Depression/Addiction/Loss

LegacyUser

Dont normally post this kind of stuff on boards but my head is wrecked and need to get this out

Back in 2001 i met a girl and have been going out with her since. I have also been using cannabis regularly since the age of 18. i'm 30 now. The two of us would smoke together after work and at weekends.
The cannabis had been making me not want to go out and do things etc for quite a while and every few months we would have a row about this. It made me unsociable

At Halloween she broke up with me. I started smoking more to forget about the problems i was having.

About 6 months ago i lost my job of nine years. Made redundant. So finding ways to keep busy can be hard.

Bought a house together in 09 so we are stuck living together and i think she's seeing someone else, which hurts so much. She says its definately over. I asked if we could even just go a few dates and see what happens but she didnt want to, Says she's moved on but i havent i still love her to bits and want her in my life but its hard to see her.

Last week i looked through her messages (which i know i shouldnt have done. I did it because i suspected her of seeing someone else) And there were messages from a work collegue. I confonted her and she said it was one night and just a drunken kiss. I flipped out and started drinking and smoking and got really messed up that day.

Been seeing a councillor and GP who have diagnosed me as depressed. Been prescribed medication from which i have had bad reactions to last week and am now being referred to a Psychiatrist.

During these reactions i had suicidal thoughts and rang my ex in desperation which i know now i shouldnt have done but at the time i didnt know what to do

The reactions were nausea, agitation, tremors, palpitaions, hyperventilation, nervousness, pins n needles. Most recently was last night. It got so bad i had to ring the oncall doctor as i was scared i was going to die

Have been off the weed now for a week and am determined to stop smoking it. I even refused it a party the other night and i would never have done that before

Just want to be normal again

Nevyn

I would suggest that you try and find a suport group be it with Aware.ie who run them for people who suffer from depression or Narcontic Anon which for people who are struggling to give up drugs.

Darlughda

Sorry to hear about your situation.
Breaking up after such a long relationship is similar to bereavement, you must be going through a lot of heartbreak, grief and loss.
How to deal with that while still living in the same house as the person is not something I would be able to do.
However, I have survived living long term in situations that other people told me they would never be able to do.
When we have absolutely no other choice, we do manage somehow.

Narcotics Anon is a 12 step group, which is not for everyone. http://drugrehabs.net/?page_id=170 would be worth checking out.

Learning to live with unemployment takes time and www.volunteer.ie is a good step to start with. It helps with self-esteem as well as filling the day, when you are contributing something towards a group or organisation that you believe in, and need your skills and time.

Make sure your doctor knows about your reaction the anti-depressants. Try to eat well and get excercise also.