GFs declining sex drive

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.

I've been with my gf for 2years now and all was great starting out, we were both mad for sex, multiple times a day etc. We lived in the same city and seen each other every day for 2months, then due to college I had to move to cork (shes in dublin).

I see her every 2nd weekend alternating between cork and dublin.
The sex was just as frequent when we met each other at weekends at first but it very gradually went on a downward spiral.

It has gotten to the stage where I have to initiate sex every time and even initiating it doesn't guarantee anything. Sex went from 2 times a day to 1 once a weekend. Some weekends Im lucky to even get sex, if shes not up for it I might get a bj, I got the feeling she was only doing it to keep me happy. The thing is though when we do have sex she really enjoys it (and orgasm's).

We've had a few fights/discussions about it and sex would become more frequent after them but a few weeks later and its back to before.

Ive asked her what the problem is and why has her drive has diminished, she said she doesn't really know but admits it has.

She went off the pill for 2 months there 5months ago, (I put the idea into her head saying that she should take a break from it for a while after been on it for 6 years, I do believe that but I also wanted to see if it would make any difference to her drive) it didn't make any difference.

After a recent row she said I take too long and therefore hurt her when we have sex, to which I responded 'the reason I take so long is because I know this is the only time I'm having sex for a few weeks'. She said that was putting her off initiating things.
Anyway I took note and have been finishing far far quicker since then. But again things go back to before, this weekend and all is the same, sex once, initiated by me. Tried again subtly today before she had to go back but as usual no joy.

It seems she'd rather watch t.v or go to town than do it or really it seems it just doesn't cross her mind unless I turn her on enough to want it. She never just jumps me, I'm afraid to jump her in-case she doesn't want it.

Such a change in the girl, I feel she trapped me into a relationship been so up for 'it' at the start then once we officially became a couple the sex dwindles.

This is a very serious problem for me, I'm not into one night stands or sex with strangers, I love sex in a relationship and its very high up the list when it comes to my priority's.

I'm at my wits end, everything else is great with the girl, its just this one thing, I don't know what to do.
Has anyone else experience in this area?
Any thoughts on possible problems or solutions?

IrishEyes19

All jokes aside, 2 times a day, the girl is probably wrecked or maybe thinks sex is a bit too important to you. Many couples have to deal with some form of distance and therefore sex once during the weekend is often the most they get. Maybe she wants to bring a form of balance into the relationship, where sex is part of the relationship not THE relationship. Im sure sex is important to her too. But maybe it was too much???

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply,

When I see her after been apart for that long the first thing I want to do is jump her, I just don't see why that after 2-3weeks apart shes not thinking the same.

It was only 2 times a day for the start. Am I expecting too much to have sex twice in 2weeks? The way its going now its twice a month if I'm lucky. If I were living with the girl I wouldn't be wanting sex daily, although when I only see her for 6 days in a month I don't think that I'm asking for much for 4 of them to involve something sexual, were not just friends.

Also every time we do it its me that initiates it and sometimes feel shes just trying to keep me happy by going along with it. And this could be after not seeing each other for 2-3weeks.

I agree twice daily was excessive but it makes it all the worse now there's a famine.

beks101

frustratedwithgf wrote: »

Such a change in the girl, I feel she trapped me into a relationship been so up for 'it' at the start then once we officially became a couple the sex dwindles.

Sex aside, do you actually care about and love this girl? Because the above suggests the only reason you got into a relationship with her is because she seemed to be 'up for it' all the time, rather than actually liking her for who she is.

I fully appreciate how important sex is in a relationship, and a change in sex drive can be symptomatic of deeper problems in that relationship, but to be honest, I think your approach to this is quite selfish. It's all about your needs, with no account for what may be going on in your girlfriend's life that may be causing this change.

Maybe she's stressed, maybe she's a bit depressed, maybe her self esteem has dipped or maybe feels under-appreciated in the relationship and needs to be reassured in other ways that you love and care about her. She's not a machine, she has needs too and maybe you're not investing the time that's necessary to meet them.

Also it's not uncommon in the early stages of a relationship to be at it like rabbits, but two years down the road the honeymoon stage will be well and truly over now so maybe this is a natural petering out of her sex drive to its normal level. In that case it's simply a case of incompatible drives and you have to think about whether or not that's something either of you can compromise on.

There's also the possibility that her attraction towards you has waned, but that's something that only you can determine by sitting down and talking to her, no-one here can tell you if it's actually the case.

IrishEyes19

frustratedwithgf wrote: »

Thanks for the reply,

When I see her after been apart for that long the first thing I want to do is jump her, I just don't see why that after 2-3weeks apart shes not thinking the same.

It was only 2 times a day for the start. Am I expecting too much to have sex twice in 2weeks? The way its going now its twice a month if I'm lucky. If I were living with the girl I wouldn't be wanting sex daily, although when I only see her for 6 days in a month I don't think that I'm asking for much for 4 of them to involve something sexual, were not just friends.

Also every time we do it its me that initiates it and sometimes feel shes just trying to keep me happy by going along with it. And this could be after not seeing each other for 2-3weeks.

I agree twice daily was excessive but it makes it all the worse now there's a famine.

OP, Im not trying to lay into you here now, but even your language..."jump her," Sounds like what a lad would say to his male friends after a one night stand if he got lucky. I bet you anything she can sense it off you and I know girls in particular often worry does he like me, like or does it just want to sleep with me all the time. I say just come out straight and ask her directly.

LegacyUser

"After a recent row she said I take too long and therefore hurt her when we have sex, to which I responded 'the reason I take so long is because I know this is the only time I'm having sex for a few weeks'"

Wow! How dare you talk to a woman like this?! If my boyf said this to me, I would have a serious issue with it!

You also say that you now feel trapped in a "relationship with dwindling sex" - You have no hope in this relationship unless you fully understand what being in a relationship means! It doesn't mean "jumping" her all the time, it means figuring out how you fit and sync togther, what turns you on/off, and understanding each others ticks.

You want advice, I say grow up, and realise that you are in a fantastic relationship that you are souring with your immaturity.