some hobbies to keep your mind off gossiping about your friends.

seamus

concerns wrote: »

cant leave the house without a full face of make up,

Not uncommon at all. Most women spend a bit of time adjusting their appearance in the morning.

not supporting her man in his work.

...by not helping him? What an odd thing to ask of someone. Does he go up to Dublin every so often and give her a dig out with whatever it is she does?
Now I understand that she should realise to a certain extent that if you're in a relationship with a farmer, then he's going to be doing farmer-ey type stuff. But it doesn't mean that she should be the farmer's wife and act the farmer's wife. If that's not how she envisages her life, then that's between him and her, it's none of the community's business.

show the community shes not a golddigger if she actually wasnt.

Why should she have to? Innocent until proven guilty and all that. You have no evidence of her being a "gold-digger", all you can see is a woman who expects to eat proper meals and do nice things. Sounds like most women that I know.
She has no obligation to you people, you have no right to ask anything of her. Why don't you give her a chance - have dinner in your friend's house, get to know her.

I hope for her sake that if she ends up marrying your friend that the two of them sell up and move away, otherwise she'll spend the rest of her life labelled as the gold-digging, lazy, blow-in, no matter what she does.

Danniboo

concerns wrote: »

it doesnt matter if im a man or a woman.all that matters is that im a person concerned about there friend,and that what im saying here is echoed by our whole community men and women.have you ever just known something?we all know this.a tantrum because she was brought to centra for lunch ffs!cant leave the house without a full face of make up,not supporting her man in his work.shes lucky to have him at all she should be making more of an effort to look after him and to show the community shes not a golddigger if she actually wasnt. and what on earth does the catholic church have to do with it?a bit off topic there???

Definitely a woman, god my mother used to skit the song "Stand by your man" now I know why:D She's his "partner" not his mammy it's not for her too look after him. You say she has helped a bit on the farm cooks him a lovely meal and keeps him indoors which I would imagine is looking after him;) I can't believe you actually think being brought to Centra for lunch is okay. You haven't given one ounce of information on this thread to suggest this girl is a gold digger. Staying with someone who hasn't bought you a Christmas present and being cool with it, is actually the opposite to a gold digger. You sound so jealous and bitter it's as if you're wishing this nonsense to be true. You need to get out of the village OP and see a bit of the world.

astra2000

Op is it a case that since your friend has got together that he has less time to spend with you? Previously has he been the type of person who is available to help anybody out at the drop of a hat and is now no longer free to do this. I ask because you seem overly concerned and I wonder is this because it is now affecting you directly? Also does your friend have family, surely if he has they would be in a better position than you to judge wheather or not this relationship is good for him. (Not that I would advocate them intefering either).

This reads like a John B Keane play, seriously. First of all you are cribbing that the girl doesnt try to get to know you - i wouldnt want to know the "townfolk" either if they had that opinion of me!

Im from rural ireland and i married a man from the next PARISH and im still treated with suspicion after four years! when i go to the local with my husband i always find that "clicky" atmosphere - i cant imagine the situation if i came from, in your words, "the great Dublin" and was half his age - alert the church elders!

I dont leave home without makeup either, does that make me a goldigger? and so what if she doesnt like the farm envoirnment? i think you are bitter because she seems to have a life - i suggest you broaden your horizons a bit.

Whether she is taking him for a ride or not is none of your business as many posters have advised, you are being very disloyal to your friend discussing his business with your pals in the pub, if you think she is treating him bad are you doing much better?