Dad not acknowledging difficulty

albeit

My parents are divorced since a long time ago. I grew up with my mother. She has treated me badly in my childhood and since I became an adult in numerous ways, amounting to psychological and emotional abuse. This is acknowledged by me and numerous people including my dad. However, he has never stepped up to her, or even tried to protect me from her wicked ways. He has always acted as if it is my problem to deal with, he is only avoiding her as much as he can, as many other people are, including close family members of hers that have cut all contact with her. He is supportive of me in many other areas of my life, but he has openly expressed that he is not taking sides in arguments I have with my mother. I just feel like he has not taken responsibilty as a father, and even though I am an adult now, I would like to have more support from him in dealing with my mum. He has had the chioce of breaking free from her but i have had to live with her, and still have to deal with her as I have not been able to distance myself from her. I want him to support me in my decision to cut all ties with her, but for some reason he just says it is up to me, and seem indifferent- not acknowledging how hard it is.

estar

its great you are tapping into your emotions in this area, and are expressing your true feelings. allowing yourself to do this is part of your journey into dealing with your disappointment and hurt, and moving beyond it ultimately.

maybe he doesn't want his personal feelings towards your mother to affect your own relationship with her and wanted to let you reach your own conclusion about her. maybe he cannot deal with her either. i think it is important for us as adults to accept that our parents are just humans. they have faults and they may not be everything we want. they may not have always done the right or perfect thing. although that is sad for us, and may not be right we cannot change them or control them or the past. we can ask for change, but we cannot enforce it. the only thing we can do is stop seeing them. however it sounds like your dad tried in other areas. so that he is valuable in your life. why not accept him as being a flawed human being and also your mother. accept that maybe she isnt the greatest mother. but you dont have to be like her and can reach your potential despite her influence. make peace and accept your past and your parents as not perfect and you will maybe feel less upset. its not your fault, but you have little control over them except reducing contact with them.

you really have to grieve for not having the parents or childhood that you wanted and then decide how to move on now in your adult life. speaking to someone qualified or other people who have had the experiences you have had could really help.

sometimes it makes me sad that my parents didnt always accept me for who i was, or try to understand me. i used to blame them for many things. however now i am an adult i am responsible for me, and i do love them. they tried their best being who they were. they had childhoods too, and had flaws, and i accept them as they are good and bad. i dont expect too much, just to see them happy and well. thats my experience and advise i hope it helps you.