Getting back in Touch

Dr C

Hello ladies,

Perhaps you might be able to help me out with a quandary that has been vexing me for sometime. Although I do ask for your advice on this matter, the issue I discuss is perhaps of broader significance - getting back in touch using facebook.

A week ago I came across the profile of a girl that I knew as a child. I haven't been in touch with this girl for 20 years, and she has moved away from the area. I'd really like to get back in touch, but I'm not sure whether facebook represents an appropriate medium. I know that FB might be a legitimate way of getting back in touch, but it might also give the impression that I was 'perving' on her profile. Perhaps ladies in this forum can give their views on this matter? Should I use facebook to get back in touch? Should I send a message alongside the FB request? any other advice?

Thanks

Ickle Magoo

The function of the Ladies Lounge is not to canvass for advice on all matters relating to women. PI is the advice forum, you'll get advice here.

All the best. :cool:

QueenOfLeon

I've had people contact me through facebook who I lost touch with years ago. I think its brilliant, they all sent a message saying who they were and where they remembered me from and it has led to great chats about what has gone on since we last saw eachother

I think if you sent a message saying who you were and how you're interested in how shes getting on after so long apart, it wouldn't be seen as perving, more like an attempt by an old friend to get back in touch...I don't see anything wrong with that.

As for doing it through facebook, I think turning up on her doorstep or ringing her phone would be much creepier! She has a profile knowing people can search her so I don't think its any harm

albeit

Hi!
I think facebook is a good way to get back in touch, however it may seem a little bit far-fetched that you have been searching for her on facebook. Especially if you havent had contact for 20 years... Maybe you can find someone that has her as 'friend' who is one of your 'friends' and just write in the message that she came up as a 'suggested friend' or that you noticed she was on facebook from one of your other 'friends' pages, and that you then came to think of her and wonder how she is getting on, etc.

LegacyUser

What's your reason for wanting to get back in touch?

I've been on the receiving end of this a couple of times in the past two years since joining facebook, with someone I went to school with 15 years ago and a guy that used to live next door to me adding me on facebook. I found it a bit odd to be honest. Beyond a brief "how are you, what do you do in life now" I had nothing in common any more and nothing to say to them and now they're still there on my friends list even though I haven't conversed with either of them after the first two or three days they added me, and I prefer to keep my friends list to people I see regularly, rather than having lurkers watching my updates.

I think it's important to remember that not everyone is sentimental and some may be a bit creeped out that you've thought about them enough to search their name and seek them out on facebook.

Dr C

Habbababba wrote: »

What's your reason for wanting to get back in touch?

I've been on the receiving end of this a couple of times in the past two years since joining facebook, with someone I went to school with 15 years ago and a guy that used to live next door to me adding me on facebook. I found it a bit odd to be honest. Beyond a brief "how are you, what do you do in life now" I had nothing in common any more and nothing to say to them and now they're still there on my friends list even though I haven't conversed with either of them after the first two or three days they added me, and I prefer to keep my friends list to people I see regularly, rather than having lurkers watching my updates.

I think it's important to remember that not everyone is sentimental and some may be a bit creeped out that you've thought about them enough to search their name and seek them out on facebook.

Thanks for your opinion, but I don't accept it. First of all the average number of friends that people have added is in the hundreds, so for most people, facebook friendship is not restricted to those with who you have regular interaction. Second of all, and to clarify, I didn't actively seek this person out; I came across their profile randomly when looking for something completely different. Finally, regarding the last point, my own conclusion is that those who assume friend requests are motivated by 'lots of thought' and 'search' are probably quite self-involved.

Firetrap

Unless there's more to this story than meets the eye, I wouldn't see anything wrong with sending a message to someone on Facebook. I've received messages from people I'd lost touch with and was delighted to hear from them. The way I see it, if someone was that bothered by people from their past or present contacting them, they'd not be on Facebook in the first place. I think the best thing to do first off is just to send a message and see if she responds. If it goes well from there, you can do the friend request thing

cats.life

i came accross a person by acccident on FB who stayed in our house when i was 11. im now 46. so i requested friendship with a note saying who i was etc. and he sent me a message back saying great to hear from me and ask me what ive being up to since . it depends on the person who is sending and receiving on facebook, send a note of who you are so she wont be to spooked. there are loads of people i lost contact with on FB. ive found cousins in america that i havent seen in 20yrs.

zxcvbnm1

Ya - personally I'd have no interest talking to someone online from 20 years ago about catch-up stuff.

Some people are into that though (like the op for instance).

Op - why do you want to contact her? Do you fancy her?
Given that clearly you are unsure about how your contact will be received then why put you through the stress at all and just not bother contacting her in the first place. That solves the problem.

Like - why do you want to contact her at all?

When I was in primary school I was friends with a girl in my class, it was silly but we held hands in the school yard and were generally the butt of jokes that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I hadn't seen her for about 13/14 years and she added me to Facebook during the summer. I can't really say that much came from it but it was nice to hear from her nonetheless.

I'd have no problem accepting or sending requests to or from people I knew in the past if there was no bad reason for us losing contact in the first place.

Monkey Allen

Dr C wrote: »

Thanks for your opinion, but I don't accept it. First of all the average number of friends that people have added is in the hundreds, so for most people, facebook friendship is not restricted to those with who you have regular interaction. Second of all, and to clarify, I didn't actively seek this person out; I came across their profile randomly when looking for something completely different. Finally, regarding the last point, my own conclusion is that those who assume friend requests are motivated by 'lots of thought' and 'search' are probably quite self-involved.

I think you've answered your own question here.