Best man speech

jdooley28

Just at a wedding before xmas and to finish the best man said" I've known him nearly all my life, we played football together in school but we could never find his best position, we tried him everywhere at the back, up top by him himself, everywhere but we could never find his best position. Hopefully them days are best him and he finds his best position tonite!

He probably stole it from someone else but i thought it was funny. Any more good wedding speeches?

chin_grin

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SEX! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

jimthemental

The one from four weddings and a funeral is brilliantly shíte:)

Screaminmidget

I did her first.
*nods at groom and sits down*

stovelid

http://s3.hubimg.com/u/1962586_f520.jpg

Dravokivich

jdooley28 wrote: »

Hopefully them days are best him...

They are what?

chin_grin

Screaminmidget wrote: »

I did her first. shoe-horned her for you. (run around the room high fiving all the men. Even the kids\Dads.)

*nods Wink at groom and bride and sit down*

FYP.

Heheheheeheeh "sex"....................hehehehehehehehehehehh.............heh.............ho......hum.

Forest Master

jdooley28 wrote: »

Just at a wedding before xmas and to finish the best man said" I've known him nearly all my life, we played football together in school but we could never find his best position...

At this point, the punchline became glaringly obvious. Predictable = not funny.

Sea Sharp

I said at my older bro's wedding 2 years ago:

I have to say I was devastated when he moved out, <pause>
he took his playstation with him.

Wompa1

I have to give a best mans speech at my brothers wedding in November..not a clue what to say

Funkfield

When I did a speech for my brother's wedding I put in it...

"We've come to think of it not so much as losing a brother, but gaining a bedroom."

chin_grin

1. Stand up.
2. Look at the couple.
3. Say "I'm going to tell you know what you're going to hear for the next few years."
4. Scan the room. For effect.
5. "So. When are yee getting pregnant\the babby coming?"
6. SCREAM IN THEIR FACES. "YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR THAT ALL THE TIME!"
7. "Fair play etc".
8. Sit down.

Pherekydes

Smiles at Bride and nods towards Groom. "I did him first"

kfallon

"They say a good best man's speech should be like a good mini skirt - short enough to get your attention but long enough to cover the essentials"

Plazaman

"Being a Best Man is like riding The Queen, a great honour but no one wants to do it"

Kimono-Girl

Plazaman wrote: »

"Being a Best Man is like riding The QueenBride, a great honour but no one wants to do it"

FYP

dilallio

Stand up and say

"I've discovered that the best man's speech is supposed to last as long as the groom lasts in the bedroom"

Glance around the room for about 5 seconds and then say

"Thank you very much"

and sit down again.


or

"Ladies & Gentlemen, while researching for this speech, I turned to the Internet for inspiration. I found a load of great stuff there, but then, I realised, I should really be looking for best man speeches"

Duggy747

Me: "So, the DNA results have come back"

*Looks at groom*

Me: "You are indeed....."

*points to girl in crowd*

Me: "....the father of Carol's baby!!"

*crowd gasps*

Voice from nowhere: "Fúckin' hell!"

Fratton Fred

I started my speech by saying "This is the bit where I tell you all about Geoff's previous girlfriends, conquests, one night stands and other such sexual experiences. However, as we all know, Geoff has decided to marry the only girl daft enough to sleep with, so I'm afraid I have absolutely nothing to report. In fact, most of us never thought we would ever see Geoff married without a significant change to the law"

Only works if, as in this case, it is true.

karl bracken

buy 2 shots b4 you start

when you start say:
b4 i start this speech i have to toast the man of the house, pick up 1 shot and hover it in front of the grooms face when he goes for it pull it away and give it to the bride and say, sorry (insert brides name here) here you go. both of ye knock them back

say the bride put a lot of thought and effort into her dress and got it from (bla bla) but like all wedding dresses its white......
but most kitchen appliances do come in white.

say the groom is intelligent, successful, honest, good looking,
squint at the piece of paper you have the speech written on and say (grooms name) i cant read your writing...

All worked well for me have a good one and remember to say it out loud a few times and be aware how to turn the mic on and off incase when your clapping or handing it around it goes off