Uncomfortable Girlfriend!

LegacyUser

Hi People!

Ive been going out with my girlfriend for a few months now. I was good friends with her before, so i know alot about her past and things shes experienced with the other sex. She had some bad experience with previous boyfriends in the past, and because of this is afraid to be too comfortable with me, she knows me well enough to know i would never do anything like what she has previously experienced. This restricts alot of things we do in the sex department. The impression i have gotten from her leads me to believe that she was very experimental with her previous boyfriend but is not so much with me. Should this effect me as much as it does?

Thanks!

Sinfonia

The impression i have gotten from her leads me to believe that she was very experimental with her previous boyfriend but is not so much with me

Without prying too much, what gives you this impression? In other words is this definitely the case?

Overall, it seems to just boil down to trust issues, but if she had been very experimental with a previous boyfriend, perhaps she just didn't enjoy the results of such experimentation? Another problem might be that even if she did enjoy the experimentation, she feels a negative association because of how she was treated overall by that boyfriend.

I think your best course of action is to just ask her about it, directly but sensitively. If she tells you that she won't be interested in experimenting with you, then you need to decide for yourself if that will make you happy overall within the relationship.. If she tells you that she may be more adventurous further down the line, then you need to decide if you have the patience for that, or if you want to be patient.

Is she clear on your feelings about the whole situation at the moment?

LegacyUser

She has told me things she had done with previous boyfriends but told me she is not interested in it anymore. She knows that I would like to do it. But she says that she wont do it anymore that it was just something she did when she was younger and anytime I bring it up she takes it as an insult and says she's not a slut. I love her to bits and if its the case she just wont do it that's fine I just will never understand why.

Wompa1

Confused!!!? wrote: »

She has told me things she had done with previous boyfriends but told me she is not interested in it anymore. She knows that I would like to do it. But she says that she wont do it anymore that it was just something she did when she was younger and anytime I bring it up she takes it as an insult and says she's not a slut. I love her to bits and if its the case she just wont do it that's fine I just will never understand why.

Been there my friend. Seems like girls get their adventurous side out of the way young with guys that treat them like crap. Then Mr. Nice Guy comes along and sex is just dull. I didn't get many girls when I was in my teens, then in my early 20's most of the girls I got were all mistreated by ex's and mostly cold to touch. Just my observation though

Sinfonia

Confused!!!? wrote: »

She has told me things she had done with previous boyfriends but told me she is not interested in it anymore. She knows that I would like to do it. But she says that she wont do it anymore that it was just something she did when she was younger and anytime I bring it up she takes it as an insult and says she's not a slut. I love her to bits and if its the case she just wont do it that's fine I just will never understand why.

For me, that might be a dealbreaker; I know that if I was unsatisfied with the sexual side of things, it would weigh heavily on my mind, and thus on the relationship.
Essentially I think you need to decide what you can and cannot accept within a relationship. It won't make you a bad person if you choose to leave because of this, in fact it makes you a better person to have left knowing that the relationship would eventually fall into decline because your sexual desires would not be met.
On the other hand, if you think you're ok with it, then stay the course, but be aware that if this looks set to be a long term thing, you may end up feeling as though you never fulfilled your desire to experiment etc., which potentially could split you up when you have a lot more invested in the relationship.

I'd implore you to sit her down and properly talk it all out. If she won't listen/talk about it, is that really the kind of person you want to be with?

curlzy

Hey OP,

You can't pull a "well you did it with him, why not me?" when it comes to sex. She's made it clear that doing "that" makes her feel like a slut, is "that" sexual act so important to you? Ok, we don't know what "that" is, so let's just imagine "that" is butts*x, she tried it with previous boyfriends but doesn't want to do it with you and it makes her feel slutty. So you have a choice, enjoy the other things that are on the menu or leave because she's not willing to do things with you sexually that she doesn't enjoy and makes her feel slutty. Pretty simple choice in my opinion.

While you're making up your mind have a think about how would you feel if she wanted to use a strap-on on you, but you told her it made you feel gay and you didn't enjoy it, but she wanted to do it anyway and felt you were being selfish if you wouldn't let her?

Just because she did things with previous boyfriends doesn't mean she has to do them with you OP.

petebricquette

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

You can't pull a "well you did it with him, why not me?" when it comes to sex. She's made it clear that doing "that" makes her feel like a slut, is "that" sexual act so important to you? Ok, we don't know what "that" is, so let's just imagine "that" is butts*x, she tried it with previous boyfriends but doesn't want to do it with you and it makes her feel slutty. So you have a choice, enjoy the other things that are on the menu or leave because she's not willing to do things with you sexually that she doesn't enjoy and makes her feel slutty. Pretty simple choice in my opinion.

While you're making up your mind have a think about how would you feel if she wanted to use a strap-on on you, but you told her it made you feel gay and you didn't enjoy it, but she wanted to do it anyway and felt you were being selfish if you wouldn't let her?

Just because she did things with previous boyfriends doesn't mean she has to do them with you OP.

I don't think that that's what was said in the OP. What if it's not even something like anal (understandable, many women don't like it): if it's just some positions or even oral that she doesn't like for whatever reason? OP mentioned that it limits what they do sexually. Things like that can really eat away at the foundations of a relationship and can lead to a kind of apathy. Boredom sets in if there's not at least some experimentation. It's a bit unfair on the dude that she's unwilling to meet him halfway on this. Also, your strap-on example is a little extreme in the context of the original post.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Good points by curlzy and petebricquette. depends what the OP is talking about really.

Yeah if a girl doesn't want to do anal then you would just be a bastard for resenting her over it, even if she's done it before.

However if she won't do something like doggy-style vaginal sex its a different matter

Wagon

The whole point of two people in a meaningful relationship is that they love each other, both emotionally and sexually. To be honest, this sounds like you're more of a friend to her and do just enough to keep her happy. That ain't good enough man and you're missing out when you could be with someone who actually wants to have a real sex life with you.

Also, from the way that she acts when you talk to her about it, it sounds like she'll never change her mind.

So what im saying is, dump her. Let her have her sex life with someone else who is on the same wavelength. If you aren't happy, then don't stay. Simple.

AnonoBoy

If the woman doesn't want to do something then she doesn't want to do it.

You getting grumpy because she used to do it but doesn't want to anymore is understandable but slightly childish.

Trying to cajole someone into doing something they don't want to will only lead to resentment.

It really is up to you to decide how much you value these activities. If they're something you have to have in the bedroom then end it and find someone who enjoys them. If you value being with her over doing whatever it is then you're going to have to learn to live with it.

Now a warning: While you may over time be able to wear her down until she finally submits and does whatever you want it will most likely lead to her feeling like you don't value her and she may will leave you over it. It's not a case of you saying "You never know, you might like it!" - She knows, having done it before, that she doesn't like it and has told you several times.

So ask yourself is that worth it?