Whats wrong with me?

LegacyUser

Ive decided to post this on here because i have done before and gotten great answers. Without beating around the bush ive had a lot of problems meeting girls growing up, so much so that im now in my my mid 20's and through sheer luck ive gotten my first girlfriend which im more then chuffed about. Things were going well in most ways outside of the bedroom, inside the small amount i'd done up til recently had gone down well. So last night we met up in town, knocked around for a bit, had a few drinks etc after which we both came back to my place. Long story short, despite being a very sexy girl there was absolutely nothing she could do that could get me hard, and she really dd try everything. We were going for over an hour trying to wake some passion in me and i couldnt do anything, its sounds pathetic but i nearly broke down in tears beside her because i felt so useless and more to the point she thought it was her fault which it absolutely was not. I cant even describe how sh1t i feel this morning, ive been waiting 12 or so years for that moment and i couldnt even get an erection, not exactly the problem i thought i would have when the time finally came.

I dont know what exactly im asking for with this thread but im extremely upset and i cant tell anyone so it seemed like a good idea, theres something wrong with me and i dont know what it is or how to fix it. Someone of my age shouldnt have this problem and if it happens again i think ill break down.

LegacyUser

Hey dude, first of all let me start by saying there is nothing wrong with you. All guys have experienced this at least one point in their lives. Few bits of advice would be:

1) Lay off the booze, the more you drink the harder it will be to maintain an erection. Maybe have a glass of wine each to relax.

2) Don't masturbate for a week or two. You'll definitely have a lot of built up sexual feelings and you then can release them on her.

3) Plenty of foreplay. Take your time. Don't rush into getting naked and starting intercourse straight away.

4) Most importantly - DO NOT LET IT STAY ON YOUR MIND. The more you think about not performing, the more likely it will actually happen. This is the main cause of performance anxiety. Just relax and go wit the flow.

Hopefully she's a sound girl and she will understand... Good luck...

TheNewMee

Are you able to masturbate normally? How much did you have to drink? Could also be due to the stress of the situation.

Zen65

somethingwrong wrote: »

...ive been waiting 12 or so years for that moment and i couldnt even get an erection, not exactly the problem i thought i would have when the time finally came.

Op, I think this is more common than you imagine. You have spent 12 years waiting for that one moment and.... well that's a hell of a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Pressure does not aid performance in that particular arena.

You can see the very same thing happen in sports. Don't beat yourself up over this, you have performed like an athlete who over-trained.

If you normally don't have problems* getting an erection then you already know that everything physically works. From here on in it's simply a matter of taking things a little slower and getting more comfortable with the relationship. It's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. Talk to your gf and explain that you want to try again, but maybe taking it slower so that your head gets into the right space. That should be a good thing for her to hear ..... slow really is better!


Be at peace,

Z

* If you do normally find it difficult to get erections easily (e.g. early morning when you wake up) then you should see a GP

kerryman12

some good advise above, take it in.

I would imagine that the vast majority of men have issues like this at some stage in there life. I can understand why you might feel embarressed, but dont.

Two important points IMO:

1. Talk to your GF about this, as in today. The longer you leave it the more difficult this will become. Make sure she understands she did nothing wrong and that together you will overcome it.

2. I dont want to freak you out but I would talk to your GP about this. If all functions correctly the rest of the time for you then there is probably nothing to it, but all the same - ask the question. It could be the best €50 you ever spend.

The balance of probabilities is that if you are a bit more relaxed next time all will go to plan.

best of luck

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks a million guys, you really have no idea what those replies meant to me. I just had a chat with her there and she's absolutely fine about the whole thing, additionally everything works fine otherwise so its presumably not a physical thing rather then merely a psychological one that will hopefully work itself out as i go on.

Seriously though, thanks so much, you took a few minutes to answer my thread and in doing have made me feel a whole lot better about myself.

OP - does this happen a lot? If it's just a one time thing, then you might not need to worry, but if it continues to happen or you would rather have the peace of mind, then consult a GP for the possibility of some form of erectile dysfunction. Like I said, it might not be this, but if you want to be at ease or if it keeps continuing, then go for it.

There could be a lot of things that would cause the inability of going hard - the nerves associated with it, the pressure to perform, the alcohol. One thing you could do is try it again, but without the drink. Maybe light a few candles and have some music to relax yourself. Take it nice and slow, so that you're both comfortable - just kissing and rubbing each other before removing clothes. Things like these might help you.

Don't worry about it though, it is a lot more common than you think.

As kerryman12 suggested, talk to her about it. Are you her first boyfriend too? You mentioned she was your first, so definitely talk to her about it.

Cheap Thrills!

It sounds like perfomance anxiety OP.

Just such a build up, too much pressure, fear of disappointing her/yourself.