Friend Stealing From me

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I have a very sensitive issue I need advice on. I recently moved in with my boyfriend, his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend. We all get on great and have been friends for a long time, several years in fact.

Last night I left my purse on the living room table and went to bed. When I got to work I noticed there was some euro coins missing from it. Now this might not seem like a big deal, but every penny counts at the moment, as I am quite strapped for cash.

I know 100% that the money was in it just before going to bed. Now "the other girl", who I consider to be one of my best friends, gets up for work about 2hrs before everyone else. When I made the discovery I was obviously very confused, and didn't know what had happened the money. This friend has been know to be very tight with money, and owes her boyfriend a lot of money, always lets him pay for stuff etc, never spends a penny basically.

So this evening when I got home from work, I asked everyone separately did they take it, as to not arouse suspicion I suspected her of stealing it. I obviously gave her the benefit of the doubt, asking did she take it for a taxi, saying its no problem if she did, that I didn't mind etc. She told me she had walked to work as "she was keeping her money for rent".

Well, I just found a receipt for a taxi in a bunch of receipts she had just cleaned out of her bag. Time and date from this morning at her work time.

Now I know there are a lot of holes in this story, but I can assure you, I know she took the money, it's pretty much fact. Why would she say she walked, and then have a receipt for the taxi? Panicked when I confronted her?

It has just made the situation very awkward, as we are stuck living in the house for 4 more months.

Advice?

Thanks a million in advance
Anon x

Storminateacup

You have 4 months left living there. For the sake of your sanity and for the couple of euro - however tight things are - I'd let it go this time. Because, maybe she thought you wouldn't notice, but you did. And is it really worth making your home envirnoment impossible to live in for the remainder of the lease?

However - I would leave NOTHING of value laying around common living areas. Put those in your bedroom and if needs must, lock the door.

LegacyUser

Hi,

The last poster is spot on in my view. This girl has crossed the line. Once a person has done that, rarely do they go back to being a good person. So I would not try to 'save' them in any way. I would go further, and be very careful what you tell this person also. Stealing from a friend is some sort of emotional disturbance, and who knows what level she may go to.
So be very careful. I would also, remain her friend, as she may be quite nasty. Could be wrong here, but better to be safe than sorry. and yes, keep every scrap of paper- bank statements any, and every thing stored away. But do it skilfully, don't let her know.

You could wait a few weeks, then put lots of coins into the wallet, but keep a count of what is in there. Then they may steal the money. Then just keep it to yourself, say nothing, but get rid of them somehow. A good way to do this is to give them a loan of say 30 quid. You know they will never pay you back, and they will avoid you. This is a cheap way to get rid of them, as they could cost you allot more.

LegacyUser

Agreed. What's to be gained by confronting her? You get your few euros back,& lose an otherwise good friendship.
You never know, she might be consumed with guilt.
Next few months: Lock your bedroom door, don't leave valuables lying around, be vigilant- but don't rock the boat (though maybe, in a few wks time, when it won't be so obvious, start a conversation about how tight things are financially- just so if she wasn't feeling guilty before, she will then)

tbh

call her on it, calmly.

"you told me you walked to work, but I know you took a taxi, because i found the receipt. So, I don't believe you that when you said you didn't take the money from my purse. I'm willing to let it go this time, but this is the only time. It's forgotten about now as far as I'm concerned. ok?"

Bob Z

Maybe your friend said she Walked because she thought you were accusing her of taking the money?

IrishEyes19

I agree with calling her on it firmly. you let it walk this time, it will happen again, and although its all good and easy saying keep personal stuff locked away, its easy to throw your bag down on the sofa while you run for a shower or dinner and forget about it. you shouldnt have to fear being robbed from close friends. Id say as other posters have said, you call her on but stress that next time there will be action taken, the incidents will most likely cease

ennis81

I wouldn't call her on it, she will turn nasty and it will be hell living there believe me, shes not going to admit it. It will do more harm than good, just keep your stuff in your room, hopefully now she knows you know the money was missing she won't steal from you again

king_of_inismac

Your friend made a mistake (albeit a very stupid one).

She probably thought you wouldn't miss it and then panicked when she realised she was caught (I wouldn't be too worried if one of my friends did that, though she was wrong not to own up).

You could confront her but what would that achieve?

My advice is to forgive her and move on. Everyone makes mistakes and it's not worth losing a good friend over.

If shes a true friend she probably already feels bad about it.

curlzy

She didn't make a mistake, a mistake is finding a euro on the ground and thinking it's one you've dropped earlier. Going into your purse and taking your money is stealing, not a mistake. Personally I would wait until you're all in the sittingroom and address the whole lot of them. I'd say "lads, money is missing from my purse, Aimee (making up the name) said she walked to work the other day as she didn't have the money for a taxi, I just found a taxi receipt and I think Aimee took the money. Aimee what's the deal?". She's not your friend OP, friends don't steal from you. I'd call her out on it and shame her.

curlzy

curlzy wrote: »

She didn't make a mistake, a mistake is finding a euro on the ground and thinking it's one you've dropped earlier. Going into your purse and taking your money is stealing, not a mistake. Personally I would wait until you're all in the sittingroom and address the whole lot of them. I'd say "lads, money is missing from my purse, Aimee (making up the name) said she walked to work the other day as she didn't have the money for a taxi, I just found a taxi receipt and I think Aimee took the money. Aimee what's the deal?". She's not your friend OP, friends don't steal from you. I'd call her out on it and shame her.

Jesus christ that's the worst thing to do

IrishEyes19

bluewolf wrote: »

Jesus christ that's the worst thing to do

Agreed, dont humiliate her in front of everyone, if you're going to confront her. Do it privately.

seamus

curlzy wrote: »

Personally I would wait until you're all in the sittingroom and address the whole lot of them. I'd say "lads, money is missing from my purse, Aimee (making up the name) said she walked to work the other day as she didn't have the money for a taxi, I just found a taxi receipt and I think Aimee took the money. Aimee what's the deal?"

...and Aimee runs out and goes home crying to her parents where her father advises her to sue for slander and the OP gets reamed for the sake of a couple of euro missing from her purse.

If you're going to say it to her, you say it to her in private, over a cup of coffee or something. Saying it in front of everyone serves no purpose except being petty and vindictive.

LegacyUser

Hey guys, thanks so much for all the replies. Really appreciate the great advice.

I was so angry when I woke up this morning. I had left the receipt in plain view on the kitchen table, it was obviously gone by the time I went there. So now I know she knows. She was being overly nice to me all morning so I assume she feels very guilty about it.

I'll try post when everything has settled down and my head is cleared of it all. I know it sounds small and trivial, but it hasn't happened me before, and I just feel betrayed.

I'm willing to forgive and forget, I've always been good like that, I'm just afraid it might happen again.

ongarboy

I think if you adhere to storminateacup's wise advice above, you should be fine. I know the sum of money might be significant to you right now but if it is just a sum of a few euro, just let it go for the peace of the next 4 months. And more importantly, do not leave anything valuable lying around so that there will be no repeat incident.I know it's still frustrating but you have learnt more about this person now so you will not be off guard or fooled in the future. She is no longer a friend IMO. After 4 months, you will not need to have any contact with her whatsoever either as housemate or as a friend (your choice).I'd let it go this time and not even bother with a confrontation of the housemates.

shoes34

but you are not 100% sure it was her who took it, just because she is tight with money and maybe for good reason and that she leaves for work before you you have now decided that she took the money from your purse. Could anyone else have been up after you went to bed? Also not to be smart but are you sure the money was gone, I never know how much coins I have in my purse.

Maybe bring your purse/bag all personal belongings to your room with you.

MistyCheese

OP I understand you feel frustrated, it must feel like she's getting away with it but look on the positive side, you learned a very inexpensive lesson. Now you know not to leave any money or valuables out in the open. Whether it was this girl or not - if someone in the house stole from you it's better that they only got away with a couple of euro and not a much larger sum.

Monkey Allen

Innocent until proven guilty. You dont know for sure so its wrong for you to assume, regardless of how clear cut it seems right now.

Let it go, lock your stuff away and move out.