At my wits end

LegacyUser

I don't know why I'm really posting this because deep down I know I have to end this relationship but it's just so damn hard my heart is actually broken in two

I've been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years. When we net first everything was fantastic. He was such a kind intelligent interesting and loving man. We had great times, I fell in love with him almost immediately as he did with me. We were so so happy. All my friends and family instantly liked him.


Everything changed about 5/6 months ago. I can't even pinpoint what happened and when things started to go wrong. He began drinking very heavily. He drinks the minute wakes up, during work and every night when he comes home. His moods are so unpredictable he can go from being really elated and happy to being extremely angry, irrational and both verbally and a few times physically abusive.

I've tried talking to him about his drinking but it's extremely difficult as he is rarely sober enough to remember what we've even talked about!! A few times he has made attempts to stop drinking, only lasting 2/3 days at most and during theses periods of non drinking is extremely angry.


When he drinks he will do anything for his next drink. All he seems to care about is his next drink.

I'm so so sad with this situation because I know that he is a really really good person underneath all this. The drink just completely transforms him. I've met his family who are really nice decent people. They however are unaware of his problem as they live in a completely different country, he is not from Ireland.

Thursday night something just snapped inside me and I told him i want to break up. I've asked him to leave the house. I really don't think I'm strong enough to deal with this anymore. He sees me as being in the wrong and a bitch. I've told him he can stay until he finds somewhere else to live.

I feel such a horrible person. It's really breaking my heart. I feel so sorry for him. I worry for what is to become of him. I only wish there is something I could do to help in some way. He has indicated that he will join the AA I don't know if will do this though.

All I know is my brilliant partner the love of my life has turned into an alcoholic and I wish with all my heart that I could bring him back

Nevyn

You can't fix him or change him back, only he can do that and only when he wants to.
In the mean time you need help and support for what you choose to do next.
Start by confiding in friends/family who you are close to so that it's not secret you are keeping and consider going to an ALanon meeting, they are for people who have a loved one in thier life who is abusing alchol and needs help and support.

http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/meetings.htm

There are meetings all over the country, your not the only one who is struggling with this, I know you are hurt, upset, angry and disapointed, but get yourself some help and support.

annetted

hiya
that is so sad. drink can turn the most amazing people into really bad and selfish people. i think the man you fell in love with is lost to drink. this could last for years. i think you have to think of yourself - stay strong. If he wants to go to AA for himself, then it could be a turning point. But if he is only going to AA, so you won't finish the relationship - it probably won't work..

best of luck

astra2000

Hi op I sympathise with your situation it must be hard watching the person you love change so much and not been able to do anything to help. For what its worth I think you are making the right decision in ending the relationship, you deserve better. Maybe your bf will realise what alcohol is costing him and get some help, I hope this is the case. You need to stay strong your not in the wrong or been a bitch I suppose he is saying those things because he is not willing to accept responsibility for his actions and making you out to be the bad guy absolves him of all the blame (in his head anyway).